Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I don't like the idea of having sex with the one person for my entire life. Apparently, a lot of people think the traditional model of " one sexual partner for your entire life" it out dated, also. That said, I also want to be very happy and satisfied with a partner... My theory is no matter how happy I am with a partner, that sex with one person for your entre life STILL is not ideal for every one; that no matter how in love I am, I still think I will feel this way. I am lucky I found a guy who agrees with me, because from this website, it appears that MOST people either believe in : one sexual partner for your entire lives, or nothing at all. And I do not mean " being bored, unsatisfied, and not into or not in love with your partner, and therefore needing to go out and get other people on the side, because your currrent relationship is lacking. I do not feel that way at all; my bf and I believe our sex life is fantastic, and we are not anywhere close to bored or unsatisfied. We simply feel that sex with one person for your entire lives is not ideal for every person. We do not believe it is a matter of " meeting the right person who is enough for us" , who will magically make us " change our minds" We both feel deaply in love, we feel extremely happy and close. We feel more in love than other couples around us - we are just very close and it offends me how people on here believe non traditional relationship models, are based around the fact that the couple must not be in love, and therefore need to go around having sex with as many people as possible. Does anyone on HERE know of people, who do not think the traditional one sexual partner for your entir elife scenario, is ideal? And why must so many people be judgmental about people like me, and claim that " surely you must not be in love or happy in your relationship?" ...it frustrates me, because I feel madly in love with my partner, and am very satisfied,. but just believe the " one sexual partner for life" model is outdated for me. My partner and I are just amazed, at how we feel so in love, and yet people claim to know ouw love is not " real" just because we have diffeernt views on relationships to them?
DjinnAgain Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Does anyone on HERE know of people, who do not think the traditional one sexual partner for your entir elife scenario, is ideal?? Why, yes, I do. My ex husband and all his new girlfriends. He told me this a little late in the game, though. 3
ScreamingTrees Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I've never heard of anyone in real life bashing people who had open relationships (That's basically what it is, right? You're both open to have sex with outsiders but maintain your relationship) But then again, I was never aware of anyone who was in one. I don't think you're scrutinized, but in a majority of cases only one partner is in an "Open Relationship", if you know what I mean. That's not fair to the other partner. Personally, I don't trust other people and would rather have regular sex that can be varied with ONE trustworthy person where there is particular mutual attraction than have sex with people who I don't know very well. I can't say I'd ever be open to such an arrangement, but that's just me. I don't judge others for it, but I can imagine someone living such a lifestyle to be the kind of person to try to talk me or my significant other into it, thinking it's not a big deal. To me, and hopefully to my partner, it is.
ThingsAreComplicated Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) 1)yes, this gets more and more common 2)yes, basically this is just the more honest version of polygamy, playing with open cards and equal right for both partners to enjoy sex without cheating (even though I experienced that this still does NOT mean that you **** around town however you like, there are borders) 3)yes, I truly believe that you guys are in love 4)no, it will not last. This kind of relationship has an expiration date. One of you will eventually fall in love with someone else you get to know and have sex with, things will get very ugly for a while and that's it. Most common scenario is that the woman will try to force a commitment after 1-2 years ("well we had our fun, let's head to straight waters"), the guy won't give it since he is used to **** as he likes while having the comfort of a relationship and will dump her. But since most monogamous relationships also have an expiration date that is not death you shouldn't feel too worried about it and enjoy Edited July 11, 2012 by ThingsAreComplicated 2
HHC Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I like the idea of one sexual partner for the rest of my life. I've had sex outside of my marriage and while it was fun at the time looking back I wish I hadn't. Not sure if it's based on the act of sex with someone other than my husband or how it went down. If my husband was able to fulfil all my sexual desires then I wouldn't need or want to have sex with anyone else until I died. Some he can accommodate and others he can't. Although if he can accomodate all the ones he can I'm pretty sure I wouldn't focus so much on the ones he can't
