Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 ...the beautiful, voluptuous girl you were dating and hadn't seen physically in a while all of a sudden had a drastic change in her body and face, making her look 5 years older and not as voluptuous, due to some sort of illness or regrettable botched procedure? How would you handle it?
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 Okay, fine. I posted a similar thread in the Long distance forum but I figured I'd post it here in order to get more perspectives. My body has changed in the midst of a Long Distance Relationship. This is what I imagine will happen: The person I am dating will see me and gracefully dump me, knowing that I no longer arouse him and that I no longer have the physical aspects he found so beautiful in me. Physical attraction is important to men. He is younger than me, and he will feel like he's dating someone 10 years older rather than 2. I used to look his age or younger and now I feel like I could be looked at as a cougar. Who knows. I just thought members on Love Shack would readily respond more than they have been doing.
ladyabstrused Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I read your other thread in the LDR section. It's tragic what you had to go through but I don't know, I mean how in the world can it get that bad? Honestly, I think your guy will be shocked, thing is, why didn't you tell him the moment it happened? Or did it just happen recently and you haven't had a chance to tell him? You should let him know what's happened first, and not just appear without him knowing what to expect and then you'd be hurt with his shocked reaction.
ladyabstrused Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Okay, fine. I posted a similar thread in the Long distance forum but I figured I'd post it here in order to get more perspectives. My body has changed in the midst of a Long Distance Relationship. This is what I imagine will happen: The person I am dating will see me and gracefully dump me, knowing that I no longer arouse him and that I no longer have the physical aspects he found so beautiful in me. Physical attraction is important to men. He is younger than me, and he will feel like he's dating someone 10 years older rather than 2. I used to look his age or younger and now I feel like I could be looked at as a cougar. Who knows. I just thought members on Love Shack would readily respond more than they have been doing. You know, if he truly cares about you, he wouldn't do that. Not all men are that way though. Sometimes personality is quality, not looks. If you carry yourself as a young person and you behave your age, he won't feel like he's dating someone 10 years older just cos of looks, just my opinion.
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 Thank you so much for your post. I didn't tell him because: 1) I thought it was temporary. Little did I know they performed ultrasonic external liposuction on my body, and if you haven't read the latest, 1 year after liposuction the fat redistributes itself in other locations in your body (where remaining fat cell deposits are). For me this meant my upper arms, my back, and my stomach. 2) Once I realized this was permanent, I was embarrassed. I mean, who wants to admit they were superficial enough to get something like this done (even if unknowingly) and naive enough not to read about it before doing so? This guy very much into natural girls, which I had been, and unfortunately am not anymore. 3) I developed a thyroid problem in which I was completely disoriented and could not think straight. 4) My face REALLY got bad when I started using minoxidil for hair loss from the thyroid problem and developed severe hypotension (which is more or less like 20 years of smoking - lack of blood to the skin causes same effect). 5) I was waiting until I find the best and most natural-oriented plastic surgeon to get me back to the way I was, whether through fat transfer from my arms and stomach to my missing hips, or injectable fillers to my face - or fat transfer, so it's more permanent. Hence I am here. Should I get the plastic surgery then meet with him or should I tell him what happened and then tell him I'm getting plastic surgery? As you can see, it is complicated.
Algermas Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 You know, if he truly cares about you, he wouldn't do that. Not all men are that way though. Sometimes personality is quality, not looks. If you carry yourself as a young person and you behave your age, he won't feel like he's dating someone 10 years older just cos of looks, just my opinion. It's adorable to see women try to convince themselves of this kind of stuff. 1
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I'd dump her asap. So are you saying that I should just not respond to his love letters? Just let it fade away for the better, so I don't risk triggering or exacerbating another deep depression that I already have been dealing with?
