Feelsgoodman Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 My experience has taught me that trying to have sex on the first or second date is a bad idea because: a) most women won't go for it; and b) if they do go for it, it usually ends up being a hookup or a short term fling and nothing serious comes out of it. On the other hand, waiting too long is also a recipe for failure. If you've been on 5 or more dates and there's still no intimacy, either the girl is stringing you along or you are failing to make a move (the latter usually results in her getting frustrated/insecure and thinking you're not into her). The happy medium seems to be somewhere in the 3rd-5th date range, depending on the girl and various situational factors.
Titanwolf Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 1 year. Then again, I'm looking for a specific breed of woman.
ikele Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 3rd or 4th date. women will tell you that they want to wait. it isn't true. they want it early but not 1st date early.
WonderKid Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Usually for me it happens on the 2nd or 3rd. I had some 1st cases. But if I felt I was being strung along then I'd have a different woman on the side because most likely she has a different guy on the side.
ikele Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 1 year. Then again, I'm looking for a specific breed of woman. a rare breed. most women who don't want it early on are saving it for marriage. very few are the year type. a few percent. 1
veggirl Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 1 year. Then again, I'm looking for a specific breed of woman. Wouldn't a woman wanting to wait a year likely be waiting til marriage? sorry OP I am not a guy so IDK if I'm "allowed" to answer but I agree with 3-5 dates. 1
Joaquin Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 3-4 weeks would be about average. I wouldn't consider that waiting tho.
veggirl Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Tried to edit my post but too late. I would actually be wondering if the guy was even into me if he didn't try by the 5th date. Maybe that's weird. I've never met a guy who wants to wait more than that, though they do pop up on LS sometimes.
Joaquin Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) Tried to edit my post but too late. I would actually be wondering if the guy was even into me if he didn't try by the 5th date. Maybe that's weird. I've never met a guy who wants to wait more than that, though they do pop up on LS sometimes. It might be 3-4 weeks but I defo try from the first date tho. Edited July 5, 2012 by Joaquin
ikele Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Tried to edit my post but too late. I would actually be wondering if the guy was even into me if he didn't try by the 5th date. Maybe that's weird. I've never met a guy who wants to wait more than that, though they do pop up on LS sometimes. oh there are men who want to wait. ten or twenty percent. these men get walked on by other men. the early bird catches the worm. 1
Author Feelsgoodman Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Tried to edit my post but too late. I would actually be wondering if the guy was even into me if he didn't try by the 5th date. Maybe that's weird. I've never met a guy who wants to wait more than that, though they do pop up on LS sometimes. Many guys are shy or have been brought up with old fashioned values, so they might think that trying to have sex too early would be seen as too agressive or ungentlemanly. Some guys are also very cautious and do not want to escalate with a woman they don't know well out of fear of being falsely accused of rape. Cultural differences may also play a role, as in some cultures, waiting a few months is considered normal. Really, there are many factors at play. Generally, if a guy is not interested in you, he would not be asking you out on dates. However, most women don't seem to understand that. 2
Titanwolf Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Wouldn't a woman wanting to wait a year likely be waiting til marriage? sorry OP I am not a guy so IDK if I'm "allowed" to answer but I agree with 3-5 dates. Lol yeah I guess. 6 months is usually where the honeymoon period ends. That provides a further 6 months to analyse the strength of the relationship. I throw out 1 year, but in all honesty, as long as it takes to connect fully, without sex involved. I haven't found one yet :/
MrCastle Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Really depends on the girl. I personally wouldn't wait more than a month? If you've been on 3-4 dates, and assuming they are once a week; we're talking 4 weeks here, plus any phone/text interaction to keep you guys warmed up when you're not together in person. A month is more than enough time for a mature young adult to decide whether or not they want to get penetrated by you. Hell, some girls know within 5 minutes of meeting you if you're gonna see her naked or not. You have to judge by her reaction to sexual escalation. If you're talking about sex and she's blushing or saying things like "whoa, settle down tiger" and is not receptive to your escalations, obviously you need to cut your losses.
ikele Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Many guys are shy or have been brought up with old fashioned values, so they might think that trying to have sex too early would be seen as too agressive or ungentlemanly. Some guys are also very cautious and do not want to escalate with a woman they don't know well out of fear of being falsely accused of rape. Cultural differences may also play a role, as in some cultures, waiting a few months is considered normal. Really, there are many factors at play. Generally, if a guy is not interested in you, he would not be asking you out on dates. However, most women don't seem to understand that. these guys would have had more successes in past generation. its actually painful to watch. they go in with the best intentions, but until they learn or get some real courage to move quickly they suffer failure after failure. women will lie to them, disappear on them, cheat on them, mock them, take advantage of them and to be perfectly blunt its not just women with issues. its the girl next door. these guys have to face the reality that dating in the modern era isn't dating in your parents era. 1
Thieves Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 From what I've witnessed, most guys seem to really "go for it" within the 3-5 date range. However, I'm starting to think that some people have a different idea of actually waiting for sex than others do. I mean, if these dates have taken place in a fairly quick pace, say once a week? Then honestly, I hardly consider that as 'waiting'. Now, a few months is another story. As a girl, I usually have a good idea of when it may happen, but never have a specific timeline. Where's the fun in that?