CarrieT Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 And why must so many people be judgmental about people like me Leigh, it is NOT "so many people" who are judgmental - it is a handful of anonymous posters in another thread and why you are choosing to focus on. You are as bad as Woggle in your polarized views in these matters, continuing to beat the dead horse of your sexual being. Not too long ago, you promised you would refrain from starting these types of threads over-and-over-and-over and in order to "work on yourself" and "seek therapy." Why do you continue down this path? I honestly believe you KNOW that many people can and do live alternative lifestyles without this type of drama-queen attitude you are perpetuating. What is it about your relationship that is keeping you from being happy that you continually question it? There IS something and in that regard, I (again) suggest you should seek out therapy.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 1)yes, this gets more and more common 2)yes, basically this is just the more honest version of polygamy, playing with open cards and equal right for both partners to enjoy sex without cheating (even though I experienced that this still does NOT mean that you **** around town however you like, there are borders) 3)yes, I truly believe that you guys are in love 4)no, it will not last. This kind of relationship has an expiration date. One of you will eventually fall in love with someone else you get to know and have sex with, things will get very ugly for a while and that's it. Most common scenario is that the woman will try to force a commitment after 1-2 years ("well we had our fun, let's head to straight waters"), the guy won't give it since he is used to **** as he likes while having the comfort of a relationship and will dump her. But since most monogamous relationships also have an expiration date that is not death you shouldn't feel too worried about it and enjoy In our arrangment, we are not open to going out and having sex with others. Netiher of us can do it. It is not something we are able to do. The only context we feel right exploring other people, is in: - a threesome - or if he goes to a hooker, and I go and watch. He is not able to get horny or get it up if I am not there. We are very close, and he does feel " right" going it alone. So no, we are not in an open relationship, although I have asked him about it. I made him go on a holiday without me to a hot women hot spot, and told him to live out his single days and get it out of his system. He ended up ringing me, saying he felt very upset that I would let him do it, and that there was no way he could go through with hooking up with out me. We have discussed this all, and we prefer being basically monogomus 99% of the time: we feel much closer and our bond strengthens a lot, if we stick to each other with sex, for the most part. When we are in very close moods, I have not been able to tempt him with a hot hooker, all expenses paid - because it is not something he wants to do any old day. Another thing; I will never enforce a deadline for my partner to marry or settle down with me. We have both talked about our views on marriage, and we both want to marry each other one day soon. We love each other enough to get married now, we believe. We just want money to travel and do it in an exotic location, in a fun way. but yeah, getting him to " stop" what he is doing really is not my style. He will do what he wants to do, if I am the right women for him, he will not feel ' restricted" getting married or spending his life with me.. it will make him feel free. Not the other way around. Lastly, we do not want to fall in love with other people, nor do we want to get to " know" ANY person we sleep with... To us, we strongly want to guard our relationship, and if we happen to meet a person in real life who we start falling for, we want to prevent even connecting with such people, who we have the capacity to fall for. The people in threesomes are people we have met once, we do not want to maintain any sort of connection. He cannot fathom taking on two girls emitionally, one close girl in his life is overwhelming enough. We are pretty aversde to getting to " know" any girl that comes into a threesome.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Why, yes, I do. My ex husband and all his new girlfriends. He told me this a little late in the game, though. My partner is not the type of jerk who can play around with many girls:sick: He tends to refrain from relationships altogether, UNLESS he happens to meet a girl he wants to be with. He does not bother with a girlfriend, unless she is marriage or life long partner - material. So, aside from the occasional hooker or threesome every few years, I cannot see him wanting " a few new girlfriends". He is a one wome type of man. If single, he does not whore about either. He just has fun ever month or so, and if a girl blows him away, he will get to know her, and only bother with her if she is someone he is crazy about and really into. Girls are exhausting, a lot of them are.... Mentally speaking. And to be honest, there are not enough quality ones around where my boyfriend resides and hangs about..for him to need to have severl girlfriends:sick: I am sorry your husband was a selfish pr*ck.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I don't see the appeal. If you're a man AND actually go skinny dipping in the dung heap AND actually defy the 100,000,000 to 1 odds and find a woman truly worth settling down with, why would you put this in jeopardy (which always happens when you bring another person into a "relationship") just to shoot your load? We do not think a one night stand will risk our relationship. There is just as much chance of us falling in love with a person we meet, and get to know. Having sex with a person you do not know, is not enough for my boyfriend to fall in love with them.
