The Tallest One Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Hi all! Can you share your experiences dating in your late thirties to late forties? I'm male, fortytwo, single with two young boys. I find dating hit and miss. Trying to move on after being dumped little over two weeks ago. Don't have a huge social circle, at least not outside of work. Miss being in a relationship. What have you experienced at your age? I'm looking to find a women who really wants a committed relationship, not into games, treats me like I treat her with love and respect. What is everyone else looking for/finding?
fishtaco Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Hi all! Can you share your experiences dating in your late thirties to late forties? I'm male, fortytwo, single with two young boys. I find dating hit and miss. Trying to move on after being dumped little over two weeks ago. Don't have a huge social circle, at least not outside of work. Miss being in a relationship. What have you experienced at your age? I'm looking to find a women who really wants a committed relationship, not into games, treats me like I treat her with love and respect. What is everyone else looking for/finding? It's about the same. There's a decline since the 20 somethings are probably not suitable anymore, so your options are limited by comparison. But dating women of your own age range is always an option. And at our age range, usually they are divorced, and their children are old enough to be independent, so in a way it's easier than dating women in their 20's and early 30's, where they come with a 3 and a 5 year old. But the ones that are marriage focused are still marriage focused. If that's what you want. Doesn't matter if they have been divorced 10 times. Although if you want to make new kids, you should hit up on younger women, mid 30's at the oldest, simply for the safety issue. Age is irrelevant when it comes to bad behaviors and lack of maturity. You'll still get the full range. Women of our age range also tend to not be impressed by McJobs. So if you are a professional, you're good to go. Working at a sandwich shop is fine when you're a 22 year old dating 22 year old women. Not at 42. You can still succeed, you can be unemployed and broke, and you can get women to support you, especially women in their 40's because they tend have a career and can afford to support a slacker boyfriend. I see it all the time. But that means you need to over-develop your game else where to make up for it.
fucpcg Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 So far I've found all the 40 something women I've dated to be divorced, unpleasant, and bitter. Many of them have just flat out told me they want to have a sex relationship, not a dating one. Not at all what I am seeking, I had random sex in my 20's, that's when they should have done it as well. However once again, you tend to find the divorced, who married young, and now want to act like someone 10-20 years younger than their age. Even more comical, the ones asking are not even appealing. I try not to be one that is egotistical about my body, but seriously sometimes I just want to say to these women I don't spend 5 days a week 2 hours a day lifting weights and eating eggs and tuna so that I can have sex with a woman who doesn't leave the couch other than to go to work. It can be very frustrating.
Author The Tallest One Posted July 13, 2012 Author Posted July 13, 2012 Fishtaco, I would like to remarry again if I find the right women. I got snipped so I can no longer have kids, plus already have two wonderful boys. I have no problem at all welcoming her child or children into my life as well. Not interested in dating anyone under 35. I do have a well paying job and am not looking for a sugarmamma, lol. Just looking for a fairly attractive, sensitive, loving, honest, down to earth lady. Someone to share a life with.
Oncehadluv Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Just looking for a fairly attractive, sensitive, loving, honest, down to earth lady. Someone to share a life with. if your living in the usa dont hold your breath 1
FitChick Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 It's not the age that is a problem, it's your kids. A lot of women don't want kids or at least someone elses. The flip side is women who want bio kids will pass you by because of the vasectomy. A divorced woman with her own kids might be your best bet.
fishtaco Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 Fishtaco, I would like to remarry again if I find the right women. I got snipped so I can no longer have kids, plus already have two wonderful boys. I have no problem at all welcoming her child or children into my life as well. Not interested in dating anyone under 35. I do have a well paying job and am not looking for a sugarmamma, lol. Just looking for a fairly attractive, sensitive, loving, honest, down to earth lady. Someone to share a life with. That's difficult to find at any age. Sure, older women may be bitter, but same can be said of older men. You simply cannot survive unscathed in the dating arena, that's just impossible. But by comparison, younger women tend to be flaky and immature. So you are just trading one for another. Now there are good women, don't get me wrong, younger or older. But the percentage is low either way. So the game you play is different, but outside of that, it's the same. Good luck in your search. It won't be easy. Date a lot, stick to your guns, and don't be discouraged. Quantity is your friend. This is something that could potentially last you for the rest of your life. Good things don't just drop in your lap. You'll have to work for it. By that I don't mean bend over backward for a woman. You do that, you lose. I mean put the effort into "quantity", and do your filtering.
