ccrocker58 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 (edited) I feel I should start by saying hi since this is my first post. It seems like this site may just offer some more feedback other than "break=breakup lol" like I've gotten on so many other "Ask" sites. So here's the story; my girlfriend of 5 years recently told me that she wants "to go on a break". She insists that we're not broken up, just on a break. After talking to her about this, I've discovered that this is largely because up until now I've been very lazy when it comes to my life. I haven't gotten a good job yet (I work in retail, definitely not enough to support me and her) and I'm 26...so she's within good reason, I think, to just go all the way and break up with me. It seems what she wants out of this "break" is for both of us to figure out if we can grow up and support ourselves before getting together (she's in the same situation as I am; 26 living w/ her parents and just a retail job). What really upsets me is that she admitted to me that she had met up with her ex and seen that he had a place of his own, and a well paying job. After talking with him for a while she found that his life was in order pretty well. He had also offered her help in losing weight when she had mentioned that she wants to get in shape. After talking to him about this she hinted helping her with her weight by asking me to download and use a dieting app with her, which I blew off and said no to. She then asked me several nights in a row if I'd watch a movie on Netflix with her (we are in a long-distance relationship, so we used to do this often), which again, I blew off. Then when we talked on the phone I'd barely even talk with her. Basically, the whole two weeks after she talked with her ex I treated her like crap. Right now I have a few issues. First, I sincerely was worried that she was doing this to see other people or her ex. She's told me repeatedly that isn't what she wants, that she wants to just "figure out who she is" and if she can "stand on her own two feet on her own; without needing someones help" before getting off this "break". Second; this has all made me realize that if I haven't already lost her, I'm close to it...so I've been texting her...far more frequently than I ever did before. This has also gotten her annoyed as I'm sometimes doing it while she's at work. After talking about this with a few friends and family members, and having my family basically say that I need to grow up and get a full time job or a second job; I know this is a significant issue. I did tell my ex that I understand why she was upset with my outlook on life. I've started looking for a second job until I can find a full-time job, and even got the courage enough to tell her that I'd like to move closer to her, or in with her, but that I needed to have either a steady full-time job, or two part-time jobs. She actually seemed interested in that, and when I said that I wanted to transfer and maybe we could live with her parents til I found a second job, she even said that we could probably just get straight into our own place since we both have jobs and its much cheaper living down there than it is here. But she did say afterwards that that all depends on whether or not we do get back together, and that I shouldn't wait around, that I should still look for work around where I live. I don't know what to think at this point. I don't know if she's trying to let me down easy calling a break-up a "break", or if she's really looking at this as a break. The whole concept of "taking a break" has always been baffling to me. I don't get what the difference is between breaking up and just taking a break. After talking with others and basically being told unanimously that I need to get my butt in gear and man up, and her seeming relieved that I finally figured that out, I've been better with the texting; I went from somewhere around 6 a day, always saying something about being worried about the status of our relationship, to just a couple. But I don't know what I should or shouldn't be saying. Should I say "I love you" I get off the phone with her? She doesn't complain when I do, and she says it back, but it seems like if I don't say it, she won't either. This is something of a change since she used to question why I wouldn't say it in the past. Also, like I said, we are long-distance, so while we've been apart, we've often missed each other when we go to places we'd frequent as a couple. Today I went to the boardwalk and sent "I missed you at the boardwalk today." She hasn't said anything yet. Was that a bad move? Should I apologize or something? The thing is, just before all this started we were seriously talking about getting married, or moving back in together (we had lived together for 3 years while we went to school). And by just before, I mean less than a month before all this. Edited July 7, 2012 by ccrocker58
Philosoraptor Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I won't say that break = breakup, but it usually does. She saw what her ex has and is using that as a comparison to you, which is really unfair of her. It seems like status is more important to her than who she is with right now. You'll likely keep her if you get "better" in her eyes, but is that the kind of thing you want your relationship based off of? 1
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