Teacher121 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I'm new here and decided to finally tell my story. My story is typical. Got a job after college, lef my soul mate to find the world, and we lost each other. He married some one else and so did I. My parents have been married for almost sixty years now so I grew up on save the marriage at all costs. I was with that man for almost twenty years and two children later I found myself in an abusive he'll. He crossed the line and I kicked him to the street. Meanwhile I reconnected with my lost love soul mate from college. We were together for six years till I moved south. I was divorcing and he was in what he said was a horrid marriage ( knowing here there's always two sides to every story). Yes, I'll admit it now, we met and cheated and we cheated not only in body but in our hearts. I have been divorced ten years now and this is the first time I have ever admitted I cheated, but I was in the divorce process when I cheated. (not that that excuses it because he was and is still very married.) We still talk often and have seen each other many times since but no more cheating cause he's still married. My X moved into our old house a woman two weeks after we left, he has since married her and divorced her twice, but that's his problem not mine. The reason I'm writing this is because I can't get over my college love. He's in a horrible marriage from the sounds of it, stays for his children, so he says, and tells me over and over he's leaving for me as soon as the kids are out. He called again tonight. This time just crying and so sad. He apologizes over and over for letting me go, for what could hae been. I know we all like to think that one special love for us is like no other, yet I do believe that for us. Our story reads like a bad drama novel, both of us suffering for so long with our decisions. My thing is this........divorce is hell and I tell him this all the time. There's no way gor us to be together unless he does walk, but it still tears a family apart no matter what the age is of your children. I try not to encourage his leaving as I never want to be blamed for their divorce, I have enough regrets already........ But, oh, oh, oh, how I want to be with him. I've dated and had two long term boyfriends since I've been divorced but didn't want to commit again to anyone but him. So, here I am, 2am, one kid in college, the other a junior in high school. Will I ever find happiness? Am I just chasing a past ghost? My heart holds hope, my head says get over it and move on. I haven't been able to get over it though in 30 some plus years. Thanks for listening.
Radu Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I think you're chasing a past ghost, and this ghost likes you chasing it. I really hope your kids don't know about you being the OW for this long, that's not the greatest of examples. There are ways to get over him, but untill you stop idealizing him in your mind you won't be able to.
Author Teacher121 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 My children know nothing. I've never even had a boyfriend spend the night with them here in ten years. Not chasing him at all, and I'm pretty happy with my life at this point. I do need to somehow get over it, I just don't know how as I've tried for so long.
irin Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 if you had stayed with and married him, his high school girlfriend would be in your place now! 1
Radu Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 My children know nothing. I've never even had a boyfriend spend the night with them here in ten years. Not chasing him at all, and I'm pretty happy with my life at this point. I do need to somehow get over it, I just don't know how as I've tried for so long. Kids aren't that stupid, but maybe you are right. You are chasing him in your own way, you were with him for that long and you still listen to his bull**** ... why ? The fact that he's still on your mind and you can't empathise with his wife shows quite a lot. Like someone said already, if you had married him you would have been in the place of his wife now.
Author Teacher121 Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Well, I have told him that he needs to break free on his own then we can see what happens. He's located across the country from me so we never get to see each other only occasionally when he traveled with business. It was always as a friend and we met for dinner. The first time we saw each other after 20 some odd years was the only time it was sexual. His wife has never worked, she's an alcoholic, has been in rehab and relapsed often. He stays to take care of his kids. He knows he could get custody, but he also knows what it could do to his children to go through that. I'm very realistic about the whole thing, i know even if he left, chances are it would never work. He couldn't leave his children to come here and I couldn't leave my family to move there. His children would HATE me no matter what because of the circumstances, and his wife would spiral even further. I'll never love anyone like I've loved him over half my life. Like I said it's sad and tragic, but life goes on right? I do know that I feel cheated myself by him. I should stop listening to him, but see, he and I just "get" each other and that's so hard to find. I'm open to a relationship with someone else and I've had tow long term boyfriends, just didn't want to commit. I swore I would never bring another person into my house who might be conflict to my children. They had heck with their dad and step mother, they needed a safe sane house to live in. Folks will bash me on that, but I stand by that decision firm. Now that one is half gone and the other on her way gone, I believe it's time for mom to have some happiness too. Not that I haven't been happy, but I would like to grow old with someone. I don't NEEED someone, I take care of all of us just fine, but I would LIKE to share with someone the rest of my life. When I think of that tho, all I can see is him.........
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