Christine52 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 So there's this guy that I went on ONE date with, and we have a bunch of mutual friends. This one date was amazing, but I knew off the bat he wasn't really looking for a relationship as he ceased texting me soon after a bad/boring get together with a bunch of mutual friends. We are also travelling to Thailand and Korea together for a couple of weeks. I knew he didn't feel romantically inclined towards me so I figured it'd be worth a shot to at least preserve the friendship so we can have a good fun trip together among other mutual outings. He is kind of being a dick, and I know it's likely because a) he really doesn't like me b) he is a dick, and is not considerate enough to treat me like a decent human being just because he doesn't want to date me/lead me on. I'm 25 and he's 28 so I think we should both be okay with rejection/dating gone wrong and still be able to have a fun time - I am sad and disappointed that this doesn't seem to be the case Long story short, when I tried to set up coffee dates with him, he would sound all up for it and excited, and then ditch last minute. This happened twice within 2 weeks. The reasons for ditching were also not serious, and could have been avoided altogether with him just saying he couldn't make it in the first place, which is what I think a decent human being would have done. Second, when I messaged him asking if there was anything in particular he wanted to do in Korea because me and my friend were planning the itinerary, and wanted to get others' input, he didn't respond. He's checked into WhatsApp a few times and still haven't responded. He's in HK now, and I'm in the US, but I still think that was really dry considering the fact that we are making effort to plan the trip and we wanted to be considerate by asking others if there was anything they'd like to do. I feel he has no interest in being acquaintances even, and that's ok...but I feel he is being SUPER cold to me and I don't know why?? Or am I just too sensitive? Why can't he write back like a normal person? Like how one would to a mutual acquaintance? I just think it's common courtesy. Now I feel offended, and don't wish to see or speak to him while I go on this vacation. I guess I'm hurt because I thought we clicked really well as friends and I was excited to go on this trip, and now he's being really cold and it's putting me off. I guess he doesn't even care that we're spending almost all day every day for more than a week together. Any words of wisdom or advice? Please don't start bashing what's going on here, or any unconstructive words - I am looking for some encouragement, and also maybe some healing as I feel he's hurt me quite a bit by treating me like this... Thanks everyone
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Passive-aggressive? Narcissist? Sociopath? Total jerk? All of the above? Really, we need to stop bothering so much about how much others bother us and simply vow to not be like them, and distance ourselves from people who bring us down, make us feel bad, or simply make us go "WTF -?!?" People like this are a drain on our energy and ultimately, a waste of our time. We should make our plans and if they don't fall in with them, tough on them. They had opportunity, if thy don't grab it while it's hot, that's their look-out. Don't ignore the efforts of others then moan about not being brought up to speed on things...(That's to him....) ....And don't you bend over backwards for someone who clearly hasd his head so far up his own azz, that he's socially and morally deaf and blind.
Author Christine52 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 TaraMaiden, thank you for your words of encouragement I am going to take that vow today and treat this as a learning experience..
TaraMaiden Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I just re-read my post and I sounded snappy. I didn't mean to be - but some of us have a higher level of social conscience and a deeper level of knowing "what's the right thing to do" that when others clearly fall "below our standards" we become offended and affronted by their sheer bloody-minded ignorance. We should never lower our own standards and run with the general current; but by the same degree, we should not seek to make allowances for those who clearly don't fit our criteria. PLUS, going out of our way to make plans for them, they clearly show no interest in sharing in.... why the hell should we?! I'm all for being nice and kind to others, but there comes a point where it becomes both a fruitless and thankless task. The secret is not in understanding their mentality. The secret lies in understanding our own, including when it's time to quit.
Author Christine52 Posted July 3, 2012 Author Posted July 3, 2012 oh I didn't think you sounded snappy at all! I felt validated, and it made me feel that my standards are not too high, and it's okay to feel wronged. I really need to work on changing that shift from thinking "why why why" to more upholding my own values and beliefs, and doing the best I can to have a positive presence in people's lives. It really is his loss, and instead of hoping he'll see that, I'm just going to focus on my current friendships and making them even more fruitful. Thanks again
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