My wife cheated on me and the baby is not mine! just found out after almost two years

[jccherrera]

I married a woman who had a little girl from a previous marriage, the girl was about a year when we started dating. we have spent together around 10 years and I never had any doubt about my wife cheating on me. we got married and had a baby 2 years ago. I was always joking about the the baby because he was different from me in many ways, even some close friends were joking sometimes about it but he had some marked features from my wife's family, reason why I never gave a lot of importance and I never doubted about her being unfaithful.

Here comes the tough part...about two months ago we had a little party at home and I felt something was wrong with one of the guests, it was one of my wife's friends, I felt he looked at her in a different way...(like having feelings for her). so after this I started asking her if she had ever cheated on me specifically with this guy...I asked again and again until she confessed she had sex with him once...that's what she said... then the thing got worse, she told me that she had sex with this guy by the time she got pregnant.. this was really the worst she could ever told me, by that time we had a serious fight about having babies, back then we were having money issues and the relationship was passing through a rough time; she had a really bad temper and a jeaulosy problem. we had a serious fight and we didn't talk to each other for about a week. She said that it was during this time she thought she was doing the right thing, because she wanted to have a baby, and went to look for this guy ("a close friend") and had sex. later on that week we worked it out and we decided to have a baby. all the time during the pregnancy was fine, we didn't have any fight at all, everything was fine.getting back to the real issue.. after knowing she had sex with this guy by the time she got pregnant I decided to have a DNA test; after a couple of weeks I got the results and the baby is not mine..I felt I was dying because I took care and loved this baby since pregnancy.

she said she was very sorry and that she never wanted this for me, I was so disappointed and angry about all this, I couldn't believe she had done this to me.

I left home and I know the guy already knows about the baby, and he is willing to take responsibility, I don't know if I made the right decision by leaving them, I miss them a lot but I know life as a family would never be the same after knowing this, I miss my baby but he's not really my baby I don't know if this could carry more problems in the future if I stay since I know the baby is not mine and that There might not be a chance for me to have my own kids, I'm 31 years old right now. I need some good advice.. thanks

[dreamingoftigers]

God,

 

I am so sorry. What she did was really disgusting, horrible.

 

For all intents and purposes, except biological, you are the baby's dad. You would very much most likely have parental rights.

 

I would get some counseling immediately, this is too heavy a load to handle on your own.

[Balzac]

You are named as father on the birth certificate? You are the victim in this and no way would I stay involved with any of them.

 

Rough road but consider yourself lucky to have found out now, not 20 years from now.

[Chi townD]

Of course, the kid is innocent in all of this which makes it sad. The biggest problem is the kid is always going to be a constant reminder of the betrayal that was done to you. I have a friend that is a counselor and he told me that out of all the cases he has that dealt with a child outside of the marriage, he only has one couple that was able to stay together. The rest has divorced. So, the odds are stacked greatly against you.

[Balzac]

Have you been able to share the shocking news?

I cannot imagine how you feel. It's amazing how selfish and cruel patents can be to their children. Honestly, I'd never look back.

[GLDheart]

I have a feeling she "decided to get pregnant" after she already knew she was by accident from the other guy. Your participation was just the cover story. She in my eyes is the scum of the earth. Best be rid of her now. If you love the child enough to support him for the rest of your life fight for your rights. Otherwise, walk away clean now.

[Balzac]

Fight for what rights? Name on birth certificate, child born into marriage....he can only file for divorce asserting no child came of the marital union.

 

The child at age two will have no memory of him. Seems the best outcome. DNA from mother would be enough to make me run now. Limited "nurture" cannot overcome nature for those kids.

 

Start over, choose a better woman.

Edited July 5, 2012 by Balzac
Luck comes to us in strange ways.

[Nicomis]

Get out now, if you hesitate you will end up paying for someone else's nut for years to come. Run as fast as you can. You gotta let a ho be a ho.

[seibert253]

I dont know about you, but I could not live with the constant reminder of your WW's ulti?ate betrayl. I would call it a day and be done.

[YellowShark]

"Sex with him once," she said... Ya, sure.. ok.

 

Here's what you have to decide. Can you stay with a woman who A) cheated on you with some douchebag friend, and B) lied to you about it for years.

 

Personally I could not. I would not want an emotional and financial partner in life who can drive a bus over me and betray me like that. It's a deal-breaker. I could never trust her again. Lying about a child is about as low as you can possibly go. That's betrayal on so many levels.

 

ETA

 

And when you confront her about this mark my words... she will turn it around on you and blame you somehow for her affair with douchebag. After all makes perfect sense, you did something that made his penis fall into her vagina.

Edited July 6, 2012 by YellowShark

[RobD70]

I did something like that. It was about 20 years ago with a girlfriend and I should have known it wasn't mine the minute it was born (she was preggers before we started dating but she lied and lied and I was young and dumb). I was able to do a blood test a year later and I walked away.

 

It was the right thing to do and I think you did the right thing as well. Odds are the OM is going to be up in your business for now on and your W would probably hook up with him again when things got rough.

[GLDheart]

Cutting ties with the woman would be the obvious choice for 99% of us. Cutting ties with the child is the real question.... And most of us would walk away on that one too. It will only get harder the longer you stay.

