supermanthatho Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Every symptom describes her exactly. In some twisted way im hurt but not that hurt knowing she is suffering from this. The relationship was good until she had the miscarriage thats when things changed and developed this syndrome she has now. Im out of her life and doing NC which im doing pretty well at. Was just wondering do these ppl that suffer this come back? Like i said we had a really good relationship until she developed this. I know she has hooked up n has had sex with other ppl but surprisingly enough it hasnt really bothered me much. I gave this girl my all and I wish hapiness upon her still. Im the type of person that shows and has unconditional love. How do I deal with this? I have memories going over and over playing in my head and a strong unfinished vibe which my family and her family have too. I still keep in contact with her family and i love them with my heart cause i feel like family to them and vice versa.
youdunsay Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Keeping in contact with her family and all, you're a good man. A gentleman.
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sounds like she is suffering emotionally from a miscarriage and is trying to avoid the pain and fill the void. Not sure I'd put that label on this one. 1
Author supermanthatho Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Sounds like she is suffering emotionally from a miscarriage and is trying to avoid the pain and fill the void. Not sure I'd put that label on this one. well she has all the symptoms of it and iv read everywhere that when something commitment worthy happens marriage, baby, engaged, moving in together.. its when they develop GIGS shes really flipped. Definitely not herself at all, quite the opposite
Author supermanthatho Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Keeping in contact with her family and all, you're a good man. A gentleman. thank you. and yep i am a gentleman
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 You're looking for a label right now. If you want to put a label on it understand that she's not in some happy state of wanting to hump around. It really sounds like she lost a baby and it's really messed her up. A miscarriage isn't just a mental thing, there are a ton of hormones and physical things that go on inside. She's probably hurting really bad right now. How did you respond to her when she lost the baby? Also "GIGS" is not a medical syndrome but a blanket term around these parts used to desribe the emotional maturation of someone. This is not "I need to find myself" but "I just lost my baby". 2
Author supermanthatho Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 You're looking for a label right now. If you want to put a label on it understand that she's not in some happy state of wanting to hump around. It really sounds like she lost a baby and it's really messed her up. A miscarriage isn't just a mental thing, there are a ton of hormones and physical things that go on inside. She's probably hurting really bad right now. How did you respond to her when she lost the baby? Also "GIGS" is not a medical syndrome but a blanket term around these parts used to desribe the emotional maturation of someone. This is not "I need to find myself" but "I just lost my baby". When we lost our baby it was an emotionally time for both of us, and through it all I was allways there taking to her to the hospital, waiting in the waiting rm when the doctors asked me to talk to her alone before and after miscarriage. I was just always there for her through it all it all. I took care of her needs, wants, everything for her. Will she eventually snap out of it? I told her I'm always there for her still and whenever she needs to call me
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I can't answer that. But for everyone involved I certainly hope so. It was very good of you to take care of her. What have you been doing lately? Are you active in her life or waiting for her to reach out? 1
Author supermanthatho Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 I can't answer that. But for everyone involved I certainly hope so. It was very good of you to take care of her. What have you been doing lately? Are you active in her life or waiting for her to reach out? Unfortunately I am out of her life right now as much as I don't want to be. But I have to be out right now coz she needs that space and GIGS or not the best thing to do is to have that space. I am waiting for her to reach me and even though she's been with other people and seeing someone else to fill that void she talks to mutual friends of ours about me and asks about me and such. But i cannot be the one to call or contact her first I feel it's not my place to until she is ready. Right now It's just very hard for me and sometimes I do get to a low place where I just can't handle it even though I know I'm stronger than that. I never really drink alcohol but lately some nights its what I've turned to. Scotch, always with the scotch I don't know why that really.
