Titania22 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I dont make alot of money thats why. I just got back to working full time after being laid off and out of work for 2 months. I pay part of our rent, utilities and living expenses. As well as my own expenses and car loan. So are there any updates?
Feelsgoodman Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I would say she should have a nice holiday without him. Doesn't sound like she can afford it...
Titania22 Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Doesn't sound like she can afford it... I copied the wrong post, I was answering the what would we advise if she bought her own air flight. (i.e. then she could have afforded it.)
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 So are there any updates? He came to me and admitted that he had lied and apologized. I told him that wasn't something I was willing to tolerate in our relationship. We told me he understood and said he felt insulted when I called his friend "bossy". I told him that I didn't think that was a big deal and I definitely didn't deserve it.
Phennyphen Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 He came to me and admitted that he had lied and apologized. I told him that wasn't something I was willing to tolerate in our relationship. We told me he understood and said he felt insulted when I called his friend "bossy". I told him that I didn't think that was a big deal and I definitely didn't deserve it. Yes but what did you DO? Are you still with him?
dreamingoftigers Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 I feel for you. You aren't going to truly know whether or not you are going until you are already on the plane. And it'll get hard to know where you stand in the relationship frequently. There's some serious maturity issues there.
Balzac Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 (edited) He came to me and admitted that he had lied and apologized. I told him that wasn't something I was willing to tolerate in our relationship. We told me he understood and said he felt insulted when I called his friend "bossy". I told him that I didn't think that was a big deal and I definitely didn't deserve it. You surely are entitled to your belief and feelings about your statement but so is your BF. My personal observation is that social etiquette as the Best Man and guest of, is that following the wishes of the bride and her parents is not "bossy" but respecting their careful planning and budget. You've not shared whether BF is funding the lodging. Many times the hosts pick up the tab for the wedding party. The lodging is about social etiquette. Your plans for a blow out the budget in Paris after the wedding is where you get to decide, spending BF's $$$. Edited July 4, 2012 by Balzac 1
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Yes but what did you DO? Are you still with him? I didn't break it off.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 You surely are entitled to your belief and feelings about your statement but so is your BF. My personal observation is that social etiquette as the Best Man and guest of, is that following the wishes of the bride and her parents is not "bossy" but respecting their careful planning and budget. You've not shared whether BF is funding the lodging. Many times the hosts pick up the tab for the wedding party. The lodging is about social etiquette. Your plans for a blow out the budget in Paris after the wedding is where you get to decide, spending BF's $$$. The hosts are NOT picking up the tab. They are in fact being bossy and trying to dictate a little too much in my opinion. The lodging they sent was dirty looking, shabby and small.
Balzac Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Ok you seem solid on the poor quality lodging and who is paying for what. Thanks for the additional facts. If I may ask how many "destination" or "significant travel" weddings have you attended? I understand you have yet to travel internationally. Has your BF revealed or is he knowledgeable about the bride's family splurge on this wedding? Perhaps her family is of modest means, groom's family not wanting to upstage thus a charming Frence country wedding. Perhaps the church is ancient and full of family history? I've been to modest celebrations of wealthy parents of bride, urban blow outs with mid six figures for ceremony & reception, either way can be a lovely and fun time. Most important factor for fun is diversity of ages and all folks happy.