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 It's adorable to see women try to convince themselves of this kind of stuff. Ah how brusk you are, but you speak for the majority. I agree, men are visual creatures, which is why I refuse to talk to my female friends about what has happened.
ladyabstrused Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Thank you so much for your post. I didn't tell him because: 1) I thought it was temporary. Little did I know they performed ultrasonic external liposuction on my body, and if you haven't read the latest, 1 year after liposuction the fat redistributes itself in other locations in your body (where remaining fat cell deposits are). For me this meant my upper arms, my back, and my stomach. 2) Once I realized this was permanent, I was embarrassed. I mean, who wants to admit they were superficial enough to get something like this done (even if unknowingly) and naive enough not to read about it before doing so? This guy very much into natural girls, which I had been, and unfortunately am not anymore. 3) I developed a thyroid problem in which I was completely disoriented and could not think straight. 4) My face REALLY got bad when I started using minoxidil for hair loss from the thyroid problem and developed severe hypotension (which is more or less like 20 years of smoking - lack of blood to the skin causes same effect). 5) I was waiting until I find the best and most natural-oriented plastic surgeon to get me back to the way I was, whether through fat transfer from my arms and stomach to my missing hips, or injectable fillers to my face - or fat transfer, so it's more permanent. Hence I am here. Should I get the plastic surgery then meet with him or should I tell him what happened and then tell him I'm getting plastic surgery? As you can see, it is complicated. Wow. I'm sorry it didn't turn out so well for you. :\ I always think it's best you be honest and upfront with your SO. It could really save you sometimes. I learnt that the hard way. If he can't take it, then you know you shouldn't waste your time on him anymore. Can imagine how it could feel complicated but in my opinion, just get it out and let him know what's up and see what he says. I don't think any guy here can speak for how he'd react cos although he's a guy, not all guys have same exact personalities and preferences.
ladyabstrused Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 It's adorable to see women try to convince themselves of this kind of stuff. Not convincing myself. I have met men who don't care for looks. Maybe different cultures from yours or what you know of. I guess then the majority of men like you would dump the girl with such issues of physical appearance.
FitChick Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I read your other thread. You went to a SPA to get this! Yet another tragic example of what happens when you don't go to a doctor. I know many people, both male and female, who had the same procedure (which is very popular) and look fabulous. My 67-year old friend now looks 50, but she went to a real plastic surgeon. I think you need a consultation with a plastic surgeon who specializes in fat injections. That is a very specialized technique. I've also never heard of anyone getting thyroid disease -- I think that was triggered by your stress. But I'm not a doctor so don't listen to me!
Feelsgoodman Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I read your other thread, and while your story is very tragic, it also sounds incredulous. First of all, who goes in for discount plastic surgery while travelling overseas? Especially when it's done by what sounds like a hair salon and not even a legitimate hospital??? Second, how could they possibly do ultrasonic liposuction without your knowledge? You get anesthetized for liposuction...Obviously you knew it was a serious surgical procedure. Yet, you didn't inquire as to what they were doing? Or are you too ashamed to admit that you in fact knew what you were going in for? I think your focus should be getting treatment from a legitimate medical center in your home country. You need to undo the negative cosmetic and quite possibly health-related effects of the botched plastic surgery. That's more more important than worrying about some guy you've only known for 2 months.
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I read your other thread. You went to a SPA to get this! Yet another tragic example of what happens when you don't go to a doctor. I know many people, both male and female, who had the same procedure (which is very popular) and look fabulous. My 67-year old friend now looks 50, but she went to a real plastic surgeon. I think you need a consultation with a plastic surgeon who specializes in fat injections. That is a very specialized technique. I've also never heard of anyone getting thyroid disease -- I think that was triggered by your stress. But I'm not a doctor so don't listen to me! Yes, considering I never in my entire life had been to a cosmetic spa, let alone a spa, I was quite naive and ignorant about that world. I figured it was harmless considering it was a package with a HAIRCUT!!! If there was a time machine I would strangle those people... But now I am quite informed. I'm concerned about fat transfers to the face though, I hear it can be quite risky, and also don't want to look FAKE! But I guess better fake than looking haggard. I'm thinking the under active thyroid came from the procedure, since heavy metals are stored in the fat cells and this procedure did not suck out any of the melted fat, therefore leaving me with heavy metals in my blood stream. Can anyone tell me though: Should I tell him about the procedure or should I just tell him I look different???
Christine52 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 It's funny how men go on and on about how important looks are, and then scoff at women who get plastic surgery as a result of this culture they were a part in creating. I say **** him. Go meet him, let him see your face. If he never contacts you again, would you want to be with a shallow person like that? I'd think not.