CarrieT Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I have dated in each decade of adulthood, but found dating in my 40s to be the easiest. At this point in our adulthood, we are far more comfortable in our skin and who we are. We have no expectations and have learned to be more accepting; of others and their foibles and our own. For me, at 47, I found a guy in his early 50s and we couldn't be happier. He wishes he had met me during his college years, but I assure him that we weren't ready for one another when we were that young and still learning. I am a firm believer it is very possible to get - and keep! - a great relationship this late in the game. 6
It's Just Me Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I have dated in each decade of adulthood, but found dating in my 40s to be the easiest. At this point in our adulthood, we are far more comfortable in our skin and who we are. We have no expectations and have learned to be more accepting; of others and their foibles and our own. For me, at 47, I found a guy in his early 50s and we couldn't be happier. He wishes he had met me during his college years, but I assure him that we weren't ready for one another when we were that young and still learning. I am a firm believer it is very possible to get - and keep! - a great relationship this late in the game. Totally agree - but it takes time. TallOne, I'm glad you're a devoted dad and for me, kids were not a deal-breaker at all when I was dating. My boyfriend has two young sons, and they're a hoot. I'm sure there's a lovely lady out there for you. Just keep plugging away. You'll know it when you see it.
january2011 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 It's not the age that is a problem, it's your kids. A lot of women don't want kids or at least someone elses. The flip side is women who want bio kids will pass you by because of the vasectomy. A divorced woman with her own kids might be your best bet. Agree with Fitchick. A lot of divorced/separated dads with kids or married men looking for an OW in my dating pool. And if a woman is childless and in her 30s, she may be susceptible to baby fever - even if she's not, she'll have to deal with her new role as a potential step mom - some women aren't ready for that, especially if they never wanted kids. With a woman who has her own kids, she may have concerns about introducing you and also how it's going to work blending families. Then there's the "crazy ex" factor (on both sides). And your own children. It's a minefield. But as fishtaco said, you need to keep plugging away and date a lot. If you're limited by geography and the size of your local dating pool then online dating might be worth a try. I suggest doing your research online and at the library - be prepared to navigate the pitfalls. You need to develop a strategy that works for you, where you can recognise the dealbreakers early on and don't waste your time or your date's time.
Camarina Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 The Tallest One, There are women like you describe. I know because I'm one of them. I'm 38, and I can tell you that I haven't had much luck in recent years in dating. My social circle isn't very wide, so I recently decided to try online dating. It's a bit weird for me, but I'm giving it a whirl anyway. No luck so far. You sound like a good guy, so I hope a good woman appears in your life soon! Hang in there. You are not alone in your struggle to find the right person. 1
phineas Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I'm pretty sure my little one's are a factor. Most women I meet my age either don't have kids or they have teenagers. I got a 4 & 6 yr old. So if I meet someone I meet someone. It's not like i'm going to shack up with anybody any time soon anyways.
2.50 a gallon Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Married and separated at age 35. I had great luck dating, but, I was not interested in getting remarried and I did not have kids. Only dated 20 and 30 somethings. Some wanted to marry, others were more into their careers. Starting at about age 40 I got into a long term on again off again relationship, she wanted to marry I was leery, she was a good dozen years younger than me. I thought I was happy living alone, but at age 49, started dating the right gal 41 years old, and have been happily in love with her ever since. She had two kids and we started dating just after she became a grandma. I think she would have preferred that I had kids also.
FitChick Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 The OP has another thread where he mentions he is bankrupt and has been separated, not divorced, for four years. That throws a different light on things.
CopingGal Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) Hi all! Can you share your experiences dating in your late thirties to late forties? I'm male, fortytwo, single with two young boys. I find dating hit and miss. Trying to move on after being dumped little over two weeks ago. Don't have a huge social circle, at least not outside of work. Miss being in a relationship. What have you experienced at your age? I'm looking to find a women who really wants a committed relationship, not into games, treats me like I treat her with love and respect. What is everyone else looking for/finding? Mid-40's here. I've never been married. Every potential mate I have ever met online has been a complete and utter weirdo or bastard. I don't want to do online dating any more. Edited July 14, 2012 by CopingGal
irc333 Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Agree with Fitchick. A lot of divorced/separated dads with kids or married men looking for an OW in my dating pool. And if a woman is childless and in her 30s, she may be susceptible to baby fever - even if she's not, she'll have to deal with her new role as a potential step mom - some women aren't ready for that, especially if they never wanted kids. With a woman who has her own kids, she may have concerns about introducing you and also how it's going to work blending families. Then there's the "crazy ex" factor (on both sides). And your own children. And if you ever meet a woman in her 40's that has NEVER been married NOR has children.....she'll be less likely to get along with anyone in closed quarters. Meaning sharing the same roof. There was this mid 40's woman, very attractive blonde, clean cut intelligent, etc. But was kind of flakey. Said she had to call of an engagement, because she couldn't handle the idea of her new fiance' who had been spending a little more time than what SHE'S used to over at her house. And also wasn't willing to shave off some time with her friends to be with him. She had gotten SO accustomed to living alone/independent, that NOW havign someone in her life in her 40's was overwhelming and she called off the engagement. She admits her own selfishness can be the demise of her relationships, and she said she's been working on that. Basically a 40 something commitment-phobe....funny, most women aren't really commitment phobic. Her sister, however is married with children, and now THOSE children have kids...so thus that makes her a spinster-ish Great Aunt. LOL She said she's had no REASON to have stayed single, since life is going well for. But she has had job security with her mother's small insurance company for 20+ years. And in a small town such as hers, the only well paying jobs are Wal-Mart workers or restaurant servers or secretaries. So being an insurance agent does have it's perk in the family biz.
