BlazePT Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Ok, after 2 months of NC, no more than 30 secs ago, my ex sent me a message: "Hi......" Just that. Gosh, got my heart goin...
skyisfalling Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 your heart is thumping really hard, you're anxious and youre nervous aren't you? Well, for starters, calm down and relax. and don't contact her right away, clear your head.. wait for it... congratulations, you have now officially received your first breadcrumb! How are you feeling about this? 2
barese1 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 As much as I am craving attention, skyisfalling is so right. I can imagine all that tension and anxiety you are feeling, and probably hope. Its just breadcrumbs, ignore it!
Author BlazePT Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 your heart is thumping really hard, you're anxious and youre nervous aren't you? Well, for starters, calm down and relax. and don't contact her right away, clear your head.. wait for it... congratulations, you have now officially received your first breadcrumb! How are you feeling about this? Honestly? I don't effing know how I'm feeling!!!!! So much going through my head right now... As much as I am craving attention, skyisfalling is so right. I can imagine all that tension and anxiety you are feeling, and probably hope. Its just breadcrumbs, ignore it! Yeah, I think it's mix of those... Holy christ...
Gulf-Delta Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Honestly? I don't effing know how I'm feeling!!!!! So much going through my head right now... Yeah, I think it's mix of those... Holy christ... That's crazy man. You really NEED to focus, and tihnk about what you want here. You can ignore it, or you can lightly, politely talk (no RELATIONSHIP TALK, at least not at first). Either way, think fully about your decision before you do it. 1
Ruby65 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 My 2 cents: ignore everything from an ex unless it's "I made a huge mistake and want to get back together." Your ex has contacted you and tossed you a breadcrumb to see if you'll take the bait. IF she has anything important to say, she'll contact you again and say it. If not..... she's only looking for ego strokes. Don't fall for it!!
TaraMaiden Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Please be sure to fully read the "all-new Caliguy No Contact Guide" in my signature, which will outline precisely what she has done, and why, and what you should do. Do not respond, reply or react in any way whatsoever, until you read it thoroughly, start to finish - at least twice.
Charlie25 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 My 2 cents: ignore everything from an ex unless it's "I made a huge mistake and want to get back together." Your ex has contacted you and tossed you a breadcrumb to see if you'll take the bait. IF she has anything important to say, she'll contact you again and say it. If not..... she's only looking for ego strokes. Don't fall for it!! I disagree. If OP's intentions is to get back together, what signals does ignoring it give? In my eyes either "Im mad at you for dumping you" or "I won't speak with you because im still hurting" OP, i think you should respond with something like: "Hi, how you been:)?" Don't jump the gun, you want to come across as assured and in controll. Dont bring up the RS and dont ask to ask for a second chance. Be cool and let your ex do the talking.
Author BlazePT Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Thanks for the input guys... Just one thing: She and my sister are going out after dinner, tonight. My sister's POSITIVE that she'll be trying to ask about me. (My ex has been really struggling about me lately, I've come to hear) What's the best course of action for my sister, if she does talk?
Gulf-Delta Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 My 2 cents: ignore everything from an ex unless it's "I made a huge mistake and want to get back together." Your ex has contacted you and tossed you a breadcrumb to see if you'll take the bait. IF she has anything important to say, she'll contact you again and say it. If not..... she's only looking for ego strokes. Don't fall for it!! Bad idea. There were some postings on here recently about how even if they want you back they may not be able to say iy. Whether from embrrassment, or just not being able to do it....it's just one of those tihngs about being human. If he ignores her, she may very well just say "oh well, I guess he's done" and that will be it. There's no reason to not take the high road, and talk like an adult. Ignoring her screams "You hurt me, I'm not over it, and I don't wanna talk to you". Of course, if you are still hurt by it, then by all means, ignore. But if you want to be an adult about things....do it. 1
mike588 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 My ex. g/f dumped me in a very cruel way almost a year ago for her ex. I went strict No Contact believing I'd never hear from her again. Like most of us here I wanted to hear from her and I almost broke N.C. a million times but didn't. Six months later she contacts me several times (emails) saying how sorry she was for hurting me and she regrets it...also mentioning how good I was to her...she thinks about me everyday blah blah blah. I didn't know what to think...was she wanting to "try it again" and it reopened that awful wound that I had worked so hard to put her...the b/u behind me. I waited several days and foolishly replyed (email) and never heard from her again....all she was doing was ridding herself...dumping the guilt she had been carrying around. Even though that was monhts ago and I'm over it I wished she never would of contacted me....it gave me false hope.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Many say ignore a first contact by an ex after some time of "No Contact". I wonder what some think though if you don't have any interest in getting back together. I don't want to get back together with some recent ended relationships with women. It wouldn't light some fire of hope or anything for me if they were to call, email, etc. While I think the crumb of contact would certainly be for them in some way, it wouldn't harm me to converse with them.
Stanza Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I agree on returning a reply. And I'd yes, tell the sister something to bring up. I don't think full NC will help you initiate new communication. you need to have a plan on what you want IF - IF - you will get some chance forward.
rAFC Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 You CAN respond if you want to, but only if you can do it without getting hurt if she doesn't want to get back together.
