A new slant on being shallow (meaning me)

July 3, 2012

A lot of times, we've all talked about being shallow, superficial, etc. Like a 5'3" woman won't date a man unless they are 6 feet tall or taller.

Or a guy that won't date a woman unless she has breasts that are C-cup or higher and so on.

A woman I had been recently talking to made me realized that I MIGHT be superficial.

But...I have to explain the situation first. I had been talking to her online back and forth the past day or 2, 1st off, she's very attractive physically, no question about it. Holds a PhD, and over 40.

I asked her if she had a nose piercing, because in one of her pictures I could vaguely make one out.

I asked her if she had a nose piercing and she said that she did, and also a few discrete tats here and there...."does that bother you?"

And I said, "Yeah, sorry, no offense...but facial piercings on a woman don't do it for me."

And she goes, "None taken, and I don't date guys that judge people based solely on the physical appearances and lack open mindedness."

Questions

1. At this point, shall I consider myself superficial because I turned down a woman due to a facial piercing? I actually never thought of it that way. I didn't know that turning down people based on their facial piercings was considered shallow....is it?

Of course, piercings are artificial, and can be removed instantly...even tats. But, dose it really compare to dating an obese person that turns you off physically?

2. Was I judgmental?

3. Do I lack an open mind, because I didn't give her a shot?

4. She was just venting at me, because she was rejected?

July 3, 2012

A lot of times, we've all talked about being shallow, superficial, etc. Like a 5'3" woman won't date a man unless they are 6 feet tall or taller.

Or a guy that won't date a woman unless she has breasts that are C-cup or higher and so on.

A woman I had been recently talking to made me realized that I MIGHT be superficial.

But...I have to explain the situation first. I had been talking to her online back and forth the past day or 2, 1st off, she's very attractive physically, no question about it. Holds a PhD, and over 40.

I asked her if she had a nose piercing, because in one of her pictures I could vaguely make one out.

I asked her if she had a nose piercing and she said that she did, and also a few discrete tats here and there...."does that bother you?"

And I said, "Yeah, sorry, no offense...but facial piercings on a woman don't do it for me."

And she goes, "None taken, and I don't date guys that judge people based solely on the physical appearances and lack open mindedness."

Questions

1. At this point, shall I consider myself superficial because I turned down a woman due to a facial piercing? I actually never thought of it that way. I didn't know that turning down people based on their facial piercings was considered shallow....is it?

Of course, piercings are artificial, and can be removed instantly...even tats. But, dose it really compare to dating an obese person that turns you off physically?

2. Was I judgmental?

3. Do I lack an open mind, because I didn't give her a shot?

4. She was just venting at me, because she was rejected?

Hmm. OK, here are my thoughts:

1. I don't think it's any more shallow than people having general physical preferences. Which is to say, sure, I guess it's shallow, but it's also human. You're entitled to that.

2. This one I just don't know - because you don't say why you're not attracted to women with facial piercings (I assume this doesn't include in the ears). If you're making assumptions in your mind about the sort of person she is because she has those piercings - then yes, you were judgmental. But only you can honestly answer that one.

3. Well, in a way - for example, in many other ways you seemed to really like her. So the question really is, are you shooting yourself in the foot over something like this? That sort of goes back to #2 - is your reason for not liking facial piercings based on a judgment of who she is as a person? If so, that's actually more troublesome than being simply shallow, in a way. Everyone's shallow about various things. But if you're rejecting a potential match based on a misjudgment of character, then the only person you're really hurting is you. Just food for thought.

4. Yes, I think she was venting at you because she felt rejected.

July 3, 2012

Bullet dodged. Imagine being married to that mouth.

July 3, 2012

Facial piercings on a woman over 40...don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Wow, what a coincidence, I was considering adding to my original post that she's over 40 and holds a Doctorate. I feel it's a double whammy there, I find that completely age inappropriate. Leave the face piercings to the rebellious young adults.

I found her attractive, but didn't find that aspect of her attractive. I just find it to be a complete turn off to be looking at that on her face, while I'm talking to her. I have a male friend that won't date a woman if she has ANY tats. (even discrete ones, because HE thinks that she'll start adding more on at a later time.) No, I don't judge her piercings on her based on her character, but she judged MY character based on the fact is that I find it aesthetically unattractive.

Edited July 3, 2012 by irc333

July 3, 2012

I think everyone is allowed to have whatever preferences and dealbreakers they may have.

