Ruby65 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) Quote: Originally Posted by wilsonx Ignore her, dont respond SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE BACK WITH HIM, this is a string Shes looking for validation that the breakup on her part was the right decision Oh, I'm calling bull****. There's no winning with you. You keep moving your goalposts. "She needs to come out and say her intentions"....so she does and you still say "She doesn't want you". Come on dude. You seem kinda crazy. No, because her "intentions" are b.s. She's trying to get him to go out with her so she can have a big panty party going over the details of their breakup and getting a nights worth of ego stroking out of him.... uggghhh. Edited July 6, 2012 by Ruby65
Author BlazePT Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 No, because her "intentions" are b.s. She's trying to get him to go out with her so she can have a big panty party going over the details of their breakup and getting a nights worth of ego stroking out of him.... uggghhh. Well, I don't know about that... My sister says she's been crying like hell over the last month and no longer knows whether she made the right call. Doesn't mean she wants to get back, though.
Jono85 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Oh, I'm calling bull****. There's no winning with you. You keep moving your goalposts. "She needs to come out and say her intentions"....so she does and you still say "She doesn't want you". Come on dude. You seem kinda crazy. to you and the ppl saying that her message was proof she wants to get back...did you even READ her msg carefully? i'm not saying 100% either way, cuz i'm not really sure, no one can be. BUT, to me it seems she obviously cares deeply for OPs feelings, and hates the way it ended. but it doesn't say she wants to be with him. it says she wants to move on, and that she wants to work things out in a better way before moving on. stop acting like that message was any kind of proof that she wants to be with him. it's really not that clear.
Thisisbs Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Well, I don't know about that... My sister says she's been crying like hell over the last month and no longer knows whether she made the right call. Doesn't mean she wants to get back, though. I think you're probably going to go. Don't expect anything at all, or you'll end up more hurt than you need to be (because you'll be bothered by this meeting no matter what). Go, and see what she has to say, because she did the same for you.
Jono85 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 " feel I haven't said everything yet and couldn't explain the reasons why we broke up" doesn't this just sound like guilt to you ppl??? she probably feels incredibly horrible that she crushed someone she loves/loved. she wants to see him again so she can end in a better way she says. i'm. not. convinced. sorry. but go meet with her, might as well. one last stab in the heart and at least you'll never have any doubts again or regrets about what if.
wilsonx Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 People read what they want to read. the 2 people hoping for a reconciliation said SEE ITS A RECONCILIATION even though 5 other people clearly say and show proof shes trying to move on. Yet Im crazy? Im pretty sure I called this 1
Ruby65 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I'm done spending time or energy on this girl. She craves the attention, imo. End of story. Best of luck!
Author BlazePT Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 to you and the ppl saying that her message was proof she wants to get back...did you even READ her msg carefully? i'm not saying 100% either way, cuz i'm not really sure, no one can be. BUT, to me it seems she obviously cares deeply for OPs feelings, and hates the way it ended. but it doesn't say she wants to be with him. it says she wants to move on, and that she wants to work things out in a better way before moving on. stop acting like that message was any kind of proof that she wants to be with him. it's really not that clear. I was just saying this to my friend, that's here next to me. I agree completely. She just wants to clear the weight out of her head. I texted saying "I thought that there was nothing left to say. What's keeping you from moving on?" She hasn't responded yet.
