Boyfriend still in contact with his ex

[lifeasiknowit]

My boyfriend recently mentioned to me that his ex sometimes sends him emails to get him to revise or give advice on her papers for university. He says their contact is completely professional. However, I don't see why she can't get someone else to look over her work. I am also thinking she's using it as an excuse to keep in contact with him. He also confessed to me that she asked him a few months ago to get back together. He turned her down, of course.

 

I'm uncomfortable with her keeping in contact with him, but I don't know if I should say anything. I really don't want to come off controlling. Another thing is that he still has tons of old photos of her saved on his computer.

 

He told me he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, but I know he still casually keeps in contact with her.

 

Should I just say nothing, or should I voice my concerns?

How normal is it to keep in contact with exes?

Should i just trust him?

[Philosoraptor]

If you're uncomfortable that's all that matters. You can either speak up and get this fixed or shut up and resent him for it. If it's the only thing they communicate with then dropping revising her papers should be no big deal.

 

The thing is he is making the choice not to drop her off the radar. I doubt they aren't talking about other things either. No one stays in communication with someone just to have them look over their papers.

[lifeasiknowit]

When I asked him if he still talks to her, he said he does, but that it's always been for nonpersonal reasons, such as him revising her work through email.

Also, she did remove herself from his facebook and has blocked him access to her profile.

 

He has told me before that i should always be open about telling him anything that bothers me, but since this is a new relationship (5 months), I don't know if it's the right time.

[g450]

It's exactly the right time. He needs to know this.

 

And I agree with Philo, I guarantee that's not the only thing they are talking about. They call them exes for a reason. Nothing good ever comes from talking to an ex. Especially when you are starting a new relationship with somebody new. You may be his rebound.

[wildgeese]

I agree with you that her asking for his help is just a way to remain in his life and in his sight. It's just a matter of if he wants to remain in hers.

 

Why does he have old pictures of her saved? Is it just of her or does he have others of past relationships or events? Is he the type of person to just not get rid of anything or do you know that he regularly looks through/cleans out his files? I think all of those questions are relevant when concerned with keeping things relating to exes. Some people don't even think about the mementos they have around, some know they are there and like to have them to remember a fond time in their life, and some keep them around because they miss and/or pine for something. Which category does your boyfriend fall into?

 

Overall, I think that you should voice that you're uncomfortable about their contact. Don't give him an ultimatum or demand that he stop speaking to her. No one likes to be told what to do. He hasn't displayed any actions that make it seem like he is unfaithful or wanting to be with her,has he? He turned her down when he very well could have taken her back. And I have to disagree with the other posters about them not just talking about the papers. They very well could be or the other conversation that they may be having could just be polite chit-chat. Why assume the worst?

 

The only thing that raised a red flag for me was why did she delete and block him? There must have been something that caused that reaction.

 

I think that as well as the contact is and remains casual, then what's to worry about? Your boyfriend is fixing her grammatical errors not sleeping with her. Talk to him about it.

[lifeasiknowit]

I agree with you that her asking for his help is just a way to remain in his life and in his sight. It's just a matter of if he wants to remain in hers.

 

Why does he have old pictures of her saved? Is it just of her or does he have others of past relationships or events? Is he the type of person to just not get rid of anything or do you know that he regularly looks through/cleans out his files? I think all of those questions are relevant when concerned with keeping things relating to exes. Some people don't even think about the mementos they have around, some know they are there and like to have them to remember a fond time in their life, and some keep them around because they miss and/or pine for something. Which category does your boyfriend fall into?

 

Overall, I think that you should voice that you're uncomfortable about their contact. Don't give him an ultimatum or demand that he stop speaking to her. No one likes to be told what to do. He hasn't displayed any actions that make it seem like he is unfaithful or wanting to be with her,has he? He turned her down when he very well could have taken her back. And I have to disagree with the other posters about them not just talking about the papers. They very well could be or other conversation that they may be having could just be polite chit-chat. Why assume the worst?

 

The only thing that raised a red flag for me was why did she delete and block him? There must have been something that caused that reaction.

 

I think that as well as the contact is and remains casual, then what's to worry about? Your boyfriend is fixing her grammatical errors not sleeping with her. Talk to him about it.

 

I think he just doesn't think about purging old photos, but he also told me he never looks back at old photos like most people.

 

My main concern is her contact with him. I think she blocked him as a reaction to him turning her down when she wanted to get back together. She only blocked him after that point.

 

I trust him completely, but it bothers me that SHE is still keeping contact. I don't trust her.