sid3 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Coach me. When should I go in for some PDA? First thing when I see her or wait until we separate? Secondly, where? In public or in private? I don't want to ruin the date if this somehow goes horribly wrong, but I also don't want to pass up the opportunity as you guys have pointed out. --- BTW I haven't communicated with her for the past 60 hours until this morning when she initiated contact..seems like when I don't text her for 2-3 days she always initiates to see how I am doing. Encouraging yes? What do you guys think of this convo? 2:38AM Her: Hey u awake? 9:20AM Me: What's up? 9:56AM Her: Oh nvm. The moment has passed. 10:09AM Me: Tell me. Her: Oh its really nothing. I went out last night had some wine. I think I was still buzzed when I got back so I wanted to bug u. Me: I'm glad you had a good time. And good wine! What time did you get back? Her: Around 230 maybe. Oh were you ok the next day at work after staying so late last time? Seems like she's into me and very concerned about my well being? Umm, yeah. She seems to have drunk texted you and initiates contact after not hearing from you after two or three days. Your instincts are telling you all you need to know.
monkey00 Posted July 7, 2012 Posted July 7, 2012 Reading this thread is kind of amusing. Yes I think you are overcomplicating it and no I don't think she likes you. You don't realize it but she's abusing your niceness to her. She has little to no respect to you as a man but only as her friend. She knows he can text/call you at whatever time of day and you'll be there to talk to her at the drop of a hat. Be less available and be more busy. Less is more. I know because I've dealt with attention wh0res like her before who would text me late at night and when time came for me where I made my move things became awkward and the friendship immediately ended. All you need to know is if she reciprocates and things elevate beyond friendship after making the move, you will know if she likes you romantically. Else things goes downhill, you owe everyone in this post who responded to you an apology. Just my 2 cents.
Author dextm Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 Reading this thread is kind of amusing. Yes I think you are overcomplicating it and no I don't think she likes you. You don't realize it but she's abusing your niceness to her. She has little to no respect to you as a man but only as her friend. She knows he can text/call you at whatever time of day and you'll be there to talk to her at the drop of a hat. Be less available and be more busy. Less is more. I know because I've dealt with attention wh0res like her before who would text me late at night and when time came for me where I made my move things became awkward and the friendship immediately ended. All you need to know is if she reciprocates and things elevate beyond friendship after making the move, you will know if she likes you romantically. Else things goes downhill, you owe everyone in this post who responded to you an apology. Just my 2 cents. I wouldn't be surprised if you guys were right. After all, you guys have more experience. But I need to see for myself and go thru it, good or bad. When should I make the move? Beginning or end of "date"?
tenspoons Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 When should I make the move? Beginning or end of "date"? It depends on what move you want to do 1. Hug - when you first see her, or when you leave her. Like a hello/goodbye. in public or private would have no difference. Basically you want to break the touch barrier ASAP if you haven't already. 2. Hold hands - I would do that somewhere in the middle, and about 5/10 mins after you start walking, or where ever seems like the perfect time. If she backs away when you try to hold her hand in public but not in private then something isn't good. If she will hold your hand in public then you are in the clear and you can sleep safely at night. 3. Kiss - I would do that at the end if the other moves were successful, maybe even waiting to kiss her until the next date would be good. Maybe a kiss on the cheek as you hug her goodbye is enough for now. Use your imagination, there are probably other moves I'm leaving out, but the one's I listed would be the ones I would use. dancing with her is a great way to get things moving. even if you just bring an Ipod and blast some awesome music, then just start dancing. don't forget to invite her to dance with you. Definitely don't try to hold her hand right away, not until she is comfortable with you touching her. You will know how she feels if you touch her shoulder for no more than 3 seconds. If she acts like she is a homophobic man who just got touched by a homosexual, then she is uncomfortable. If she smiles, or doesn't do anything, then you might be ready for some bolder moves. If she is touching you then that is also a good sign because she is trying to break the barrier herself. Don't get too excited and take it as a huge deal though if she touches you because friends touch each other too. Lastly, DO NOT go in for a kiss right away, especially if the touch barrier is not broken. moves and steps up should not be huge, they should be natural and seamless. For instance, if you two are gently playfully fighting by poking, tickling, and pushing then it would be no problem to grab her hand. If you have never touched her, and you just go up and grab her hand, she is going to naturally pull away. If she would pull away from a hand grab, then think of how she will react to a kiss out of no where, and without a broken barrier. working you way up to the kiss will take time, and it probably won't happen in one date. It could(everyone is different), but everything is better if it's slow. In your case I would go a little quicker because you are racing against the friendzone. to give the friendzone the finger, I would have to write a whole other post because it's complicated (basically you have to start playing games which you say you are not about). I think you might still have a very very slim of a sliver of a chance though, but remember to take it steady and firm. go after what you want, take the lead. Be smart about it though, like you are playing a very complex and sexual game of chess. Good luck
monkey00 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 When should I make the move? Beginning or end of "date"? I would recommend to start flirting with her, teasing her, and being a fun guy. Women love guys that are upbeat. There is no rule of thumb to follow. You just have to gauge the situation, and if the window of opportunity is available during the get together, you can kiss her before the end of it. If the opportunity is not present, you can aim at the end. You still have to less available and more busy. Women love guys with an air of mystery to them. If playing games is what it takes for you to win her over, then go for it. I guess the real question is whether you can imagine her not being a part of your life if the friendship ends and she stops contacting you/talking to you? This is a real possibility if you making the move makes things awkward for her. If you are not willing to risk the friendship, then I advise against pushing the boundaries. If you are then do so. But how will you know what's to gain if you don't take risks right?
