Question for guys: how long do you wait for sex?

[fishtaco]

Ironic right? They withhold sex with the nice guy because "I don't want to get hurt" and "I don't want to move too fast" and "I don't want you to just leave me after we have sex", then either she leaves said nice guy without banging him or nice guy gets frustrated and moves on, and she goes on to bang a player who never calls her again.

 

I also agree with your post on the first page about how maybe back in the day things were different for guys who took it slow but nowadays if you give girls an inch they'll take a mile. If you don't take the necessary steps to be masculine and dominant you will get eaten alive out here.

 

I see that a lot too. I know women of LS don't do this, because they always do the right thing. But there's a severe disconnect between how LS women claim they behave to what I've observed in the real life.

 

Really ladies, if you want to stick to the "make them wait" mantra, really make them wait. Switching back an forth depending on how nice and passively cooperative (i.e. gentleman-like) the guy is, really makes me lose respect and not take women seriously.

 

As it is I usually ignore it when women tell me they want to wait, or usually they bring out the "I prefer to be friends first" line. I usually either just go "yeah sure, whatever you say", and go for it anyway, or I'd respect their request, put them in the friend bucket, and go after someone else. Then suddenly they want to jump my bone. Predictable like clockwork.

 

Please ladies. When you have a principle, stick to it. Or if it doesn't work, change it. I respect a woman that is not afraid of her own sexuality WAAAY more than one that flip flops back and forth, depending on how much the man buys into what she's saying.

[MrCastle]

I see that a lot too. I know women of LS don't do this, because they always do the right thing. But there's a severe disconnect between how LS women claim they behave to what I've observed in the real life.

 

Really ladies, if you want to stick to the "make them wait" mantra, really make them wait. Switching back an forth depending on how nice and passively cooperative (i.e. gentleman-like) the guy is, really makes me lose respect and not take women seriously.

 

As it is I usually ignore it when women tell me they want to wait, or usually they bring out the "I prefer to be friends first" line. I usually either just go "yeah sure, whatever you say", and go for it anyway, or I'd respect their request, put them in the friend bucket, and go after someone else. Then suddenly they want to jump my bone. Predictable like clockwork.

 

Please ladies. When you have a principle, stick to it. Or if it doesn't work, change it. I respect a woman that is not afraid of her own sexuality WAAAY more than one that flip flops back and forth, depending on how much the man buys into what she's saying.

 

Well I've learned (the hard way) to judge people by their actions, not their words. This is especially true when it comes to women.

 

My first girlfriend said "I only see you as a friend, sorry. I don't want to ruin what we have." I said cool, no problem. 2 weeks later she asked me to be her boyfriend.

 

Coversely, I've had girls text me some of the dirtiest, nastiest stuff, and when I ask them out, they flake.

 

As far as the friends line thing goes, I toggle between two answers, sometimes I'll shrug it off and go about my business, and if she comes around she comes around. Sometimes I say "haha thanks for the offer but I don't do the friends thing". Bluntly, just like that. Their reactions are pretty funny.

[veggirl]

Many guys are shy or have been brought up with old fashioned values, so they might think that trying to have sex too early would be seen as too agressive or ungentlemanly. Some guys are also very cautious and do not want to escalate with a woman they don't know well out of fear of being falsely accused of rape. Cultural differences may also play a role, as in some cultures, waiting a few months is considered normal. Really, there are many factors at play.

 

Generally, if a guy is not interested in you, he would not be asking you out on dates. However, most women don't seem to understand that.

 

Well, if a guy was up front and told me "I don't have sex early, I wait for a R or I wait 2 months" or whatever the case is then I would understand that. But my experience has been a guy is gonna try pretty much by the 3rd date.

 

I'm speaking in hypotheticals when I say I would probably assume the guy isn't interested if it got past 5 dates and he didn't try, cause honestly that has never happened to me. They all try sooner than that. If one didn't, I think I'd assume he wasn't that interested in me, unless he'd previously told me that he waits or whatever.

 

I understand that you'd say a guy asking me on a date means he is interested but if we are going on date after date and not amping things up sexually (I'm not into "messing around" i.e. we are manually / orally stimulating one another but not having sex) then I would be confused and wonder if he was into me sexually if I didn't know he always waits.

[runner]

i don't wait and i don't do rules on this. i've had it happen anywhere between a couple hours to a couple of months, and everywhere in between. i prefer to go with the flow.

[lino]

If I was seeing a girl fairly regularly and we were getting physical during those times then I wouldn't wait more than 4-5 weeks, unless there was a very, very good reason.

[Teal]

if you're telling the honest truth i got about ten guys i'm acquainted with who'd go for that, and there's to be sure as many in your neck of the woods. but ah here's the rub. these guys tend to be shy, have little dating/sexual experience, can't read women too well, are nerdy or geeky, and all that. not exactly what the average women desires and that's putting it nicely.

 

I don't mind taking the lead and I'm going into programming, so I can't really complain about some of that. I've cast my line in that pond before, and the problem is the amount of communication issues that tends to stem from having little to no experience and the strange ways some of them try to compensate for it (see: reading online about women and overwriting what I've told them about myself with that information).