If she was really interesting and attractive to you, though, I think you might be shooting yourself in the foot by rejecting a person off the cuff for a thing that is not even permanent.

I'm pretty sure my husband is not "into" tattoos, but he met me, loves me, and I have some. He certainly would have missed the boat bigtime if he turned away because of them.

And on the other hand, a person who has such a strong reaction to something like a piercing or a tattoo is probably exactly NOT the kind of person somebody who has such a thing would like.

To WeShallOvercome: Some of us "over 40" people got our decorations a long, long time ago - way before it was a big huge mainstream trend. If you think they're ugly, that's fine with me, but I really don't think that just because we reach the age of 40 we need to join the ranks of the elderly and remove our nosering or whatever.

July 3, 2012

vI really don't think that just because we reach the age of 40 we need to join the ranks of the elderly and remove our nosering or whatever.

Actually, I think after the age of 40, best to pop out the nose/brow/lip rings...at that age, you just look silly. By that age, it just isn't age appropriate.

July 3, 2012

Actually, I think after the age of 40, best to pop out the nose/brow/lip rings...at that age, you just look silly. By that age, it just isn't age appropriate.

My wife has a nose ring (little stud) I hope she keeps it when she gets to be 40. My mother in law has one, doesn't look bad at all.

July 3, 2012

Actually, I think after the age of 40, best to pop out the nose/brow/lip rings...at that age, you just look silly. By that age, it just isn't age appropriate.

Why is it inappropriate?

EDIT: My dad's wife is in her 50s and has a small piercing/stud on her nose. It doesn't look inappropriate at all.

July 3, 2012

You should've nexted her without mentioning it. Plain and simple.

July 3, 2012

Why even bother writing the post? You obviously don't like girls with piercings, and she doesn't like men who judge her on her physical appearance.

What, did you think she was going to take out her nose ring immediately after you said that? That's just as lame as her expecting you to change your taste in women.

Leave it at that if it bothers you that much. I'm sure there are plenty of girls your type out there.

July 3, 2012

at least you told her the real reason and maybe she will realise that at her age, it may be a downside to her dating.

I don't like tattoos and piercings either.

July 3, 2012

I think she just got butt-hurt that you rejected her so she rejected you right back. Don't worry about it.

Also, yes you were judgmental but that's okay too because it's okay to not want to date someone you don't find attractive.

July 3, 2012

Also, I don't think you were trying to offend her, just clarify what turns out to be a deal breaker for you. She, on the other hand, was being a rude bitch on purpose. That'll be two reasons not to date her.

(I expect I'll get hell for this post.)

July 3, 2012

I think it was lame and rude, and clearly poor form for what I would expect from an adult to passively insult someones appearance...imagine the tables turned and the conversation was going well, and she notices something about your appearance in your picture and ask "is that the way you really look?" .."yeah that's me in the pic too"..."Sorry I could hardly notice that was you compared to the others, I'm just not into that...it doesn't do it for me...no offense". You do realize this is part of her appearance right?

I'm actually surprised that so many people were ok with your remarks or should I really say attitude towards her....furthermore you kind of rejected her similarly in fashion to what I would expect from a 20 year old, crudely and with insensitivity...kind of with a stiff jab to toot your own horn because you were able to decline the advances of such an attractive educated woman.

"Yo babe, is that a tramp stamp on your back?"

"yeah is that ok?"

"No sorry, I don't date whores"

I think she's more than earned her privilege in wearing a piercing If that's to her liking. Plus people come from different cultures and backgrounds, and prefer different styles...it doesn't mean you're a decent person for "being honest" with someone you don't even know or will never see again, she doesn't have anything to prove to you...you would like to put this under the thick gaze of "Well better I be honest and upfront now" when It's clear you scoff at the idea of a woman of her age having a piercing or even tattoos. Imagine If she was reading this post.

Completely lame of you and those who agreed with you IMO, completely judgmental and critical without even seeing this woman to make a determination of whether it was appropriate by those reading this...it may or may not be out of her age "bracket", it may even look great on her in person and be completely tasteful...but the bottom line is you should have just nonchalantly rolled into the next subject and on the next message tell her you were seeing someone else or you were very busy, turning her down after a remark like that just makes you look like a tool...and In my opinion, completely age inappropriate for lack in common sense and courtesy for another grown adult.

