Signals or Am I Just Misreading

[the_Grinch]

So I switched jobs seven months ago and things have been going pretty good. Girl in my office is pretty cool and beyond the occasional hi and goodbye we never really talked much. Around March our office was being redone and we were all stuck in a conference room together, so naturally we started to talk more. As we talked we found a mutual love of horse racing and this bled into other various topics.

 

We went out to lunch (group of us) and as we were talking she asked what I was doing for the Kentucky Derby. I told her my buddies brother through a big party every year and she was welcome to come. She said maybe (figured that was a polite no) and I left it at that. Later she asked me if I had ever dated a girl who told me exactly what she wanted? I said I figured I had a better chance of finding a unicorn and she laughed saying to let her know if I found one.

 

We continued to talk and she asked what I was doing for Preakness (second leg of the triple crown). I said probably just watching it at a buddies and she said she was going to a concert and that I should come hang out. So I said sure why not and brought a ticket. Day of the concert I hadn't heard from her regarding when she was heading to said concert. Sent her a message to see what the plan was and she said she'd let me know. She followed up saying they'd be there around 5 or 6. So at 5 I headed to the train station as it takes about 30 minutes or so to get to where the concert was.

 

She sends me a message asking when I was planning on heading over (this was around 5:15) to which I said I was on the train. She said oh and that they weren't planning on getting there till 6:30 or 7. I said alright, just text me when you get there. I happened to have friends attending the same concert so I chilled with them. Around 8 I figured I had been snubbed when she texts me saying they were there. Replied saying cool, made a quick joke about the opening act. About 30 minutes later I get another text laughing at the joke and I asked where they were. 30 minutes later get a reply saying they were heading up and where was I? I was at the bathroom, so I replied where was up? Ultimately she replies 30 to 45 minutes later with their location, but at that point I had left. I exploded a little bit, but not to her.

 

Let her know I headed out, but to enjoy the concert. Next day she texts me to say she was mad we didn't hang out, but she hoped I had a good time. I told it was a pretty good time and that I was also looking forward to hanging out. Tuesday she comes back to the office and was clearly ticked at me. Short answers, kinda snippy. Didn't talk much the rest of the week and she was going on vacation the following week.

 

That Friday she asked me my plans for the weekend and I asked her the same, she was going to California with a friend for the week. Told her that sounded cool and that she'd have to tell me about it when she got back. She said she would and told me to have a good weekend. Later that day I texted her again just to say sorry about the concert and to have a good trip. She replied back saying she was sorry as well and that she looked forward to telling me about her trip and again to enjoy my weekend.

 

She comes back and as is normal everyone asked about her vacation so I didn't. Worked out because she was telling a friend how she was tired of everyone asking. So we continued to talk and Belmont was coming in two weeks (last leg of the triple crown, with I'll Have Another going for it). I've never been and neither had she. I had tickets with buddies so I asked if she wanted to go. She said she was down and asked if she could bring a friend. Didn't bother me so I said sure and I offered her (and her friend) a ride as we were driving up.

 

She said they were taking the train, but thanks anyway. So the mistake I made was giving her the tickets opposed to forcing the meet up, but oh well to that. She asked how much for the tickets and I said don't worry about it. Day of the race comes (getting there was a disaster and a half with numerous problems on my part) and we texted, but ultimately never met up. I waited till after the race with my buddy, but hadn't heard anything so we left. On the drive home she texted me asking what had happened, etc. I explained the endless amount of crap that happened and left it at that.

 

On Monday she was talking to my boss and he asked if we met up since he knew we were both going. She said "upsettingly, no" and asked again what had happened. After explaining, she said that sucked because she "had told her friend about this great guy at work" and that they were looking forward to hanging out. Also that her cellphone battery had died during the race. Later in the week she asked if I liked Metallica (happen to love them) and I told her that. She says her friend might have tickets for a festival that they were putting on and she'd see if she could get tickets for me. I said cool, but the odd part was she never gave a date or time.

 

Our company sponsored an employee fitness event and we both joined up on the dodgeball team. She wasn't in a great mood that day so we didn't talk much and when we did she said she was tired. She also said she was looking forward to heading home. I assumed that meant she wasn't going to the dodgeball came so naturally headed out of the office to meet everyone else.

 

She ends up coming down and seemed rather ticked that I didn't wait. So we walked over and I was talking to one of the bosses (who she dislikes) and she along with her best friend (at work) were behind us. The boss asked how they were doing back there to which her friend replied "we're enjoying the view". After dodgeball the team planned to head to a bar and I asked if she was going, to which she said "of course!" About an hour later she says to be she'd be right back and she headed out. We were about to leave 30 minutes later and everyone asks me where she was? I said I had no clue, texted her, and got no reply. We headed out and the next day she said she went to a friend's swim club because it was hot.

