Limbo21 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 My ex did all the above. Text, prodded, emailed, called, stalked, door knocking and only recently stopped me in the street Each and every time I've rejected all attempts (even ran away when she stopped me) ..... It's over. Even if we got back together again it's done. It would never be the same again That was over 2 years ago and I still pine over her each and every day I think you should ignore her. Find someone that won't dump you and then send "Hi" messages It's all self affirming breadcrumbs. All the people who disagree and the ones with few posts .... Most are new so not quite come out the other end yet It's over
Jono85 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 My ex did all the above. Text, prodded, emailed, called, stalked, door knocking and only recently stopped me in the street Each and every time I've rejected all attempts (even ran away when she stopped me) ..... It's over. Even if we got back together again it's done. It would never be the same again That was over 2 years ago and I still pine over her each and every day I think you should ignore her. Find someone that won't dump you and then send "Hi" messages It's all self affirming breadcrumbs. All the people who disagree and the ones with few posts .... Most are new so not quite come out the other end yet It's over i don't understand. it sounds like she did everything imaginable to get you back but you resisted? even though you've pined for her each and every day for the last 2 years?? am i missing something? why not give it a 2nd chance, it's not like you have anything to lose since you're still pining for her.
Samilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 i don't understand. it sounds like she did everything imaginable to get you back but you resisted? even though you've pined for her each and every day for the last 2 years?? am i missing something? why not give it a 2nd chance, it's not like you have anything to lose since you're still pining for her. Meh.. probably for the same reason that Im no answering myself (he just texted me again), the trust isn't here anymore, it wouldn't be the same. Pride, sentiment of self worth that sometimes people work really hard to get back.
Svet74 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I think its fine to reply , just dont get your hopes up and most importantly.. Act like you dont want her back! Reply, But reply un-interested.. So she will prob try harder
Samilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Thanks, Samilia. Btw, what do you suggest? I'm kind of struggling to follow my own advice, right now... Maybe I'll read my own posts on other people threads.. lol I wouldn't answer, but again, I did answer earlier, I really didn't want the rumour to start that I was upset over the break up.. ( I literally went "wtf" out loud when I read the message lol!) I however think their ego gets hurt and they message us. I also think that if she really wanted you back, she would have bothered picking up the phone or at least send a real message. I too am struggling with following my own advice as I am not an *sshole, and I just received a message from him stating he missed me. But I am reminding myself of the way he acted and why it led to a break up. So yes, I can understand the urge of answering, but I am going to watch True blood again instead
Author BlazePT Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Hey guys. Thanks again for the advice... I answered with "Hey. I couldn't answer earlier." to which she replied "That's ok..." And that was it. Btw, my sister told me that she is struggling like HELL. She can't stop thinking about me and talked to my sister for hours about me. She doesn't know if she made the right choice anymore; she's sick of crying and holding herself not to send me a message; she's also afraid that I'm starting to date another girl and she even wondered "Well, if she wanted me, wouldn't he try to contact me in some way?" (yeah, totally inconsistent with what she asked me for)... She also told my sister that she doesn't know if it's best to get over me or not, or if she can do it in the short run. What the hell... Well, anyway, now that I got my head clear, I know that the best course of action will be to just let it be. Not get my hopes up (there's nothing to hope for, really) and continue NC. I haven't told her anything else and I plan not to. Thanks again, people
Samilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Hey guys. Thanks again for the advice... I answered with "Hey. I couldn't answer earlier." to which she replied "That's ok..." And that was it. Btw, my sister told me that she is struggling like HELL. She can't stop thinking about me and talked to my sister for hours about me. She doesn't know if she made the right choice anymore; she's sick of crying and holding herself not to send me a message; she's also afraid that I'm starting to date another girl and she even wondered "Well, if she wanted me, wouldn't he try to contact me in some way?" (yeah, totally inconsistent with what she asked me for)... She also told my sister that she doesn't know if it's best to get over me or not, or if she can do it in the short run. What the hell... Well, anyway, now that I got my head clear, I know that the best course of action will be to just let it be. Not get my hopes up (there's nothing to hope for, really) and continue NC. I haven't told her anything else and I plan not to. Thanks again, people If anything I would have answered "what's up"
Author BlazePT Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 If anything I would have answered "what's up" If such expression existed in my language, that's the first thing i would've told her. There's really nothing like it, though lol...