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Well I understand your point here. It's not easy being patient at times like this. All I can suggest is to try and take better care of yourself. Find new hobbies, join some groups, volunteer... just whatever you can to keep your time occupied. 1
Author supermanthatho Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 Well I understand your point here. It's not easy being patient at times like this. All I can suggest is to try and take better care of yourself. Find new hobbies, join some groups, volunteer... just whatever you can to keep your time occupied. Thank you for understanding much appreciated
jdids247 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Every symptom describes her exactly. In some twisted way im hurt but not that hurt knowing she is suffering from this. The relationship was good until she had the miscarriage thats when things changed and developed this syndrome she has now. Im out of her life and doing NC which im doing pretty well at. Was just wondering do these ppl that suffer this come back? Like i said we had a really good relationship until she developed this. I know she has hooked up n has had sex with other ppl but surprisingly enough it hasnt really bothered me much. I gave this girl my all and I wish hapiness upon her still. Im the type of person that shows and has unconditional love. How do I deal with this? I have memories going over and over playing in my head and a strong unfinished vibe which my family and her family have too. I still keep in contact with her family and i love them with my heart cause i feel like family to them and vice versa. You sounds exactly like I did about 6 months ago. I couldn't explain her behavior for the past 8 months but everything changed when she started hanging out with new people and when she had her miscarriage in August. She wasn't the same afterwards even in January of this year and I had enough of her behavior. She's still grieving and unfortunately for you you're part of the problem because you had a hand in the conceiving of that precious child and you're a reminder of what could have been. I also talked to her family and believed we (her family, friends, and myself) had unfinished business. They didn't understand her behavior either. Not to be frank, but it's time to give up that hope. I know you love her (and trust me, I loved my ex-fiance to death even through all the BS) but it's time to focus on you. No more labeling. I thought my ex had GIGS, had BPD, narcissism...blah blah blah.....and it didn't help anything. She just changed and that's life. A situation like this can make you second guess everything you've ever believed in. Focus on you. Go out and meet new people. Have your Scotch if it helps you. Go to the bar and have a Scotch there and socialize. Do whatever you need to do to fill that void because she obviously is doing just that...without you. It won't get any easier especially when the due date comes. I completely understand your pain and confusion. Just ride it out and don't wait for her. Maybe eventually she'll come to her senses, but right now don't hold your breath as hard as it may be.
Samilia Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Sometimes people are together, they date their significant other for months, sometimes for years, but they aren't really truly happy. And then something tragic happens, and that's the push they need to disconnect. We all talk about labelling because we need a reason why someone left us. And sometimes it simply is out of love that they left us and that's a harsh truth to swallow. Was the relationship good for you, or for the both of you? I could be wrong, but I want to open your mind to the possibility that the miscarriage was the trigger, not the core reason of her departure. Be careful of what her family and friends tell you, you seem to be in dear need of an answer, they might be trying to comfort you and give you the answers you want to hear. Of course it could also be that you remind her of the baby, she can't take it, and she leaves. The NC probably is the answer right now but I do hope she will have the decency to give you an answer in the future. If not, I hope you will find closure within yourself. 1
Author supermanthatho Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 You sounds exactly like I did about 6 months ago. I couldn't explain her behavior for the past 8 months but everything changed when she started hanging out with new people and when she had her miscarriage in August. She wasn't the same afterwards even in January of this year and I had enough of her behavior. She's still grieving and unfortunately for you you're part of the problem because you had a hand in the conceiving of that precious child and you're a reminder of what could have been. I also talked to her family and believed we (her family, friends, and myself) had unfinished business. They didn't understand her behavior either. Not to be frank, but it's time to give up that hope. I know you love her (and trust me, I loved my ex-fiance to death even through all the BS) but it's time to focus on you. No more labeling. I thought my ex had GIGS, had BPD, narcissism...blah blah blah.....and it didn't help anything. She just changed and that's life. A situation like this can make you second guess everything you've ever believed in. Focus on you. Go out and meet new people. Have your Scotch if it helps you. Go to the bar and have a Scotch there and socialize. Do whatever you need to do to fill that void because she obviously is doing just that...without you. It won't get any easier especially when the due date comes. I completely understand your pain and confusion. Just ride it out and don't wait for her. Maybe eventually she'll come to her senses, but right now don't hold your breath as hard as it may be. How are you now? Have you moved on or close to it? Has she even missed you or anything like that? Any contact?
Author supermanthatho Posted July 9, 2012 Author Posted July 9, 2012 And of course I'm looking for reasons or labels as such. We all are. But what is the best way to get them back in your arms again... Waking up by their side... And better, waking up to their soulful smile. It does feel hopeless but there is always a way and possibilities for almost anything. Looking at relationships in a God's view of things seems like it's just so easy to know exactly what to do. But we are only human so we cannot either have that knowledge or comprehend the way God will do things. I'm remaining positive as each individual case is different as similar as the scenario sounds. I can admit I have hopes (not high ones) and if I could I would switch it off in a heartbeat. But further more, I am open to possibility of what I feel I need won't happen.
