Friend cancels again

[Hereiam007]

hi I met a new friend 3 weeks ago. She asked me for help to get back with her boyfriend. I helped her. Now they are broken up. She then asked me to go with her to see a doctor 300 miles away. During the 3 weeks, I heard her life story, her highs and lows. She was a foster child. We became fast friends to where she has even thought about giving me a key to her place.

 

I felt compassion for her after hearing her story.

 

She has been on and off with her boyfriend. They are broken up. But the situation is, whenever we plan something to do. She cancels. I understand that she is not ready to date. She knows I understand that.

 

But, when she cancels, she goes on a date with somebody else. I encourage her to do that, but not to cancel on me.

 

She canceled today with me for the fourth. now, we are suppose to go to that appointment next week. One part of me thinks she may cancel on me to go with someone else or a family member. But as of yesterday, she said that she wants me to go.

 

If she does cancels on me, I would like to say to her in a polite way on how I feel about being canceled on without hurting her feelings.

 

I was thinking about saying, "I understand that we just met, and we became fast friends. But I feel mislead by your words. I had to get a couple days off from work to have you cancel on me, and I don't accept this behavior in a friend. I need friends who keep their words with me and follows through. I just don't understand why you would say this to me at the last minute."

 

I say this because she has cancelled on me while I took the day off or was going to see her. This has happened several times within 3 weeks that I known her. I did this because she said she needs help.

 

Am i that just gullible or is there a sign on me that says use me then cancel on me. I just don't get it. She cancelled tonights fourth with me.

 

I just need help on this. i can do without her friendship honestly with her behavior like this.

[2sunny]

No need to make ANY effort when she shows a pattern of canceling on you.

[Hereiam007]

what is the best way to gently let her know that I do not appreciate this. The pattern is there.

[Feelsgoodman]

I hate to break it to you, but you are nothing more than an emotional tampon for this woman. Something to be used and discarded. Actually...I take it back. You are even less than a tampon to her. Women generally don't feel contempt towards tampons and this one certainly has a lot of contempt for you.

 

Reading your post made me physically sick. It's painful to imagine that a man can fall so low.

[WeAllMightBeNuts]

Gently! Gently! Look, anyone that does this to you is disrespecting you.

 

ANYONE.

 

Doesn't matter if it's a woman, guy friend, brother, whatever. And don't let her troubles fall on your doorstep too hard. Everyone's got a sad story.

 

Tell you what you do. Cancel on her if you have something setup. As quickly as you can. And don't give some excuse. Not one. You "Just can't make it this time..."

 

Then don't speak to her again and don't get all weasily thinking "But I don't want to lose her..."

 

You haven't gained anything to lose. Your at zero going backwards. Roll on.

[Hereiam007]

Feelgood and weallmightbenuts.

Awesome point! Man, but what a sob story she lives in still.

 

I think this might be the last time if she cancels, then I will just say the points i wrote down earlier in the post.

I do want to talk to her about it before completely cutting her off or loose complete interest in her.

 

See this is the thing I don't initiate appointments with her. Heck, I don't even call her. She calls me late at night, and gives me a sob story.

 

I am running away from her. she just has way too much drama for me in my life right now. I just wanted to bring up this concern to her and she can hear me after all i did hear her sob story.

I know woman use tampoon, and hopefully she doesn't consider me as one of them. she has shown effort in the friendship. She does buy me lunch sometimes. i have stayed over there couple times. she has made me something to eat. she is 42 and i am 35.

[WeAllMightBeNuts]

Feelgood and weallmightbenuts.

Awesome point! Man, but what a sob story she lives in still.

 

I think this might be the last time if she cancels, then I will just say the points i wrote down earlier in the post.

I do want to talk to her about it before completely cutting her off or loose complete interest in her.

 

See this is the thing I don't initiate appointments with her. Heck, I don't even call her. She calls me late at night, and gives me a sob story.

 

I am running away from her. she just has way too much drama for me in my life right now. I just wanted to bring up this concern to her and she can hear me after all i did hear her sob story.