Pod81 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I was reading a little bit into your situation and I'm going through a similar situation. Ex is also 23, doesn't know what she wants, and became extremely uncomfortable with the post-honeymoon phase. I hate to generalize, but a lot of people this age are very emotionally immature and need more than just 2 months to sort these issues out. Even for those people who don't subscribe to the GIGS theory, at least we can all agree that 2 months isn't enough time for people to make real changes mentally/emotionally. It seems to me that she is just throwing the line out there just to either 1) relieve her own guilt or 2) fulfill her curiosity as to what's going in your life. Let's say (best case scenario) she is thinking about reconciliation, I can almost guarantee you that she is only THINKING about it and is still confused. Remember...since she's the dumper, it's HER job to win you back if she chooses to do so and not the other way around. And honestly, this is quite a half-assed attempt IF that is an attempt at all. I would ignore this for something more substantial if reconciliation is in your cards. 2
Samilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 If such expression existed in my language, that's the first thing i would've told her. There's really nothing like it, though lol... Ah I'm saying that because it seems you're making an apology for not answering right away, I would't have
Svet74 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I was reading a little bit into your situation and I'm going through a similar situation. Ex is also 23, doesn't know what she wants, and became extremely uncomfortable with the post-honeymoon phase. I hate to generalize, but a lot of people this age are very emotionally immature and need more than just 2 months to sort these issues out. Even for those people who don't subscribe to the GIGS theory, at least we can all agree that 2 months isn't enough time for people to make real changes mentally/emotionally. It seems to me that she is just throwing the line out there just to either 1) relieve her own guilt or 2) fulfill her curiosity as to what's going in your life. Let's say (best case scenario) she is thinking about reconciliation, I can almost guarantee you that she is only THINKING about it and is still confused. Remember...since she's the dumper, it's HER job to win you back if she chooses to do so and not the other way around. And honestly, this is quite a half-assed attempt IF that is an attempt at all. I would ignore this for something more substantial if reconciliation is in your cards. I would have to agree with this. Im also in a similar situation But me and my ex have been broken up a year. So basically a year later he is still sorting out his issues. And whatever it is he is doing he is choosing to do so. He is not choosing me or fighting for me. And yes ive herd it from other family membors that he is trying to change and change for me and all that nonsense. but those are just word. And actions speak way Louder 1
Charlie25 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I was reading a little bit into your situation and I'm going through a similar situation. Ex is also 23, doesn't know what she wants, and became extremely uncomfortable with the post-honeymoon phase. I hate to generalize, but a lot of people this age are very emotionally immature and need more than just 2 months to sort these issues out. Even for those people who don't subscribe to the GIGS theory, at least we can all agree that 2 months isn't enough time for people to make real changes mentally/emotionally. It seems to me that she is just throwing the line out there just to either 1) relieve her own guilt or 2) fulfill her curiosity as to what's going in your life. Let's say (best case scenario) she is thinking about reconciliation, I can almost guarantee you that she is only THINKING about it and is still confused. Remember...since she's the dumper, it's HER job to win you back if she chooses to do so and not the other way around. And honestly, this is quite a half-assed attempt IF that is an attempt at all. I would ignore this for something more substantial if reconciliation is in your cards. I fully agree with this, and i kind of in the same boat as you guys . But on the other hand, i think many people (especially dumpees) are quick to brand something "GIGS" just so they can label it and be more comfortable with it. In many cases, it isn't and i also think there are more then one variety of "GIGS" 1) "Not nessecarily GIGS": The one where they quikly get into a "rebound", another popular and imo overused "label". Sometimes they simply left you for someone else. Sometimes it is not really GIGS nor a rebound 2) "Classic GIGS": The one where they go crazy, start to party a lot and have lots of casual sex and/or get into a new RS. This is classic GIGS, and i suspect the one it takes the longest time to "recover" from 3) "Cold feet": People who jump ship, for what seems "weak" reasons; often before some sort of commitment or in a transition period. They are not perfectly happy with the RS, so they start to wonder if they would be happier by themselves. The dumpers seem vague on what they want, and i think in many cases, they have no idea themselves, they just want "something else". In this case; the "I need space" excuse may actually be valid, because thats exactly what they need. They need to experience life on their own. I also think how quikly they change their mind (if they do at all) depends on a couple of things: 1) The dumpers reaction. If they pull, they back away, if they stay away, they come back faster 2) The strength and timeframe of the RS
BB7 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Ah I'm saying that because it seems you're making an apology for not answering right away, I would't have I agree...you waited all that time to reply to keep her on edge then you just took it all away when you said sorry. She's just making sure that you aren't moving on yet...once again keeping you on the backburner. I would hate to hear all this stuff from my sister if this were me but the thing is, your ex knows that everything she says to her is going to come back to you. The conversation is steered toward you and there are specific things she is saying so that it gives you hope and keeps you in limbo land. I don't like it. My sisters and my ex were great friends and even though the break up wasn't an angry split (just very emotional for me), they have obviously sided with me and have decided not to see her. I originally said I didn't care but really I'd prefer them to not be in too much contact with her.
Ruby65 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Breadcrumbs. It's just ego strokes for them. They just want to reassure themselves they can still have you if they don't find anything "better"...... yuck!!
