Justme222 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 My gf of 3 and a half years broke up with me recently, it was more of a mutual agreement as we both weren't sure we wanted it, if I'm honest at 1st it was more ME that wanted to single, she loved me so much and would never have wanted a break up, we were split up for a month but as friends we still saw eachother all the time and even went on holiday together do deep down it never felt like we broke up, then when I said I wanted us to get back together, SHE said she was enjoying being single and seeing her friends more etc, and didn't want to get back together. It's been a week since we've properly broke up and I'm devestated. She's started not txting back, and seems fine with the break up, I cant believe how much she has changed in this short time, 2 months ago the idea of us splitting up would have killed her but now she's fine and I'm the one that's heartbroken! The thought of trying NC brings me to tears every time I think about it, I can't go for an hour without txting calling or emailing her, in not like this ever! It's like I'm a pesty stalker I have no idea what's going on I really am completely heartbroken and don't know how to move on, I CAN'T go with no contact she's my best friend in the whole world and I can see now how much she means to me, I would literally give anything to have her back and treat her so much better like she deserves, she is honestly perfect and I can't see me ever having a connection like we had with anyone else, she's my soulmate!!!! Don't have many friends where I life at the minute so I'm left on my own which means I can't stop thinking about it all. Just want to get a bottle of vodka and drink myself silly but I know it won't help. I feel scared, alone, lost, paranoid, depressed! Really in a very bad place at the minute and unfortunately the only person close enough to talk to about stuff is her!
RogerWallace111 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 my situation shares some similarities with yours... i also was the one who initially wanted to be single (even broke up with her at one point), only to have her break it off in the end. you really will probably need to go no contact if you want to feel better ever, as much as it hurts/feels impossible. even if she were texting you back, i almost guarantee trying to be friends when you can't actually be with her and she's moving forward will become a burden you don't want to bear. i had the chance to have a "friendship" with my ex, she was still being super loving and even kept trying to assure me she wouldn't be seeing anyone new for a long time, but that sort of thing ****ing sucks. trying to do that and not being able to get ahold of her, seeing her date someone else, all that **** is pain you don't have to put yourself through. i'm sorry you don't have more of a support system, is there anyone at all you can think of to talk to ? a family member ? people are often more willing to be there for you than you might think. even if it meant seeing a therapist, i would do whatever it takes to find someone to confide in. you will get through this somehow. it will probably require you to stop talking to her at all, as scary as that may seem. once you do, you will start to feel some sort of comfort, even if it's accompanied by sadness.
Author Justme222 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks for your help. Im in the forces and have some close friends where I am based, but I have a week off, and totally alone up here bar a few friends who I'm nowhere near close enough to confide in. Il have to keep in contact with her untill I go back down to camp then attempt NC. Thing is I genuinely would rather stay her friend, a close friend than cut her out my life, I wouldn't just do it in the hope we got back together. Although deep down I think Im hoping one day she thinks she's made a mistake and wants me back, and when that day comes she can have me back! Going to try and keep busy but I know a few days this week I will be alone in my house with nobody and these days are going to be the hardest I literally can't stop thinking about it all
Ruby65 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 It's hard to stay friends with an ex because the day will come when they've moved on to someone new.... and do you really want to be hearing about that? Another reason not to be friends (imo anyway) is that by doing that you're basically just holding their hand and helping them move on with their new life WITHOUT YOU. They never have to face the loss of having you in their life. And at the same time, by maintaining contact, you're keeping yourself from healing and moving on.... you're keeping the hope for reconciliation alive and experiencing all the fresh new little daggers of pain they unintentionally inflict within the parameters of this new "friends only" relationship. If you're feeling lonely, post here. Read through old threads. Keep posting and sharing your feelings in this thread or make others. Lots of people going through break-ups don't have lots of friends or family for in-person support..... so use this site as that support! We're here for you.
Author Justme222 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Well I've not txt her since this morning when I told her I was accepting it and going to stop pestering her. Really hard and a few times today I've written her massive txts but somehow not sent them. I actually want her to think I'm starting to get over her, if she doesn't think im still in bits and desparate for her back she might feel she's losing me an realise she's making a mistake, if she doesn't then it's not meant to be. I want her to want to be with me because she loves me, not because she feels sorry for me. Made a lot of plans this week so hopefully I can keep busy, it's mainly nights and when I'm sat alone that I can't cope and want to speak to her, Still can't shake the sick feeling in my stomach I've had constantly for 3 days!
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