Edtheduck Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Speaking from experience, my ex did this in the early days of the BU. "Are you ok?" "How are you" Etc etc Nearly 10 weeks on since the BU, it was only to please her guilt I think. However, and a big however, I DID respond to these, eventually. It's your call, just don't get your hopes up from a simple "Hi....." That to me means nothing but a greeting. Simple as. 1
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I think if one contacted me I would say back to them.... "Hi! Good to hear from you! I don't want to get back together at all but wish you the best. I'm doing great and recently....blah, blah, blah..." Just talk about me, me, me. Then end the conversation.
Author BlazePT Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Thank you all guys. Much appreciated! I feel much supported I haven't replied yet. lol I'm trying not to think about it too much, so I can make a more natural move when I've cleared my head...
Samilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Thank you all guys. Much appreciated! I feel much supported I haven't replied yet. lol I'm trying not to think about it too much, so I can make a more natural move when I've cleared my head... Imo she's digging because you're doing so good at maintaining NC.
mike588 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Thank you all guys. Much appreciated! I feel much supported I haven't replied yet. lol I'm trying not to think about it too much, so I can make a more natural move when I've cleared my head... After my ex. dumped me as I said earlier I went No Contact... I'm positive she expected me to nag her about the breakup..expecting me to beg her back...expecting a call every once in awhile from me but nope...I completely ignored her and I'm sure that's why she contacted me.....to see if I would respond.....stupid me.....I did respond.
Samilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 After my ex. dumped me as I said earlier I went No Contact... I'm positive she expected me to nag her about the breakup..expecting me to beg her back...expecting a call every once in awhile from me but nope...I completely ignored her and I'm sure that's why she contacted me.....to see if I would respond.....stupid me.....I did respond. Don't feel stupid, live and learn is more like it. Or.. live so that we can all learn from you
Author BlazePT Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Imo she's digging because you're doing so good at maintaining NC. Thanks, Samilia. Btw, what do you suggest? I'm kind of struggling to follow my own advice, right now... Maybe I'll read my own posts on other people threads.. lol
Author BlazePT Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 After my ex. dumped me as I said earlier I went No Contact... I'm positive she expected me to nag her about the breakup..expecting me to beg her back...expecting a call every once in awhile from me but nope...I completely ignored her and I'm sure that's why she contacted me.....to see if I would respond.....stupid me.....I did respond. Oh...Ok. Nice example. Sorry to hear about your situation, though . How are you handling it now?
mike588 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Oh...Ok. Nice example. Sorry to hear about your situation, though . How are you handling it now? I'm sooooo over her now!! It's been 11 months now and I'll admit I went thru hell those 1st couple of months. I followed the advise give to me here about No Contact and am so glad I did.I ocassionally think about her but it doesn't hurt or bother me at all. No Contact is the BEST thing you can do...all that calling (the ex) texting...begging..crying is something you DON'T want to do...just dissapear..leave them alone..if they want to "talk" they know how to contact you!
Samilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Don't feel bad, I kind of did the same thing today. He sent me a message to see if I was "okay" because some dude at work said I looked upset (WTF????). I answered saying I had no clue what he was talking about and I was tired because I had gone to bed late at 2. He answered again, I ignored. Only reason I answered is because I REALLY did not want him to feel like it has anything to do with him (and bam there it was in his second text, he brought up the break up). I don't regret replying because I feel I was on top, I almost told him to take a hike and mind his own business, but whats the point in being rude? I know he'd digging, I'm not stupid And I now think to myself .. "ah.. f*ck him :)" and keep on living my life in which I can say I am happy.
Jono85 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I disagree. If OP's intentions is to get back together, what signals does ignoring it give? In my eyes either "Im mad at you for dumping you" or "I won't speak with you because im still hurting" OP, i think you should respond with something like: "Hi, how you been:)?" Don't jump the gun, you want to come across as assured and in controll. Dont bring up the RS and dont ask to ask for a second chance. Be cool and let your ex do the talking. that's simply a lot of work and potential heart ache for what most likely is jus the ex trying to either ease her guilt, or feed her ego. it's just not worth it. if they want to get back with u, and it's only been 2 months, i think there's nothing wrong with sending out the msg that "i'm still hurt and would rather not talk to u/cut u out of my life". that would tell them that there are still unresolved feelings, since if u were completely over them, u'd answer them naturally like u suggested, so maybe that actually opens a window for the ex to feel comfortable enough to push and ask to talk etc. whereas if the ex thinks ur completely over them, maybe they wouldn't even try it b/c ur life seems so happy and good without them and they don't want to risk embarassment. i mean if ur NOT over the person, why pretend to be and talk to them as if everythings good. u ignore them, it sends the msg that u've given up, and don't care to keep in touch anymore. i don't see why that's a bad thing if an ex truly wants u back. they will not just stop when u ignore them, surely they will ask to talk, etc.
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