ifeellonely Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Mygirlfriend of 5 years whom I’ve supported for her college study in manila brokeup with me last February 16. Apparently she has lost her feelings for mealready. She announced this that she had lost her feelings 2 months before hercollege graduation. Isn’t it ironic?[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Justlast January 10, ex and I were talking about our 5[/sIZE][sIZE=2]th[/sIZE][sIZE=3] yearanniversary, and we also had a small chat about Valentine’s Day. But when I’vetold her that I’m finally going home to Philippines after 2 long years of notseeing each other, she didn’t sound excited about the news but rather sherevealed that her feelings for me was lost. At that time, the surrounding justfelt it was spinning and I felt I was in a dream state. But when my senses cameto finally realized that her news was true, crying became an uncontrollablereaction. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Isupported ex to college. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Shefinished BS Psychology in a decent Philippine University located in metromanila. I paid everything for her from her tuition fee to her monthlyallowance. I paid her extracurricular activities such as travel to Thailand,Boracay, and Hong Kong, and I also paid her other school amenities. ex was allsweet to me whilst she was studying. She pronounced her love to me, anddeclared that she wanted that some day, I would be her husband. I was in blissto hear this. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Butcome February 16 2012. Ex’s feelings suddenly disappeared. I asked if there isa third party, she said there is none. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Naturally,I was devastated. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Icried, texted, called. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]ButI was ignored. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Shecold heartedly disregards my texts and calls. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Itried reasoning that we managed to hold on this relationship for 5 yearsdespite the trials and challenges of distant relationship. And now that yourstudy is finished in two months time, we could finally proceed to our next stepplan for our relationship. Which is for her to work for a year in Manila to getsome experience and then we will marry on 2013. She knows this plan as we’vetalked about it all the time. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Butall these reasoning were obviously discounted for. London can be a lonely placefor a single man, and it surely can be deserted for a heart broken person. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwas left confused and wondering: What kinds of a partner whom you financed tostudy, and supported to become a successful individual suddenly abandon you coldheartedly? [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]FromFebruary up to May, I’ll be lucky enough to if she answers my texts and I wouldbe fortunate if she answers my phone call. Although I did backed out from herafter the break up and I did gave her space. I thought she was just feeling suffocatedwith our relationship. I backed out hoping that she will change her mind,realize the value of our relationship, and we will reconcile. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Wedidn’t reconcile. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Butshe did initiate the communication when I was gone. She wanted me tocommunicate to her. All these times when I wasn’t texting and calling her I wasrecording my feelings, thoughts, and ideas in a diary. She initiatedcommunication. Hence, I started my calls, and texts. We did talk. I did hopefor reconciliation. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwas a complete desperate fool. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Ifinally arrived in manila on Monday. may 14. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Amonth before my Philippine arrival, we agreed that we are going to meet for thefinal time in Manila when I arrive. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Wemet on may 14 at 7pm. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Shewas just plain cold hearted to me when we met as if I was a total stranger.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Wehad a supper to an expensive Japanese fine dining of her choice. But whilst wewere eating she was totally eager to go home. While on dinner I tried to talkmy case. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iasked why sudden change of mind, why all of the sudden she decided to leave meafter everything that happened, after everything that I’ve sacrificed. Herblatant answer is that she has lost her feelings for me. I was surprised. Canfeelings of love suddenly disappear? I asked her if there was another man. She saidthere’s no other man. And then she asked me: would it make any difference ifthere was another man or not? I said yes, there would be difference, becausethen I would know where I am standing. But then, she gesture her fervent needto finish the dinner.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Wefinished the dinner without any reconciliation, or any chance forreconciliation. She totally blocked me out. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]However,knowing that it will be the last time I’d be with the woman I’ve totallytrusted, loved, and supported I wished that our time together would have lastlonger. But no, she was cold hearted and left. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Shewas so close to me that night. We were finally eating together. We were finallytalking in person not in phone; we were finally walking and strolling in themall. She was just there; I wanted to embrace her, and never let go. But Ididn’t want her to be offended of me. I respected her. The love of my life is areach away, but she was too far. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Itwas a rainy Manila night. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Underthe pouring rain, still dizzy from jet lag I’ve watched my love walked away asI scurried myself to get into the crowded transport taking me back to my hotel.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Ispent the next day alone in Manila as I’ve decided to stay for 2 days there tomeet with my ex gf and possibly to reconcile. But since she wasn’t interested ,I ended up spending my time alone in manila broken hearted and licking mywounds. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Wheredid I go wrong? [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Bythe 3[/sIZE][sIZE=2]rd[/sIZE][sIZE=3] day in manila, Wednesday, may 16 (the 3[/sIZE][sIZE=2]rd[/sIZE][sIZE=3] monthof our separation) I flew to our province, Dauin. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Thinkingthat there’s no more chance between me and that my ex, I focused myself, to myfamily, and on making new friends to overcome my sadness. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Idid meet a lot of wonderful and lovely people. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Butthe pain of the heartache numbs me still. Hence, from time to time I would textor miss call ex. But I was just ignored. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Funny,she sent me a text message when she broke up with me “I will always be herewhen you needed me, after all we had a relationship.” (hell, we didn’t just hada relationship, i sent her to school, and paid all her expenses with my hardearned money). But was she around when i needed her? Clearly she wasn’t. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Onjune 5 Tuesday night, while lying on bed something pop in to my mind. This willbe my final week here in Dauin. I thought why not pay a visit to my ex’srelatives in Amlan. After all, they had been part of my life for a while. AndI’d love to see them for the final time before I leave on June 8 Friday formanila. As early as 7 am I was already in Dumaguete city the next day. I rodeto amlan. This is the home town of my ex. This is where I used to court her,and I wanted to see her mother and grandma for the last time. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]At9 am I was already at her grandmother’s door. Her grandmother knowing me,quickly warmed up on me and readily invited me inside her home. It also just happened that my ex’s aunt fromCanada was also there. She is with her husband and 2 children. We said hello and hi. And the aunt asked me: “harould,do you know that ex already has a boyfriend in manila?” [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Idon’t know how to explain this. But the world stopped for a while. I could onlyfelt my heartbeat skipped and my breath deepened. As if time itself stopped fora split second. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]AsI regained my composure, I softly asked: I don’t know what you mean. Then heraunt said oh you didn’t know that she already have a boyfriend in manila? Isaid no. The aunt and I didn’t had a chance to talk more because they weregoing elsewhere, and their family is also here for a short vacation fromCanada. But her family, her husband, and the two lovely children were all warmto me. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Mymind was dizzy as they left. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]HerGrandma, offered to accompany me to my ex’s mother’s home. the mother wassurprised to see me. She was happy to see me. But at the same time she wassurprised. She mentioned that ex have someone already. And she was surprisedthat I didn’t know about that. She thought that me and ex have broken upalready by june last year. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwas stunned. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Brokenup last year? We just broke up 3 months ago. But then on the pattern of thestory from her mother, it seems like that ex had been seeing this guy as asuitor or a relationship since January this year. But i believed that ex hadbeen entertaining this suitor since October or maybe even june last year. Ijust don’t know. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Soher mother and grandmother got confused and asked me what happened? [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwas still recovering from the initial shock of my ex quickly having a bf bynow, 3[/sIZE][sIZE=2]rd[/sIZE][sIZE=3] month after our break up. I was still shocked that whenthey asked me what happened: i re told them the story of how ex broke up withme last February. I know this as I’ve written all of this in my diary. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Asi retold our relationship, my ex’s mother cried. And she told me she can’t helpit because she feels so sorry for me. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Yousee: ex and I have a very long history. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Imet her through a co worker in our provincial hospital where i was working as avolunteer nurse. The friend was a health care assistant and told me that shegot a friend. She showed me a photo of a lovely lady. Her name is ex and thisis her number. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Itwas December 2006. I started texting ex. We started texting and phone talking. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]ByJanuary 10, 2007 ex finally said yes to me. She was a casual office worker inan electric company in their town of Amlan. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]OurRelationship wasn’t perfect, but Ive tried my best to make her happy. I wouldtravel 3 hours back and forth from our Dauin town to their town. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Andas we started our relationship, I promised that I will be loyal to her, that Iwould look after her, that i would love her for who she is. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]ByMay 2007, our long distant relationship and our challenge will start. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwent to Canada to visit my aunt and to try to secure a work permit there. Iwanted to go to Canada than Uk because Canada is closer to American where myparents also have a property. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]I’vemet women in Canada. But I didn’t court them, I hold on to my promise. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Somewherein the Philippines, there was this lady waiting for me. So despite thetemptations and the tease, I didn’t go into another relationship. I didn’t makemyself available. I wanted to prove my words to ex. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]MyCanadian tour didn’t work out. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]ByMid November, I went back to manila to stay with uncle before going to UK. Ivisited ex for a week. I stayed on their Amlan for a week. We tried tostrengthen our love. And then I loved her more. Sadly, I had to say goodbye. Iam going to UK. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwent to UK on December 17 2007. It was cold, and sad. I thought of ex all thosetime. Aside from my family, ex was my inspiration. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Bymid 2008, ex wanted to go to manila to work. I refused because of the environmentin Manila, but then ex still went. She initially worked in a call centre. Butthings were not doing well for her. The tight night and grave yard schedulewasn’t favourable to her body. And she is getting sickly. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Ihave known that ex always wanted to finish a 4 year course in College. She toldme before that she always wanted to finish a four year course. She has a 2 yearcourse in computer and a 2 years course in care giving. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Ididn’t want ex to suffer from her work. So I offer to support to send her tocollege. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Aftercollege selections and application, ex settled for Centro Escolar University inmanila to study psychology. I looked at my salary. It wasn’t that big yet thattime, and i was worried with finance. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Butwhen you love someone, you are willing to sacrifice, when you love someonetheir dreams become your passion, and when you love someone you would want thebest for them. Hence, despite the fact that I was still new in London, despitethe fact that I was still establishing myself in my jobs in London, I told ex goand pursue her dream. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Andso I did support her. I remember working and waiting for my salary. I rememberplanning how to spend for myself, and making sure I send ex enough money sothat she wouldn’t get hungry, that she would be able to pay her school on time,that she would have enough uniform and books, and school materials. Money wasstill tight for me that time, my initial job was still a carer for a year andsadly, they don’t pay as much those days. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iremember that on cold winter season, I’ve always wanted to buy a nice jacket,something presentable. I am after all a young man. I’ve wanted to lookpresentable. But I have not enough money. I have to budget, I have to fulfil my promise. My dream jacketdidn’t happen; instead I used the jacket that a neighbour gave me. It was awarm jacket. It was a jacket he got from a second hand shop. It bothered me,but I just ignored it. I have to save money. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iwent back to Philippines on may 2010, 3 years after not going home. but allthose years, I never had a gap of support to ex. I wasn’t able to go home rightaway because money was tight, and I was processing my papers and documents tobecome a nurse. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]OnceI was home, ex and I blossomed our love. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Icontinue working here in London where there were temptations and trials.Although I would look at women and flirt with them. I didn’t actively seekwomen to become my gf. I have a gf in the Philippines. I had to be loyal to her.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Atleast things were getting easier financially as I finally got a nursing Job bythe year 2009. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Communicationwas constant. Texting was constant. Email was constant. I did mention to ex thatafter her study on 2012, i suggest that she work for a year, then we will marryon 2013 and she will go to uk with me. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Therewere women here in london but i remained loyal to Claudette. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Imade up my mind that she will be my wife. I loved her so much.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]January2012 I’ve noticed some changes. She was becoming cold. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Andthen Feb 16, 2 months before her graduation and a month after our 5[/sIZE][sIZE=2]th[/sIZE][sIZE=3]year anniversary she broke up with me. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Apparentlyshe lost her feelings. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Whenyou love someone you want them to become comfortable. When you truly lovesomeone, you want the best for them. You are willing to sacrifice for them. Youdo kind things and you trust them. Because Love in all its glory meansselflessness, love means protecting the person you care for even if it meansyou have to sacrifice. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Youhave to understand that I am alone in London. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Whateverlittle success I have right now, I achieved on my own. My small life here inLondon is the fruit of my hard labour. Nobody helped me here, I am on my ownall the time. I am still fresh in London, establishing myself yet, I was alreadyhelping another person.[/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Exon the other hand received my fruit of labour tirelessly and continuously from2008 up to april 2012. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Evenafter we broke up I’ve still supported her. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Idon’t know where she is going to get her money from February to april. I do notwant her to get hungry, to get ill. Whatever shortcomings i commited in myabsence I tried to compensate in my act of loyalty, devotion, and love. Everytime,she is unwell, and I found out through phone call, I would always want her togo to hospital and get herself treated, if she needs to go back to Amlanbecause her Grandmother is unwell I sent her. All I gave is love to ensure thatshe is comfortable that she doesn’t suffer. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Moneywas never an issue. I didn’t supported her that she would someday repay me. Youmay be able to pay the money, but the effort in earning them, the value insending them, the sacrificed committed to offer it to another person costsmore. I never care about the money. I’ve only cared about her welfare. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Itwas only this break up that I realized I’ve spent P1,089,592 for her from 2008to 2012. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Iloved this woman a lot. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Ionce pronounced that I’ll marry her that we would live and finally be togetherafter the burden of distant relationship. I thought that by honestly lovingher, by being committed, helpful, and devoted is enough to show my intention. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]ButI guess it wasn’t enough. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Pardonme, If my understanding of love is a selfless act to just love the other personwithout doubt and without question. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Pardonme if in your view I had been stupid, ignorant, and fool. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3]Itjust happened that I honestly loved. [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3] [/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
Toru Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Euhm, check your post again. Maybe copy paste your text in notepad and then copy paste here.
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