nessaaa Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 If he is bluffing? I'm not sure. I'm not innocent in some of this I know, I just feel like its an extreme overreaction. I think I would still be upset but would try to talk through it to make sure it doesn't happen again. he's realizing you're a selfish, self centered, and lack on good friendship values. so he's not overreacting. he doesn't want you to go becuase he wants to be there for his friend.. and ur being a nag makin the trip about you.
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 And this is another reason why I think those in couples (namely women) should seek to make something on par with their partners. And this is also why I think its great when women go out there and "made that paper". Youll never have to worry about a douche boyfriend holding his salary over your head or throwing gifts back in your face. Screw that noise OP. I just wouldnt go with him if hes going to be a jerk. I def wouldnt take someones "gift" after they threw it in my face. Im happy with having less. I agree with this. It's hard being in a relationship with someone who significantly out-earns you. One of my exes had a multi-million dollar trust fund and earned an estimated $4-500K a year, and I always felt like I was an unequal, having to deal with things I otherwise would have out of some weird form of gratefulness. 1
january2011 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 (edited) I'm pretty sure he won't do that. What I'm asking is - should I tell him we are over if he chooses not to bring me on this trip? I'd advise you never to issue an ultimatum like that unless you are prepared to live with the consequences and whatever the other person decides, even if they are not in your favour. You will only escalate the situation even more and most likely force his hand to a do something that you both might regret. I suspect that he's not going to choose you unless he feels that there is enough of the relationship to save. If you've been arguing a lot lately and this is the potential last straw, mostly likely, he will not choose you. So you have to find a way to get over this and repair the damage done. That is, if you are willing to forgive his behaviour. Edited July 2, 2012 by january2011
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Does it even matter if he actually went through with the cancellation? As you said, he's used another trip in the past to control an argument, and the way he behaved was cruel and vindictive - regardless of whether or not he actually cancelled your flight. As an aside, he wouldn't have to pay a rebooking fee to rebook his own ticket. He wouldn't even have to rebook his own ticket, just cancel yours. So, I think he's lying. I think he's making up a $500 rebooking fee (outrageous, by the way) to make you feel even worse, that he'd have to pay more just to go by himself. Both situations are NOT good I know that. A few months ago when we first booked the flights we changed our mind after we already booked on looking into a different flight time and I remember there being some kind of large fee with Orbitz to change a flight, so we kept it as is. Maybe I'm being totally gullible.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I'd advise you never to issue an ultimatum like that unless you are prepared to live with the consequences and whatever the other person decides, even if they are not in your favour. You will only escalate the situation even more and most likely force his hand to a do something that you both might regret. I suspect that he's not going to choose you unless he feels that there is enough of the relationship to save. If you've been arguing a lot lately and this is the potential last straw, mostly likely, he will not choose you. So you have to find a way to get over this and repair the damage done. That is, if you are willing to forgive his behaviour. I don't think I can forgive him if he chooses not to bring me. I think I would always be resentful. Not only that but all the embarrassment this will cause me.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 he's realizing you're a selfish, self centered, and lack on good friendship values. so he's not overreacting. he doesn't want you to go becuase he wants to be there for his friend.. and ur being a nag makin the trip about you. You are entitled to your opinion. thanks.
kaylan Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 he's realizing you're a selfish, self centered, and lack on good friendship values. so he's not overreacting. he doesn't want you to go becuase he wants to be there for his friend.. and ur being a nag makin the trip about you. Que? Are you reading the same thread everyone else is? How is the OP the bad guy here, when this is what happened: 1. they BOTH show displeasure with the brides hotel selection. 2. bf asks gfs opinion and she responds by saying the bride is being a tad bossy. 3. bf overreacts, and then seeks to manipulate his gf by holding his money over her head. What did OP do wrong here? They BOTH didnt like where their room was located and he wanted an honest opinion. She didnt say anything mean or cruel...she simply said the bride was being a bit bossy with insisting that they stay in a hotel thats in a less than favorable area, with less than favorable conditions. Maybe you should read the original post again Nessa.