Curtis24 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 "she enjoys my company and conversations but not sure if we have a spark". Take her at face value. She does enjoy her conversations with you, but she is not attracted to you sexually.
Curtis24 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 I would recommend to start flirting with her, teasing her, and being a fun guy. Women love guys that are upbeat. There is no rule of thumb to follow. You just have to gauge the situation, and if the window of opportunity is available during the get together, you can kiss her before the end of it. If the opportunity is not present, you can aim at the end. You still have to less available and more busy. Women love guys with an air of mystery to them. If playing games is what it takes for you to win her over, then go for it. I guess the real question is whether you can imagine her not being a part of your life if the friendship ends and she stops contacting you/talking to you? This is a real possibility if you making the move makes things awkward for her. If you are not willing to risk the friendship, then I advise against pushing the boundaries. If you are then do so. But how will you know what's to gain if you don't take risks right? Is this some sort of competitive misdirection? You want him to fail? The woman told him outright "there's no spark", i.e. no sexual attraction. Standing on his head like some clown is not going to change that.
monkey00 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Is this some sort of competitive misdirection? You want him to fail? The woman told him outright "there's no spark", i.e. no sexual attraction. Standing on his head like some clown is not going to change that. Well the guy's asking for advice. While some of you may be pessimistic or 'realists' about his current situation - there are actions he can take to escape the friend's zone. It is very possible to escape the friend's zone. No offense to you personally but I get annoyed when people present defeatist attitudes on this board. The OP can either accept the situation that he is her bff, or he can do something about it. Making a move is definitely finding out what the boundaries are between him and her, and at from all the posts I've seen from him he truly wants to know. This is his chance and once he finds out, he can gladly move out without being misled by this girl (if she truly just wants to be friends). And failure only lies in not trying.
Curtis24 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) Well the guy's asking for advice. While some of you may be pessimistic or 'realists' about his current situation - there are actions he can take to escape the friend's zone. It is very possible to escape the friend's zone. No offense to you personally but I get annoyed when people present defeatist attitudes on this board. The OP can either accept the situation that he is her bff, or he can do something about it. Making a move is definitely finding out what the boundaries are between him and her, and at from all the posts I've seen from him he truly wants to know. This is his chance. No, its not possible to escape the friend's zone. Its not defeatist - its realist. If she didn't have sex with him right away, it means he wasn't goodlooking enough or her "type". Now, lots of men get angry when you tell them they can't date out of their league, even though its the truth. Edited July 8, 2012 by Curtis24
monkey00 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Now, lots of men get angry when you tell them they can't date out of their league, even though its the truth. There are plenty of men that date outside of their league. What planet are you living on? there are examples everyone all over the earth. Now what you are saying is truly a defeatist attitude because you are accepting that as a fact.
Curtis24 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 There are plenty of men that date outside of their league. What planet are you living on? there are examples everyone all over the earth. Now what you are saying is truly a defeatist attitude because you are accepting that as a fact. Actually, there's not. Almost every beautiful model or actress is married to a man who is also beautiful. When it does happen, it happens because of money. Its not a defeatist attitude. Frankly, I'm tired of delusional men running around like maniacs, scaring women and screwing things up for men who do have a chance.