Feelin Frisky Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 There is no single standard answer I could give to such a question. Life happens to people--even me. I have recurring weight problems where I'm sure I've been talked about both positively when I've done well and gossipped terribly about when my compulsive eating has dragged me back into obesity. I've seen it happen with women I've been attracted to also. Some I liked so much that I just looked at it as she had a set back and will rebound and others I didn't have feelings for I just accepted that life has taken away some of the beauty she once had. I don't make judgments because I suffer from something that does that to me and others in my family which there doesn't seem to be an answer for. A doctor once gave me a thyroid drug in addition to my antidepressant and for the only time in my life I felt what it probably feels like to be "normal"--I would become "indifferent" to all my pleasure substances including food, drugs, alcohol and lost my zest for those pleasures. I was able to lose a lot of weight, go back to school, get a better job. But then that doctor moved on and I haven't gotten anyone else to to the same for me. And so, my life is a constant hard struggle where sometimes I'm able to sustain a roll of good dieting and working out but it is natural for me to get knocked off of that very easy. It's not fair but after 50+ years of it, it's not like I don't know something that some thin person can just tell me to make me develop the discipline I want so much.
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I read your other thread, and while your story is very tragic, it also sounds incredulous. First of all, who goes in for discount plastic surgery while travelling overseas? Especially when it's done by what sounds like a hair salon and not even a legitimate hospital??? Second, how could they possibly do ultrasonic liposuction without your knowledge? You get anesthetized for liposuction...Obviously you knew it was a serious surgical procedure. Yet, you didn't inquire as to what they were doing? Or are you too ashamed to admit that you in fact knew what you were going in for? I think your focus should be getting treatment from a legitimate medical center in your home country. You need to undo the negative cosmetic and quite possibly health-related effects of the botched plastic surgery. That's more more important than worrying about some guy you've only known for 2 months. Number one. Go look up cosmetic spas. They are ALL OVER THE PLACE. They do not employ plastic surgeons, merely estheticians. Check out Christopher Hanna salon. I'm not going to argue about whether I got it done or not, I obviously got SOMETHING done which was the same exact machine as an ultrasonic lipo machine. It is external lipo. This means that it is non invasive and does not require anesthesia. I found out it was this much later. NO I did NOT know it was a serious procedure because it WASN'T. I was NAIVE! I didn't have a clue in the world that other places outside of plastic surgery offices could do such a thing! I'm a small town girl! They marketed it as a "fat burning" procedure, and the only thing I associated this with was running for 45 minutes to burn fat. Hence, thought it was temporary. Basically, it was a "sample" procedure, which meant that for $160, you would get a really good haircut and two of these procedures from their cosmetic spa. Trust me, there are a lot of spas out there that do this all the time... And yes, I am ashamed I did this in general. It's my fault. I went into that spa with blindfolds on. I just don't want to ignore the guy who has been contacting me for so long. I need to tell him SOMETHING.
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 It's funny how men go on and on about how important looks are, and then scoff at women who get plastic surgery as a result of this culture they were a part in creating. I say **** him. Go meet him, let him see your face. If he never contacts you again, would you want to be with a shallow person like that? I'd think not. I think this is the only attitude I can have if I want to stay sane. I hate being bitter though. I've never been that way. I used to be the kind of girl who would make cupcakes for her boyfriend. Or cook handmade pasta. I barely have any appetite anymore! It's true though, I can't have plastic surgery or I'm looked at fake. I can't not have plastic surgery or I'm disregarded and treated unkindly. What a double standard I am caught in.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Number one. Go look up cosmetic spas. They are ALL OVER THE PLACE. They do not employ plastic surgeons, merely estheticians. Check out Christopher Hanna salon. I'm not going to argue about whether I got it done or not, I obviously got SOMETHING done which was the same exact machine as an ultrasonic lipo machine. It is external lipo. This means that it is non invasive and does not require anesthesia. I found out it was this much later. NO I did NOT know it was a serious procedure because it WASN'T. I was NAIVE! I didn't have a clue in the world that other places outside of plastic surgery offices could do such a thing! I'm a small town girl! They marketed it as a "fat burning" procedure, and the only thing I associated this with was running for 45 minutes to burn fat. Hence, thought it was temporary. Basically, it was a "sample" procedure, which meant that for $160, you would get a really good haircut and two of these procedures from their cosmetic spa. Trust me, there are a lot of spas out there that do this all the time... And yes, I am ashamed I did this in general. It's my fault. I went into that spa with blindfolds on. I just don't want to ignore the guy who has been contacting me for so long. I need to tell him SOMETHING. Based on my understanding of the ultrasonic liposuction procedure, the liquified fat still has to be drained from your body. I mean, it doesn't just disappear...it has to go somewhere. If they never drained the fat and it's still trapped in your body, it could explain the weird side effects you are experiencing. Really, you need to check yourself into a hospital. It sounds like a very serious, potentially life-threatening issue. Also, I find it difficult to believe that liposuction is routinely performed by spas...I don't think that would even be legal in most developed countries. Which country did you have the procedure performed in?