 

Not sure if this is an instance of a beggar being a chooser. Next semester will have more opportunities, at least.

[fortyninethousand322]

Ideally, probably never. I'd probably feel obligated to give a girl sex by 6-10 weeks of seeing her though.

[phineas]

Usually for me it happens on the 2nd or 3rd. I had some 1st cases. But if I felt I was being strung along then I'd have a different woman on the side because most likely she has a different guy on the side.

 

This.

Except i always get the extreme's.

Don't even want to make out after a month.

If we haven't at least done oral by the month mark she isn't into me & it turns out she does have another guy.

[fortyninethousand322]

Why would some of you wait so damn long, a month, or more?

 

Do you not realize most females use sex as a loss leader? Yeah, loss leader, look it up.

 

Low sex drive and a desire to get closer emotionally before having sex. I probably would give in and have sex whenever the woman wanted, but I wouldn't really be into it.

[SJC2008]

Why would some of you wait so damn long, a month, or more?

 

Do you not realize most females use sex as a loss leader? Yeah, loss leader, look it up.

 

As in they give it up quick because they don't want to be nexted??

[mn311601]

27 years.

 

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[joystickd]

No more than 3 weeks because any longer puts you into the surrogate boyfriend category. Hell I get a kick out of hearing women talk about making a man wait. Women are emotional so if a man hits the right emotional keys she will forget her waiting period

[Els]

Absolute dealbreaker for me if the guy has a fixed and specific timeline. I suppose that's a good thing, since the incompatible guys and I can both weed each other out early.

[somedude81]

I really don't have an actual timeline, but it has to be something that will eventually happen. One thing I've realized is that there is no point in spending time with a girl I'm not going to have sex with.

 

I won't mind waiting if we're actually dating and have already kissed, as long as the feeling that we are going to have sex is there.

[phineas]

Why would some of you wait so damn long, a month, or more?

 

Do you not realize most females use sex as a loss leader? Yeah, loss leader, look it up.

 

That's just the average.

I have had women jump me on 1st date.

 

If i'm looking to date them I don't mind taking some time to get to know them first. But after so long, something has to happen or I assume their just not that into me.

[runner]

its nice when the women jump you early. leaves little doubt about their intrest level.

 

IME, when it's really early, like 1 hr early, it's more about horniness level not "interest level"

[iris219]

So what do you guys with timelines do if you’re not getting sex from a woman after, say, 3-5 dates? Do you drop her, even if you really like her?

 

I’m asking because I don’t have sex until I’m in an exclusive relationship. Until I know a man wants a relationship with me and therefore isn’t sleeping with anyone else, it’s not happening. This is why I’ve haven’t had sex in over a year and a half, with no end to this in sight!

 

I should start a thread titled “Ladies: How long do you wait for exclusivity?” I have a feeling the guys on here would laugh at the women who said 3-5 dates.

[irc333]

When it finally gets to that point, is it also best to get tested for STD's?

 

 

 

My experience has taught me that trying to have sex on the first or second date is a bad idea because: a) most women won't go for it; and b) if they do go for it, it usually ends up being a hookup or a short term fling and nothing serious comes out of it.

 

On the other hand, waiting too long is also a recipe for failure. If you've been on 5 or more dates and there's still no intimacy, either the girl is stringing you along or you are failing to make a move (the latter usually results in her getting frustrated/insecure and thinking you're not into her).

 

The happy medium seems to be somewhere in the 3rd-5th date range, depending on the girl and various situational factors.

[carhill]

When it finally gets to that point, is it also best to get tested for STD's?

That's an interesting question not really addressed in the thread. Myself, historically, I baselined during the celibate period, generally six months after last sexual contact, then, when exclusivity and sexual issues were discussed in a new relationship, update. Folks who move from partner to partner quickly or engage in more casual encounters have an incremental risk to deal with. I assume they're (both parties) comfortable with that, so it's a non-issue for them, absent actual STD's being diagnosed at some point. My style was developed during the marked period of AIDS, so perhaps is outlier to custom today.

[El Brujo]

My experience has taught me that trying to have sex on the first or second date is a bad idea because: a) most women won't go for it; and b) if they do go for it, it usually ends up being a hookup or a short term fling and nothing serious comes out of it.

 

On the other hand, waiting too long is also a recipe for failure. If you've been on 5 or more dates and there's still no intimacy, either the girl is stringing you along or you are failing to make a move (the latter usually results in her getting frustrated/insecure and thinking you're not into her).

 

The happy medium seems to be somewhere in the 3rd-5th date range, depending on the girl and various situational factors.

 

...and also depending on how badly a guy is jonesing for a sex fix.

 

Dude, I can wait until the day after forever to have sex, and it won't bother me one damn bit. I don't give a hoot in hell what society thinks of it. I commit the cardinal sin of not wanting any.

[zengirl]

I would actually be wondering if the guy was even into me if he didn't try by the 5th date. Maybe that's weird. I've never met a guy who wants to wait more than that, though they do pop up on LS sometimes.

