Mariana345 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Hello! I've been in the breaking up and coping forums most of the time, but now I want to see, in your experiences, what is my best shot if I want another chance because some say that NC is not always the way to go, but in my case didn't know if that was the best. So my almost complete history is here: I don't know anymore Why can't I give up easy To make it short, my ex BU 5 weeks ago after 4 years and 10 months of relationship, cause he was feeling resentment towards me because all the fights and problems, and also not feeling the same. At first he wanted some time to see if he could recover his feelings, and if he can miss me, but after said that it was the best for both to break up. We were having consistent troubles for a couple of months, but I thought that we could fix them. I wanted to give him that "time" and didn't contact him for a week, and 3 days later he erased our relationship from facebook, and erased my from his favorites (yeah, I did some stalking to his accounts, not that I'm proud of it though). So I sent an email to ask for this and told me he ended the relationship. In my stalking phase I enter his facebook and email accounts (he gave me paswords long ago), and I discover that the day before he dumped me he went to the movies (and paid 2 tickets) when he told me he was with some male friend at his home. And the second and third weekend after the BU also went to the movies and he paid for 2 people. He always did that in our dates. He also went to a lot of parties and sometimes didn't go home. I went with NC, hoping he would miss me, but he didn't contact me in any way, and not done it yet. However, his mom called me the second week and asked if we were ok, I told her we broke up and she said that he was mad those two weeks. After the third week I asked my stuff, since I found out the movies issue, and we met, but I just said hello, thanks, and leave. He seemed to think that I wanted to say something to him. The day before he said goodbye to my sister by facebook, and he give away a ticket for some event we were going to on november. Two days later he asked me for some money he previously said he didn't want it. After that he added this female friend in facebook, with which we had problems before and he stopped contact 3 years, cause she liked him (the friends issue was troubling him as well, he wanted me to get along with them, but I tried and didn't work, cause they're so irresponsable!). When I found out that I finished my stalking phase. So, now I'm starting 6th week, and sometimes I want him back because we had a lot of history and we were so much in love, but sometimes don't want him back for all that weird things in the BU and the fact that he was holding me from my dream work. I didn't know what to do, sometimes I wanted to talk to him to fix the problems, but the "want to see if I can miss you" stopped me, then the other person issue, and finally the "friend" thing and haven't contated him at all. I thought that he, as the dumper, has to do the first move. But I read in this forum that sometimes NC is not the way for a second chance (in this post) So I wonder, If I did the right thing, considering all those things to maintain NC, or all I did was push him away. And in the case I decide to go for a chance, what would be the best I can do, keeping NC or maybe doing LC... or somethin else. Thank you in advance for any advice you could give me, cause I'm reaaaaally lost in this issue...
leoc1973 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 NC is absolutely the best way to go. Where do you stand with him right now? Does he know he could have you back if he wanted you? If so then you have to make him believe he is losing you for good. Something about forever seems to wake people up. But as a man and you can read a thousand other male's stories nothing is better than dating other men. I am not saying to have a boyfriend and definitely don't sleep around(cause he will lose respect for you) but if you go on dates with other guys and he still doesn't come back then you have to move on. Be confident and strong too that really gets under our skin to see a woman that we just dumped looking like they are doing fine. Its almost like we feel like you should be a sniveling mess. I had an ex a long time ago that I dumped and when I dumped her I felt like I was free. I even was seeing someone new and had no intention of ever getting back with my ex but I found out that she was seeing some new guy and I lost it and I felt like I had to have her back right away. But I think you should take this opportunity to go chase your dream and let this guy go because do you really want someone that was dating another girl while he was still with you? Screw that! He doesn't respect you at all!
Author Mariana345 Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 NC is absolutely the best way to go. Where do you stand with him right now? Does he know he could have you back if he wanted you? If so then you have to make him believe he is losing you for good. Something about forever seems to wake people up. But as a man and you can read a thousand other male's stories nothing is better than dating other men. I am not saying to have a boyfriend and definitely don't sleep around(cause he will lose respect for you) but if you go on dates with other guys and he still doesn't come back then you have to move on. Be confident and strong too that really gets under our skin to see a woman that we just dumped looking like they are doing fine. Its almost like we feel like you should be a sniveling mess. I had an ex a long time ago that I dumped and when I dumped her I felt like I was free. I even was seeing someone new and had no intention of ever getting back with my ex but I found out that she was seeing some new guy and I lost it and I felt like I had to have her back right away. But I think you should take this opportunity to go chase your dream and let this guy go because do you really want someone that was dating another girl while he was still with you? Screw that! He doesn't respect you at all! Thank you so much! Your advice made my day. He don't know that he could have me back, and me neither I'm stuck with the "he dumped me for another person" and "we had so much love and so much history" that I don't know If I want that back... I'm also thinking about going out with someone else, but I'm just too picky with people (and he knows it) so it's kind of difficult. However, I'm going to the beach with one of my best friends the next weekend and hope to, at least, find someone interesting
TooHonest123 Posted July 11, 2012 Posted July 11, 2012 Here is what i plan on doing...to make things short...two months ago my ex left me for another man...my complete opposite...soon I came to find out the day she completely cut me off was tge same day she had sex with him. two months later here i am, still very hurt, passed through a very severe depression were i was suicidal. I miss her a little less now. But i am still madly in love with her. I plan to continue life waiting for her to return, the real test would be if she texts me happy birthday in november. I am going to stick around wishing her happy holydays and on special ocations, because i want her to think about me when things go wrong with the guy she left me for. I wont be interfering in her relationship. But if in the process i happend to meet someone new then i will be willing to accept the new person and move on on that aspect of my life
Author Mariana345 Posted July 12, 2012 Author Posted July 12, 2012 Here is what i plan on doing...to make things short...two months ago my ex left me for another man...my complete opposite...soon I came to find out the day she completely cut me off was tge same day she had sex with him. two months later here i am, still very hurt, passed through a very severe depression were i was suicidal. I miss her a little less now. But i am still madly in love with her. I plan to continue life waiting for her to return, the real test would be if she texts me happy birthday in november. I am going to stick around wishing her happy holydays and on special ocations, because i want her to think about me when things go wrong with the guy she left me for. I wont be interfering in her relationship. But if in the process i happend to meet someone new then i will be willing to accept the new person and move on on that aspect of my life I'm sorry for what had happen to you, but I hope this plan of yours will be a success I have realized something. This last months I was being disrespectful with him due to frustration (I just read an article about man and love and respect). I was being verbally abusive, a little violent, and sometimes we fight about money. Also mocked him about some issues, but I didn't even think about it, just split out of my mouth, I didn't mean any bad feelings, just not thinking what I was talking about. I was so frustrated with my life! I felt restricted in so many ways!! I didn't felt that I was having the potential to do anything! And I did make him pay... I'm so stupid!! I just realized this!! He couldn't take it anymore! I don't know if I could ever mend this to him! Or if he would ever forgive me! What do you recommend me to do now? I want to talk to him about this, but it's only been a month, besides he already is making some changes in his life, and probably doesn't want me around. Also, I don't know for sure if he is seeing someone else right now... I love him, I want this to work, but I'm so afraid of him right now Please, some advice!
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