Toru Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I recently posted a few times here on Loveshack, which has always been therapeutical for me in a sense. I got a pretty big shocker some days ago which I feel I need to write down. First I'll give a quick overview of the break-up, 5 months ago, and then you guys can hear the new juicy stuff. We were together for over 4 years. We started when she was 16 and I was 18 and in the beginning of our relationship she cheated on me with a guy that was 28. She dumped me in February when I didn't really expect it (we were on a skiing trip). She had failed at her school and was struggling with her life, trying to find what she wanted to do. I was the supportive boyfriend, who listened to her and comforted her. I felt she was distancing herself a bit, but I blamed her personal schoolproblems for this. After my exams, I went on a trip with a friend and while I was abroad she texted me through facebook that she worried about not craving sex and that she doubted if she was attracted to me. A week later we went on a skiing trip with some friends of mine. I didn't want to go because I felt we had some issues we needed to clear first, but she insisted and she promised me we would have fun on this trip. 2 Days there, and she dumped me. Post breakup she said she needed space, that she loved me but wasn't in love with me, that she never had been single and independent, that is was still her ideal boyfriend. She also stipulated that there was certainly nobody else. We go NC and 3 months later she calls me and we meet up. She tells me she wishes she didn't break up with me then and there. That she hopes we can still get together in the future when she is ready to commit. That the next relationship she has will be the right one. But also that she is enjoying her independent life right now. Again, she tells me, nobody else. We talked for 3 hours, hugged and went NC again. The Juicy Stuff!: For the last year or so, she has been riding along in the car with a bailiff. Those guys need a witness when they evict people, and this guy was her neighbour and wanted to help her out to make some money. I wasn't a fan of letting my girlfriend sit in a car with some stranger 20 hours a week, but the guy is married, 14 years older and has two children, one of which is really sick. So I figured, hey, just harmless work. Saturday I'm at this birthday party and a friend, who I hadn't seen in a long time, told me some exciting news. Apparently my ex sent the bailiff guy a text saying "I understand that you need some time to figure things out. x" The wife intercepted this message and I have a really reliable source. The bailiff told his wife that nothing had happened. Duuuuh, obviously there marriage is going to shreds and admitting that you're fooling around with a 21 year old won't please any judge. Okay I thought, she's screwing the married guy. His marriage is failing and her relationship going too, they're sitting in a car and can't do nothing but talk about how bad they both feel, feelings probably started developing. She's stupid for doing it, but I can't be mad at her for doing something like that, we are no longer together. The drama continues! Yesterday, one of my best friends, who happens to be her niece, told me that in January (we were still together) my ex told her that the bailiff guy had said to her that he would leave his wife to be with her (my ex). So in January she was sitting in a car with a guy, madly in love with her, she didn't know how to react and found it annoying. But instead of giving up that job and letting him down, she continues to sit in his car up to this date. She didn't tell me anything about this, even though we were still together and she is keeping this relationship a secret from anyone. I presume they have a relationship, given the fact she is still getting in his car every week, and sending him texts like that. So she lied to me and chances are, given the sudden nature of the breakup and her inability all of a sudden to give me a hug, she betrayed me as well with this guy. Go figure. And here I was believing that what she said was true. That she just had GIGS without the other guys part, that she still loved me but was so confused in her life. How can people lie like that? How can I still love this girl that betrayed me so. I know one thing for sure, even though it hurts like hell now, I'll probably get over her now. And the next time I see her (maybe tomorrow at a concert) I'll tell her she's a lying little child. Her 35 year old, married with two children, neighbour for crying out loud. These people go biking with her parents... Hope you enjoyed reading. Faith in women = gone. But I'm trying not to generalize. Only thing I know for sure now is that people don't change.
Sugarkane Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I'm sorry to hear this. Doesn't she know that married guys rarely leave you for their wife?!
Author Toru Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I guess it's true what they say. When people say 'I need space', they are actually saying 'I want to bang other people'. Stupid me thinking she was different.