I know woman use tampoon, and hopefully she doesn't consider me as one of them. she has shown effort in the friendship. She does buy me lunch sometimes. i have stayed over there couple times. she has made me something to eat. she is 42 and i am 35.

 

Read my signature/tagline at the bottom. (When in doubt...F@#k.) If your not there move on.

 

All your reasons and rationale you want to get off your chest to her mean nothing. She does not respect you and you cannot gain it by having that conversation.

 

Trust me. Do what I said. Break the appointment, no reason necessary, and don't contact her anymore.

[2sunny]

Find out why you make effort for a gal that disrespects and disregards you.

 

You need help in valuing yourself - you are settling for so little from her... And inviting in drama. Why?

[Hereiam007]

I like the advice! Now, I just probably need the strength to just do it. I think she may cancel on me and then I just probably won't have the reasoning talk with her. I just wont be so eager to take her calls and return the so quickly.

 

This is the advice that I like to hear. Thank you. I have no idea wh I place little value on myself. Anybody know why? I know that She is not the only woman I am talking to. With this advice, it will help me in my future relationships. Her sob story is that everybody abandons her even her ex. She does have way too much drama, and I should just wait for her to cancel on me. I will let her make the call to cancel. Perhaps she will cancel by leaving me a message.

 

This place is the best forum. See I won't call her to cancel because she will sense that I won't take the bs and then she may like this self confidence in me and find that attractive. Heck, even if she didn't cancel, I would not want to date her or see her because of way too much drama in her life. She even has std.

[Hereiam007]

So, when she cancels then I will then say that I don't want to be a emotional tampon, and let her know that I should have canceled first on her.

 

I am not looking to have her as a girlfriend. I just don't want to waste anymore time on her. She needs to find another tampon.

[mortensorchid]

SHe is treating you like you're her shrink, not a potential bf. If she did see you as a potential bf then she would at least tell you this indirectly by accepting your offers. I would move on. She sounds like a parasite of some kind who tells her sob story to others to get them to help her or give her things.

[Hereiam007]

All of this is good information above. Some more information about our chats. I said to her 3 nights ago. We talked for about 4 hours. Into the 2nd hour, I said that I need a girlfriend who is emotionally, physically availble. She thought I liked her. And clearly she knows this. The July 3 when she called me we talked about 10 minutes and she didn't even bring up the ex. I did I say to her that you need to stop wasting energy on this guy. I was also thinking about my energy but I didnt say it.

In her defense, but not to make excuses for her. She did say that she loves me as a friend, and that she would jump my bones if she want in love with the ex.

 

When i am there, she wants me to massage her. She strips down except her underwear, so I can massage her back.

 

She also living off her trust fund.

[WeAllMightBeNuts]

All of this is good information above. Some more information about our chats. I said to her 3 nights ago. We talked for about 4 hours. Into the 2nd hour, I said that I need a girlfriend who is emotionally, physically availble. She thought I liked her. And clearly she knows this. The July 3 when she called me we talked about 10 minutes and she didn't even bring up the ex. I did I say to her that you need to stop wasting energy on this guy. I was also thinking about my energy but I didnt say it.

In her defense, but not to make excuses for her. She did say that she loves me as a friend, and that she would jump my bones if she want in love with the ex.

 

When i am there, she wants me to massage her. She strips down except her underwear, so I can massage her back.

 

She also living off her trust fund.

 

Last comment from me. Seems Trollish. If so, you win.

 

If not. You keep talking about something that will never happen with your behavior.

 

You have only two options that will play out.

 

1) Break all contact with her.

 

2) Keep doing as you do. And you deserve what you get.

 

Last time, YOU break whatever appointment or meeting you have with her coming up right now. You do NOT stand there waiting to see if she will do it. That's went on long enough.

 

Break the appointment. DO NOT CONTACT OR RECEIVE CONTACT.

 

And go play golf or something.

 

I'm done.

[Algermas]

I can smell the beta from here.

[Hereiam007]

Thanks this is good advice to take. I just would need the strength to take that kind of action. Hmmm. This is a hard medicine to take. Thank you very much for all the input.