Out of sight(contact) out of mind?

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

Even if we have dates set up, I feel like canceling and completely disconnected if no communication has occurred in between.

 

After first date, if the guy doesn't contact me the next day, my interest level has already plummeted.

 

I am fascinated by pick-up artists and their advice which is basically to do exactly the opposite of what works with me (and most women I know). I laugh at "don't contact for 3 days", "do neg" (if someone tells me anything negative about myself early on, I am done).

 

The real way to get "under a girl's skin" is to clearly state your intentions and consistent, clear and open communication.

[Pierre]

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

Even if we have dates set up, I feel like canceling and completely disconnected if no communication has occurred in between.

 

After first date, if the guy doesn't contact me the next day, my interest level has already plummeted.

 

I am fascinated by pick-up artists and their advice which is basically to do exactly the opposite of what works with me (and most women I know). I laugh at "don't contact for 3 days", "do neg" (if someone tells me anything negative about myself early on, I am done).

 

The real way to get "under a girl's skin" is to clearly state your intentions and consistent, clear and open communication.

 

 

Excellent post!

 

I laugh at those guys who follow silly rules about when to call back.

[runner]

the whole PUA thing is laughable at best...and it's not even a very funny joke. if anything i laugh out of pity.

[truth_seeker]

the whole PUA thing is laughable at best...and it's not even a very funny joke. if anything i laugh out of pity.

 

PUA tactics only work on impressionable, dumb women. They target the ones they feel they can con. Does it work? Yes. Just think though of the quality of the person you're getting.

[DjinnAgain]

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

Even if we have dates set up, I feel like canceling and completely disconnected if no communication has occurred in between.

 

After first date, if the guy doesn't contact me the next day, my interest level has already plummeted.

 

I am fascinated by pick-up artists and their advice which is basically to do exactly the opposite of what works with me (and most women I know). I laugh at "don't contact for 3 days", "do neg" (if someone tells me anything negative about myself early on, I am done).

 

The real way to get "under a girl's skin" is to clearly state your intentions and consistent, clear and open communication.

 

Aren't a lot of those "PUA" or whatever mainly concerned with sex? I assume the advice is to find the low self esteem and mental girls who give it easiest --- so the advice has the side effect of leaving out women who will be over it easily. I know I'm not the best option for someone who wants to have sex and not a relationship; they probably want to weed me out.

 

 

If you want a woman, yeah, act interested if you are interested. Seems simple. If someone is using PUA techniques hoping to meet a quality girl for any reason or have a relationship, they really need help.

[verhrzn]

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

Even if we have dates set up, I feel like canceling and completely disconnected if no communication has occurred in between.

 

After first date, if the guy doesn't contact me the next day, my interest level has already plummeted.

 

I am fascinated by pick-up artists and their advice which is basically to do exactly the opposite of what works with me (and most women I know). I laugh at "don't contact for 3 days", "do neg" (if someone tells me anything negative about myself early on, I am done).

 

The real way to get "under a girl's skin" is to clearly state your intentions and consistent, clear and open communication.

 

Absolutely, I am the same way. I take a guy only contacted me once a week as not being interested/keeping me as a last resort.

 

Even when I really like the guy, if he doesn't contact me every other day or so, I'll drop him. I mean, honestly, why become invested in someone who doesn't seem to want to talk/see you that much??

 

I've also never understood the negging. I (supposedly) have low self-esteem, so I am exactly the type of girl it's supposed to work on, and yet if a guy "negs" me, my instinct is to punch him and run away, NOT make-out with him.

 

Bizarre how the PUA rules actually seem to have the opposite effect on us, ES.

[january2011]

The real way to get "under a girl's skin" is to clearly state your intentions and consistent, clear and open communication.

 

Amen.

 

I agree with you, ES, about regular and timely communication. It's so easy and quick to send a text these days. Even a quick email or phone call to say, "Hi," is adequate.

 

My interest level also drops very quickly if I don't hear from someone. I liken it to the Sims - the connection needs to be fed through some kind of contact, otherwise, it depletes to zero.

[LittlePrince]

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

Even if we have dates set up, I feel like canceling and completely disconnected if no communication has occurred in between.

 

After first date, if the guy doesn't contact me the next day, my interest level has already plummeted.

 

I am fascinated by pick-up artists and their advice which is basically to do exactly the opposite of what works with me (and most women I know). I laugh at "don't contact for 3 days", "do neg" (if someone tells me anything negative about myself early on, I am done).

 

The real way to get "under a girl's skin" is to clearly state your intentions and consistent, clear and open communication.

I have noticed women I like if I pursue them they don't like it but when I stop since it looks like it will never work out they start coming to me.

[zengirl]

Now that you are approaching it from a stronger place, ES, and just shrugging off guys who may not fit your contact pattern, this is great! Personally, I never minded an off day in the beginning, though regular contact once I felt a connection had been established was important to me, but I think it's good to know what you want. At any rate, guys who play games (wait to contact to be "cool" or throw negs, etc) are certainly not worth it! And staying out of contact has never made me more interested, though like most things in life, it's about balance and synergy between people's styles.

[Lonely Ronin]

Imo regular contact is something that needs to be built up to. Contact for the sake of contact early on is a big red flag for me, because it usually hints at a deeper issue.

