tigressA Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 The guy I've been seeing came over last night; he had called and I told him I wanted to have sex. Well. I'm never doing that with him again. It felt so forced. Maybe it was because it was planned but neither of us were really feeling it. We tried once last night and once this morning. He left just a little while ago even though he doesn't have work until this afternoon. He said he'd 'keep me posted'. I don't think I want him to keep me posted. I don't think I want to see him again. We had plans set up for Sunday but I'm going to cancel them. Back to the drawing board.
ThaWholigan Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Oh dear! That is unfortunate. I think you are right though - I think it would have been better if it was spontaneous rather than spoken of beforehand. Also, probably because 1st times tend to be awkward. Still, must be annoying! Back to the drawing board indeed!
Author tigressA Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Oh dear! That is unfortunate. I think you are right though - I think it would have been better if it was spontaneous rather than spoken of beforehand. Also, probably because 1st times tend to be awkward. Still, must be annoying! Back to the drawing board indeed! The first time with a new person doesn't tend to be awkward for me, even if it's planned. Even my very first time wasn't awkward at all and that was planned! I think we talked our situation to death, too...or he did, rather--and I allowed it. I would rather not have talked about it at all, and he was being really confusing. I don't think we relate to each other well at all. There's a massive lack of mutual understanding. We easily misread things the other says. I don't expect mind-reading; that's an impossible romantic ideal. But I do prefer to have more than what I have with this guy. I admittedly was a little clouded and tried to justify some sort of connection other than physical because I was so attracted to him. But now that the consummation was a bust, I can see clearly and I'm not all that interested anymore.
ThaWholigan Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 The first time with a new person doesn't tend to be awkward for me, even if it's planned. Even my very first time wasn't awkward at all and that was planned! I think we talked our situation to death, too...or he did, rather--and I allowed it. I would rather not have talked about it at all, and he was being really confusing. I don't think we relate to each other well at all. There's a massive lack of mutual understanding. We easily misread things the other says. I don't expect mind-reading; that's an impossible romantic ideal. But I do prefer to have more than what I have with this guy. I admittedly was a little clouded and tried to justify some sort of connection other than physical because I was so attracted to him. But now that the consummation was a bust, I can see clearly and I'm not all that interested anymore. Ahh see now that's what killed it The worst thing to do is to talk about it beforehand. I remember having a long ass conversation with the girl I liked about what was going to happen. That kills the spark really. Even the hotel planning was awkward. In the end, when I went to stay at her house, it was just awkward and nothing ever happened. There were other reasons but that awkwardness prevailed in the end. This actually sounds a lot like how I was with her - except we never consummated anything. Always misread things, but found each other attractive (I liked her a tad more though). She was very "subtext" orientated, whereas I being the inexperienced one was very blunt and forthright, which often threw her off. She was an Aries like you aswell What do you think led to the lack of spontaneity and his lack of understanding?
EasyHeart Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Oh geez, you cannot order a Leo to have sex with you!!! You can do that kind of stuff with Virgos and Aquarii and such, but Leo is the King! He needs to think everything is his idea and he is granting you a royal favor every time he does the littlest thing for you. And you always, always have to pretend that he is the greatest sexual athlete in history. I never get along well with Leos. . . . 1
Author tigressA Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Ahh see now that's what killed it The worst thing to do is to talk about it beforehand. I remember having a long ass conversation with the girl I liked about what was going to happen. That kills the spark really. Even the hotel planning was awkward. In the end, when I went to stay at her house, it was just awkward and nothing ever happened. There were other reasons but that awkwardness prevailed in the end. This actually sounds a lot like how I was with her - except we never consummated anything. Always misread things, but found each other attractive (I liked her a tad more though). She was very "subtext" orientated, whereas I being the inexperienced one was very blunt and forthright, which often threw her off. She was an Aries like you aswell What do you think led to the lack of spontaneity and his lack of understanding? We weren't talking in detail about the sex before he came over. It was about 'us'/other dating stuff. The way he talks is...pretty incomprehensible to me. He can be vague. I don't think he does it on purpose. I'm more of a straight talker and he seems to beat around the bush. I used to be like that but now I find it annoying And I can never really tell when he's being serious or sarcastic, which adds to the confusion. I just stopped paying any real attention and said "Mm-hmm" so he'd know I was still alive on the other end. In the end I even said, "I'm not concerned with what you want. I care about what I want. If we're on the same wavelength, cool. If there's a problem, something you want to know, ask. Be proactive. Talk. Aside from that, I don't care and I won't be talking about it."
Emilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 always have to pretend that he is the greatest sexual athlete in history. I thought that was with all men 2
Emilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 The way he talks is...pretty incomprehensible to me. He can be vague. I don't think he does it on purpose. I'm more of a straight talker and he seems to beat around the bush. I used to be like that but now I find it annoying And I can never really tell when he's being serious or sarcastic, which adds to the confusion. I just stopped paying any real attention and said "Mm-hmm" so he'd know I was still alive on the other end. So he bored you to tears. Yes well that's not a good way to maintain attraction 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I don't think it had anything to do with the planning phase personally, but that's speaking for myself I guess more than I could speak for him but I wouldn't think that would necessarily be a buzz kill, I'm sure many people have hooked up that way without an issue. I think you lacked any real chemistry, passion, tension...it just didn't seem to be there, the connection didn't appear to be strong, it was your attraction and just the mild carrying on of things that seemed to get you to this point...maybe sex was going to be the one thing that saved all of this? Regardless that sounds like an extremely awkward situation If you "tried" at night then in the morning (what does that even mean? lol...ok I think I know but rather not hear it )and it was just not working with someone you've never even been with and supposedly have been craving each other physically...but then again don't really know what you're trying to accomplish here turning water into wine. However you may have given this guy performance anxiety, you usually have to coddle most men and let them feel like they are swooning you into bed, rather than you just giving it up...they want to feel like they seduced you into bed, and in this situation you kinda turn the tables into an expectation, I can imagine him thinking "oh crap, I hope I can make this happen and be amazing in bed!" ::flap:: that's the sound of a limp... 2
ThaWholigan Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 We weren't talking in detail about the sex before he came over. It was about 'us'/other dating stuff. The way he talks is...pretty incomprehensible to me. He can be vague. I don't think he does it on purpose. I'm more of a straight talker and he seems to beat around the bush. I used to be like that but now I find it annoying And I can never really tell when he's being serious or sarcastic, which adds to the confusion. I just stopped paying any real attention and said "Mm-hmm" so he'd know I was still alive on the other end. In the end I even said, "I'm not concerned with what you want. I care about what I want. If we're on the same wavelength, cool. If there's a problem, something you want to know, ask. Be proactive. Talk. Aside from that, I don't care and I won't be talking about it." Sounds like he's kinda boring . It's one thing to be vague - another to be interesting. I mean, I LOVE to talk, but I make a habit of not beating around the bush when it gets down to the meat and potatoes. Seems like he coasts by on his looks - which is likely. Maybe his vagueness attracts other similarly abstract talkers, but is a turnoff for you. Very likely just an incompatibility, regardless of the physical attraction. at what you said. You don't just beat the bush, you set the bitch on fire! I thought that was with all men Nope, just Leos . My Virgo-ness leads me to be reserved most of the time.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 However you may have given this guy performance anxiety, you usually have to coddle most men and let them feel like they are swooning you into bed, rather than you just giving it up...they want to feel like they seduced you into bed, and in this situation you kinda turn the tables into an expectation, I can imagine him thinking "oh crap, I hope I can make this happen and be amazing in bed!" ::flap:: that's the sound of a limp... I thought only really whimpy guys were like this
Author tigressA Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Okay, well 'tried' was a poor word choice. We did actually have sex, but neither of us was really into it at all. At a couple of points we just started laughing, and we quit after a few minutes, both times.