writergal Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 The hosts are NOT picking up the tab. They are in fact being bossy and trying to dictate a little too much in my opinion. The lodging they sent was dirty looking, shabby and small. For someone who has no money, whose boyfriend is covering her plane ticket cost, hotel cost, travel cost..you sound really selfish to me. Like Balzac said, the hotel lodging is not your call because 1) you're not paying for it because you can't afford it and 2) it may have some significance to the wedding. You have no idea. And since you've never traveled abroad before you have no idea what the hotel lodging will be like and why is that so important? Stop sniping about money that you don't have and try to see the bigger picture here: an all-expense paid trip (courtesy of your boyfriend) to a beautiful country for an international wedding. Your boyfriend isn't being controlling. You don't have the money to pay your airfare and he does. I think you're ungrateful and immature and probably should stay home and not go because I bet you will complain the entire time you're there. 1
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Ok you seem solid on the poor quality lodging and who is paying for what. Thanks for the additional facts. If I may ask how many "destination" or "significant travel" weddings have you attended? I understand you have yet to travel internationally. Has your BF revealed or is he knowledgeable about the bride's family splurge on this wedding? Perhaps her family is of modest means, groom's family not wanting to upstage thus a charming Frence country wedding. Perhaps the church is ancient and full of family history? I've been to modest celebrations of wealthy parents of bride, urban blow outs with mid six figures for ceremony & reception, either way can be a lovely and fun time. Most important factor for fun is diversity of ages and all folks happy. The bride and groom both come from money. This is actually their second wedding in another country. They are actually already married, they were first married in her home country of New Zealand 4 months ago. It was small but on the beach. This is not a country wedding, its in a castle. I don't know what they were thinking honestly. The email said something about the lodging being close to the grooms parents house. They want my boyfriend to be close by at all times. Its a little extreme.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 For someone who has no money, whose boyfriend is covering her plane ticket cost, hotel cost, travel cost..you sound really selfish to me. Like Balzac said, the hotel lodging is not your call because 1) you're not paying for it because you can't afford it and 2) it may have some significance to the wedding. You have no idea. And since you've never traveled abroad before you have no idea what the hotel lodging will be like and why is that so important? Stop sniping about money that you don't have and try to see the bigger picture here: an all-expense paid trip (courtesy of your boyfriend) to a beautiful country for an international wedding. Your boyfriend isn't being controlling. You don't have the money to pay your airfare and he does. I think you're ungrateful and immature and probably should stay home and not go because I bet you will complain the entire time you're there. Well he did pay for the flight, but I'm was helping to pay for other costs. This isn't entirely free as you put it. You are entitled to your opinion, even though I disagree.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 He asked me if I still wanted to go and I told him I wasn't sure because I didn't feel that he truly wanted me there. He said he did and he went on to book a "modern" hotel a little further away.
writergal Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 He asked me if I still wanted to go and I told him I wasn't sure because I didn't feel that he truly wanted me there. He said he did and he went on to book a "modern" hotel a little further away. Stop being a snaggly-tooth classist about the hotel lodging, and try to go and enjoy yourself. Otherwise please don't go on this trip and let your boyfriend bring someone else who won't nitpick, snipe and complain as you have done throughout this thread. No, he probably doesn't want you there. Can you blame him? Geesh, there's just no pleasing you is there? That's just my opinion.
Balzac Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 The bride and groom both come from money. This is actually their second wedding in another country. They are actually already married, they were first married in her home country of New Zealand 4 months ago. It was small but on the beach. This is not a country wedding, its in a castle. I don't know what they were thinking honestly. The email said something about the lodging being close to the grooms parents house. They want my boyfriend to be close by at all times. Its a little extreme. It's common to have multiple ceremonies. Last fete I attended was one for family only and another, week later for young friends. Two totally complete wedding events. I was at both events. Try to understand how you come across. We are total strangers and yet I find the comments about your hosts to be harsh and lacking understanding of social protocol. I'm not offended but I am sharing what I observe. You are entitled to be who you are.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Stop being a snaggly-tooth classist about the hotel lodging, and try to go and enjoy yourself. Otherwise please don't go on this trip and let your boyfriend bring someone else who won't nitpick, snipe and complain as you have done throughout this thread. No, he probably doesn't want you there. Can you blame him? Geesh, there's just no pleasing you is there? That's just my opinion. You are wrong about me, but thats ok.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 It's common to have multiple ceremonies. Last fete I attended was one for family only and another, week later for young friends. Two totally complete wedding events. I was at both events. Try to understand how you come across. We are total strangers and yet I find the comments about your hosts to be harsh and lacking understanding of social protocol. I'm not offended but I am sharing what I observe. You are entitled to be who you are. I don't feel that I have done anything "wrong" honestly.