Author BlazePT Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 I agree...you waited all that time to reply to keep her on edge then you just took it all away when you said sorry. She's just making sure that you aren't moving on yet...once again keeping you on the backburner. I would hate to hear all this stuff from my sister if this were me but the thing is, your ex knows that everything she says to her is going to come back to you. The conversation is steered toward you and there are specific things she is saying so that it gives you hope and keeps you in limbo land. I don't like it. My sisters and my ex were great friends and even though the break up wasn't an angry split (just very emotional for me), they have obviously sided with me and have decided not to see her. I originally said I didn't care but really I'd prefer them to not be in too much contact with her. Well, I don't know if this is any useful, but i didn't say "sorry " to her. I just said that I couldn't answer earlier. I also didn't want her to think that I was overthinking about what could I answer to her: that would also look like I'm still hurting, so I thought I just said that as a way of justifying why I hadn't answered immediately. There was no way I wanted to say that I'm sorry. If it looked like that, well then she's thinking wrong. Also, my sister said to her that "Everything you tell me keeps a secret with me, as well as everything he would tell me would keep a secret as well.", because my ex said "Please, don't tell him that I've been talking to you about this".
BB7 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Well, I don't know if this is any useful, but i didn't say "sorry " to her. I just said that I couldn't answer earlier. I also didn't want her to think that I was overthinking about what could I answer to her: that would also look like I'm still hurting, so I thought I just said that as a way of justifying why I hadn't answered immediately. There was no way I wanted to say that I'm sorry. If it looked like that, well then she's thinking wrong. Also, my sister said to her that "Everything you tell me keeps a secret with me, as well as everything he would tell me would keep a secret as well.", because my ex said "Please, don't tell him that I've been talking to you about this". For some reason I read it as you saying 'sorry'...brain fade on my part, not sure how that happened. Regarding your sister...your ex couldn't possibly think that this kind of information would be kept between them, especially when you are hurting. She knows it will get back to mate, I'm sure of that. It does look like bread crumbs though but you never know. For what it's worth I would have replied too, most of us would have.
Limbo21 Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 (edited) i don't understand. it sounds like she did everything imaginable to get you back but you resisted? even though you've pined for her each and every day for the last 2 years?? am i missing something? why not give it a 2nd chance, it's not like you have anything to lose since you're still pining for her. The reason I evaded all attempts is because we did reconcile when we originally broke up and it ended in disaster. I sought help as I was so depressed I lost faith in a further reconciliation. All the time my self respect was screaming at me. At 43 I understand the basic need of desire that is otherwise unattainable. Works with animate and inanimate objects and that desire drives the western world called consumerism. I don't want to come across cynical, just wise She had me she didn't want me. She didn't have me she wants me. End result is me feeling like a gutted fish and I won't let it happen again Unless the op (who seems decent) is part of an elite club where not only do you reconcile but stay together till either he does the dumping or live together forever then I'd bet £20 he will be back her regretting his inevitable pending further text reply Whatever the outcome I wish you the best of luck Edited July 5, 2012 by Limbo21
Samilia Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Well, I don't know if this is any useful, but i didn't say "sorry " to her. I just said that I couldn't answer earlier. I also didn't want her to think that I was overthinking about what could I answer to her: that would also look like I'm still hurting, so I thought I just said that as a way of justifying why I hadn't answered immediately. There was no way I wanted to say that I'm sorry. If it looked like that, well then she's thinking wrong. Also, my sister said to her that "Everything you tell me keeps a secret with me, as well as everything he would tell me would keep a secret as well.", because my ex said "Please, don't tell him that I've been talking to you about this". No it just seemed like it, giving an explanation of why you didn't answer earlier. We're girls, I can guarantee you she knows it's going back to you.
Author BlazePT Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 No it just seemed like it, giving an explanation of why you didn't answer earlier. We're girls, I can guarantee you she knows it's going back to you. Well, even though I know that my ex has always been kind of naive, I'll believe you
Author BlazePT Posted July 6, 2012 Author Posted July 6, 2012 Christ I wish I was in your position Blaze I can't say it's a position where I'm glad to be at, right now. I couldn't sleep much last night, because my anxiety was going through the roof. Right now, as much as I wouldn't want to, I feel like slowly crawling back into the limbo, because even though she has stated to my sister that she's wondering whether she's made the right decision (she said that at the time of the BU, it seemed like the best thing to do, but she's not so sure anymore), that doesn't mean ANYTHING.
CaliGuy Posted July 9, 2012 Posted July 9, 2012 Please be sure to fully read the "all-new Caliguy No Contact Guide" in my signature, which will outline precisely what she has done, and why, and what you should do. Do not respond, reply or react in any way whatsoever, until you read it thoroughly, start to finish - at least twice. Glad to see you still promoting that thread and I hope a lot of people are reading that and not delving into the self-professed "experts" that gave terrible advice adn drove so many people away! Yeah, even CaliGuy doesn't come 'round here often anymore. Not because I'm perfect -- but that I simply got turned off by how far this place fell. Hope you're doing well TM!
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