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Ex-GF sends the casual weekly text - just to say hi -I need you guys

magneet

By magneet
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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magneet Established Member

magneet

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Hi fellow threaders

 

Ive posted a few times.

Im 27, she is 26.

 

We had a 3 year relationship, we broke up last year, november or so. For a long time (9 months) I had hope of getting back together with my ex, in the future. She came to visit me in europe, went on a euro-road trip for two weeks and then the realisation came that indeed it is over. that it is indeed time to move on. To go through the prolonged heartache and well, carry on.

 

I know that it means cutting her out of my life, but somehow she wants to stay in it. She was my biggest support system in my life, helped me achieve a lot, and i for her. I considered her my family, and actually thought we would get married oneday.

 

Secondly, we were best friends (which happens after spending three years together). She also said that she still wants to be friends, as I am in a different continent and she is worried about me. She ALSO said that she was not romantically interested in me for about 2 years of the the 3. :( Which in retrospect I can see now, as it was as if I was living with a "friend". Whom I loved.

 

I dont look at her FB profile, so Im proud of myself of that.

 

I want to move on, I came to that point, I believe the last 9 months did have a positive influence with that as well.

 

So here is the rub:

In a way I do believe in time that we will sort out the issues within us, and get back together. On the other if it does not happen, I sorted my issues out and I'll meet someone else. Either way, life goes on, I A-OK with that.

 

HOWEVER - she still texts me. On our last discussion we decided to stop talking, and on the previous one as well. But she keeps on texting me. Not often. Not regularly. But twice a week i get a text.

 

Hey, how are you.

 

or just a Hello.

 

Or just 'Pookle'.

 

 

In a way I can handle it when she texts me (I think).

 

last week however when she texted me it did bother me. it was a saturday, she was out, partying. I replied, she replied. then i carried on, but somehow waited for a reply. I know i shouldnt have, but damn it. I did it either way.

 

then again last night, she sms'd. i replied 2 hours later. one sentence. not needy. not nothing.

 

 

bottom line, i prob should have NC.

 

I dont think I am prolonging my agony, or am i trying to rationalise it?

 

It definitely is just easier to talk to think about her than to talk to her...

 

When i hear from her I dont hear what i want to hear.

 

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do I reply?

Why do I feel as if I have to reply when I get a frikking text from her?

 

I really thought I was stronger... with regard to replying and with regard to thinking about her. Which is still the whole time but it doesn't hurt that much anymore...

 

PS: this is the first time in my life that i dont enjoy going out after a breakup, or trying to find girls, im just so relaxed about life (and my job - ohoh)...

 

Maybe I just need to be grapped by the shoulders and be shaken viciously...

 

Please help...

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magneet Established Member

magneet

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Ps - I really thought i was doing better. The last big thread I wrote i got sound advise, but somehow my mind manipulates everything and Im not at square one... but definitely a few a steps back...

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magneet Established Member

magneet

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haha, its actually that easy... i know it, but somehow i really struggle with it now...

Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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haha, its actually that easy... i know it, but somehow i really struggle with it now...

 

dude there's literally nothing to struggle with here. just start deleting said texts and move on. don't feel guilty, you've already had talks about it. just STOP. everytime she needs an ego boost, some guy to catch her when she struck out or didn't get her needs fulfilled by the man she wants, she knows you'll be there to pick her up and shower her with attention. don't even try to play it cool and text back distantly etc, this has gone way beyond/past that. simply cut off cold turkey. you truly owe her nothing anymore.

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magneet Established Member

magneet

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dude there's literally nothing to struggle with here. just start deleting said texts and move on. don't feel guilty, you've already had talks about it. just STOP. everytime she needs an ego boost, some guy to catch her when she struck out or didn't get her needs fulfilled by the man she wants, she knows you'll be there to pick her up and shower her with attention. don't even try to play it cool and text back distantly etc, this has gone way beyond/past that. simply cut off cold turkey. you truly owe her nothing anymore.

 

thanks, this is what i need. To be TOLD TO MAN UP!

KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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You need to be really clear to her now. Send her a text message that says,

 

"I'm trying to move on with my life. Please stop sending me text messages. Anything you send from here on out will be ignored, I wish you all the best."

 

Or something along those lines. I'm pretty sure if you have a Verizon account as well that you can contact them and give them the number and they will prevent calls and messages from going through to you.

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magneet Established Member

magneet

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You need to be really clear to her now. Send her a text message that says,

 

"I'm trying to move on with my life. Please stop sending me text messages. Anything you send from here on out will be ignored, I wish you all the best."

 

Or something along those lines. I'm pretty sure if you have a Verizon account as well that you can contact them and give them the number and they will prevent calls and messages from going through to you.

 

 

Thanks KatZee, I will make it clear to her. Again...

 

I think I'm just scared.

 

Ironically, in the last text she did say that I must let her go, of we ever want a future again, or just to move on with my life. Which I find ironic as she initiated contact the whole last few times...

 

But yes KatZee, I will clarify it tonight... Thank you

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

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It seems like she left but still want a "say" in our life, like she's saying "you'll move on when I say so" so she drops off once in a while, those little hi, poke, hello.. etc... It might not be her intentions but that's how I would read it. And it would annoy the crap out of me.

 

If it was me, I would ask her to stop. Just stop. It's over, you need not to contact me. What's her intent "I want to stay friends?", that's your call, not hers. Thing is, she isn't your family,your future wife will be your family.

 

I find her creepy really..

