TheWatcher Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Just curious as to how some of you (guys) cope with your situations/loneliness.Particularly those of you have gone years without being on a date or who have never dated. Especially those of you (like myself) who feel that they'll never develop the confidence,charm or personality (ability to flirt,be playful,fun...) needed to garner a woman's attention. I know that the whole PUA is industry is basically a bunch of snake-oil salesman but I get a vicarious thrill of watching the "infield videos";clips of guys approaching women calmly, confidently and having positive interactions.I'm aware that many of them might be staged but it still allows me to experience something that I will never get to firsthand.It allows me to dream, in a way. Recently, I have begun asking random women for the time of day. I begun doing so since last summer;just to get over my fear of speaking to women.I do it without any expectations of it leading to conversation or anything flirtatious. At times,I feel some sort of satisfaction because I had an encounter with a woman that I found attractive;"Wow,she talked to me ! Looked at me,gave me her attention" (even if lasts for less than 5 secs & was based on something trivial). At times, I even feel validated by the experience.
AD1980 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 For me its been 32 years with nothing and for self preservation ive basically turned the saddness loneliness and bitterness into apathy,finding a women isnt something i even fathom could happen anymore and its helped.. Because when i really wanted it to happen and tried to convince myself it was the pain and loneliness was too much to deal with so i like where im at now where i dont even try or care.. I still have my moments where i get depresssed sad and angry when im out in public and see my friends get women and not me but its a lot less then before..
tman666 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Believe it or not, there are women out there that aren't looking for pick up artist type interaction. There are some that want to genuine conversations with genuine people, without all of bull**** maneuvering that pick up artists rely on. At the end of the day, good relationships are built on trust, raw communication, empathy, and the like. "Game" will get you laid faster, but that's where it will likely stop. Transcendence of the connection to something greater requires more. Don't feel bad for not being part of the PUA crowd. Leave "game" to the little boys in the frat houses. Just my opinion...
FitChick Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 If you don't like yourself and you know yourself better than anyone else does, why should they like you? Don't expect other people to fix you. 1
ThaWholigan Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 PUA sells things that contain large elements of simple social common sense wrapped up in layers of BS. They touch on certain advanced social techniques without actually really going in depth about why it works. Just to get that out the way........ I cope by simply learning to be happy with myself. Building up my abilities, focusing on my goals, improving all aspects of my being and simply being generous to others out of my own enjoyment. I take great pleasure in these things. I also view dating from a very detached perspective, and understand that it's not always going to be fair or even civil sometimes, and I act accordingly. I know and believe I can be a more attractive man than I am right now. I believe that most guys can do it. Just like I believe that everyone has the capacity to be a genius. Not everyone believes me, but I'm just an overly optimistic man .
WonderKid Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Idk really I'm coping fine. Not having anyone now it seems irrelevant now. I've been just doing my own thing now. I've been on dates but that's it. The women in my city are pretty much the same and I don't come across single unique ones that often.
brahmabull117 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Believe it or not, there are women out there that aren't looking for pick up artist type interaction. There are some that want to genuine conversations with genuine people, without all of bull**** maneuvering that pick up artists rely on. At the end of the day, good relationships are built on trust, raw communication, empathy, and the like. "Game" will get you laid faster, but that's where it will likely stop. Transcendence of the connection to something greater requires more. Don't feel bad for not being part of the PUA crowd. Leave "game" to the little boys in the frat houses. Just my opinion... I think there's a huge amount of misunderstanding about what the PUA industry is really about and in general. All the canned stuff and routines is for guys to "fake it until they make it". It's for guys who don't have any confidence and can't be themselves The PUA world basically just preaches self empowerment. It tries to teach guys to start believing in themselves, stop putting women on the pedestal, to stop being awkward by overthinking basic social situations and to be able to get what they want without waiting around or blaming their lack of success on factors they can't control. The main focus of a lot of "PUA" is to make yourself a better and more desirable man with better social skills and social awareness so you can be yourself and get women naturally. PUA has never told guys to rely on canned routines - hell every PUA says it's much much better to improve yourself to the point where you can just interact naturally and come across as very desirable. It is about "being yourself" but about being the absolute best version of "yourself" I've known guys who were "players" who believed in the PUA thing and most of them are nice guys who love women. They're not the misogynists that you see on this forum . There is also a lot of misunderstanding that PUA preaches to all guys to be players and have sex with 5 women at a time. It does not. It teaches guys the concepts of how to be successful and you can use those concepts to marry the next girl you like or to sleep around with a 100 women. PUA has never said that there's anything wrong with having 1 woman or being monogamous and most guys I know who are players find cheating to be a horrible thing. If you're in a monogamous relationship, then you absolutely should remain monogamous PUA tries to teach to the average guy what "naturals" (guys who are great with women naturally) have. Usually the guys who are naturals are those who grew up with a great childhood and who were gifted with good looks so they received a ton of external validation and grew up to be very confident with women. That's why you see most good looking guys are successful with women - 22 years of being told "you're a hunk" does a lot to build your confidence and that's all you really need at the end of the day. You don't have to look like Fabio to get women though. I've known guys who were completely average looking who did just fine because they had that pleasant and outgoing personality that people enjoyed being around Edited July 11, 2012 by brahmabull117 1
Lonely Ronin Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Just curious as to how some of you (guys) cope with your situations/loneliness. The first thing you need to remember is you're not alone. It happens to men & women, young & old, ugly & attractive. The last woman I seriously dated was off the charts in every possible category. She was outgoing, smart, funny, adventures, & super attractive. When I meet her she had been single for 4 years. When she first told me, I though she was messing with me. The number one thing you need to do is get out. Go to a coffee shop and surf the web. Whatever you do, don't sit at home and hermit it will only make the loneliness worse. Make as many friends as you can (both male & female). The more friends you have the more chances you will have to get out and have fun. You will also increase your chances of making more friends. As your social circle grows larger Your chances of meeting someone you like & that likes you, skyrockets. 2
lino Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 If you don't like yourself and you know yourself better than anyone else does, why should they like you? Don't expect other people to fix you. what makes you think these guys don't like themselves? That's a big assumption to make. They're just very unlucky and likely not what is of mass appeal to todays women. Who says there is anything to fix?