Author dextm Posted July 8, 2012 Author Posted July 8, 2012 (edited) moves and steps up should not be huge, they should be natural and seamless. For instance, if you two are gently playfully fighting by poking, tickling, and pushing then it would be no problem to grab her hand. If you have never touched her, and you just go up and grab her hand, she is going to naturally pull away. If she would pull away from a hand grab, then think of how she will react to a kiss out of no where, and without a broken barrier. working you way up to the kiss will take time, and it probably won't happen in one date. It could(everyone is different), but everything is better if it's slow. In your case I would go a little quicker because you are racing against the friendzone. Thanks. We "accidentally" gently playfully touched each other last "date" (second one) but I didn't go in and pull a move. That was probably a mistake on my part and I hope she doesn't think I'm homophobic. I however did get a chance to run my fingers on her body to see if she was ticklish but she had no reaction. She's not ticklish. Apparently she also hates hugging "because it feels awkward" and she only does it with 2-3 of her best friends - quoting her words: "if anyone tried hugging me, I would punch them." LOL. Not sure if that's a reverse invitation to hug her or a GTFO notice. If she's playing a game then she's playing it well I suppose. I would recommend to start flirting with her, teasing her, and being a fun guy. Women love guys that are upbeat. There is no rule of thumb to follow. You just have to gauge the situation, and if the window of opportunity is available during the get together, you can kiss her before the end of it. If the opportunity is not present, you can aim at the end. You still have to less available and more busy. Women love guys with an air of mystery to them. If playing games is what it takes for you to win her over, then go for it. I guess the real question is whether you can imagine her not being a part of your life if the friendship ends and she stops contacting you/talking to you? This is a real possibility if you making the move makes things awkward for her. If you are not willing to risk the friendship, then I advise against pushing the boundaries. If you are then do so. But how will you know what's to gain if you don't take risks right? I've flirted, teased, and had fun with her already. I'm 100% sure she knows that. I just don't know how to take it to the next level without losing it all, but I guess that's a gamble I'm going to have to take. If what I do fails, I'm fine with staying as friends with her. But it will be more awkward for her than me. I just won't put her as my priority and give her my time of the day. So be it if she stops contacting me. My life wasn't bad before I met her 2 weeks ago and it won't be worse if I don't ever talk to her again. No, its not possible to escape the friend's zone. Its not defeatist - its realist. If she didn't have sex with him right away, it means he wasn't goodlooking enough or her "type". Now, lots of men get angry when you tell them they can't date out of their league, even though its the truth. The only encouraging sign is that we talked about sex for 2-3 hours straight and she initiated all the topics. Truth being told, we both live at home right now so sex isn't even a thought unless we do it out in public . Edited July 8, 2012 by dextm
Curtis24 Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 Thanks. We "accidentally" gently playfully touched each other last "date" (second one) but I didn't go in and pull a move. That was probably a mistake on my part and I hope she doesn't think I'm homophobic. I however did get a chance to run my fingers on her body to see if she was ticklish but she had no reaction. She's not ticklish. Apparently she also hates hugging "because it feels awkward" and she only does it with 2-3 of her best friends - quoting her words: "if anyone tried hugging me, I would punch them." LOL. Not sure if that's a reverse invitation to hug her or a GTFO notice. If she's playing a game then she's playing it well I suppose. I've flirted, teased, and had fun with her already. I'm 100% sure she knows that. I just don't know how to take it to the next level without losing it all, but I guess that's a gamble I'm going to have to take. If what I do fails, I'm fine with staying as friends with her. But it will be more awkward for her than me. I just won't put her as my priority and give her my time of the day. So be it if she stops contacting me. My life wasn't bad before I met her 2 weeks ago and it won't be worse if I don't ever talk to her again. The only encouraging sign is that we talked about sex for 2-3 hours straight and she initiated all the topics. Truth being told, we both live at home right now so sex isn't even a thought unless we do it out in public . Just use your own discretion then.
orangedreams Posted July 8, 2012 Posted July 8, 2012 You are friendzoned. I'd say give up. If I friendzone a guy automatically I'll talk to him non-stop if he's a cool person. She only sees you as a friend. You could dissapear for a while and make her come to you/wonder about you..then when you talk to her again show her a new side you've never shown her.. not to be a negative nancy but this sounds like way too much work. seriously.
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