DontWorryBHappy Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 A friend that I've had for a couple years. I'm not sure what to make of it. I kinda still think we would be best as friends so I'm hoping a little that since we got this out of our system, we can keep being friends. He had been coming over a lot more lately, and we started watching movies together and cuddling a bit, but it was the kind of cuddling that could still be considered friendship cuddling... Nothing too crazy. But as the days passed it got closer, and then we just kissed, pretty much knowing it was going to happen. And now it's that weird period of time right afterward where I'm not sure how this will play out. We have the type of friendship where I wouldn't be surprised if neither of us mentions this at all. Ah well.. Guess we shall see..
carhill Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 Is it customary to feel attraction and engage in physical affection and expect it to go nowhere and not be repeated nor talked about? I'm curious about the emotional processes which impel this dynamic. In my generation, this is known as 'leading a man on' and is generally frowned upon. 'Mixed signals' would be another adjective. If the man here appears or becomes confused and acts inappropriately (to you) as a result, that's your canary. There are different friendship and intimacy styles in play.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Well, I suppose the situation just feels odd in this case because in the past we talked about how we almost tried to date when we first met each other, but decided not to and have had a friendship ever since. And during that time up until very recently we've talked to each other about other people we've been on dates with. So I suppose I'm thinking perhaps this is something that just kind of happened but I don't know how serious the feeling are/could be. I also think that while I do have an attraction to him and like hanging out with him, I'm not sure if I could see him so much differently than the friend I've known him to be...as in, somehow translating into something else seems weird. We've always had a casual friendship. seems so strange. Foreign I guess? Who knows, maybe he's feeling a similar way right now. I guess I'll find all that out pretty soon.
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted July 7, 2012 Author Posted July 7, 2012 Ok, here's another reason why I'm not sure how this will play out. I went out with a guy for OkCupid one time. Told him I didn't think we connected romantically, and he understood. A few days later I get a text from him, asking me to come over and watch a movie. I say "we're not dating" and he says "of course, but I could use some cuddling/holding". Which brings me to my next thought.... Cuddling feels good, making out feels good. And with a friend, you can have the combination of it feeling good and also safe, being that you know the person and trust them enough to call them your friend at all. But going from just "feeling good" and "safe" to being truly into a person enough to date them and call them your romantic partner.... That's a little bit of a leap. The first option involves nothing more than feeling good in the moment. The second involves commitment. I guess so far I'm not sure this will be anything beyond "it felt good and safe so we did it".
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted July 11, 2012 Author Posted July 11, 2012 Oooooh how things change! We hung out again and made out again too.. And I'm noticing that I'm getting actual feelings for him. So even though at the start of this thread I was thinking, "I think we would be better as friends", now I'm thinking "I wonder if he would want to date me...". We still haven't talked about it at all. It's like we cuddle and make out and have a "thing" but no one wants to bring it up to find out what it means. Maybe we're both scared.. Or maybe he really likes me and wonders if I'm just messing around.. Or maybe he's just messing around and hopes I don't really like him. I have no clue! I do know that he likes hanging out with me, and we have fun together, and if our hands happen to fall together he's not quick to pull away, and he likes to cuddle with me and kiss.... He hasn't tried anything beyond kissing. He's a sweetheart - I've been realizing that more and more lately. I've been thinking about him more and it feels like things have changed a bit between us ( as in, there's no way we could be considered just friends anymore). Hopefully this whole thing won't blow up in my face. He's been my friend for a while so this isn't just some guy that I'll forget about in a week.. So I don't want to screw it up.
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