 

Of course I look up the festival information and found that it was on June 23rd. Just so happens that my buddy's bachelor party was that day and it was going to be an all day event. From what I could tell the festival started at 11 am so I figured at worse I would just miss the day stuff with my buddies, but be ok for the night stuff. She doesn't mention the festival again so my assumption was either pity invite or that her friend didn't want to give up tickets for someone she didn't know.

 

Friday before we're talking and she was saying she had trouble sleeping, anxiety about something, but she didn't know what. Told her if she was up and needed someone to talk to she could always give me a call as I never sleep much. She said that was sweet and I said maybe she needed a vacation. She misheard and said "you need a vacation?" to which I said "no, but that I would be on vacation that week coming up." Instantly she starts the questions, when? how long? where? Gave her the details and then she asked if I wanted to go to the festival.

 

I ask her about what time it started (11 AM which I knew) and she then says that Metallica wouldn't go on till 9 PM. I told her while I really wanted to go I had a bachelor party and didn't want to take tickets from someone who would actually be there for the whole thing. Then I asked if she wanted to go to a Dave Matthews Band concert the following Wednesday? She asked "do you really like them?" and then said she'd think about it. That Wednesday I texted her to see if she was interested and she said she thought it was Tuesday. I explained that he was playing Tuesday and Wednesday, but I had tickets for Wednesday. She says thanks, but she had a friends birthday party that day. She then asked if I wanted to go to an Offspring concert on the 26th of July. I said sure and she said she'd give me details when I came back and to have a great time at the concert.

 

Came back and we talked a little, but nothing about the concert. 4th of July rolled around and a bunch of us in the office were going to an early "happy hour" prior to heading off (they let us leave at 2 pm). I asked her if she wanted to go as well and she said sure she could probably grab a drink or two before getting on the train. She explained she was meeting up with a friend later that day. She then asked what I was doing for lunch and we headed out as a group for that. Just before 2 I let her know we were going to the bar closer to the train station and she tells me she'd text me if she was coming. Ultimately she didn't come.

 

So I talked to a friend and she suggested I give her the "light" cold shoulder. Hi and goodbye, but nothing more then that. Gave that a try and it appeared to work a little more as she started to initiate the conversation more. She asked what I was doing for the weekend and I told her I had a friends birthday at a local bar, she said I'd have to tell her about it as she had wanted to go there sometime. Also, that she was meeting up with friends that night at a dive bar.

 

That brings us to this week where I've been basically given the cold shoulder with flashes of conversation. At this point I figure I should probably just give up, but I am really interested in getting to know her better. I'm cool with trying to be friends, but she's so flaky that I can't even see if she wants that either. Couple of details:

 

Every conversation we have had, I've initiated. Normally I would say this means she's not interested, but this is how she is with everyone. If her friends in the office don't start the conversation, she won't either.

 

She's two years older than I am (I'm 26 and she's 28).

 

Prior to us talking, her work friends didn't talk to me much. We started speaking and then they started talking to me. If she's ticked at me, they don't talk to me.

 

She is very guarded, why I don't know.

 

I know she has only had one serious relationship during college.

 

She is currently single, but I don't know if she is talking with anyone else.

 

She gets really excited when I remember little details (she just completed her Masters. One night she was doing a budget and was having an issue. I have a buddy who runs a business and does budgeting so I got him to send me examples for her. She was thrilled about it and was really happy the following day when I asked how it went. Also, she had told me that she was defending her thesis a week before and the week of I asked how it went. She was shocked I remember and was clearly happy I did)

 

So am I nuts? My head spins at the "interested", then not interested along with the cold shouldering. If she told me to take a hike, I'd be fine with it, but she hits me with alternative meet ups that I don't understand. I'm under the impression if she were interested that she'd go to whatever, but perhaps I am wrong?

[Shaun-Dro]

So I switched jobs seven months ago and things have been going pretty good. Girl in my office is pretty cool and beyond the occasional hi and goodbye we never really talked much. Around March our office was being redone and we were all stuck in a conference room together, so naturally we started to talk more. As we talked we found a mutual love of horse racing and this bled into other various topics.

 

We went out to lunch (group of us) and as we were talking she asked what I was doing for the Kentucky Derby. I told her my buddies brother through a big party every year and she was welcome to come. She said maybe (figured that was a polite no) and I left it at that. Later she asked me if I had ever dated a girl who told me exactly what she wanted? I said I figured I had a better chance of finding a unicorn and she laughed saying to let her know if I found one.