Trimmer Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Does anyone on HERE know of people, who do not think the traditional one sexual partner for your entir elife scenario, is ideal? And why must so many people be judgmental about people like me, and claim that " surely you must not be in love or happy in your relationship?" ...it frustrates me, because I feel madly in love with my partner, and am very satisfied,. but just believe the " one sexual partner for life" model is outdated for me. My partner and I are just amazed, at how we feel so in love, and yet people claim to know ouw love is not " real" just because we have diffeernt views on relationships to them? You are amazed, in love, and very satisfied. So why are you frustrated again? I think the secret is to stop talking to those "so many people." Problem solved. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 You are amazed, in love, and very satisfied. So why are you frustrated again? I think the secret is to stop talking to those "so many people." Problem solved. Because these " people" made me question my own relationship.... I felt madly in love, happy, and it was very obvious that we are both into each other. I thought nothing of my belief system, until other people questioned it; until people started saying " um, it is not technically POSSIBLE for a man to be madl yin love, and have sex with other women. NOT possible"
Trimmer Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Because these " people" made me question my own relationship.... I felt madly in love, happy, and it was very obvious that we are both into each other. I thought nothing of my belief system, until other people questioned it; until people started saying " um, it is not technically POSSIBLE for a man to be madl yin love, and have sex with other women. NOT possible" They "made you" question yourself? So you believe in it, and it's obvious, and you are happy and madly in love, and even with all that, you can't help but question it based on what other people say? Then STOP TALKING ABOUT IT! 2
kaylan Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 I personally dont think you are very happy in your relationship. And for that reason you continually create threads about you and your boyfriends sexual life, or things regarding his ex gf. If you were truly content with your relationship you wouldnt need to create threads to defend your relationship. Who gives a fudge what people on a forum think? Its not what other think about your relationship that bothers you...its what you think about your relationship that bothers you. Youve asked question, you have received answers every single time....and whats happening? Youre realizing plenty of people have made great points about whats going on with your relationship, as well as with your own emotional state. The outsiders to your relationship didnt create all these doubts and nay-saying regarding your relationship....all of that already existed within you. The big thing bothering you is that having others confirm all the doubts and nay-saying is cracking your faith in this relationship. This is just my guess though. 4
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 They "made you" question yourself? So you believe in it, and it's obvious, and you are happy and madly in love, and even with all that, you can't help but question it based on what other people say? Then STOP TALKING ABOUT IT! I guess I am just baffled that other people think they know what my boyfriend thinks. I had never met a person, before I found my bf, who claimed to KNOW what another person THOUGHT. So - when people assumed that it was not possible for him to love me, if he was able to have threesomes - I got very angry, at the audacity people had. I guess peoples ignorance annoys me. How people assume that threesomes = bored partners who are not ito each other, and therefore need to go and scr8ew a bunch of other people.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I personally dont think you are very happy in your relationship. And for that reason you continually create threads about you and your boyfriends sexual life, or things regarding his ex gf. If you were truly content with your relationship you wouldnt need to create threads to defend your relationship. Who gives a fudge what people on a forum think? Its not what other think about your relationship that bothers you...its what you think about your relationship that bothers you. Youve asked question, you have received answers every single time....and whats happening? Youre realizing plenty of people have made great points about whats going on with your relationship, as well as with your own emotional state. The outsiders to your relationship didnt create all these doubts and nay-saying regarding your relationship....all of that already existed within you. The big thing bothering you is that having others confirm all the doubts and nay-saying is cracking your faith in this relationship. This is just my guess though. I can guarantee I have been mostly happy. I just have not worked on my career for long, got a full time job, I am not studying, and have no friedns in the new town I moved to. And, I have gone from a thiin , fit chick, to a .... ugh. anny ways. I dropped out of school because of drugs, but I have since gone back, did well, and am in the process of getting my life together. As it stands though, I still do not feel good enough about myself, and it makes it very difficult for me to be in a relationship at times. And if we broke up, we would not stop loving each other, and we would not find " the one" that we suddenly truly " love". We are happy most of the time, the only times we are not happy, is when I have nothing better to do in life, but create uneccesary drama. We are not people that bother with relationships - not unless they are huge, and we are crazy about the other person. We actually prefer to be single, or with totally into our partners, or not bother at all. I think that because I am not studying or working, the process of looking for work is not stimulating enough, and therefore I have a lot of free time to feed my insecurity. I have told him many times, that unless he is totally crazy in love with me, to let me go and find a man who is. That if he needs other women because I am not enough - for him to respect my right to find a man who is into me. He maintains that he does not need to go out and have sex with other women, and that he he cannot do that. In our mind, we are monogomus, we do not want other people, but the notion of " one sexual partner for our entire lives" is not something either of us think is " best". We truly believe we can be in love, in a passionate way, and enjoy a meaningles, one night stand sexual encounter.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Any ways, I do not think we should just break up, get over each other, and go on to find a person we truly love... I think we will always love each other, at least for a very long time.... that we will not be ABLE to just break up and fall out if love. We both feel that what we have is way too strong and too much to dissipate. This is not just a guy who is not that into me, and who if I break up with him, will get over me fast and find other women to have sex with. It is not like that at all.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) I get sad and confused, when my partner says he is madl yin love with me and acts like it, and I believe it to be our reality fro so long, only to have people question it. Edited July 11, 2012 by Leigh 87
utterer of lies Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 He is not able to get horny or get it up if I am not there. Hahaha. Yeah right. Do you really believe that? Lastly, we do not want to fall in love with other people, nor do we want to get to " know" ANY person we sleep with... To us, we strongly want to guard our relationship, and if we happen to meet a person in real life who we start falling for, we want to prevent even connecting with such people, who we have the capacity to fall for. It will still happen. And as soon as it does, the agreement with the old partner will seem much less important than the chance for happiness with the new. He cannot fathom taking on two girls emitionally, one close girl in his life is overwhelming enough. We are pretty aversde to getting to " know" any girl that comes into a threesome. Seriously, don't be so naive. Don't believe everything he says. 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Hahaha. Yeah right. Do you really believe that? It will still happen. And as soon as it does, the agreement with the old partner will seem much less important than the chance for happiness with the new. Seriously, don't be so naive. Don't believe everything he says. He is not the type who can do foreplay and focus on another girls pleasure, while he is into and in love with me. I got him a hooker once, because he was unable to fathom doing anything but f*ck a girl. He is an honest guy. He is not a cheater at all. Really - he acts like he is crazily in love with me. He has had opportunities to get pussy away from me - he went on holidays to a hot girl hot spot, and would not do it. I am a great judge of character. I know when a man adores me and is totally crazy about me. I do not think he would be able to bother with another girl, and I think if I left him he would not get over me.
utterer of lies Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 He is not the type who can do foreplay and focus on another girls pleasure, while he is into and in love with me. Stop believing fairy tales. You are old enough. Really - he acts like he is crazily in love with me. He has had opportunities to get pussy away from me - he went on holidays to a hot girl hot spot, and would not do it. First off, you don't know that for sure, it's just what he told you. Maybe she didn't want him, and that's why he called you? But even if he didn't want her - this doesn't mean that he is unable to enjoy sex with another girl. It just means he didn't choose to have it with that girl. I am a great judge of character. I know when a man adores me and is totally crazy about me. I do not think he would be able to bother with another girl, and I think if I left him he would not get over me. Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 I tell him everything on these threads. He tells me he is crazy about me, that nothing anyone here says about him is true, and he wants to just have me. He honestly thinks the threesome we had was just innocent fun, and that he would be very happy to just have me for his life. He did not sound anything other than a man telling the truth. I am a great judge of character and have always been right about people. I am no fool in that regard. I have not been proved wrong yet. Really. He is genuine. I do not even associate with people who lie, and ar enot their true selves. They are not people I ca be truly close to.... My bf is not a guy who really cares about oral sex or other girls pleasure, to be honest! he only gets into those things when he is in love with a girl... he has no interest in exploring those things with other