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magneet Established Member

magneet

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It seems like she left but still want a "say" in our life, like she's saying "you'll move on when I say so" so she drops off once in a while, those little hi, poke, hello.. etc... It might not be her intentions but that's how I would read it. And it would annoy the crap out of me.

 

If it was me, I would ask her to stop. Just stop. It's over, you need not to contact me. What's her intent "I want to stay friends?", that's your call, not hers. Thing is, she isn't your family,your future wife will be your family.

 

I find her creepy really..

 

Your posts always make me form a smurk. Thanks for that, you deliver another side to it - mention things of which I haven't thought of. Thanks Samilia - you are spot on that it is my call!!

 

:)

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

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Ah no problem lol that's just how it would make me feel.. People have this power thing going on, like they dumped you but want to make sure you didn't.

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magneet Established Member

magneet

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she def had the power as i wanted her back after the breakup, and well, she didnt want to get back, but not letting go either... tsk tsk :)

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

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Yeah it's probably an ego thing. Like my ex who is trying to keep in touch with me, make sexual remarks, and is on multiple dating sites at the same time. I put a stop to it, and I was polite but pretty blunt as well.

 

Get someone new, look at it the way the way I do, you will meet someone extraordinary, true love. In the meantime you're free. Freedom can be scary, I sometimes doesn't know what to do with it.

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

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Sounds like you could do with spending some time being single. Maybe tell her you don't want these texts, you wish her well, but no more contact, please. If that doesn't work, change your phone number.

 

You have to let go of the side of the pool if you're going to swim to the other side.

TaintedHeart Established Member

TaintedHeart

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I'm going through the same sort of thing. Though my ex is talking/seeing other girls he still sends me pointless texts. One was to say how I broke his heart and another to tell me that he is going on a date! It's like they don't want us but they don't want anyone else to have us. But of course its fine for them to move on.

betterdeal Established Member

betterdeal

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It's a good lesson in not taking ownership for other people's problems.

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magneet Established Member

magneet

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Yeah it's probably an ego thing. Like my ex who is trying to keep in touch with me, make sexual remarks, and is on multiple dating sites at the same time. I put a stop to it, and I was polite but pretty blunt as well.

 

Get someone new, look at it the way the way I do, you will meet someone extraordinary, true love. In the meantime you're free. Freedom can be scary, I sometimes doesn't know what to do with it.

 

Sam, I'm typing from my phone - but I had to reply. When unsaid freedom is scary that's so true. One doesn't know how to handle it - or at least I don't. I really don't.

 

Sam - all your post really help.

 

So does everybody else's.

 

All of this helps so much.

Samilia Established Member

Samilia

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You're welcome, don't forget you're the one doing all the hard work though :)

 

I think that's why we get a lot of confused posters here, they'll be asking "he broke up but he's still texting me" and they want to believe it's love. When it's actually ego, or feeling of ownership (probably both). Sometimes it's second thought, but that's not often the case.

 

That makes me think about my dog; he couldn't care less about the lawn on the other side of my complex, but he'll get all upset and growling if another dog has dared to piss on "his" spot. I know I could find better analogy, but that's what comes to my mind. He's freaking hilarious though, he's a pomeranian ;)

Let's find a better analogy.. The dumper is like a little kid who doesn't want his toy anymore and leave it outside in the rain; this little kid still protests and kicks if another kid dares playing with HIS toy.

 

So he sees me as his toy, I rather be someone's jewel or something.. The woman in someone's life.

Edited by Samilia
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magneet Established Member

magneet

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hahahaa - small dog with a heat of an lion :D

 

i know my ex just enjoy unloading, getting her fix and then moving on...

  • 1 month later...
AliceIpswich New Member

AliceIpswich

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thanks to prophetharry for his help! After 20 years of marriage my husband left me and his kids for another woman after consulting with prophetharry about my situation I purchased love spell to bring Michael back to us so we can be a family again it did not take some time for everything to get back to normal, my husband has been back for weeks now, all down to the work prophetharry did for me, my husband was a stubborn devil before, and it took a while, but he came back to me, I even got roses last week from him, Many, many thanks prophetharry{at}ymail {dot}com

AliceIpswich

escafeld Established Member

escafeld

Posted
Posted
It seems like she left but still want a "say" in our life, like she's saying "you'll move on when I say so" so she drops off once in a while, those little hi, poke, hello.. etc... It might not be her intentions but that's how I would read it. And it would annoy the crap out of me.
That's spot on Samilia, I think the g/f is seeking total control over the future of their relationship and degree of contact. If the OP contacts her, then her ego's massaged, if he doesn't, well she gave him permission not to!

 

Having said all that I don't think she's a wicked person, but she's trying to insulate herself as best she can from the emotional consequences of a relationship ending and subsequently the regular contact she had with the OP.

If it was me, I would ask her to stop. Just stop. It's over, you need not to contact me. What's her intent "I want to stay friends?", that's your call, not hers. Thing is, she isn't your family,your future wife will be your family.

 

I find her creepy really..

 

Personally, I'd say absolutely nothing, the silence will be deafening.

escafeld Established Member

escafeld

Posted
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hahahaa - small dog with a heat of an lion :D

 

i know my ex just enjoy unloading, getting her fix and then moving on...

 

If it's at all any small consolation, you could take it as the ultimate ego boost yourself..after all your relationship's been a long time over and it's she who's seeking to maintain the contact...you can't be all that bad fella! :p

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