 

We continued to talk and she asked what I was doing for Preakness (second leg of the triple crown). I said probably just watching it at a buddies and she said she was going to a concert and that I should come hang out. So I said sure why not and brought a ticket. Day of the concert I hadn't heard from her regarding when she was heading to said concert. Sent her a message to see what the plan was and she said she'd let me know. She followed up saying they'd be there around 5 or 6. So at 5 I headed to the train station as it takes about 30 minutes or so to get to where the concert was.

 

She sends me a message asking when I was planning on heading over (this was around 5:15) to which I said I was on the train. She said oh and that they weren't planning on getting there till 6:30 or 7. I said alright, just text me when you get there. I happened to have friends attending the same concert so I chilled with them. Around 8 I figured I had been snubbed when she texts me saying they were there. Replied saying cool, made a quick joke about the opening act. About 30 minutes later I get another text laughing at the joke and I asked where they were. 30 minutes later get a reply saying they were heading up and where was I? I was at the bathroom, so I replied where was up? Ultimately she replies 30 to 45 minutes later with their location, but at that point I had left. I exploded a little bit, but not to her.

 

Let her know I headed out, but to enjoy the concert. Next day she texts me to say she was mad we didn't hang out, but she hoped I had a good time. I told it was a pretty good time and that I was also looking forward to hanging out. Tuesday she comes back to the office and was clearly ticked at me. Short answers, kinda snippy. Didn't talk much the rest of the week and she was going on vacation the following week.

 

That Friday she asked me my plans for the weekend and I asked her the same, she was going to California with a friend for the week. Told her that sounded cool and that she'd have to tell me about it when she got back. She said she would and told me to have a good weekend. Later that day I texted her again just to say sorry about the concert and to have a good trip. She replied back saying she was sorry as well and that she looked forward to telling me about her trip and again to enjoy my weekend.

 

She comes back and as is normal everyone asked about her vacation so I didn't. Worked out because she was telling a friend how she was tired of everyone asking. So we continued to talk and Belmont was coming in two weeks (last leg of the triple crown, with I'll Have Another going for it). I've never been and neither had she. I had tickets with buddies so I asked if she wanted to go. She said she was down and asked if she could bring a friend. Didn't bother me so I said sure and I offered her (and her friend) a ride as we were driving up.

 

She said they were taking the train, but thanks anyway. So the mistake I made was giving her the tickets opposed to forcing the meet up, but oh well to that. She asked how much for the tickets and I said don't worry about it. Day of the race comes (getting there was a disaster and a half with numerous problems on my part) and we texted, but ultimately never met up. I waited till after the race with my buddy, but hadn't heard anything so we left. On the drive home she texted me asking what had happened, etc. I explained the endless amount of crap that happened and left it at that.

 

On Monday she was talking to my boss and he asked if we met up since he knew we were both going. She said "upsettingly, no" and asked again what had happened. After explaining, she said that sucked because she "had told her friend about this great guy at work" and that they were looking forward to hanging out. Also that her cellphone battery had died during the race. Later in the week she asked if I liked Metallica (happen to love them) and I told her that. She says her friend might have tickets for a festival that they were putting on and she'd see if she could get tickets for me. I said cool, but the odd part was she never gave a date or time.

 

Our company sponsored an employee fitness event and we both joined up on the dodgeball team. She wasn't in a great mood that day so we didn't talk much and when we did she said she was tired. She also said she was looking forward to heading home. I assumed that meant she wasn't going to the dodgeball came so naturally headed out of the office to meet everyone else.

 

She ends up coming down and seemed rather ticked that I didn't wait. So we walked over and I was talking to one of the bosses (who she dislikes) and she along with her best friend (at work) were behind us. The boss asked how they were doing back there to which her friend replied "we're enjoying the view". After dodgeball the team planned to head to a bar and I asked if she was going, to which she said "of course!" About an hour later she says to be she'd be right back and she headed out. We were about to leave 30 minutes later and everyone asks me where she was? I said I had no clue, texted her, and got no reply. We headed out and the next day she said she went to a friend's swim club because it was hot.

 

Of course I look up the festival information and found that it was on June 23rd. Just so happens that my buddy's bachelor party was that day and it was going to be an all day event. From what I could tell the festival started at 11 am so I figured at worse I would just miss the day stuff with my buddies, but be ok for the night stuff. She doesn't mention the festival again so my assumption was either pity invite or that her friend didn't want to give up tickets for someone she didn't know.

 

Friday before we're talking and she was saying she had trouble sleeping, anxiety about something, but she didn't know what. Told her if she was up and needed someone to talk to she could always give me a call as I never sleep much. She said that was sweet and I said maybe she needed a vacation. She misheard and said "you need a vacation?" to which I said "no, but that I would be on vacation that week coming up." Instantly she starts the questions, when? how long? where? Gave her the details and then she asked if I wanted to go to the festival.

