Sweett Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Hi, I'm 33 years old and my ex boyfriend left me about a year ago. We've known each other since high school and we reconnected in november 2009 at a high school reunion. We started dating a week after reconnecting and he asked me to be in a relationship about 2 months later. Everything was great for the first 6 months, the dating, him spoiling me with gifts, meeting his family, taking me to the beach, etc. But then we started having arguments that started occurring more frequently. The first I remember was him not calling 1 night he said he was going out with his friends. I questioned him because he normally calls and said he would call. when I questioned him he got mad and said well why didnt u call, i said because u said u were and then he said something like "am I holding u up" this kind of puzzled me. Things went back to being ok but around college football season the arguments became more frequent. He would tell me Saturday's were his days to be with his friends to watch the games at his house and i couldn't come over and see or spend time with him because it was a guy thing. of course I didn't take this well I told him I had already felt his friends had too much access to his life. Everytime I call during the week they are there and all day on Saturday's, I felt like I had to make an appt. To see my own so called boyfriend. I started to feel as if he were hiding something and I was always wondering. I asked and he said he wasn't cheating and called me insecure but I still felt something wasn't right. Around October 2010 I had a break in at my house and he agreed to stay with me at night so I could feel safe. A month later we had another heated argument where he said he is someone who needs space and staying with me at night was to much, however he continued to come on his own.January of last year he was deployed for 4 months to Iraq, we still communicated by phone emal but he seemed depressed during this time. When he came back in may we were fine for about 2 weeks but then the arguing resumed. A month later I caught him with another girl. She told me they had been talking for a few months he told me she was lying. I continued with him then a few weeks later he called me by phone while i was at work to break up wirh me saying he needed space and wasnt ready for a serious relationship!!! After doing some research of my own he was in a relationship with her while I thought he was still with me! He had begun talking to her by email while he was deployed and started dating her when he returned. Now a year later they are engaged, and I can't seem to heal from how he did this to me. I loved him so much and he had established a bond emotionally with someone else while I thought he was still with me. He called me insecure and was very defensive when we disagreed this took a toll on me. He did me wrong so why do I beat myself up day in and day out? They are now engaged and I am now depressed! Help!!! They even teamed up and got me fired from my job. I sene her an email warning her about him she reported it as harrasement to the policy and him and her took the report to my job and my job fired me!!! I feel so worthless and like he won! I hate this!
Samilia Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 First red flag was when you discovered he was seeing someone else, that's where you should have left. Although the crappy way he was treating you in the first place was a good reason to leave as well. Don't beat yourself up but learn from your mistakes; I don't think you're insecure since you were right, but I do think you need to work on your feeling of self-worth. You really put yourself in a bad situation with that guy, swallowing your pride and for what? I'm sorry you lost your job over this by the way, I hope you found another source of income.
Phanpooh Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Come and break that wedding? Seriously, if you love him, pack ur crap and be happy for him, then move on If you dun love him, leave him alone, past is memories, and you live for present, not for his stuff
shayla Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 You will get through this. It may take a while, a long while in fact, to not be angry at him, and maybe at yourself for staying so long after you knew the relationship wasn't any good for you. Forget about him and what you think he won, he won nothing. He was a jerk that took a P**y's way out of your relationship. He will do that again, believe that.
Author Sweett Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Phanpoo: seriously??? Be happy for someone who cheated to get where he is now instead of trying to work on things with me and then he caused me to get fired!!! Really are u related to him!? I'm on here for support not for guilt!!
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Come and break that wedding? Seriously, if you love him, pack ur crap and be happy for him, then move on If you dun love him, leave him alone, past is memories, and you live for present, not for his stuff I have to agree with OP. Be "happy" for him? For real? He's a liar and a cheat, couldn't even be man enough to be honest and just end the relationship. Strung her along, flipped the cards to make HER out to be the one in the wrong, and then goes and rides off into the sunset with his whore of a co-worker who was seeing him behind her back. These are the men that protect our country. Disgusting, and disgraceful. She should be "happy" ? Oh HELLL no. 3
Author Sweett Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 KatZee: thanks!!! And u are right he serves our country in the air force what a joke!!! For all he's done to me I couldn't imagine getting him fired or anyone for that matter with this economy. So why is he being blessed to get marriage while I feel punished???? I'm so tired if hurting!!!!
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 KatZee: thanks!!! And u are right he serves our country in the air force what a joke!!! For all he's done to me I couldn't imagine getting him fired or anyone for that matter with this economy. So why is he being blessed to get marriage while I feel punished???? I'm so tired if hurting!!!! Just know this, Karma comes back around to everyone. It's not like all of a sudden that he's dating her he's going to magically become some prince. He's a liar, he's a cheater. Once he's bored with her, or tired of the fights they have he'll wind up doing the same to her. You're so much better off without this toxicity in your life. 1
flitzanu Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 the point being made is, be happy for him and move on with your life. they aren't saying "be happy for him because he's awesome". what's the alternative? you sit around and harbor all this anger and hatred and make your life miserable. there's absolutely NOTHING you can do to change what happened, so either accept it and move on, or make yourself miserable feeling so angry about it. not saying you shouldn't be hurt, but it's not going to get you anywhere.
funlady Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 The only real loss in this scenario I see is your old job. Other than that you just got rid of some garbage. He is a liar and a cheater. Having said that, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't feel sad. You thought you were in a good relationship and it will take time to get over it. Hang in there. One day you will feel glad this happened. AND please do not go back to him/talk to him again. (something tells me, he might be trying to reconnect at some point in the future).
KatZee Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 the point being made is, be happy for him and move on with your life. they aren't saying "be happy for him because he's awesome". what's the alternative? you sit around and harbor all this anger and hatred and make your life miserable. there's absolutely NOTHING you can do to change what happened, so either accept it and move on, or make yourself miserable feeling so angry about it. not saying you shouldn't be hurt, but it's not going to get you anywhere. I don't think you need to harbor anger and all those negative feelings, but she most certainly doesn't have to feel "happy" for him. Complete INDIFFERENCE. That is where you want to be OP.
Author Sweett Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Katzee: once again thanks for the comment Flitzano: no comment to you at all!!!! Do you think his behavior was acceptable?????? His happiness is obviously to see me miserable and suffering. There is no way in hell I can be happy for someone who got me FIRED!!!!!!!!
Author Sweett Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Funlady: thanks for your words!! I can't believe after a year I still feel like the break up just happened! I put way to much trust in him I think mainly because I've known ( or thought I knew) him since high school.
Author Sweett Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Also to reiterate I'm angry that I was fired and I'm hurt, distraught, and down over how he treated me and as awful as it sounds I keep trying to find fault in myself when I know didn't have the power to cause this!
Samilia Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Also to reiterate I'm angry that I was fired and I'm hurt, distraught, and down over how he treated me and as awful as it sounds I keep trying to find fault in myself when I know didn't have the power to cause this! Well yeah but you had the power to prevent it. If you ever find yourself in a situation that is not satisfactory, with a lack of respect toward your person, leave him and don't look back. 1
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