MarlyStar Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 I'm looking to find a women who really wants a committed relationship, not into games, treats me like I treat her with love and respect. You are not dateable right now. You are in bankruptcy, married, living with your mother, grieving over an ex-girlfriend, with depression and suicidal tendacies, impulsive (that inappropriate tattoo that freaked out your girlfriend,, the two attempted suicides), bad at handling money, with a troubled older child and a custody dispute over the younger one. You are not dateable. You have nothing to offer, and no woman is going to be able to heal your life or fill up the scared empty places inside you. You need to: 1. GET A DIVORCE. Why after 4 years and an intense 15 month relationship with a girlfriend are you not divorced yet? 2. GET FINANCES SETTLED. You need to finish the bankruptcy, move out of your mother's house, and learn how to manage money. 3. GET COMFORTABLE BEING ALONE. You're scared to be alone. To come home to an empty apartment, etc... So scared you were willing to kill yourself rather than cope with a break up. So scared you won't actually finalize a divorce. So scared you tried to 'seal' your girlfriend to you by tattooing her name on your back long before she was ready to have that commitment to you. Your girlfriend didn't leave you because of money, altho I'm sure that's a part of it. It's mostly your emotional instability: depression, suicidal tendancies, impulsivity, neediness that drove her away. The money was just the icing on the cake. Therapy, therapy, therapy. Right now you have nothing to offer a woman. You need to sort out your life before you are able to share it with someone else. You will not find a nice woman who wants a committed relationship and won't play games, because nice women who want committed relationships don't date MARRIED men. Women who don't play games are going to run from a man who thinks suicide is the answer to a break up. Nice women who don't play games and want a committed relationship are not going to take on a married man whose own son chooses not to be with him, who is pining for an ex-girlfriend and still has her name tattooed on his back, who lives with his mother and can't manage his money, and who has mental health issues. Nice women who don't play games and want a committed relationship are looking for stable men: emotionally, legally and financially stable. Tallest, shelve the dating right now. Jumping into another relationship will be a disaster. Heal your life and sort out your living situation, finances, marital status, and mental health issues. No woman can save you from yourself. No woman has the power to heal you. You are going to have to do this yourself. Any woman who takes up with you at this point in your life is going to be as much of a mess as you are. And once you do get your life in order, and I am sure you will, then, and only then, will you find a nice woman to settle down with. Until then however, nice committed women will flee from you. 3
carhill Posted July 14, 2012 Posted July 14, 2012 Backstory Reflectively, I found dating in my late 30's (I was married during my 40's) to be easier and more successful; women appeared to know what they wanted; communicated it better and didn't waffle on their boundaries or attraction. There were a lot of rejections but they were rejections which I respected and felt positive about. Reading your backstory, I'd suggest spending some alone time to balance out your life and then re-enter the dating world. Having been divorced, now nearly two years, I see marked differences in both emotional content and life perspective from this alone time period. Perhaps in today's world, 'alone-time' is outlier, but I wanted to present it as one positive anecdotal experience. The choice was an outgrowth of the MC process prior to our D. We had a competent psychologist and he opened my eyes to personal growth and change outside of relationships in a way I had not considered prior. Hug the boys and good luck. You have a lot to live for. 2
Author The Tallest One Posted July 14, 2012 Author Posted July 14, 2012 Marlystar, I agree 100 percent with you! I am a mess and have nothing to offer anyone! I have a lot of work to do ahead of me! Thanks for keeping it real!
PinkInTheLimo Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 For me dating in my 40ies is not going smooth. But then, dating never went smooth for me. I feel I just am not good at it. I am an attractive, smart, sensitive woman but not good at the games one is supposed to play. I have the occasional first date, which very rarely results in a second date. For me, I feel that men expect instant chemistry and that does not work for me since it takes me a lot more time to develop feelings for someone.
FitChick Posted August 8, 2012 Posted August 8, 2012 Even more comical, the ones asking are not even appealing. I try not to be one that is egotistical about my body, but seriously sometimes I just want to say to these women I don't spend 5 days a week 2 hours a day lifting weights and eating eggs and tuna so that I can have sex with a woman who doesn't leave the couch other than to go to work. It can be very frustrating. I feel your pain. I keep getting "auto matched" with men in their sixties and even seventies. No hair, no teeth, no job. Did I mention they all say they are looking for a "gorgeous" or "beautiful" woman who is "sensual"? That's why I do my own searching using my own specific criteria.
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