RogerWallace111 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I also find the typical advice given out on here to be overly cynical, and often seeming to be given strictly out of principle. Understandable as it's often coming from jaded, mistreated people. But Zammo, you're erring too far on the opposite end, bud. You're guidance seems to come from an unrealistically romanticized, optimistic place. The " I would like to be with you again to work things out in a better way " might seem one way to you, but as pointed out, in the context of the message, I think she just means "meet with you"... In fact she may have cleverly used "be with" for a little extra effect. Females (and males) play f*ckin mind games- it's not internet knowledge, it's the simple truth. I've been guilty of calculated, headf*cking myself on multiple occasions. Either way, it's very likely this interaction will worsen blaze's emotional situation, possible it will be "fine", and very unlikely to make it better. I must say. Thing is, I am a romantic and a dreamer myself, like Zammo and the others on that end. But when it comes to being broken up with, and expecting something uplifting from the person who dumped you, 9 out of 10 times you'll be disappointed. I've been on both ends. Even if it resulted in momentary reconciliation (hell, could put off the breakup another year or two), the likelihood that the issues that caused it in the first place are suddenly gone and taken care of are so slim... I'm not saying I would necessarily resist the urge. Of course Blaze will go meet with her. Be open minded, but as "cynical" as it may be, you're best off prepared for nothing to come of it. And be ready to be ****ed up for a bit just from revisiting those past issues. 1
GeeziG Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Blaze, havent really been keeping up with your situation in detail, but just from experince i can tell you if a girl really wants you back she will be at your doorstep with your consient or not!!! She knows your sister to well not to honestly you seem to be in a great position you just need to play your cards right. ..shes still confused so dont give in just yet!
RogerWallace111 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) Be the romantic and the optimist toward the future. The new/positive relationships you'll have, potentially awesome people you'll meet, etc. Being a romantic about the person who dumped is actually pretty weak/lame for the most part. I mean, of course you may have those feelings (i still do), but don't let them cloud your logic and deeper intuition. That's where it becomes pussy. ^still in response Zammo's philosophies Edited July 6, 2012 by RogerWallace111 1
Author BlazePT Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Thanks again, guys. She answered me: "Ok, just let it be, then. If you think that all is said and if you're ok, that's all it matters to me. I just wanted to break the ice and speak openly to at least be able to build a friendship with you. But if it's ok to you like this, I'll respect you. I'm sorry if I've upset you with anything and sorry to be naive thinking that we could try it as friends. It's all really said, then."
Gulf-Delta Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Thanks again, guys. She answered me: "Ok, just let it be, then. If you think that all is said and if you're ok, that's all it matters to me. I just wanted to break the ice and speak openly to at least be able to build a friendship with you. But if it's ok to you like this, I'll respect you. I'm sorry if I've upset you with anything and sorry to be naive thinking that we could try it as friends. It's all really said, then." Ok, ok. Let's try to start over...let's not talk about who's right or wrong in the thread, or what she's meaning by this or that. Let's think about what YOU want. If you are okay with being JUST friends, then embrace her friendship. Honestly, I don't think you can handle it, and I know I can't/wouldn't. IF you accept her friendship, you NEED to know/expect that that's ALL it will ever be. If you are okay with that, there's nothing wrong with that. If you're okay with that, go for it. Me, personally....I put a lot of time and risk and my whole heart into my ex. We tried to be friends, but I couldn't handle being anything but #1 in her life. This is someone I was prepared to spend my life with, and have children with, and couldn't accept being 2nd place. If you are okay with that (again, if you really are, that's okay...nothing wrong with that at all), then be friends....but only do so knowing there's no chance for more.
wilsonx Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Thanks again, guys. She answered me: "Ok, just let it be, then. If you think that all is said and if you're ok, that's all it matters to me. I just wanted to break the ice and speak openly to at least be able to build a friendship with you. But if it's ok to you like this, I'll respect you. I'm sorry if I've upset you with anything and sorry to be naive thinking that we could try it as friends. It's all really said, then." STRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL Build a freindship, she had one and then terminated it. Backburner 101 1
Jono85 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Thanks again, guys. She answered me: "Ok, just let it be, then. If you think that all is said and if you're ok, that's all it matters to me. I just wanted to break the ice and speak openly to at least be able to build a friendship with you. But if it's ok to you like this, I'll respect you. I'm sorry if I've upset you with anything and sorry to be naive thinking that we could try it as friends. It's all really said, then." just as a lot of us, including u expected. i'm sorry man, it sucks. honestly, PLEASE just start the healing process now. u know she still has certain feelings for u, or at least really cares for u, but don't let her have her cake and eat it too. she needs u for support to help her move on. screw her man. ur a man. she dumped u and wants to use u for emotional support until she finds another guy she wants to start f*cking. i'm sorry to be so blunt but it's what u need to hear right now to motivate u to say "screw this girl, i don't need her, i WILL find better". b/c u will. if it takes a year, 2 years, whatever. u do NOT want to be her friend and then some guy comes along and she starts slowly either not giving u much attention (do u think her new bf will want her talking to her ex??) or you'll start seeing pictures of them on facebook, etc etc etc. just cut her off cold turkey. u don't have to be cold and mean...a simple "no worries. i prefer not to be friends with an ex, i hope u understand. all the best. remember the goodtimes ;)" would suffice and make u seem upbeat/optimistic about your future without her.
