livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah you're right. I thought I was there once before but then when she came back acting the way she did when we dated I crumbled... I wasn't ready. And I did the same thing. I told my ex never to contact me unless she wanted to get back together. Then when she contacted me I didnt know if it was because she wanted me back or if she was being a B****. All it did was frustrate me haha. If I start NC it will be with the intentions of moving on at first. But something tells me it will waiver to feeding me with the urge to make her come back to me. But that wouldn't be permanent as time goes by. I hope haha. I mean reading back on this thread and the last couple before it. Going NC and moving on seems to be what brought her back and made her make the effort to see me. Even if it was just so she could feel needed still or to get an ego boost. So I have a feeling it would have a repeated affect on her if I disappeared again. Makes me wish I resisted temptation and didnt sleep with her tbh.. That would have really shown her I enjoy her company but dont NEED it or the physical comforts from her I can satisfy those needs elsewhere.... Oh well if she ever asks to see king with me there or if she wants to come in after the movie and tries to initiate it I'll know what to do this time haha. I know this isn't my thread but while were on the topic I just thought of it. Yeah with the whole sex thing, I told my ex I no longer wanted to sleep with him if we weren't going to be together. Since then ( July 4th) I haven't seen him... Anyways, I would tell her that you can't do that, that you either need to be with her or you need to move on. No in the middle crap! So that means no physical contact until something here is resolved, because it's just going to make this confusing crap go on for longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 It's not thread jacking if it's relevant to the conversation Besides most of this thread is just you and I talking now anyway haha. Rogerwallace when he stops by as well Everyone's telling me women don't use men for sex though. Not at least ex's when feelings are involved... My ex is very attractive, she wouldn't need to come back to me for a one night stand. She could have anyone?? When you say no physical contact does that mean like holding hands or hands on the leg if we go to the movies? Cause I think it was that physical intimacy (not sexual) that allowed her to get comfortable and allowed feelings to start coming back.. If any feelings even returned. I was thinking of being the happy, funny, confident and flirty guy that attracted her. But without letting it lead to any kissing, or sexual activity. Just hand holding and cute stuff? Like creating an emotional connection without satisfying any sexual needs? Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Alexander. You gotta get your emotions under control. Fake it til you make it thing. Does any part of you think that when you dumped her the first time she lost trust in you? Granted it was a while ago, but do you think she doesn't fully trust you and is playing games. I keep forgetting how young you guys are. Anyway, think straight and divert your attention right now, to something else, anything else but your date/non date with your ex Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 I honestly don't know if I even want to talk to her any more though. I know I'm going NC as of yesterday. But with the intention of seeing her and talking to her if she comes to me. But only for the rest of the week. Unfortunately, if I dont hear from her about friday or at all over the weekend, but then some time next week or in the coming weeks she tries to see me I'll probably respond and agree to see her. I just have to be true to myself and be strong. But hopefully if she is just using me then she gives me enough time to get myself to a stable position with the strength to say "NO! Ceasar is home". (If you've seen rise of the planet of the apes haha) If at any point in the coming days / weeks she wants to see me I will have the "wtf is going on here" talk. If it scares her off again and doesnt get me anywhere then it probably wouldnt work even if we did get back together. Last night and today have been the toughest days in a very long time. I'm finding myself today randomly remembering past memories and things I did with my ex and getting sick. Little pointless things. And last night I was at the gym and glanced at myself in the mirror. I realised I was wearing the gym shirt that I had playfully got her to put on after we slept together on saturday to see how baggy it looked on her. Just the thought of wearing a shirt she was naked in a couple of nights before was enough to make me throw up. Luckily the boys just thought I'd worked myself to vomitting.. But it still made me feel pathetic and worthless... Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 It's not thread jacking if it's relevant to the conversation Besides most of this thread is just you and I talking now anyway haha. Rogerwallace when he stops by as well Everyone's telling me women don't use men for sex though. Not at least ex's when feelings are involved... My ex is very attractive, she wouldn't need to come back to me for a one night stand. She could have anyone?? When you say no physical contact does that mean like holding hands or hands on the leg if we go to the movies? Cause I think it was that physical intimacy (not sexual) that allowed her to get comfortable and allowed feelings to start coming back.. If any feelings even returned. I was thinking of being the happy, funny, confident and flirty guy that attracted her. But without letting it lead to any kissing, or sexual activity. Just hand holding and cute stuff? Like creating an emotional connection without satisfying any sexual needs? When i say no physical contact I think i meant no sex or anything like that. Putting your hand on her leg or something small is sweet, but just don't give her to much. She needs to start working for your affection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Hey Alexander. You gotta get your emotions under control. Fake it til you make it thing. Does any part of you think that when you dumped her the first time she lost trust in you? Granted it was a while ago, but do you think she doesn't fully trust you and is playing games. I keep forgetting how young you guys are. Anyway, think straight and divert your attention right now, to something else, anything else but your date/non date with your ex Friday. You're not wrong there mate. Perfect timing too haha. The momentum has built up pretty quick I need to slow it down. It's hard when I'm at work though. I work in a solitary environment with no company to talk to. I've worked backwards in a matter of days from not thinking of her, to thinking all the time, to missing her, to feeling used, and now even guilt has come back thismorning. Feels like my progress with myself is going backwards much faster than any progress with her is going forwards. I know she doesn't trust me and is afraid of getting hurt again. I hurt her in a big way. And although I never stopped loving her I lead her to believe I did. So she would be confused as to how I could love her one minute, then not the next, then love her again.. I've told her I never stopped loving her but doubt she believed it. What do you mean by playing games? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 When i say no physical contact I think i meant no sex or anything like that. Putting your hand on her leg or something small is sweet, but just don't give her to much. She needs to start working for your affection. Okay got it. If she makes the effort to see me I'll be sweet and that, but without giving too much away. Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 The games I'm referring to is basically the bailing on you and the no texts etc. sometimes there are legitimate reasons but sometimes if the person was hurt enough they could be playing games. Especially at your age. Emotions run sky high and people do silly things, like try to get the other person jealous and whatnot. Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Okay got it. If she makes the effort to see me I'll be sweet and that, but without giving too much away. Exactly, and all of this i'm speaking from my girl brain. I know if I were on what I would consider a date, I would be focusing on his body language...how close he is, if his arms are crossed. That itself says a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah I know what you mean by playing games. But what do you think she is playing games to acheive? She knows I would take her back if she wanted it. Or at least I think she knows. Why make someone jealous? When you know you can have them? By games do you mean being spiteful to hurt me? Or to stuff me around? Intentionally? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Alright Livelife Ill keep that in mind Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Alright Livelife Ill keep that in mind It'll keep her wondering, I can promise you that. And thats what you want her to do!! Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah I know what you mean by playing games. But what do you think she is playing games to acheive? She knows I would take her back if she wanted it. Or at least I think she knows. Why make someone jealous? When you know you can have them? By games do you mean being spiteful to hurt me? Or to stuff me around? Intentionally? Subconsciously she may be doing it to hurt you. I mean you love your ex right? You told her about two other girls before. I may be wrong tho. It's just the vibe I'm getting. I hate games, video games yes, mind games no! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 It will keep her wondering. Unless she's just been using me then I guess I just wont hear from her anymore haha. When a well runs dry you dig another well so to speak. Yeah I love her, I had convinced myself the first time that she had played me to hurt me. Because it seemed so certain we were back together then she pulled the cards she did. Openly discussed her recent sex life over dinner when I'd taken her out. But she has since then expressed regret for it, admitted she ran away cause she was confused and said she regretted mentioning all those things as soon as she said it. Empty words maybe? But I haven't really done anything to warrant her going out of her way and putting in more effort like this just to come back and hurt me AGAIN? Have I? I mentioned going to play pool with a couple of girls, but in the same sentence invited a guy friend along with me. I had considered this though. I've been trying to keep my walls up, evidently not doing a good job of it haha. Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 It will keep her wondering. Unless she's just been using me then I guess I just wont hear from her anymore haha. When a well runs dry you dig another well so to speak. Yeah I love her, I had convinced myself the first time that she had played me to hurt me. Because it seemed so certain we were back together then she pulled the cards she did. Openly discussed her recent sex life over dinner when I'd taken her out. But she has since then expressed regret for it, admitted she ran away cause she was confused and said she regretted mentioning all those things as soon as she said it. Empty words maybe? But I haven't really done anything to warrant her going out of her way and putting in more effort like this just to come back and hurt me AGAIN? Have I? I mentioned going to play pool with a couple of girls, but in the same sentence invited a guy friend along with me. I had considered this though. I've been trying to keep my walls up, evidently not doing a good job of it haha. It sounds like you two need a loooong talk come Friday. Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 It sounds like you two are just trying to push eachothers buttons to see how the other feels. I know where you stand but it sounds like she is doing the same. When was the last time you guys talked? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah.. but something tells me it wont happen.. Despite signals from her, opinions from friends, family and people on here I think I'm going to have to accept nothing more will happen between us. If I'm wrong woohoo I'll deal with it as it comes. But hope isnt something I like to cling too for too long in instances like this. Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Yeah I think if you see her, talk about it. If not, completely drop her. Easier said than done, but we're here! Link to post Share on other sites
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 It kinda sucks you have to start over with NC! But that is the only thing u have left to do because only time will tell. Stop torturing yourself. Well my weekend kinda sucked. My ex totally dis respected me in front of his sister! I was so embarressed and SHOCKED! Then he asked me to go to the movies with him and at first i said yeah but after going home and thinking about what happened I realized i dont want to go with him. There is no point. And i confronted him that day but he didnt seem to care. Only gave me excsuses that he is stressed. so what jeez. he is doing it to himself Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Remember this.... Chicks run on emotion, not logic. I might get flamed for this, but oh well. Also, one of my best female friends has repeatedly told me something I already know, "chicks are f*cked!". Men are mostly idiots. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 That's the plan livelife. Ill keep posting letting you all know what happens. You're right Svet it is all I can do. If she isnt using me and still has feelings for me then going NC will make her come to me like she has in the past BUT if she does I need to once and for all find out her intentions, no dodging the bullet or going with the flow. If she comes knocking I'll get her intentions out of her or its seeya later. And if she's been using me then NC is the only way I can protect myself and move on. Because letting her do this is only causing me pain. Sounds similar to me. I never disrespected her though. But she accepted, cancelled, rescheduled then set it up to cancel again. I didnt let her see that her cancelling bothered me either. Hinatticus, my best female friend says the exact same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AlexanderJames Posted July 11, 2012 Author Share Posted July 11, 2012 Okay all this talk of taking life by the balls and not torturing myself anymore made me get pretty impatient. So I just sent a txt to my ex. "Hey J_____, Still free for friday night?" Got a reply straight away saying "Hi Alex Yes I am." She never uses my name in txts.... Lol. I was going to say "No double bookings?" Or "Not going to cancel?" But that probably wouldnt have been smart hey? So I replied with "Okay great. I'll look up times in a bit and let you know. Still wanna take the Silvia?" Because she wanted to pick me up in her sports car. I didn't wanna reply with something she coudlnt reply back to, so I added the Silvia question on the end.. But she hasn't replied back haha. Oh well I'll look up session times later and ask which one she wants to see. Link to post Share on other sites
livelife Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 Okay all this talk of taking life by the balls and not torturing myself anymore made me get pretty impatient. So I just sent a txt to my ex. "Hey J_____, Still free for friday night?" Got a reply straight away saying "Hi Alex Yes I am." She never uses my name in txts.... Lol. I was going to say "No double bookings?" Or "Not going to cancel?" But that probably wouldnt have been smart hey? So I replied with "Okay great. I'll look up times in a bit and let you know. Still wanna take the Silvia?" Because she wanted to pick me up in her sports car. I didn't wanna reply with something she coudlnt reply back to, so I added the Silvia question on the end.. But she hasn't replied back haha. Oh well I'll look up session times later and ask which one she wants to see. Sounds pretty good to me! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 AJ.. you are positioning yourself to be the backup guy.. is that what you really want ? Link to post Share on other sites
Svet74 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 yeah just straight up ask her intentions. and then bounce if her intentions are not you good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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