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 Be honest with him now before you see him. Include photos. Don't surprise him with it. That's inconsiderate and will only lead you to be disappointed in his reaction. Let him adjust to it now and take it where he will. Sutter, can't I just keep it flowing until I get plastic surgery and then if it doesn't fix it I'll tell him? Or is that considered lying? What would you do if all of a sudden your wife got in a massive car accident and a portion of her face was disfigured? Tough question, right? I only know of one example where the guy stuck around. Look up Turia Pitt. Then again, they were together for 3 years prior.
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 Based on my understanding of the ultrasonic liposuction procedure, the liquified fat still has to be drained from your body. I mean, it doesn't just disappear...it has to go somewhere. If they never drained the fat and it's still trapped in your body, it could explain the weird side effects you are experiencing. Really, you need to check yourself into a hospital. It sounds like a very serious, potentially life-threatening issue. Also, I find it difficult to believe that liposuction is routinely performed by spas...I don't think that would even be legal in most developed countries. Which country did you have the procedure performed in? Oh yes, it is legal. Google Christopher Hanna Salon in Australia. Mind you, that device is banned in Europe. It does not get drained from your body mechanically. Supposedly you pee it out. I agree that it was the cause of my downfall. I was disoriented in a foreign country for another 6 months. It could be because of toxins that were released in my body, which are typically stored in fat cells. Another cause could be that they targeted my love handles, which were estrogen dominant in my body. Lack of estrogen = hormonal imbalance. This entire year I've been getting tests and going to doctors, both GP and Plastic. Everything is normal except the thyroid. I'm thinking that although I'm in normal range, I just don't have as much estrogen in me as I once did.
Christine52 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I think this is the only attitude I can have if I want to stay sane. I hate being bitter though. I've never been that way. I used to be the kind of girl who would make cupcakes for her boyfriend. Or cook handmade pasta. I barely have any appetite anymore! It's true though, I can't have plastic surgery or I'm looked at fake. I can't not have plastic surgery or I'm disregarded and treated unkindly. What a double standard I am caught in. Celtica, It's not about becoming bitter and disempowered. It's about knowing you have standards, and you're not going to sell yourself short for some guy who needs you to look exactly the same all the time. People change. There are disfigurements, weight gain, plastic surgery gone wrong. It was depressing to hear my own father tell me that looks are very important to men. I see now that this is true, but also know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I've had many of my girlfriends think my boyfriends were ugly, and I thought they were gorgeous. Don't be down. Do your best to be honest always, as when you die, you die as who you are, and every decision you make affirms that.
Titanwolf Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I'd dump her, simply because she ruined something that was otherwise perfect, for what? I'll assume vanity. I am genuinely sorry about your situation though, you live and you learn.
Author Celtica Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 I'd dump her, simply because she ruined something that was otherwise perfect, for what? I'll assume vanity. I am genuinely sorry about your situation though, you live and you learn. IT WASN'T FOR VANITY!! I had NO idea that this would happen. They were SO nonchalant and lax about it and it was in the SAME room as the hair salon! With the face, I thought I was going for a facial for goodness sake! And I had never had a facial in my life prior to that! What happens if a girl goes in for a pedicure for the first time in her life in her early 20s and she develops necrotizing fasciitis on her legs from bacteria in the foot bath? Mild example in comparison, but really, I don't think doing something aesthetically for the first time in your life should be labelled as vanity. If I went to spas all the time, maybe that'd be different.
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