jdids247 Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 (edited) How are you now? Have you moved on or close to it? Has she even missed you or anything like that? Any contact? I'm fine. It took me a couple months to stop trying to figure out what went wrong. When I started to focus on myself everything started to work out, I was no longer depressed and wishing for reconciliation. I had the opportunity to bag a gorgeous babe this weekend but couldn't do it. Too much alcohol and old feelings involved and I blew it. I guess you can say I'm not over it. I'm over her and us, but getting in bed with another woman and caressing her was blowing my mind because they both had the same body types. Damnit anyway....next weekend hopefully I wasn't happy for a long time in our relationship and just figured that everyone goes through slumps. I was making excuses for her behavior for years and the miscarriage just magnified everything. It was the happiest moment in my life when we found out she was pregnant and it was the saddest when our child passed. When her behavior began to get questionable, I questioned her and it just spiraled out of control. She quit respecting me and I told her to leave. She took off her ring and stated she needed a break because she wasn't herself, but I was telling her that ever since we lost the baby. The girl I loved was dead and gone and replaced with this women who was just a shell of her former self. The way I look at it, if she acts like this now, how is she going to handle an even bigger tragedy? She always ran away from reality and issues and it killed our relationship. No communication sucks, especially when you care about someone so much. We had LC for about 2 months since we had a living situation to figure out. I initially didn't want to talk but opened up, then realized it just wasn't going to work out. She cried every time I brought up fixing things. She's one of those people who thinks showing emotions is weakness and won't talk to anyone about her problems. Everything spiraled out of control afterwards and the damage had been done. We talked one last time about 3 months ago and she still cried when I brought us up. I know she misses me but she'll never admit it. She acted bitter whenever we talked so I must have done something to hurt her but she never told me what I would do to hurt her...and she never did. We split about 6 months ago. When I was moving out, I saw some self-help relationship books about trying to see if a relationship was fixable, so I know she was either trying to read them or if it was just a ploy for me to look through which chapters she had bookmarked. So long story short, it's just best for you to move on. Don't try to repair what is already broken beyond repair. Let her miss you and don't contact her. She'll go through the creeps and realize what she's missing out on, but by then you're going to kick her to the curb when she comes running. If she doesn't realize it, she's an idiot and it's her loss. Don't cling on to the past thinking it will magically reappear, create your new story with a fresh sheet of paper. Go get another one who respects you and will go through hell or high water to be with you no matter the situation. You seem like a guy who loves with all he has. Like I said, we're very similar. I wear my heart on my sleeve and give everything I have in a relationship. To me it sounds like you gave everything you could and she took everything you gave her for granted. When things fell apart, she saw it as an opportunity to get what she wanted (whatever that is...freedom maybe?) That shiny new freedom doesn't last long. Two weeks after we split she was bragging (on FB mind you) how great her life was and how much fun she was having. Guess how long those posts lasted? About another month. Then the quotes about how to be strong and picking up the pieces or just saying f-it. You see where I'm going? Regret always kicks in and it's the best revenge my friend. Focus on yourself and do something extravagant for YOU Edited July 9, 2012 by jdids247
Samilia Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Meh.. comme on fait son lit on se couche. We have a hand in what happens to us. And yes, I really believe NC is the way to go. I am not saying to bluntly reject her if she wants to talk to you, but I do believe that keeping your distance is the way to go. For you and for her. 1
wilsonx Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 You're looking for a label right now. If you want to put a label on it understand that she's not in some happy state of wanting to hump around. It really sounds like she lost a baby and it's really messed her up. A miscarriage isn't just a mental thing, there are a ton of hormones and physical things that go on inside. She's probably hurting really bad right now. How did you respond to her when she lost the baby? Also "GIGS" is not a medical syndrome but a blanket term around these parts used to desribe the emotional maturation of someone. This is not "I need to find myself" but "I just lost my baby". If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it is a duck. There's nothing wrong with labeling something. A duck that broke its wing and can't fly is still a duck. His ex is in gigs, he would know because he's gone through it himself.
