Everyone is telling me to go out and get with another girl....

[ssmith3427]

Quick summary, broke up with my first love, we were with each other 24/7 for 6 months, feels like we crammed 2 years into a 6 month period. So, she broke up with me 5 weeks ago, and the pain is duller than it was, I am mostly angry now, feel like I have been played and all.

 

Everyone says it's been 5 weeks you should be over her, go out and date. But I am really not ready to do that, I don't want to get to know another woman yet, I still have feelings for my ex, and these maybe are getting in the way of even thinking about other woman. I know she has sleeped with someone else already and this should be enough to stop me caring, but it has not :/ I wish I could just turn a switch and stop caring.

 

I think I am a strong person, being really proactive like working out, learning to drive, improving my career, seeing friends, getting back to my roots, doing the things I like doing which has been a while since I have done. I've changed a lot over the 6 months and I am trying to rediscover myself, really look deep down and see what type of guy I am these days. I'm also working on my problems where I messed the relationship up. Basicially I want to find happiness in myself before I start dating, raise the confidence and self-esteem and reflect on my first 6 month relationship.

 

How long is this going to take? It is a stupid unmearsuable question :/ but I just don't want to date right now, I am so drained. Is there something wrong with me? Why is my family and friends telling me it's been 5 weeks and it's way more than enough to get over my ex, and I should date now. It feels a little lonely when my family and friends don't understand. Am I being weak? Should I just go out and date? Or should I stick with what I am doing?

[Pod81]

You've answered your own question. It really depends on each person. It only took me a few weeks to get over my first true love. On the other hand, it took my sister a year to get over her first love (and they only dated a few months). I do admit though, sometimes friends and family don't always give the best advice. I do commend your mature realization that you need to make yourself happy first before you can make someone else happy. Not only that - you need to rebuild that confidence and self-esteem that would make yourself attractive to other women. You'll know when you're ready to date again. What's frustrating about dating after a break-up is going through the entire process of building another relationship. No one likes to hit that "reset button." You want to fill that void in your life and go right into the same stage of your relationship as the one you left. Just remember that when you do start to date again, there's no shame in going slow and taking your time.