Appleness Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I hope everyone had a great 4th of July (here in the States) yesterday. Not really sure why I let things get to me but I'm hitting a really rough patch where I feel like 'm going to crumble. Yesterday I went to South Beach and had an awesome "girls lunch" and watched fireworks with another friend at night. Really trying to be more of a social person and not think of my ex. I had already unsubscribed him and his family from my facebook but he posted on a mutual friend's profile that he had SO many birthday wishes (his birthday was this past Sunday and he had wanted me to go over the day before to scatter our dog's ashes but I had a funeral to go to for my co-worker's wife same weekend). He said all the messages blew up his phone, he was so fortunate to have so many friends, etc etc. and tagged everyone who had said happy birthday (which IMHO is stupid because it's already a comment on your wall) I know I'm reading too much into it and in fact should avoid stuff like this at all costs. I read all the forum posts when I debating whether to send a card or even a text. Ultimately, I just went to the funeral and did nothing. However, this is exactly the passive aggressive BS he would pull all the time to guilt trip me before. I remember my old English Lit teacher used to call it "appealing to the reader's higher morals". It made me mad and sad at the same time because back in February when it was MY birthday and we were still together, he did nothing. No cards, no flowers, no gifts, no dinner date. He claimed that it was my fault because I purposely have it wrong on facebook (2 days early). My question is for mostly for the dumpers (pref. the guys ) have you felt remorse on your birthday when your ex doesn't contact you? Is this a desperate cry of "Look at me, I'm doing great without you!" ? I've always felt that he impulsively broke up the relationship. Has anyone felt the same way and for the dumpers, do you ever go back after you've felt more respect for your ex? Thanks to everyone for reading
Philosoraptor Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 It doesn't matter what his intentions are. You're reading into things looking for answers when there is zero you could find out about him that would make things any better. More information will leave you with nothing but more questions. You want advice? Hit the little delete button on facebook until you feel like you're strong enough to see things from him without it bothering you.
KatZee Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Agreed... why is he still on your Facebook? That's going to be a MAJOR hindrance of moving on. Subscribed, unsubscribed... you'll still see EVERYTHING he does on there. You'll see him comment on mutual friends/family pages, you'll be tempted to just click his profile "Just for a quick look... it won't bother me" and then of course 99.9% of the time you find something that DOES bother you and then you're upset/angry/sad/annoyed for the rest of the day. Hit "unfriend" hit "block" It's been two months post breakup for me, and deleting him and blocking him was one of the best things I could have done and it's allowed me to move on pretty much 95% from him in such a short time. Out of sight, out of mind, out of my life, good riddance, goodbye.
Author Appleness Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Duly noted. However, Complete NC is hard for several practical reasons: 1) He owes me money. 2) I still have to get the rest of my stuff from his house. 3) Still have to bury aforementioned dog. Hoping to take care all 3 things at the same time and then will take NC advice. Why do we torture ourselves about stuff like this?
Philosoraptor Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Why do we torture ourselves about stuff like this? Because rarely do the brain and heart sync up. Even when falling for someone the constant questions are there. I've learned to love the insanity which is life. 1
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