If this is something that important to you, then maybe you should ask for further pics or ask as an opener, go about it with some class or even mention it in your profile...It was clear the way you went about it was distasteful.

This post reeks of bashing/judgment.

July 3, 2012

Hardly at all, I just happened to notice something at the last moment. Didn't mean to come off as rude, but why waste each others time if if I'm not into women with piercings.

And I didn't start the conversation about it with "Yo babe" I was a gentleman about it. That dialogue you just THREW up there , inferring she was a whore....talk about just throwing up lies and just blowing it all out of proportion.

I just personally don't find it appealing.

And if the tables were turned I wouldn't be offended by it one bit. At least we realized that it wouldn't be a good match before moving forward with meeting.

I think it was lame and rude, and clearly poor form for what I would expect from an adult to passively insult someones appearance...imagine the tables turned and the conversation was going well, and she notices something about your appearance in your picture and ask "is that the way you really look?" .."yeah that's me in the pic too"..."Sorry I could hardly notice that was you compared to the others, I'm just not into that...it doesn't do it for me...no offense". You do realize this is part of her appearance right?

I'm actually surprised that so many people were ok with your remarks or should I really say attitude towards her....furthermore you kind of rejected her similarly in fashion to what I would expect from a 20 year old, crudely and with insensitivity...kind of with a stiff jab to toot your own horn because you were able to decline the advances of such an attractive educated woman.

"Yo babe, is that a tramp stamp on your back?"

"yeah is that ok?"

"No sorry, I don't date whores"

I think she's more than earned her privilege in wearing a piercing If that's to her liking. Plus people come from different cultures and backgrounds, and prefer different styles...it doesn't mean you're a decent person for "being honest" with someone you don't even know or will never see again, she doesn't have anything to prove to you...you would like to put this under the thick gaze of "Well better I be honest and upfront now" when It's clear you scoff at the idea of a woman of her age having a piercing or even tattoos. Imagine If she was reading this post.

Completely lame of you and those who agreed with you IMO, completely judgmental and critical without even seeing this woman to make a determination of whether it was appropriate by those reading this...it may or may not be out of her age "bracket", it may even look great on her in person and be completely tasteful...but the bottom line is you should have just nonchalantly rolled into the next subject and on the next message tell her you were seeing someone else or you were very busy, turning her down after a remark like that just makes you look like a tool...and In my opinion, completely age inappropriate for lack in common sense and courtesy for another grown adult.

If this is something that important to you, then maybe you should ask for further pics or ask as an opener, go about it with some class or even mention it in your profile...It was clear the way you went about it was distasteful.

This post reeks of bashing/judgment.

Edited July 3, 2012 by irc333

July 3, 2012

It doesn't surprise me that nobody respects older people any more, they don't deserve it. At one point older people taught us the wisdom they learned when experimenting in life, but today people in their 40's and 50's have the same mindset they had in their 20's .

Are you posting to me from another planet? Because you spew nonsense. But carry on, if you like.

July 3, 2012

There is nothing wrong with being shallow as long as your insightful about it.

July 3, 2012

True, everyone judges to a certain extent. It's running through their heads at least.

You guys are right, it's ok to look like this:

http://www.bodypiercingland.com/wp-content/uploads/lip-plate-4.jpg

Nothing wrong with it at all. And be polite, don't tell people who mutilate themselves how repulsed they actually make you feel, instead be nice to their face and talk smack behind their backs as is custom in Anglo cultures like America.

In America not "judging" is actually considered a virtue, as insane as that sounds. A society without judgement (unless you have a political opinion the system doesn't like, of course) will never last more than a couple of generations.

July 3, 2012

It might be a bit embarrassing if she met you at Starbucks looking like

July 3, 2012

I hope the day never arrives when you need serious assistance from someone with a tattoo or a piercing. Would you tell them how repulsive you find them?. A lot of ambulance porters have tattoos...

Body art, be they piercings or tattoos don't define character or mannerisms. You even mentioned her achievements. I think you did her a favour. Oh and I lol @ the example of extreme cases that aren't even in the same spectrum. OP http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowldc/files/original/congratulations-idiot.gif

July 4, 2012

I hope the day never arrives when you need serious assistance from someone with a tattoo or a piercing. Would you tell them how repulsive you find them?. A lot of ambulance porters have tattoos...

I have no idea what you're driving at here.

Body art, be they piercings or tattoos don't define character or mannerisms.