Author supermanthatho Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I'm fine. It took me a couple months to stop trying to figure out what went wrong. When I started to focus on myself everything started to work out, I was no longer depressed and wishing for reconciliation. I had the opportunity to bag a gorgeous babe this weekend but couldn't do it. Too much alcohol and old feelings involved and I blew it. I guess you can say I'm not over it. I'm over her and us, but getting in bed with another woman and caressing her was blowing my mind because they both had the same body types. Damnit anyway....next weekend hopefully I wasn't happy for a long time in our relationship and just figured that everyone goes through slumps. I was making excuses for her behavior for years and the miscarriage just magnified everything. It was the happiest moment in my life when we found out she was pregnant and it was the saddest when our child passed. When her behavior began to get questionable, I questioned her and it just spiraled out of control. She quit respecting me and I told her to leave. She took off her ring and stated she needed a break because she wasn't herself, but I was telling her that ever since we lost the baby. The girl I loved was dead and gone and replaced with this women who was just a shell of her former self. The way I look at it, if she acts like this now, how is she going to handle an even bigger tragedy? She always ran away from reality and issues and it killed our relationship. No communication sucks, especially when you care about someone so much. We had LC for about 2 months since we had a living situation to figure out. I initially didn't want to talk but opened up, then realized it just wasn't going to work out. She cried every time I brought up fixing things. She's one of those people who thinks showing emotions is weakness and won't talk to anyone about her problems. Everything spiraled out of control afterwards and the damage had been done. We talked one last time about 3 months ago and she still cried when I brought us up. I know she misses me but she'll never admit it. She acted bitter whenever we talked so I must have done something to hurt her but she never told me what I would do to hurt her...and she never did. We split about 6 months ago. When I was moving out, I saw some self-help relationship books about trying to see if a relationship was fixable, so I know she was either trying to read them or if it was just a ploy for me to look through which chapters she had bookmarked. So long story short, it's just best for you to move on. Don't try to repair what is already broken beyond repair. Let her miss you and don't contact her. She'll go through the creeps and realize what she's missing out on, but by then you're going to kick her to the curb when she comes running. If she doesn't realize it, she's an idiot and it's her loss. Don't cling on to the past thinking it will magically reappear, create your new story with a fresh sheet of paper. Go get another one who respects you and will go through hell or high water to be with you no matter the situation. You seem like a guy who loves with all he has. Like I said, we're very similar. I wear my heart on my sleeve and give everything I have in a relationship. To me it sounds like you gave everything you could and she took everything you gave her for granted. When things fell apart, she saw it as an opportunity to get what she wanted (whatever that is...freedom maybe?) That shiny new freedom doesn't last long. Two weeks after we split she was bragging (on FB mind you) how great her life was and how much fun she was having. Guess how long those posts lasted? About another month. Then the quotes about how to be strong and picking up the pieces or just saying f-it. You see where I'm going? Regret always kicks in and it's the best revenge my friend. Focus on yourself and do something extravagant for YOU Omg some of the stuff you were saying is exactly right, with the freedom and the taking advantage of my love and also disrespecti she has on me. Listen man im really soory that has happened to and im really sorry its happenedto me too. You sound very much like me perhaps we are the same person? Ahah but yea im takin everything slow, iv deleted her on fb but unsure to block as i saw unfriendin her seemed immature but right now i cant stand to see her million status updates per minute. They all sound like someone else else wrote it because shes not her true self. She has written a few statuses that was despressin but other than that majority of them is loving life and about seeing so many hot guys and talkin to them. Shes just really flipped n messed up.. I wish there were more that ii could do but i cant do anything. its not right to control a human being nor do i want to control her. But other than that iv been sippin less scotch and have kept my mind off it little bit by little bit each day. And you're also right if she doesnt realize and come running back it is her loss.
Samilia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, then it is a duck. There's nothing wrong with labeling something. A duck that broke its wing and can't fly is still a duck. His ex is in gigs, he would know because he's gone through it himself. She's not. If we take that road everybody is in "gigs", everybody leaves their ex for a reason, usually to experience better and be happier. What an ugly short btw.. "gigs"
jdids247 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 (edited) They all sound like someone else else wrote it because shes not her true self. She has written a few statuses that was despressin but other than that majority of them is loving life and about seeing so many hot guys and talkin to them. Shes just really flipped n messed up.. I wish there were more that ii could do but i cant do anything. its not right to control a human being nor do i want to control her. But other than that iv been sippin less scotch and have kept my mind off it little bit by little bit each day. And you're also right if she doesnt realize and come running back it is her loss. You're right on the money pal. Someone else wrote them. If she truly used to be in love with you she wouldn't have to post things like that. She sounds emotionally immature and her Facebook statuses are her way of acting like nothing was her fault. Her talking about hot guys is just a way to make you jealous and her way of trying to relieve her guilt of her actions. Out of sight is out of mind for these people. One day they're great people and the next they only care about their selfish selves. Sounds like it's just an immature coping mechanism to make their ex think that everything is fine. Your ex has to post things like that to make herself think that everything was OK and she wasn't at fault for anything in the relationship. It's their way of telling everyone that they were the princess and you were the frog. I remember cleaning out our apartment and something made her mad, and the only thing she said to herself was 'Everything is going to be OK....everything is going to be fine'. If someone has to tell themselves that their life is great, then to me it doesn't sound like everything is great. Hang in there man. It gets better. There will be some dark days but the sun will shine through. Edited July 10, 2012 by jdids247
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