Oncehadluv Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 op time to start soul searching mAybe codepandant issues? talk to a therpist
wilsonx Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Its not codependency issues, hes still in love with her and she isnt. Just sucks
Oncehadluv Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 ok but he needs to shatter and destroy those feelings, cant see him living in that state of being forever.... just isnt healthy or fair to himself
wilsonx Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 He's fine! He hasnt done anything wrong or what anyone here hasnt done at one point
Zammo25 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I apologise to wilsonx. I was wrong. Sorry. I also did the " friends " thing with my ex and went on 3 dates earlier this year but as I still loved her and enjoyed her company and being with her, as the kissing, hand holding stuff was off limits, things very important to me in a relationship as much as the sex, just the intimacy, I called it a day and told her I could not be a friend anymore as I still loved her. 2 months on and she is with someone else. It sucks but you cannot be " friends " with someone you still love.
Frank13 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 You don't know what she wants to say. You are being cynical and in the LS frame of mind that everything will always turn out bad and that is one of the major negative factors on this site. The LS frame of mind if is based on post after post from people who broke no contact and either went back to square one, or became much worse. Here is the latest one "Broke NC after 8 months...back to where I started?" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/334293-broke-nc-after-8-months-back-where-i-started
Frank13 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 I disagree with your assumption of her trying to pull strings...there's no way that you (or anyone, actually) can know what her intent is. You could be right, but there's an equal chance your wrong. You're projecting hope for yourself onto him. Its clear as day. READ. You are so entangled in your emotions you cant read the obvious I knew it, youre projecting hope from a previous ex. What Wilsonx stated above applies to you also. I have seen it in your posts. Wilsonx is going on experience and what he has seen happen to other people here. You are only going on hope.
Author BlazePT Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Thank you all for the excellent support. I decided not to answer her last message. Think it's the best thing to do Returning to NC.
Sugarkane Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 This is the right answer. I swear most of the people on here would self sabotage any positive thing that came their way to stay in their pit of despair. The problem with LS is that it is a group of hurt and damaged people who are cyncial and for that you will not get a reasoned argument. It is all NO, SHE IS PLAYING YOU, DON'T DO IT, STAY NC and I think for this reason people will miss chances and lose out of possible positive situations. How fo you know if the ex actually had good intentions? Maybe people are a bit cynical on here, but they usually are for a reason. I have been in a similar situation before. Guess what? They don't always have good intentions! An ex also asked for me back. Did The same begging and pleading etc abd asked to meet. Guess what? The clown stood me up and then blamed The WHOLE breakup on me. Even though we broke up as he wanted to be single. Then he blew up my phone and verbally abused me by text. Then I snooped on fb and found he had a new gf while asking me back. If some of us are cynical it's because we dint want to see the same thing happen to others. So much fir "second chances".
Gulf-Delta Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 [/i] What Wilsonx stated above applies to you also. I have seen it in your posts. Wilsonx is going on experience and what he has seen happen to other people here. You are only going on hope. No, I'm going on realism. There's no way Wilsonx (or anyone) can read the thoughts and intents of someone they've never met. Just not possible. As for "hope"...what's so bad about that? Optimism > pessimism.
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