 

I broke up with the last woman I dated for this very reason. We'd been dating for 4 weeks, and by week 2 she would text me at least once(usually 2 or 3 times) a day, just to chit chat about completely random stuff. The texts had no substance, they felt more like check-in texts.

 

I ended it, because it became pretty obvious that the most important thing to her was being in a deep committed relationship. In other words, who she was in it with was a lot less important than being in it.

[EasyHeart]

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

Even if we have dates set up, I feel like canceling and completely disconnected if no communication has occurred in between.

 

After first date, if the guy doesn't contact me the next day, my interest level has already plummeted.

This is what I call "high maintenance".

[verhrzn]

This is what I call "high maintenance".

 

Why is it high maintenance to want to hear from a guy more than once a week, when you've been on several dates?

[USMCHokie]

PUA tactics only work on impressionable, dumb women. They target the ones they feel they can con. Does it work? Yes. Just think though of the quality of the person you're getting.

 

PUA tactics are for those who need something to attract women because they don't have the qualities to attract women otherwise. Sometime you have to do what ya gotta do...

 

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

I'd keep in touch at least once every couple of days.

[fucpcg]

I don't follow advice on picking up or dating women, I follow my heart.

[oaks]

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

Even if we have dates set up, I feel like canceling and completely disconnected if no communication has occurred in between.

 

I'm the same way. I don't mind too much having to initiate more of the contact, especially early on, but if it isn't reciprocated then I'll get bored of her pretty quickly. And if I'm actually interested I can't imagine not getting in touch to let her know, because last time I checked girls aren't mind readers. (I'd get slapped a lot more if they were, so I'm pretty sure of this.)

[Andy_K]

I've also never understood the negging. I (supposedly) have low self-esteem, so I am exactly the type of girl it's supposed to work on, and yet if a guy "negs" me, my instinct is to punch him and run away, NOT make-out with him.

 

I suspect you misunderstand negging. It's not for girls with low self-esteem per se, it's for girls who think they are Hot Stuff, but base their sense of value on external validation.

 

Also, negs aren't supposed to be offensive. Ironically, it's girls with low self-esteem who WILL find them offensive. To other girls it'll be 'playful banter' if it's done right.

 

It might go something like this:

"Hey, you have great hair!"

"Thanks!"

"Yeah! So you gotta tell me, how do you manage to dye just the roots brown?!"

 

^^ That kind of thing is only really offensive if you're quite uptight, in which case you're not going to be sleeping with the guy any time soon anyway, so you're not the sort of girl he's looking for.

[Lonely Ronin]

Why is it high maintenance to want to hear from a guy more than once a week, when you've been on several dates?

 

Simply put, some people progress slower than others, and it has nothing to do with how much they are into you.

[Janesays]

"Hey, you have great hair!"

 

Fixed. :cool:

[EasyHeart]

Why is it high maintenance to want to hear from a guy more than once a week, when you've been on several dates?

That's not what she said. She said she wants a guy to contact her every day starting immediately after the first date.

[LittlePrince]

That's not what she said. She said she wants a guy to contact her every day starting immediately after the first date.

I would phone sex her every day. She would either get tired of her own rule or break up. Either way it would be a win/win.

[zengirl]

That's not what she said. She said she wants a guy to contact her every day starting immediately after the first date.

 

Well, kinda, but not quite. I think it was confusing because you quoted:

 

Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine

I am finding that if I am dating a guy and he fails to keep in regular touch (even via text) at least once every couple of days, my interest level will drop.

 

Even if we have dates set up, I feel like canceling and completely disconnected if no communication has occurred in between.

 

After first date, if the guy doesn't contact me the next day, my interest level has already plummeted.

 

The bolded is pretty normal.

 

The last sentence is different for different folks, I'd say. It's not something I've ever thought about needing. I will admit mostly men tend to contact the next day after a good (mutually enjoyed) first date anyway, IME. Not every single day after, but the day immediately after, just to keep the momentum going, which may be what ES is experiencing.

 

I agree that needing contact every single day (not wanting it or naturally having it but NEEDING it) from the first date sounds a bit high maintenance for me, unless the first date was like after a major friendship where you already talked all the time or something.

[phineas]

OP didn't state that she initiates texts herself.

 

I don't want to jump the gun and assume she expects a guy to check in with her on regular basis in between dates but that's what it sounds like to me.

 

OP, do you TELL men this?

 

I don't text if I don't have to.

I call.

And I usually only do that set up a date & to verify a date.

 

But to be honest I only do that to weed out the attention whores who need validation from a guy & will waste his time to get that then start flaking when it comes time to go out on the date.

[Eternal Sunshine]

 

I'd keep in touch at least once every couple of days.

 

You know exactly what to say

[threebyfate]

If you consider those infatuation feelings like the butterfly thing, they're products of anxiety. So what PUAs attempt to do, is to manufacture anxiety within their targets, so women get fooled since they're confusing one for the other.

[crosswordfiend]

OP didn't state that she initiates texts herself.

 

I'm wondering about this myself. I know that in my case, if I'm the one who initiates contact all the time, after a while I will start wondering about her interest level. A little encouragement goes a long way.