[drifter777]

I have to weigh in here if only to echo what everyone is already saying. You will never forgive her because the child you see every day will trigger your anger and drive you both crazy.

 

Since the child is completely innocent, it would be wrong for you to raise it in such a angry, tense environment. If you want I'm pretty sure you could get some visitation rights, although I would advise against it. Let the child have a fresh start as well since it likely will have no memory of you.

[Plan 9 from OS]

In the end, you have to do what is right. However, you need to bear in mind that she does not love you like you love her because 1) She went out to have another man's baby deliberately and 2) She invited this man that f*cked her to a party at YOUR house just 2 months ago. So what does that tell you? Also, you may want to check into it a little further to see if your wife isn't still banging this guy as of today.

[nofool4u]

Nothing more disgusting than a woman that lets a guy think the baby is his.

 

I understand the pain. If I found out one of my children was not mine, I'd be devastated, but I wouldn't love that child any less, unless the baby was only a few months old or something. But now that I have quite a few years in loving my children, I couldn't turn my back on them, but I'd still want to be rid of their worthless mother.

 

So what do you do? Its a tough call. If it were me, I'd divorce the wife, make sure the real father is paying support, but I would also see about court visitation for you and the child if the child has grown to know you as the father.

 

Does the real father plan on having visitation with the child? I know some guys would tell them that they would stay in the marriage and raise the child as their own under the condition that the child NEVER finds out about the real father.

[Leopard]

I am so sorry this had to happen to you.

 

I would leave her for all the reasons everyone else mentioned, and also for this.

 

Everytime she looks at her baby, she won't see you. She won't see the outcome of your relationship. She will see the other man. As the kid grows, she will constantly be reminded of how much the child is his, because as the child gets older he will resemble his parents more and more.

 

This will affect you greatly because, unlike people who marry with step children, this child is the result of an infidelity. It's a constant reminder that you were betrayed and lied to for over 2 years.

 

I honestly don't think anyone could live with that.

[jccherrera]

Thanks for sharing this... I left home a couple of weeks ago and I have spoken to her a couple of times since then. as far as I know, They have already arranged how he will be spending time with the kid, I been making a lot of thought about what happended and I know I won't be able to handle this situation, I guess that it would be confusing for the child to grow up with two dads, I see your point when you said that maybe under the condition that if the kid never finds out who his father is maybe things could work,but still I will always remember how she betrayed me. the thing is that this guy will be around as I mentioned before he is willing to take responsiobility and spend some time with him .I know it's hard but I think it's better to leave things as they are now. I think it's better that way. the baby will turn 2 next september, so I think He won't even remember me. I think I've made a tough decision but in the end I think it's the best for all...I really miss him I know he's not responsible of all this but if I stay that house won't be a nice place to grow up. I have already talked to a counselor and adviced me about the legal issues that come with the divorce. I know this could've been harder if had found out 10 years from now.

[Confused111]

So sorry that you're going through this!!!... It's awful...

 

I hope you look after yourself first...no matter what happens..!!

 

It's unbelievable how horrible and selfish some people can be...

[DuckSoup]

You need to talk with a lawyer NOW to try to make sure you don't get stuck with paying child support for this little b*stard.

[GLDheart]

You need to talk with a lawyer NOW to try to make sure you don't get stuck with paying child support for this little b*stard.

 

I do agree that child support should be paid by the child's real father... However, the tone of your reference towards the second innocent victim in this is inappropriate.

[DuckSoup]

I do agree that child support should be paid by the child's real father... However, the tone of your reference towards the second innocent victim in this is inappropriate.

 

I think your beef is with Funk & Wagnall's, not me.

 

I'm not going to limit my accurate use of vocabulary to cater to anyone's pretend ostenatious sensitivities.

[GLDheart]

Ducky,

 

Your hiding behind a dictionary to absolve your behavior. By stringing together words that are dictionary accurate (little = small or young... ok got it, and bastard = one born out of wedlock... we don't need a dictionary for that one either) you are able to sling mud around at the "little bastard".

 

Respecting the feelings of the OP and the miserable situation he is in might be more beneficial. He clearly has no hard feelings towards the child.... and why should he?

[GLDheart]

.... OM may decide to use your money to raise his child. That would be the ultimate INJUSTICE.

 

I fixed it for you.

[frozensprouts]

your ex sounds like a real piece of work...to expose an inncent child to this sort of thing is just disgusting...she allowed herself to get pregnant knowing that she'd pass the baby off as yours, not caring what it would do to him/her, who never asked for any of this cr@p...

 

and now you have your heart broken. you've been betrayed by your wife, and you have to walk away from the child whom you love...

 

she sounds like on mean, manipulative witch ( witch is not the word I really want to use, but it does rhyme with it) who has srewed over two people ( you and the baby) to get what she wants

 

disgusting, just plain disgusting...

[Krytie TV]

I had children at 36, so time is not an issue for you. Although it will hurt to let go of the child, you never have to feel guilty for doing so. And don't let anyone make you feel guilty about doing so. Continuing this facade with a constant reminder of betrayal would, for me, probably cause an unhealthy lifelong resentment for both the mother and the child, and obviously the child does not deserve that.