2456249 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years three weeks ago. He verbally abused me all throughout those year and cheated. I would try to leave, but he would sweet talk me back and make promises of changing. His abuse was very passive, such as making mean jokes at my expense. Or he had a girl at his work who would text him all the time and it was obvious she liked him. I got upset about it and he said I was crazy, jealous and insecure. I just found out yesterday he cheated on me with this girl. He doesn't believe kissing is cheating so thats most likely what he did, but who knows. He cheated on me before three years ago and I took him back four months later. I believe now that he probably has cheated on me multiple times and I just never could believe he would do that, especially after he cheated and apologized profusly saying how awful and bad he felt. I'm realizing everytime I had a feeling he was attracted to another girl or possibly would cheat, I was right. I feel so awful about myself for sticking around and beliving his lies and abuse. He would also constantly be suspicious of me and think I was the cheater. I have never cheated once. He basically used me to take care of his dog, whom I fell in love with and now that we broke up he is just abandoning him with his roommates. That's what makes me the most sad and he won't even consider finding him a better home. He even said if I had my own house he wouldn't let me have him. So even after all this abuse, cheating and lies I still miss parts of the relationship. Still find it hard not to answer his calls or when he comes to my door. I don't understand why it's so hard for me and it makes me hate myself. But I know I will never, ever go back. I feel so damaged by this all. I feel like I will never be able to trust a male again. I find myself now very uncomfertable with men, even just a male cashier at a store. There is so much more than what I have listed, but I don't want to make this too long. So how do I move on and get better? How do I refuse that compulsive feeling to see him or answer his calls? He literally was a addiction, I got high off all the highs and lows and relied on him to bring me back up everytime. I think I am still relying on him for this. Help me!
ssmith3427 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I can really relate, my girlfriend never really instilled confidence, and text guys that I knew liked her, then flipped it and said I was insecure. My ex-girlfriend never cheated on, but I should have said.. look this is not acceptible, I ain't happy about you texting other guys that I know like you, and watch you lead them on. You don't stop, then get out of here because I don't want to be with someone who can't take my feelings into consideration. Funny that "we" are always made out to be the insecure one. I never said any of the above, just let it happen, let her keep texting, let her do what she wants when she wants, etc. If I could turn back time I would say the above, but at the time I didn't want to "risk" losing her and thought I could change, she made me feel like I was in the wrong. I thought I couldn't live without her and relied on her to make me happy, so naturally I just got on with it. Here is the truth. You have to find happiness in yourself before you can have a relationship. You need to get out of the mindset that you're not good enough, because if you don't you'll have a difficult time accepting someone into your life who thinks you are. I am much happier now I am away from my ex, yes I miss her, but it may be because I relied on her, which makes for a relationship where I let my girl walk all over me. Take some time out, find yourself, and when you find the right person you will be made to feel like your the only person in the world. It is going to be hard right now, but you have the power to change this. Go and join a gym, put time in your career, catch up with friends, and actively heal, rediscover what you enjoy doing and do it!! Become a new person and show him what he is missing. You must start no contact tho, and start it today. Your confidence and self-worth might be low, but you can change them. Remember it's not what you've been through, its how you deal with what you've been through. No matter how hard you fall, you fall flat on your back, you can look up, and if you can look up you can get up! If you get lonely, angry, sad, ANYTHING! post on here, there is always a bunch of us going through this whole breakup BS, your not alone! 2
amaysngrace Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Read my signature and then read it again. You were on a rollercoaster ride with this guy and that can make life seem pretty boring without him. You need to get your strength back cause I'm sure you're drained emotionally from all of this. Can I ask you...what do you miss the most about him? What do you love the most about him?
jmjacobs31 Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 I'm in a similar situation. i spent 12 years with a guy who treated me like crap. he would get mad at me for having feelings/crying. He manipulated me for years and has lowered my self esteem to nothing. I feel really uncomfortable even talking to other guys. I know I personally was in a copendent relationship. you should look into that..once i started to look into more.information about copendent relationships I started to feel better about myself and the situation I was in.
magneet Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 I am much happier now I am away from my ex, yes I miss her, but it may be because I relied on her, which makes for a relationship where I let my girl walk all over me. 100% truth...
Samilia Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 With counselling and time. Loving yourself and not allowing someone to mistreat you is another one. But I truly believe in counselling, seeing a psychotherapist, because even with all the best intentions in the world, we're still a prey of our own patterns and of who we have become after years of abuse.
Sweett Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I'm in a similar situation. i spent 12 years with a guy who treated me like crap. he would get mad at me for having feelings/crying. He manipulated me for years and has lowered my self esteem to nothing. I feel really uncomfortable even talking to other guys. I know I personally was in a copendent relationship. you should look into that..once i started to look into more.information about copendent relationships I started to feel better about myself and the situation I was in. Wow, your story is so similar to mine except I was with the person for almost 2 years! We argued a lot, he wasn't a good listener during these arguments and he would be so overpowering and he had to have the last word no matter how destructive it was. This constantly had me in tears. He used this as an excuse to why " we didn't work out" and said my self esteem was low and I was weak because I was emotional after arguing with him!!! I eventually caught him cheating and the relationship ended after that. I feel I was emotionally abused . This happened last year and I still have bad moments. Counseling helps, but I've come to learn u have to help yourself too. Posting here has really helped me!
Sugarkane Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 It's a really good idea to be single for a while. Coming from the same type of $hit and being manipulated I highly suggest counseling.
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