girls, and only ever wanted to stick his dick in the girl, without any attention on her pleasure really. He grew up with hookers. He never liked bothering with girls, and he had money to go and have sex with the hottest ones he could find, without risking a good friendship idf the girl rejected him, and without bothering with the whole process of getting the girl. He tends to like to go out with his guy friends, have a great time, and not bother with girls unless a very cool one comes up and chats to him and make sit obvious she is into him; otherwise, he just did not like to make moves and take risks. And when he got the girls, he did not really focus much on their pleasure. He never went down on girls. So I can see how cold, heartles, meaningless sex is something he thinks is feasible when he is in love with a girl. Just from his past. It is not like he bothers much with girls unless he is really into them to begin with. ANy ways, I will let this thread die. He has made it clear that he could not care less about " having" to have other girls in any way, if that is what I need. He did not sound upset over it, so I should just enjoy him. I am pretty certain I am enough for him, and the only WAY he will get another girl, is if he happens to fall in love with a girl he comes into contact with, who is particularly special to him.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Stop believing fairy tales. You are old enough. First off, you don't know that for sure, it's just what he told you. Maybe she didn't want him, and that's why he called you? But even if he didn't want her - this doesn't mean that he is unable to enjoy sex with another girl. It just means he didn't choose to have it with that girl. Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Come on man, you do not know him at all. How do you know he is not totally crazy about me? I think he has a better idea of how he feels about me than you do.... We live together, he needs to see me basically every day, and our livesa are about each other. I know he had not cheated. He is not a cheater. Neither of us are, and we think cheating is:sick: We both wanted to try a threesome early on, but why on earth would that indicate that he is not in love now? In real life, there is absolutel no signs that he is anything other than crazy about me.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 HIS theory on relationships, is: - with me, and with any girl he is madly in love with, if given the option, he would have meaningless sex with another girl. Preferably a hooker, because he does not get into their pleasure. - he maintains that he could have had that threesome with any girl he was in love with, and that it is NOT a matter of him meeting the :" right girl" and all of a sudden not wanting a threesome with two hot girls ever again. - He is certain that he would always " enjoy" two hot babes ( his gf and another hot girl) but that it is not something he NEEDS. It is just something he would enjoy if the girl was down with it. - When he is in love or into a girl, he can not get into THEIR pleasure. It feels wrong. To him, it is cheating. He cannot get INTO another girl, when he is INTO me. - he feels positive and happy about just having the one girl, and anything else is a bonus to him. I just do not see him as a cheater, or a guy who is not that into me and feels the need to please other girls. It feels like, and he acts like, I am the onl girl who he wantrs ti give pleasure to, and all the other activities we have experimented with was purely to get his dick wet. Not because he is able to give other girls pleasure.
Author Leigh 87 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 And he called me because we had been living together every day, and he had never had a girlfriend before ( besides that girl he travelled with), and is very attached. We had not been apart before, not even for one day, so he was not faring too well. believe it or not, I think I know my own boyfriend better than you do. My bf is not some jerk who would cheat on me, and then ring me after a girl rejected him:sick::sick::sick: I have never been played for a fool by any guy. I have never been wrong about a person being into me or not. I know the difference. There is just a huge difference between when a guy is genuinely in love with you, or not. I have been with a guy who was not in love with me. I have been there. I was young and stupid and did not think I deserved better, but I did KNOW he did not love me all along. I find it hard to believe a guy can be pasionately in love, and feel desire to " please" other girls, through oral and just caring and getting off on THEIR pleasure. On the other hand, I believe some men can be madly in love, and have sex, and use other women as a human sex toy. Not care about them so much, but for it to me about getting their dick wet.
utterer of lies Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) Leigh - you are free to believe what you want. Of course it might be that your boyfriend is the exception, is different than other men. But the probability for that is just really, really low. For your own good, please consider that he might not be telling you the truth at all times. He might lie, maybe only to make you feel better. It's just not realistic that he would not be able to enjoy sex and giving pleasure to other girls because of love. He might not do it because of respect for you, but when he tells you he cannot do it, well, it just makes him seem untrustworthy. Edited July 11, 2012 by utterer of lies
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