EasyHeart Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I thought that was with all menBut with some of us, you don't have to pretend. . . . 3
Oxy Moronovich Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I'm not buying the OP's post one damn bit. Women want casual sex just as much as men but they don't wanna deal with the stigma of being labeled slutty. So most women will use some face-saving mechanism: "I had sex because I was drunk." or "I wanted an intimate moment but there was no chemistry so I broke it off." The OP only wanted casual sex and nothing more. The "lack of chemistry" argument is face-saving BS. I can't believe you folks bought it. 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I thought that was with all men For men you have to pretend they've given you the best sex, with the biggest penis of your life... For women you have to pretend they're the most beautiful/intelligent woman you've ever met in your life that's always skinny. Hey I think women got it easier! Ahhh..gender insecurity! 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I thought only really whimpy guys were like this From what I hear, it happens with more younger/inexperienced men, or men who lack confidence or need some kind of emotional comfort/attachment before feeling so. Personally it's not something I have experienced so I'm speaking from what others men have told me..they're usually pretty embarrassed about it though.
Emilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 For men you have to pretend they've given you the best sex, with the biggest penis of your life... That part I certainly agree with. All my lovers think they are the best Except it's impossible for EVERYONE to be the best For women you have to pretend they're the most beautiful/intelligent woman you've ever met in your life that's always skinny. Hey I think women got it easier! If only!
Emilia Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 From what I hear, it happens with more younger/inexperienced men, or men who lack confidence or need some kind of emotional comfort/attachment before feeling so. Personally it's not something I have experienced so I'm speaking from what others men have told me..they're usually pretty embarrassed about it though. I'd say the bolded is my experience.
Author tigressA Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 From what I hear, it happens with more younger/inexperienced men, or men who lack confidence or need some kind of emotional comfort/attachment before feeling so. Personally it's not something I have experienced so I'm speaking from what others men have told me..they're usually pretty embarrassed about it though. I am more experienced than he is...from what he's told me, the number of years I've been having sex/the number of partners I've had is more than twice his. I've also got more relationship experience under my belt. And he's several years older than me.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Okay, well 'tried' was a poor word choice. We did actually have sex, but neither of us was really into it at all. At a couple of points we just started laughing, and we quit after a few minutes, both times. Ah yes, this also happens to me also when I'm wearing my clown outfit during sex! "You've got to squeeze my nose! If you want more of the "balloon" that's coming out of the hole in my onesie" ::hurheh hurheh:: That's how we real men roll right ThaWholigan?...shiiii 3
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I'd say the bolded is my experience. I tread carefully as much as I can around remarks that may make me sound "cocky" (I might fail at it at times), so I try to speak in general terms that may or may not include myself. I don't want other men to feel that I'm just bashing on them for their experience and making them feel worse about it. I don't have anything to prove here. If it was my experience I would be open about it, even If it was embarrassing.
Leigh 87 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I'm not buying the OP's post one damn bit. Women want casual sex just as much as men but they don't wanna deal with the stigma of being labeled slutty. So most women will use some face-saving mechanism: "I had sex because I was drunk." or "I wanted an intimate moment but there was no chemistry so I broke it off." The OP only wanted casual sex and nothing more. The "lack of chemistry" argument is face-saving BS. I can't believe you folks bought it. what the heck is wrong with you?! You turned this into a negative thing... You make out as if the OP has done something wrong... she hasn't.. In fact, I think it is great she can come on here, and analyze and therefore better understand her actions. OP - I have been there, where there is no passion or chemistry. How did you not know, though, by this stage? Maybe you were both horny so it felt good at first, but after the insane, first hook up horny factor wore off, you did not have much to work with:confused:
ThaWholigan Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Ah yes, this also happens to me also when I'm wearing my clown outfit during sex! "You've got to squeeze my nose! If you want more of the "balloon" that's coming out of the hole in my onesie" ::hurheh hurheh:: That's how we real men roll right ThaWholigan?...shiiii Making rabbits disappear in her "hat" since 2012 2
Leigh 87 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Actually, How does one even get to the sexual stage, if there is no chemistry or sexual urges? Care to explain? Anyone?
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