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Update: Purposely broke NC and made up with ex but was it worth it?

Tree_Salmon

By Tree_Salmon
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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Tree_Salmon Established Member

Tree_Salmon

Posted
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Some might know my story here but I'll make this brief.

 

After a messy breakup I decided to go NC. I would have done it forever but my ex started messaging me a month after.

 

At first it was little messages to catch my attention. I had been changing my life big time since the breakup and decided to start speaking again.

 

In the following days we both apologized for our actions during the entire relationship and we opened up a dialogue. I was fine with this.

 

In the following weeks the flirting began. Talks of getting back, what we'd been up to, etc. The problem was it sounded like either my ex was still in a rebound relationship and not talking about it or unavailable to me in some form. She would describe her life as a big mess. So I backed off.

 

I assumed that maybe she had gotten into a dispute with her current rebound and I was just the comfort. I was probably right. My ex pushed for a week to talk about relationship issues and then suddenly completely backed off and insisted that this wasn't a good idea.

 

We both decided we shouldn't talk after that. I tried to piece together the situation from the little information she was giving me about her life. She would never tell me what was really going on or if she was really available so i assumed there was something severely messed up and stayed away emotionally.

 

After another week of off and on communication that ranged from really cold to somewhat flirty and protective, I decided i was tired of beating around the bush and made my boundaries clear. My ex then admitted that she was still in a relationship and thought i knew. Even though she supplied no information to me and we spoke almost every day.

 

She played it off as one big "misunderstanding" on my part. It disgusted me and reminded me that this person hasn't changed one bit. I instantly ended all contact and told her she would not be hearing from me again. In a very civil and kind manner. I feel like my ex was now cheating on her new partner emotionally with me.

 

So even though i have changed for the better in so many way she in fact hasn't changed at all.

 

I returned to NC for as long as need be.

I also feel I'm ready to start dating other people finally.

 

So I guess my question is will my ex come back again? She has her ways of contacting me even if i block everything off. This interests me only because I have no clue what could be going on in her head. I must be some sort of comfort zone. I still love this person and really gave it a shot to see if it was worth saving but the situation answered itself.

 

Also, many of you would say that breaking NC in the first place was a bad idea but i don't think so. It really did help me get the closure i wanted. I now feel like a weight has been lifted and its easier to move forward.

Svet74 Established Member

Svet74

Posted
Posted

your story kind of sounds like what my ex went through only difference it. He hasnt been dating anybody like seriously. So i mean i mean i dont know. my ex is though showing some changes. So i guess we will see what happens.

 

Im sure ur ex will come back. But u need to keep NC and keep moving forward so you can heal

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Tree_Salmon Established Member

Tree_Salmon

Posted
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Someone suggested that it might be Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

I'm starting to believe it.

blotter Established Member

blotter

Posted
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At this point who cares what her diagnosis is, it's not your problem anymore. Doesn't really matter if she TRIES to contact you again either, because you have control whether or not you read and respond to it. See everything is in your control, the only way she can hurt you or get back into your life is if you let her.

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ladyabstrused Established Member

ladyabstrused

Posted
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I must be some sort of comfort zone.

 

Yes. You know I agree with this, and this is what I've been saying, you've been feeding her need for comfort when she didn't or couldn't get it from her boyfriend apparently.

 

Also, many of you would say that breaking NC in the first place was a bad idea but i don't think so. It really did help me get the closure i wanted. I now feel like a weight has been lifted and its easier to move forward.

 

Honestly, I'm glad you feel this way and that you got your closure but as many other breaking of NC situations, you always end up more hurt or hurt again one way or another.

 

Like the other posters suggest, I think you should keep strictly NC now. She has her boyfriend to seek comfort from. I know you really love her and care about her, but I think it's time you give that to yourself or to someone who truly deserves it. :)

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Tree_Salmon Established Member

Tree_Salmon

Posted
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Yes. You know I agree with this, and this is what I've been saying, you've been feeding her need for comfort when she didn't or couldn't get it from her boyfriend apparently.

 

 

 

Honestly, I'm glad you feel this way and that you got your closure but as many other breaking of NC situations, you always end up more hurt or hurt again one way or another.

 

Like the other posters suggest, I think you should keep strictly NC now. She has her boyfriend to seek comfort from. I know you really love her and care about her, but I think it's time you give that to yourself or to someone who truly deserves it. :)

 

Of course you're right.

It's a crappy situation but at this point nothing surprises me anymore.

 

It's pretty clear this person is not the same one I first dated.

I have much better things to do in life than waste it on my ex.

 

Once you stop holding on to the good and accept the bad you start to see better things out there. In fact, being alone right now makes me really happy.

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steveblack Established Member

steveblack

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A lot of this, is where I want to be in a month (your mental place). You identified what was your boundary and you kept it. She did not walk all over you, and you identified what exactly you do not want in a relationship. Yeah, she is a little 'kooky' but the point of you realizing, wow this is (or isnt) for me seems to be crucial

 

Tree, can you comment on my post and give me some advice. I can use it.

 

Thanks

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/334648-broke-up-ex-we-have-plan-nc-take-look-im-clueless

Edited by steveblack
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