El Brujo Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 After 26 years of going it alone, I'm fine with it. I've worked on myself, gotten rid of a lot of my old baggage, etc etc... but it's possible to get rid of too much baggage IMO. Suppose some woman gets interested in me and starts asking around... she'll be suspicious of a guy who has no baggage.
Author TheWatcher Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Don't feel bad for not being part of the PUA crowd. Leave "game" to the little boys in the frat houses. Just my opinion... Not really looking to be part of the PUA crowd.Like I mentioned I find a lot of them to be snake-oil salesmen;Insta-dates & 10 min bathroom lays and other nonsense that I'm interested in. I just enjoy watching the vids in which they successfully interact with women.I find them aspirational and I get a vicarious thrill out of watching them. One thing that I have taken away from them is to be more confident. My version of confidence...is asking women for the time of day.That's about as far as I've gotten.The first instance that I did...my heart was beating so hard/fast you'd swear I was about to parachute out of a plane for the first time. The first thing you need to remember is you're not alone. It happens to men & women, young & old, ugly & attractive. The last woman I seriously dated was off the charts in every possible category. She was outgoing, smart, funny, adventures, & super attractive. When I meet her she had been single for 4 years. When she first told me, I though she was messing with me. The number one thing you need to do is get out. Go to a coffee shop and surf the web. Whatever you do, don't sit at home and hermit it will only make the loneliness worse. Very sound advice Ronin.Thanks. The reason that I highlighted guys in bold was because I feel that a man's experience differs significantly from a woman's.For instance,I feel that there are more men who can relate to never dating,never having a partner,no sexual experience,etc. The woman that you dated, I would hazard a guess and say that in those 4 years...she was either single by choice or circumstance.Not because she wasn't approached by any man or didn't have anyone express an interest.
USMCHokie Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Just curious as to how some of you (guys) cope with your situations/loneliness. Polish the bishop. Strangely enough, after I'm done, all the feelings of "loneliness" go away and women/dating are the last thing on my mind...
YellowShark Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 When a woman looks at you she senses a guy who believes he will never "develop the confidence, charm or personality to flirt, be playful or fun." That is the vibe you give off subconsciously, and that is why you are single. Because it is what you believe. Your thoughts are your enemy Watcher.. not women. You need to give off a different vibe, one that does not repel girls!
monkey00 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 PUA sells things that contain large elements of simple social common sense wrapped up in layers of BS. They touch on certain advanced social techniques without actually really going in depth about why it works. Just to get that out the way........ While it is common sense, they do it in such a way that breaks it down for the everyday people who lack that common sense to understand it in a better fashion. One of things I find BS are the geeky terms they invented that seemingly just about all of the PUA have readily adapted. They over-complicate what should be a simple human interaction and that is one of their strategies in turning this into a booming business industry. I think dating though is a great way to experiment with yourself and see what works and what doesn't. The problem is you have to overcome your insecurities and fear of rejection - which is one of the most difficult things people are ready to accept in order to be successful/not suck at dating.
Lonely Ronin Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 The reason that I highlighted guys in bold was because I feel that a man's experience differs significantly from a woman's. For instance,I feel that there are more men who can relate to never dating,never having a partner,no sexual experience,etc. I think you would find just as many women have issues as men. The differences are how each sex copes with it. I read a research paper a few months back, and it made a lot of sense to me. The Cliff note version of the paper was that on average women handle being single better for the following reasons. They have a larger and more diverse group of friends to socialize withThey are more social in generalWomen are better at supporting/helping each other, than men areThey go out more by themselves (coffee shops, running in the park, shopping etc.)They have more comfortable HolmesThey spend more time making themselves more rounded peopleThey don't see being single as much of a negative thing as men do The woman that you dated, I would hazard a guess and say that in those 4 years...she was either single by choice or circumstance.Not because she wasn't approached by any man or didn't have anyone express an interest. The first year was by choice (just out of a LTR), the last 3 were because she was not approached by anyone she found attractive in one aspect of life or another.
Soxfaninfl Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 For me its been 32 years with nothing and for self preservation ive basically turned the saddness loneliness and bitterness into apathy,finding a women isnt something i even fathom could happen anymore and its helped.. Because when i really wanted it to happen and tried to convince myself it was the pain and loneliness was too much to deal with so i like where im at now where i dont even try or care.. I still have my moments where i get depresssed sad and angry when im out in public and see my friends get women and not me but its a lot less then before.. To be honest, I think it's better to be alone. I have plenty of friends. I was with the same women for 13 years (married for 11), and she left me. She was the love of my life. I have since had two failed relationships since my divorce. I have given up on women. To be honest I don't think I could deal with disappointment again from another women. I feel I'd be better off alone and not let get my heart broken again. I'll hook up when I can, but I'm not going to let another women get close to my heart. The pain is not worth it. Relationships don't last forever. They all have expiration dates. People just don't stay together anymore like they used to 100 years ago. Relationships are just too hard. It's just too hard to keep a women happy all the time. I at least have my 8 year old son, so my loneliness only last until he comes back to stay with me every other week.
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