TaraMaiden Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I think when he gets home, you have to ask him calmly, to tell you honestly. Has he cancelled your part of the trip? You need to know because it's only fair that if he says something like that, you be absolutely clear as to whether he's joking or not. And here's the thing: In your shoes, I would dump him anyway, whichever way. Why? because if he really has cancelled your half of the trip, then you know precisely where you stand in his priorities. If he was lying, then he's being a petulant manipulative brat, and using your emotions to yank your chain. That's just beneath contempt. he's not a sound future investment. In any way you'd care to mention. 2
Balzac Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 You wanted to be right, now you can enjoy being right--alone. It sounds as if your invitation was as "guest". I'm confused as to why he cancelled his ticket as well. It is often the case that attending as a valued friend feels different than hauling a date.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 You wanted to be right, now you can enjoy being right--alone. It sounds as if your invitation was as "guest". I'm confused as to why he cancelled his ticket as well. It is often the case that attending as a valued friend feels different than hauling a date. wanted to be right? that doesn't make sense. hauling? I'm his girlfriend. wtf
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I think when he gets home, you have to ask him calmly, to tell you honestly. Has he cancelled your part of the trip? You need to know because it's only fair that if he says something like that, you be absolutely clear as to whether he's joking or not. And here's the thing: In your shoes, I would dump him anyway, whichever way. Why? because if he really has cancelled your half of the trip, then you know precisely where you stand in his priorities. If he was lying, then he's being a petulant manipulative brat, and using your emotions to yank your chain. That's just beneath contempt. he's not a sound future investment. In any way you'd care to mention. he has so many great qualities so it is hard for me to just have an attitude of "its over" so quickly. I agree that he is being a controlling brat but I'm hoping there is a fair and loving resolution.
luvinthesun Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Well... He can just rebook the tickets. I don't know why he'd cancel both and not just Ur ticket? Maybe I misunderstood. It is his doing...it can just cost him more $$$ for being a cry baby...but at this point I probably wouldn't want to go with him. You could see if he is going to rebook with u...but move out when he is gone. Sorry.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Well... He can just rebook the tickets. I don't know why he'd cancel both and not just Ur ticket? Maybe I misunderstood. It is his doing...it can just cost him more $$$ for being a cry baby...but at this point I probably wouldn't want to go with him. You could see if he is going to rebook with u...but move out when he is gone. Sorry. He told me last night that he couldn't just cancel one ticket but had to cancel both. I tried to verify this policy on orbitz.com but I'm still unclear. and you are right he could just rebook and it cost more. If he doesn't bring me I think I will be out alot sooner than the trip - In September.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I agree with this. It's hard being in a relationship with someone who significantly out-earns you. One of my exes had a multi-million dollar trust fund and earned an estimated $4-500K a year, and I always felt like I was an unequal, having to deal with things I otherwise would have out of some weird form of gratefulness. This isn't something I have felt with my bf. He has been very generous to me since we met and thats why this whole situation isn't cut and dry for me
luvinthesun Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 That can't be true...I mean people book ten tickets for group trips...he is lying...not sure it matters.
TaraMaiden Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 he has so many great qualities so it is hard for me to just have an attitude of "its over" so quickly. I agree that he is being a controlling brat but I'm hoping there is a fair and loving resolution. ... and what would you quantify that to be...? What would do it for you? And what would make this a deal-breaker?
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 That can't be true...I mean people book ten tickets for group trips...he is lying...not sure it matters. Even if he is lying it definitely matters, I'm not going to jump for joy or be thankful if he is lying. There will be repercussions and a long talk because I'm not willing to tolerate that in my relationship.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 ... and what would you quantify that to be...? What would do it for you? And what would make this a deal-breaker? For me it would be an apology and his word that it wouldn't happen again. We all make mistakes, and I have made my own. I just want to us to learn how to "fight fair" if we have a disagreement. A deal breaker would be him going without me. I cried myself to sleep last night and felt very hurt and rejected especially after what I did the night before with all his friends and what a good time we all had. It was like Jekyll and Hide with him last night. I guess if he decides not to bring me I know how he really feels about me and I need to start planning.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Que? Are you reading the same thread everyone else is? How is the OP the bad guy here, when this is what happened: 1. they BOTH show displeasure with the brides hotel selection. 2. bf asks gfs opinion and she responds by saying the bride is being a tad bossy. 3. bf overreacts, and then seeks to manipulate his gf by holding his money over her head. What did OP do wrong here? They BOTH didnt like where their room was located and he wanted an honest opinion. She didnt say anything mean or cruel...she simply said the bride was being a bit bossy with insisting that they stay in a hotel thats in a less than favorable area, with less than favorable conditions. Maybe you should read the original post again Nessa. He must have a similar situation to be so harsh..