 

I would say I went on dates primarily those men who wanted to wait, at least a little while. I'm sure I went on many 1st dates with guys who'd like to get down by the first few dates, but our compatibility in other areas was insufficient and they got weeded out before it even became an issue. Most guys don't bring it up on Date #1 (and that'd be an automatic No Date 2 thing for me). Though the men I knew who wanted to wait were like carhill:

 

Until there is an exclusive and committed relationship and, prior to or concurrently, I am confident of the woman's proactive interest in providing and achieving emotional intimacy and support. Any choking canaries in the latter will cause an immediate unilateral departure.

 

Hence, my timeline isn't days nor dates. It's relationship-centric. Either it flows or it doesn't. Sex with a woman I don't love or I feel is letting me love her without reciprocity is meaningless to me. Zero.

 

Thus they didn't have a 'timeline' for sex. They simply wanted either love (rarer) or at least some emotional connection and commitment prior to sex, much as I do. Such men are out there, though they may be relatively rare.

 

So what do you guys with timelines do if you’re not getting sex from a woman after, say, 3-5 dates? Do you drop her, even if you really like her?

 

I wonder this as well. I've never really had a guy drop off at that point, when we had chemistry and compatibility, even though we weren't having sex. Though, as I said, I tend to perhaps have more compatibility with men who view sex as a R step, rather than just something for pleasure alone.

[fishtaco]

So what do you guys with timelines do if you’re not getting sex from a woman after, say, 3-5 dates? Do you drop her, even if you really like her?

 

I’m asking because I don’t have sex until I’m in an exclusive relationship. Until I know a man wants a relationship with me and therefore isn’t sleeping with anyone else, it’s not happening. This is why I’ve haven’t had sex in over a year and a half, with no end to this in sight!

 

I should start a thread titled “Ladies: How long do you wait for exclusivity?” I have a feeling the guys on here would laugh at the women who said 3-5 dates.

 

Or rather, I'd become more and more suspicious of her intentions. So if she somehow earned my trust that she's genuine, and not psycho (because psychos are genuine too, just that they are genuinely psycho), then I'm more likely to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

My personal experience is, if she likes me, sex will happen fairly soon. Sex doesn't guarantee anything. She could still change her mind and bail, sex or no sex. So can I. But I look at it as one step closer.

 

Also, guys like sex. Anyone surprised?

[irc333]

That's an interesting question not really addressed in the thread. Myself, historically, I baselined during the celibate period, generally six months after last sexual contact, then, when exclusivity and sexual issues were discussed in a new relationship, update. Folks who move from partner to partner quickly or engage in more casual encounters have an incremental risk to deal with. I assume they're (both parties) comfortable with that, so it's a non-issue for them, absent actual STD's being diagnosed at some point. My style was developed during the marked period of AIDS, so perhaps is outlier to custom today.

 

I think they're not overly concerned about some of the least severe STD's like Herpes or something similar. Just with the jist of some of these threads, people are like "Okay, 3 dates, if she's not puttin' out, I'm moving onto the next one that DOES put out."

 

As sad as THAT sounds.

 

Chances are, they'll eventually come into contact with women/men they'll have sex with, date them for 4 to 6 months, then things don't work out, they move onto the next....watch, rinse repeat.

 

At this point, everyone is seeing if they're not only compatible personality-wise, but also compatible sexually, when...in actuality, they are just enjoying the different varieties of people with the activity of sex. I recall some player type saying how they love the Kellog's Variety packs, comparing women to cereal...as opposed to having the same cereal everyday.

 

I think they only think they're thinking they're trying to find "The one", but are indeed having fun doing so.

 

"Hey, if it doesn't work out...at least I got some sex!" and then on to the next one. lol

[iris219]

Pretty much. I value my time and hers is no more valuable than mine.

 

 

I have seen this attitude before and it just screams out at me that this is someone who just doesn't like sex. Waiting or no waiting, I will have no part of that type of situation with someone that does not like sex. Once females like that get a poor sap snagged they will just use sex for leverage to gain an upper hand in regards to whatever they my want. Not because they like it, because they need to. Later the guy is stuck in a sexless relationship and wondering where the hell he went wrong.

 

I prefer my women to enjoy sex as much as I do.

 

 

 

 

Good idea. I knew the female gender would soon infect a thread with a question directed at Men. No staying away from it but on the other hand what does it really matter? Carry on.

 

Sorry for crashing the cock party.

 

I'm not getting how not having random sex (and sex with a guy I've seen 3 times in my life is random) equals not liking sex. Sex without an emotional connection is not worth it to me and I do not feel entirely connected to a man until I know where the relationship is going. I'm not sure what's wrong with needing to figure out his intentions and my own intentions before getting naked. I am not someone who can separate sex and emotion, and it would be a disaster if I started sleeping with random dudes who don't plan to stick around or who I realize I'm not compatible with. Gross.

[musemaj11]

A woman can have a timeline for a man as to how many dates he has to pay for her. But a man cannot have his own timeline as to after how many dates he can expect sex.