Teal Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 None of them wait long enough for me, alas. I need a miracle.
ThaWholigan Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Where I am concerned, hypothetically speaking I would prefer to brew the Grotsche until it's ready 2
carhill Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Until there is an exclusive and committed relationship and, prior to or concurrently, I am confident of the woman's proactive interest in providing and achieving emotional intimacy and support. Any choking canaries in the latter will cause an immediate unilateral departure. Hence, my timeline isn't days nor dates. It's relationship-centric. Either it flows or it doesn't. Sex with a woman I don't love or I feel is letting me love her without reciprocity is meaningless to me. Zero. 6
Teal Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 this is the oft stated speech by women. some gullible men believe it. men who aren't so gullible ask anyway and nine times out of ten, surprise, get the sex while the gullible men get left out in the cold. Well, consider that I've never had a fling or one night stand in my life, and have spent most of my time so far in a 4-year and a 2-year relationship. The shortest time I've known someone I had sex with was 5 months, though we were friends beforehand for 4. I'd never consider sleeping with someone I haven't known for at least a couple months, just so that I'm sure of their character and of whether or not it's smart to commit to this person - it has nothing to do with attraction levels. Wanting something doesn't mean I should snatch at it. In short, I'm going to be a crazy old cat lady for sure.
fishtaco Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 oh there are men who want to wait. ten or twenty percent. these men get walked on by other men. the early bird catches the worm. Yeah, it's not always about you and the girl. There are competition sniffing around. Just because you "qualify" doesn't mean another guy won't swoop in and make the move before you do.
carhill Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 TBH, I wasn't comfortable with where things were going with my exW until I met her exH and his family. I could see things were done between them. This was prior to sexual intimacy. I also saw her divorce judgment, which was about three years prior to our meeting. Multiple bad experiences with MW's (specifically women who lied about their marital status) had me taking increasing periods of time to determine authentic relationship status, and that's partly the basis for my relationship-centric boundaries regarding sex. Perhaps other men don't care about such matters and 'get the worm'. They can have it, gladly. Historically, with women who did turn out to be single and available and where the relationship became sexual, such happened between two and three months after first meeting, whether online or in person. I added the additional parameters as a result of marital experience and subsequent to marriage dating experience. Since I date women my age, I've found very few in my area embrace the mores of the younger generations regarding early and anonymous sex, at least with men they desire for relationships. Hence, this style still works with compatible potentials. MW's? Sure, they like quick sex or a mind-fµck or whatever feeds their needs. Those aren't relationship potentials. There are lots of men who fill their needs. Pass.
Author Feelsgoodman Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 None of them wait long enough for me, alas. I need a miracle. Good things come to those who wait. Unless they die first..
MrCastle Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 exactly fishtaco. i've seen men courting women planning on waiting with the sex. after some time a smooth talking guy swoops in and before he knows what happened he's lost the woman and she's sleeping with the smooth talking guy. even more ironic is said smooth talking guy often dumps her after he gets what he wants, the sex. Ironic right? They withhold sex with the nice guy because "I don't want to get hurt" and "I don't want to move too fast" and "I don't want you to just leave me after we have sex", then either she leaves said nice guy without banging him or nice guy gets frustrated and moves on, and she goes on to bang a player who never calls her again. I also agree with your post on the first page about how maybe back in the day things were different for guys who took it slow but nowadays if you give girls an inch they'll take a mile. If you don't take the necessary steps to be masculine and dominant you will get eaten alive out here.
fishtaco Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 exactly fishtaco. i've seen men courting women planning on waiting with the sex. after some time a smooth talking guy swoops in and before he knows what happened he's lost the woman and she's sleeping with the smooth talking guy. even more ironic is said smooth talking guy often dumps her after he gets what he wants, the sex. That's because women, or people in general, don't always make the best decisions. And when it comes to dating, it's practically impossible to make a completely informed decision. There's always an element of risk and some unknowns in there. A more interesting but less decent guy often will beat out the less interesting but more decent guy. It is the rules of the world. There are two portions of having game. 1) Make sure your own dating value is high 2) Make sure you are aggressive enough to beat the other potential suitors. A lot of the times people forget #2. And they go... but I'm good at #1!! Yes, that's great, but you are not the only one.
Algermas Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 My experience has taught me that trying to have sex on the first or second date is a bad idea because: a) most women won't go for it; and b) if they do go for it, it usually ends up being a hookup or a short term fling and nothing serious comes out of it. On the other hand, waiting too long is also a recipe for failure. If you've been on 5 or more dates and there's still no intimacy, either the girl is stringing you along or you are failing to make a move (the latter usually results in her getting frustrated/insecure and thinking you're not into her). The happy medium seems to be somewhere in the 3rd-5th date range, depending on the girl and various situational factors. Third date or she can **** right off.
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