Andy_K Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I have to go against the grain here and say I agree with some of what nessaaa has said. We are only seeing half the story here. Generous guys (as the OP has described him) do not blow up and accuse their girlfriends of being high-maintenance for no reason, but sometimes they don't know how to handle people who are very self-focused. Look at your reaction. You're asking if he's lying to you, or trying to hurt you, or whether you can forgive the way he's treated you, what kind of relationship you'll have if you carry on, and so forth. It's all about you. Have you stopped to ask yourself what he's feeling? At all? Because it's pretty obvious that he feels is that you're putting yourself first when the trip should really about his friend's wedding. All you had to do to stop all these stupid shenanigans was apologise. All you needed to do was try to understand why he reacted badly, but instead you went on the defensive and you chose to escalate and escalate. He hasn't cancelled your tickets, although he won't admit this. He's just waiting for you to apologise. Whether or not you genuinely are high-maintenance I cannot say for sure. But what I can tell you is this: When guys date a girl who is, they may start off accomodating her frequently, but as their patience wears thinner so their stubbornness grows. Eventually you reach the point where he calls her bluff and simply will not back down. One of two things happens. They split up or she learns to be more reasonable.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I have to go against the grain here and say I agree with some of what nessaaa has said. We are only seeing half the story here. Generous guys (as the OP has described him) do not blow up and accuse their girlfriends of being high-maintenance for no reason, but sometimes they don't know how to handle people who are very self-focused. Look at your reaction. You're asking if he's lying to you, or trying to hurt you, or whether you can forgive the way he's treated you, what kind of relationship you'll have if you carry on, and so forth. It's all about you. Have you stopped to ask yourself what he's feeling? At all? Because it's pretty obvious that he feels is that you're putting yourself first when the trip should really about his friend's wedding. All you had to do to stop all these stupid shenanigans was apologise. All you needed to do was try to understand why he reacted badly, but instead you went on the defensive and you chose to escalate and escalate. He hasn't cancelled your tickets, although he won't admit this. He's just waiting for you to apologise. Whether or not you genuinely are high-maintenance I cannot say for sure. But what I can tell you is this: When guys date a girl who is, they may start off accomodating her frequently, but as their patience wears thinner so their stubbornness grows. Eventually you reach the point where he calls her bluff and simply will not back down. One of two things happens. They split up or she learns to be more reasonable. I did apologize before the argument really got escalated.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 I have to go against the grain here and say I agree with some of what nessaaa has said. We are only seeing half the story here. Generous guys (as the OP has described him) do not blow up and accuse their girlfriends of being high-maintenance for no reason, but sometimes they don't know how to handle people who are very self-focused. Look at your reaction. You're asking if he's lying to you, or trying to hurt you, or whether you can forgive the way he's treated you, what kind of relationship you'll have if you carry on, and so forth. It's all about you. Have you stopped to ask yourself what he's feeling? At all? Because it's pretty obvious that he feels is that you're putting yourself first when the trip should really about his friend's wedding. All you had to do to stop all these stupid shenanigans was apologise. All you needed to do was try to understand why he reacted badly, but instead you went on the defensive and you chose to escalate and escalate. He hasn't cancelled your tickets, although he won't admit this. He's just waiting for you to apologise. Whether or not you genuinely are high-maintenance I cannot say for sure. But what I can tell you is this: When guys date a girl who is, they may start off accomodating her frequently, but as their patience wears thinner so their stubbornness grows. Eventually you reach the point where he calls her bluff and simply will not back down. One of two things happens. They split up or she learns to be more reasonable. I know the trip isn't about me. Its about his friend. I know understand that. But he did ask me my opinion on the accommodation. Was I supposed to lie?
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 We all make mistakes There is a HUGE difference between "mistakes" and "choices." Please refer to this link: Lovefraud Blog » Blog Archive » Don I see you making excuses for him and justifying certain behaviors. It's OK, I did the same thing with my ex. The spite, and immaturity are two huge problems you have now. Even if he DIDN'T cancel the flight and is only saying it... He's CHOOSING to intentionally hurt you. These are not the actions of someone who unconditionally loves another.
PineappleMango Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Leave him, or take a break, is my advice. If he is going to flip out over something so trivial, imagine what will happen when you are together for ten years.
Author Jessie32 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 There is a HUGE difference between "mistakes" and "choices." Please refer to this link: Lovefraud Blog » Blog Archive » Don I see you making excuses for him and justifying certain behaviors. It's OK, I did the same thing with my ex. The spite, and immaturity are two huge problems you have now. Even if he DIDN'T cancel the flight and is only saying it... He's CHOOSING to intentionally hurt you. These are not the actions of someone who unconditionally loves another. You are right about him trying to hurt me. I guess I was telling myself I hoped he didn't cancel and would come home later and apologize
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