I've already mentioned this. I just don't find it attractive, it's like putting a mustache on the Mona Lisa or bumper stickers on a Mercedes Benz. I just don't find it aesthetically appealing.

July 4, 2012

I have no idea what you're driving at here.

Body art, be they piercings or tattoos don't define character or mannerisms.

I've already mentioned this. I just don't find it attractive, it's like putting a mustache on the Mona Lisa or bumper stickers on a Mercedes Benz. I just don't find it aesthetically appealing.

So if the lady is fat, do you tell her that you don't like to date fatties, as well?

July 4, 2012

Nothing wrong with it at all. And be polite, don't tell people who mutilate themselves how repulsed they actually make you feel, instead be nice to their face and talk smack behind their backs as is custom in Anglo cultures like America.

In America not "judging" is actually considered a virtue, as insane as that sounds. A society without judgement (unless you have a political opinion the system doesn't like, of course) will never last more than a couple of generations.

Hm. Hi Wolf. Is America an "Anglo culture"? If "judging" is bad here, and not judging eliminates us after a couple of generations … what are we still doing here?

I'm A-Okay with people not liking piercings, tattoos, or anything about me personally. There are things I don't like as well. Live and let live.

July 4, 2012

I have no idea what you're driving at here.

I'm saying, if you ever get into an accident (God forbid) and the ambulance arrives to pick you up, what would you say if you saw that the man/woman who was about to "handle" you, had a tattoo perhaps on their neck or their arm, would you tell them how repulsive you find them and that they shouldn't touch you? that question wasn't aimed at you btw. I'm just not a fan of saying one thing in public and saying something else in private. It's hard to have respect for people like that. Then again, the internet is the one place where people can show their true character without ramifications...

July 4, 2012

I think it was lame and rude, and clearly poor form for what I would expect from an adult to passively insult someones appearance...imagine the tables turned and the conversation was going well, and she notices something about your appearance in your picture and ask "is that the way you really look?" .."yeah that's me in the pic too"..."Sorry I could hardly notice that was you compared to the others, I'm just not into that...it doesn't do it for me...no offense". You do realize this is part of her appearance right?

I'm actually surprised that so many people were ok with your remarks or should I really say attitude towards her....furthermore you kind of rejected her similarly in fashion to what I would expect from a 20 year old, crudely and with insensitivity...kind of with a stiff jab to toot your own horn because you were able to decline the advances of such an attractive educated woman.

"Yo babe, is that a tramp stamp on your back?"

"yeah is that ok?"

"No sorry, I don't date whores"

I think she's more than earned her privilege in wearing a piercing If that's to her liking. Plus people come from different cultures and backgrounds, and prefer different styles...it doesn't mean you're a decent person for "being honest" with someone you don't even know or will never see again, she doesn't have anything to prove to you...you would like to put this under the thick gaze of "Well better I be honest and upfront now" when It's clear you scoff at the idea of a woman of her age having a piercing or even tattoos. Imagine If she was reading this post.

Completely lame of you and those who agreed with you IMO, completely judgmental and critical without even seeing this woman to make a determination of whether it was appropriate by those reading this...it may or may not be out of her age "bracket", it may even look great on her in person and be completely tasteful...but the bottom line is you should have just nonchalantly rolled into the next subject and on the next message tell her you were seeing someone else or you were very busy, turning her down after a remark like that just makes you look like a tool...and In my opinion, completely age inappropriate for lack in common sense and courtesy for another grown adult.

If this is something that important to you, then maybe you should ask for further pics or ask as an opener, go about it with some class or even mention it in your profile...It was clear the way you went about it was distasteful.

This post reeks of bashing/judgment.

NP, you really need to learn to express simple ideas without writing an essay. I don't think I've ever seen a post by you that contained less than 500 words. I think what you're trying to say is that it was insensitive and judgmental to explicitly reject this woman for her appearance.

If that's indeed what you're trying to say, I don't agree. A piercing is not a birth defect or something that a person cannot change. It's something that one choses to do to their own body. And when you make that choice, you have to accept the fact that others may find this choice unattractive or even ridiculous. By your logic, one should not criticize those idiotic rappers who wear their pants and ankle level and mangle the English language beyond all recognition. Likewise, we can't laugh at the morons on Jersey Shore for their lifestyle choices. Doing so would be 'judgmental'

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A new slant on being shallow (meaning me)

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