 

I ask her about what time it started (11 AM which I knew) and she then says that Metallica wouldn't go on till 9 PM. I told her while I really wanted to go I had a bachelor party and didn't want to take tickets from someone who would actually be there for the whole thing. Then I asked if she wanted to go to a Dave Matthews Band concert the following Wednesday? She asked "do you really like them?" and then said she'd think about it. That Wednesday I texted her to see if she was interested and she said she thought it was Tuesday. I explained that he was playing Tuesday and Wednesday, but I had tickets for Wednesday. She says thanks, but she had a friends birthday party that day. She then asked if I wanted to go to an Offspring concert on the 26th of July. I said sure and she said she'd give me details when I came back and to have a great time at the concert.

 

Came back and we talked a little, but nothing about the concert. 4th of July rolled around and a bunch of us in the office were going to an early "happy hour" prior to heading off (they let us leave at 2 pm). I asked her if she wanted to go as well and she said sure she could probably grab a drink or two before getting on the train. She explained she was meeting up with a friend later that day. She then asked what I was doing for lunch and we headed out as a group for that. Just before 2 I let her know we were going to the bar closer to the train station and she tells me she'd text me if she was coming. Ultimately she didn't come.

 

So I talked to a friend and she suggested I give her the "light" cold shoulder. Hi and goodbye, but nothing more then that. Gave that a try and it appeared to work a little more as she started to initiate the conversation more. She asked what I was doing for the weekend and I told her I had a friends birthday at a local bar, she said I'd have to tell her about it as she had wanted to go there sometime. Also, that she was meeting up with friends that night at a dive bar.

 

That brings us to this week where I've been basically given the cold shoulder with flashes of conversation. At this point I figure I should probably just give up, but I am really interested in getting to know her better. I'm cool with trying to be friends, but she's so flaky that I can't even see if she wants that either. Couple of details:

 

Every conversation we have had, I've initiated. Normally I would say this means she's not interested, but this is how she is with everyone. If her friends in the office don't start the conversation, she won't either.

 

She's two years older than I am (I'm 26 and she's 28).

 

Prior to us talking, her work friends didn't talk to me much. We started speaking and then they started talking to me. If she's ticked at me, they don't talk to me.

 

She is very guarded, why I don't know.

 

I know she has only had one serious relationship during college.

 

She is currently single, but I don't know if she is talking with anyone else.

 

She gets really excited when I remember little details (she just completed her Masters. One night she was doing a budget and was having an issue. I have a buddy who runs a business and does budgeting so I got him to send me examples for her. She was thrilled about it and was really happy the following day when I asked how it went. Also, she had told me that she was defending her thesis a week before and the week of I asked how it went. She was shocked I remember and was clearly happy I did)

 

So am I nuts? My head spins at the "interested", then not interested along with the cold shouldering. If she told me to take a hike, I'd be fine with it, but she hits me with alternative meet ups that I don't understand. I'm under the impression if she were interested that she'd go to whatever, but perhaps I am wrong?

 

Please learn the art and consideration of how to properly edit a post. That's one reason why you haven't gotten any replies to this thread. Good words of advice.

[the_Grinch]

Sorry about that, I realize it was a long post, but it was a fairly complicated situation. I attempted to edit it to shorten it, but I was unable to.

[CC12]

OP, honestly, we don't need that many details. I suggest you forget about this thread and start another, leaving out the irrelevant "she said, then I said, then they said" parts and summarizing instead of listing every single correspondence you've ever had with her. You'll get more responses that way and it will probably help you personally to narrow down the important parts that actually bother you. You'll probably notice that the summary boils down to "this girl keeps making plans with me and then flaking out."

 

Did she even offer any explanation or apologize when she couldn't be bothered to meet up with you when you were both in the same location (at her invitation!)? I'm guessing she didn't, because you would have included that in the epic that you posted. So in my opinion, she has shown blatant, ugly disregard for your feelings and your time.

 

If, after all the times she's disrespected you, you still want to pursue her, then bite the bullet already. Ask her out on a proper date for dinner on Friday night. If she declines, then she's not into you. If she says she's busy and doesn't offer another night she's free, then she's not into you. If she tries to somehow make it into a group event with friends, she's not into you. If she accepts and then flakes out, she's not into you. Really, any outcome that does not involve the two of you actually going out alone together means that she's not into you. So...no more pussyfooting around. Just ask her out once and for all so you know where she stands.

[the_Grinch]

Yeah I'll type up a new one with less detail. Thanks for the responses though!