she "dumped" me over text after a year

[Kovalchoke]

Hi, I'm new here.

 

long story short:

we had been dating for over a year. I am 19 in college, she is 16 in high school. She is east-indian and i am chinese, so her parents/family wouldn't let us date basically. Around May, she started acting alot different. One night during a fundraiser at her school, she called me and during one of the calls her guy-friend said he wants to have sex with my girlfriend, it was a joke but i didn't find it funny. I got upset the entire night and she got sad and the next day, she went out to a birthday party, bowling/movie (she skipped work). I found it weird because it was only her, a couple, and the driver (a spoiled brown kid who has a bmw). Since then i found out the guy likes her and only wants sex etc and she had been getting rides from this guy to work, and she even drove his car once. They hung out more after that birthday party, and she started ignoring me more. Around this time there had been rumors of them doing things together, like kissing and getting drunk together, so i confronted her about it and she said i don't trust her, and that i'm "Overprotective". I found that really stupid because it was my duty as a boyfriend to know, right?

 

A few days after, she "broke up" with me over text message, saying " it's over, we're ending it" with no real reason. I found it ridiculous, as i have done so much for her, wrote her poems, gifts, visited her afterschool when it wasn't convenient for me. Weeks later, her sister (my close friend) told me that she had been real bitchy and flirty, while talking alot about "nice cars". Around this time she started wearing more revealing outfits, and getting rides from various guys. I talked to her friend who felt bad for me, and my ex gets pissed and tells me "stop talking to my friends". The thing is, i heard alot of people don't like her and think she's a slut for what she did to me and what shes doing right now.

 

I tried NC for about a week, and in the mean time I found a part-time job, started driving. She heard about it, and got "mad" i got a job. I tried one more time to get her back, breaking NC, telling her how i feel, but she said "stoppp, i'm sorry". While also telling her sister that "mom wants a brown boyfriend for me". Around this time she has been obsessed with finding a brown boyfriend, possibly for approval from her parents. She also apparently has a fling with that guy who said he wants to have sex with her, as they're always flirting with each other, and shes tried getting me jealous by telling me the guy bought her tickets to a Justin Bieber Concert, and she also sent pictures of him to one of my friends saying "cute?". The thing i don't get is the guy's only after sex as he always talks about boobs/ass, and they sext each other. Rebound? Despite this "fling" she has with him, she flirts with every guy now. Is she just desperate?

 

the week after she got really mad that i talk to her friend, and she said to stop trying and just get out of my life. I got pissed too and told her off, saying she's a real douchebag for dumping me over text after a year of dating.

 

She used to be so different. I heard she did weed twice, and shes into drinking now. I avoid going on her facebook/tumblr so i won't have any false hope like if she posts something about me or anyone else. I've maintained NC for 2 weeks now, and idk what to do. My friends told me to leave it because its none of my business now. I obviously still love her and care about her despite everything she's done to me. I just feel hurt because I know this is beyond repair - it's just not supposed to be this way.. Maybe i never knew her. I just don't want her to screw up in life or worse, get drunk and taken advantage of since shes usually with guys. I'm thinking one day when i stop caring she'll crawl back to me after she realizes she messed up, right? Any suggestions?

Edited July 4, 2012 by Kovalchoke

[Exit]

They say age difference has a bigger affect when you are younger and it is true. 29 and 26 dating isn't a big deal. 19 and 16 is just not a good idea.

 

You don't need to be her knight in shining armor saying things like "I don't her to screw up or get taken advantage of". She has a mind of her own and if she wants to get drunk with guys and hang out with them because they have a car, that's her choice.

 

No I don't honestly think she will be back based on the last interaction you described with her, she is telling you to utterly get lost and that doesn't sound like someone who is going to change their mind eventually.

 

Let the high schoolers be high schoolers. Find a college girl. You weren't going to marry and spend eternity with the 16 year old you met when you were 19. It's normal for it to hurt and take some time to get past but just get real about it and accept that you have better things ahead of you.

[Kovalchoke]

They say age difference has a bigger affect when you are younger and it is true. 29 and 26 dating isn't a big deal. 19 and 16 is just not a good idea.

 

You don't need to be her knight in shining armor saying things like "I don't her to screw up or get taken advantage of". She has a mind of her own and if she wants to get drunk with guys and hang out with them because they have a car, that's her choice.

 

No I don't honestly think she will be back based on the last interaction you described with her, she is telling you to utterly get lost and that doesn't sound like someone who is going to change their mind eventually.

 

Let the high schoolers be high schoolers. Find a college girl. You weren't going to marry and spend eternity with the 16 year old you met when you were 19. It's normal for it to hurt and take some time to get past but just get real about it and accept that you have better things ahead of you.

 

 

Youre right. But i dont think ill be able to get over it anytime soon. I hate this part of relationships... It sucks seeing her move on so fast while im left to heal

[Kovalchoke]

Any more opinions would be great!

[ihateslowjams]

Do you still have feelings for your ex? Mine has done alot of horrible things to me but I still do.

 

I know what you mean. I've stayed on facebook and haven't looked at her stuff for over a month and i feel great about it. I also have learned to not contact them under any circumstance. I feel great and have been alot more successful ever since she broke up with me, but i still feel like something's missing. Could what she be experiencing be a rebound? seeking comfort?

 

Oh yes... i still have very strong feelings for my ex. I still think about her constantly and check my phone regularly, but I understand that there isn't a single thing I should do to get back with her; she has to figure it out on her own.

 

Even if your ex is experiencing a rebound/comfort or not, keeping this thought in your head isn't going to change the fact she BU with you (sorry to say). I know its hard, but you have to not think like this because its only going to make you go crazy. Trust me, Ive done it last month. However, I got to a point where I was fed up with the exhausting depression and insanity I was experiencing because of it. Since that moment, every time I think in a similar manner, I instantly start thinking about other productive stuff and try to do it. Eventually, my thoughts of her with anyone or her in general is starting to diminish little by little.

 

You have to try to take care of yourself at this moment, it helps determine your character to yourself. Right now is a very crucial and momentous occasion of your life. You can either gain positively or negatively from it. I chose the former in my life and focused on my education and attempting to complete it as fast as possible since I'm WAY behind (27 yrs old and still I've at home. which was a reason for my BU).

 

What also helped me was I thought about what I did wrong in the relationship to learn from my mistakes. No one is a saint in a relationship. There were things both partners did that caused the demise of the relationship (if it didn't include cheating or abuse). So try to figure yours out and work on it so it doesn't happen again with the next girl or if your ex comes back to you.

 

Don't break NC and keep yourself busy. That can either be with friends or staying productive with your life. If you keep it up, you'll eventually begin to feel better. At the same time, if your ex ever does come back, at least she'll see positive changes and might be brownie points for you. AND it goes the same for a different girl too. Women love productive/determined/successful/"guy who has his s**t together" type of guy.

Edited August 2, 2012 by ihateslowjams