Oncehadluv Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 tough read! but karma is a biddy and all you have to do is sit back and watch
Tree_Salmon Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 tough read! but karma is a biddy and all you have to do is sit back and watch I've determined that its not really karma, its just horribly plotted out plans by an immature mind which of course will lead to disaster. I always see some dumb cheater get hers in the end.
Samilia Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I've determined that its not really karma, its just horribly plotted out plans by an immature mind which of course will lead to disaster. I always see some dumb cheater get hers in the end. His wife probably will I am glad you got the truth. I hope you'll meet someone good to you.
Pod81 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 I hate to generalize also (as there are always exceptions to the rule), but the psychology of a typical girl in her early 20's is so immature, selfish, and ungrateful - it's baffling! Way too many stories on LS with the same basic premise - a couple in a LTR within the age range of 18-25, girl breaks up with guy because "she doesn't know what she wants", hooks up with some other random dude or just scared sh*tless about commitment, and strings along ex as a possible backup plan in the future. Don't get me wrong - the genders can be reversed as well, but is this really the norm these days or am I just jaded? This didn't seem to happen nearly as much as say...our parents generation.
Radu Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 If you ever think about getting back with her remember this : - she cheated when she was 16 with a guy who was 28, might even qualify for statutory - she was cheating [at least emotionally] with a married guy with 2 kids when she was with you - she convinced you to go with her on the ski trip, and used the opportunity to dump [with the ppl you know there], which shows how little regard she had for you and what an immature selfish b*tch she is - she ruined your trip abroad with your friends before the ski trip with her post [selfish] - she met up with you to make sure you are on the backburner [selfish] I want you to remember these things, in your future relationships because these lost 4yrs are partially on you as well, you forgave her cheating. Want to mess with her, make her hurt ? Meet someone new, locally, and show utter indifference and disgust towards her when she comes running. PS: Pod81 i agree to a certain extent, if it applies to western or westernized women, mostly because they have been treated like princesses. My cousin is divorcing a princess, while my other cousin who dated a normal, level headed girl is doing just fine.
Author Toru Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 If you ever think about getting back with her remember this : - she cheated when she was 16 with a guy who was 28, might even qualify for statutory - she was cheating [at least emotionally] with a married guy with 2 kids when she was with you - she convinced you to go with her on the ski trip, and used the opportunity to dump [with the ppl you know there], which shows how little regard she had for you and what an immature selfish b*tch she is - she ruined your trip abroad with your friends before the ski trip with her post [selfish] - she met up with you to make sure you are on the backburner [selfish] I want you to remember these things, in your future relationships because these lost 4yrs are partially on you as well, you forgave her cheating. You're right. I forgave her the first time and through all her princess-drama-attitude, I kept being a nice guy to her and tolerating way too much. When you put it like that there isn't really a lot speaking for her. You allow yourself to be treated this way and what you presume is love clouds your judgement of what is really going on. I feel so hurt right now. Her family keeps contacting me, even more now since my father has gotten seriously ill these past few days. I missed her even more because I needed a shoulder to cry on and someone to be there for me at night. And then this news comes up. I just want to tell her family what she did to me, but the fact that she is getting away with this and that her mother keeps hoping we'll get back together as soon as she figured things out bugs me like hell. I really like these people but I also know, now that there is someone else in the picture I should distance myself from them. (Her parents and grandma never told her anything about our contact. As far as my ex knows we just talk when we meet each other on the street.) This is all so hard!
Author Toru Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 I hate to generalize also (as there are always exceptions to the rule), but the psychology of a typical girl in her early 20's is so immature, selfish, and ungrateful - it's baffling! Way too many stories on LS with the same basic premise - a couple in a LTR within the age range of 18-25, girl breaks up with guy because "she doesn't know what she wants", hooks up with some other random dude or just scared sh*tless about commitment, and strings along ex as a possible backup plan in the future. Don't get me wrong - the genders can be reversed as well, but is this really the norm these days or am I just jaded? This didn't seem to happen nearly as much as say...our parents generation. And I feel exactly the same way. It's so difficult finding committed mature people these days in my age category and below. Sucks that that is what I'm looking for.
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