Balzac Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Yeah, I accept that. I believe you. It's a subtle thing. Not sure it matters on a forum. Hard to judge tone in this venue and surely my intent is not pejorative toward you.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 Yeah, I accept that. I believe you. It's a subtle thing. Not sure it matters on a forum. Hard to judge tone in this venue and surely my intent is not pejorative toward you. Well how people come across here may be totally different in person.
Balzac Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 You may not realize that "castles" are country weddings. Some castles are urban but the vast majority are in bucolic settings and can be quite elegant. Gosh after all if this it makes me curious as to which castle!!!
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 I hate to say it, but culturally (notwithstanding his upbringing in the UK) he still retains some Japanese traits. We used to live close to a Japanese family, and the daughter was born in the UK... I made friends with her, and had her over to my place a few times...but she wore white cotton gloves whenever she came round to our house. We initially thought it was a skin problem. We subsequently discovered that the Japanese consider it an insult to you if they 'touch' your things uninvited. So, she wore gloves to never directly 'touch' anything. we had to invite her to remove them. And remember, she was born in the UK.... I was never invited back to her home. But As a reciprocal gesture, I was taken out to eat, a couple of times. Back to your BF: In most circles, lying in Japan, is no big deal, because humiliation is a big thing with them. His lying was designed to humiliate you, and make you feel guilty for having given the opinion you did. His parents are probably 1st generation Japanese, and therefore the culture may well be extremely ingrained. Losing face is a worse 'crime' than lying. Remember as another example, that the Japanese do not like using the word 'no'. They will prevaricate and say everything but, and frustratingly skirt around the issues until you finally get it: "It's not going to happen". He lied and I think this to him will be perfectly ok. He will in all probability tell you that he re-bought the tickets, and had to pay a supplementary fee. He won't care about telling you this, not because he's being mean, cruel and deceitful. He's putting you in your place to make you feel remorseful and contrite for having 'spoken out of turn'. I may be completely and totally off-bat with all of the above, so feel free to totally ignore what I have written. If I am incorrect or mistaken, I apologise, but in my experience, this is what I have found about the Japanese. I agre with most of what you said.
writergal Posted July 4, 2012 Posted July 4, 2012 Well how people come across here may be totally different in person. If my tone is harsh with you it's an expression of my frustration over how classist I think you're being over a silly hotel lodging issue and how you refuse to see that as not important in the big picture here. As Balzac pointed out more articulately (an respectfully) than myself, your posts make you come across a certain way, even if that's not the complete picture of who you are offline. Coming here to complain about not wanting to go on a trip because a hotel lodging seems shabby to you seems like a very superficial reason to put off going on a trip that could provide you with wonderful memories. What you should be more concerned with is what gift to buy the engaged couple and what fun things you and your boyfriend could do after the wedding celebration ends since you've never been abroad before. That's what you should be focused on, not whether or not a hotel lodging meets your high standards.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 If my tone is harsh with you it's an expression of my frustration over how classist I think you're being over a silly hotel lodging issue and how you refuse to see that as not important in the big picture here. As Balzac pointed out more articulately (an respectfully) than myself, your posts make you come across a certain way, even if that's not the complete picture of who you are offline. Coming here to complain about not wanting to go on a trip because a hotel lodging seems shabby to you seems like a very superficial reason to put off going on a trip that could provide you with wonderful memories. What you should be more concerned with is what gift to buy the engaged couple and what fun things you and your boyfriend could do after the wedding celebration ends since you've never been abroad before. That's what you should be focused on, not whether or not a hotel lodging meets your high standards. Did you read the whole post? I didn't come here to complain about the hotel. I came here because he told me he canceled the tickets.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 4, 2012 Author Posted July 4, 2012 You may not realize that "castles" are country weddings. Some castles are urban but the vast majority are in bucolic settings and can be quite elegant. Gosh after all if this it makes me curious as to which castle!!! I'm not sure which one, but I don't have any shame in expressing my distaste for the lodging picked. My boyfriend wasn't a fan of it either.
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