My girlfriend did this several months ago... I've moved past but sometimes...

[jankees092]

Several months ago when we first started to date and get to know each other (10 month relationship as of now) my girlfriend did something somewhat disrespectful and a red flag in my mind. We went out one night, some guy said hi to her, then turns to me and says "why don't you go find some girls from where you live". I almost fought this kid for being disrespectful to me saying that, until his friends pulled him away. Long story short, the next day she brings up what happened and I just asked her who it was. She said that they were just friends. I said, why was he so jealous, have you guys hooked up? She said yes, that they made out once shortly before I met her. She told me that the situation made her "very uncomfortable" (what he said). After that - I actually reacted very insecurely by telling her to get this kid out of her life because it was going to cause problems with our relationship - including deleting from facebook. She did a couple days later. As far as I know, she cut contact completely with the kid (and, I will admit to looking through her phone - when she got a new one - specifically at the contacts. He wasn't there, and nothing else "bad" was there... just "good" texts about me to her friends, a lot of our convos were saved etc) - I felt that snooping was okay, because in the back of my mind I had some doubts about what type of girl she was based on this behavior. I haven't done it since.

 

At the time it happened, I chalked it up to her not having had a serious relationship before and this was evident by her lack of communication. (ie. went home for break getting drunk with friends - and than calling me drunk out of no-where for a drunk talk - lol). We established communication, and we talked about things that we thought were "inappropriate" to do in our relationship - talking to old flames, hanging out w/ exes/old fwb/hookups on one (for non-school/work stuff - where you don't have a choice) - general stuff like that . I actually asked her about that situation of the guy a couple months later and asked her why she did it. She said she "liked the attention" but that "they weren't texting".

 

As a side note - At some point, a female friend of myn from highschool who goes to the same college wanted to hangout alone (i actually felt uncomfortable with the idea)...So I asked her what she thought of this/if she would be uncomfortable/jealous... She said she wouldn't care if I did it at all... At first I took this as a bad sign, but realized that she wouldn't care if I did it because she wouldn't be doing anything bad/cheating if she was doing it (psychology majors come at me)

 

If you're reading this far - great. I really believe she hasn't done anything else shady/disrespectful, doesn't talk to that kid, and doesn't have any other red flags so to say. I met her family, she has a solid family, only has girl best friends (no "guy" friends), and doesn't hangout with her ex'es/flames - but will say hi to them if they are at a mutual party. I feel that she really freaking loves me a lot, and has changed her views on how seriously she treats our relationship. (I have since learned that in both of her other relationships she got cheated on, they didn't really have any "real" relationship other than high - school ones - that don't really count). But sometimes, when I am reading other stories of girls being disrespectful seeking attention - it is almost always said to break up with them and I'm just left wondering if I made the right choice or not - though so far, I can say that it seems that I have and she has a different attitude towards our relationship. Opinions thoughts, flaming of op?

[irin]

what exactly did she do thats was disrespectful? run into someone that knew her and said hi to hair. the guy was disrespectful to you not her!

[jankees092]

Well, the only other thing that bothered me is that she would quite obviously talk to this guy while she was with me - when she knew that he was still interested and she didn't shut him down.

 

That's my problem.

I think I'm being irrational.

Please tell me I am.

[irin]

Well, the only other thing that bothered me is that she would quite obviously talk to this guy while she was with me - when she knew that he was still interested and she didn't shut him down.

 

That's my problem.

I think I'm being irrational.

Please tell me I am.

 

were you "exclusive" or had the talk about seeing only each other, and it was clarified that you were in a committed relationship, with boundaries explained to one another?

[jankees092]

We were exclusive. What I meant by talk to him is that she would respond to him if he initiated a conversation with her while she was with me (as in, physically present). Like, she was obviously enjoying the attention and never just telling him to **** off. we had never established any "boundaries" so to say - until after this incident.

[irin]

We were exclusive. What I meant by talk to him is that she would respond to him if he initiated a conversation with her while she was with me (as in, physically present). Like, she was obviously enjoying the attention and never just telling him to **** off. we had never established any "boundaries" so to say - until after this incident.

 

i think you are blowing this out of proportion, if she responds to someone speaking to her in front of you is not the same as speaking to some ex flame behind your back.

 

being in a relationship doesn't mean you have be rude to all guys/girls and tell them to f off, just because you have a gf/bf. its rude to ignore people in their face.

 

you need to calm down!

[jankees092]

i think you are blowing this out of proportion, if she responds to someone speaking to her in front of you is not the same as speaking to some ex flame behind your back.

 

being in a relationship doesn't mean you have be rude to all guys/girls and tell them to f off, just because you have a gf/bf. its rude to ignore people in their face.

 

you need to calm down!

 

thanks - this is what I thought. But than I read the stories about girls who seek attention and how you should break up with them and it creates doubt in my mind. But I don't think my situation was like that.

[irin]

thanks - this is what I thought. But than I read the stories about girls who seek attention and how you should break up with them and it creates doubt in my mind. But I don't think my situation was like that.

 

how old are you?

 

the way to tell if someone is an attention seeker, is if they go out of their way to gain someones attention, by what you have told me is that she didnt try hard to get him to talk to her, he just did and she responded like anyone else would.

[jankees092]

thanks, 20.

 

you're right. thanks for the replies, I just need to move past this like I had before.

[ZhaoZilong5]

****...20? From personal experience:

 

My ex was a very attractive girl with amazing quirks. Naturally, she was getting hit on a lot. She appreciated my trust in her, because if I would have ever gotten jealous, then it would have pushed her away really quicky.

 

Well, it gets to the point where you *will* meet somebody who you're attracted to. At that age, enough guys hit on her to where she eventually became interested in two people, one of which she was really, really interested in. She started questioning us, questioning what she really wanted, etc. Some people call this G.I.G.S. We broke up.

 

4 days before our BU was the last time she told me she loved me. Honestly man, set up some ground rules. Of course, respect her enough to let her do what she wants and trust her to do it responsibly, but make sure she knows that she needs to NEVER hang out with anybody that she finds even remotely attractive. That is disrespectful to you and the relationship. It's feeding a flame that can potentially get out of control.

 

Think of it this way, why be friends with somebody who is interested in you? You know they're only friends with you in order to get with you...what kind of a friend is that?

[Emilia]

thanks, 20.

 

you're right. thanks for the replies, I just need to move past this like I had before.

 

Not the last time you have to deal with insecurities like this. Over time as you gain more dating experience you will learn to judge someone's character by how they handle something like this. So far she seems ok to me.

 

You will also learn that lots of things that other people do are out of our control and it's best not to fret about it in advance