Becky12 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Me and my bf (1 year) just got back from a vacation. On the vacation I got drunk and "out of control", so he dragged me and pushed me around to where I have bruises all over my arms. We are supposed to get married in 2 months, but he then said he wanted to wait because if we get married he will feel I am "more" his and he is worried about how he will get if I walk away from him again. He said he has never left bruises on a woman before and felt awful. Now, after me talking to him, I told him, I know thats not him to get so angry, and I wont walk away from him again, now he doesnt want to wait to get married. I KNOW you all are going to say DONT marry him, and I think you are right, but I just wonder if he is truly sorry, and it will not happen again like he said. Can I trust his word?
Sid6.7 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Me and my bf (1 year) just got back from a vacation. On the vacation I got drunk and "out of control", so he dragged me and pushed me around to where I have bruises all over my arms. We are supposed to get married in 2 months, but he then said he wanted to wait because if we get married he will feel I am "more" his and he is worried about how he will get if I walk away from him again. He said he has never left bruises on a woman before and felt awful. Now, after me talking to him, I told him, I know thats not him to get so angry, and I wont walk away from him again, now he doesnt want to wait to get married. I KNOW you all are going to say DONT marry him, and I think you are right, but I just wonder if he is truly sorry, and it will not happen again like he said. Can I trust his word? I once had a girlfriend a while back and there was this party at my place. She got drunk as well, I mean sloppy drunk much like what you probably experienced. I had to drag her ass round too from all of the falling and bumping into things. Eventually I picked her ass up and took her to bed to sleep it off. The next day she had bruises all over herself from falling and me trying my best to catch her from falling or picking her up by her wrists from being on the floor. Bruises on her sides from being drunk and wanting to resist me picking her up for her own well being and put her to bed. Now, I am not blaming her for anything at all because all of us were there to have a good time and have a few drinks and a good time and that is exactly what we all did. What I didn't do is apologize to her, the thought never once crossed my mind. You want to know what did cross my mind? Two things, her expecting an apology and the blame being cast on me for her drunken clumsiness. Secondly, her potentially trying to accuse me of something and calling the police with a fabricated story. I suppose my question to you is, why should he be apologetic to you and why should he trust you? I sure hope he isn't wanting to pull the trigger faster over guilt he may feel over your inebriated misbehavior. 1
Author Becky12 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 We both have gotten drunk and stupid in the past, thats why we agreed to slow WAY down on the drinking. But I do not think thats why he wants to "pull the trigger" so soon. We have a date and time and its paid for. I asked him if he wanted to wait to get married, he first said yes, then changed his mind back. He said that he said that because he was nervous about what else he might do to me in the future. That he really didnt want to wait.
Sid6.7 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 We both have gotten drunk and stupid in the past, thats why we agreed to slow WAY down on the drinking. But I do not think thats why he wants to "pull the trigger" so soon. We have a date and time and its paid for. I asked him if he wanted to wait to get married, he first said yes, then changed his mind back. He said that he said that because he was nervous about what else he might do to me in the future. That he really didnt want to wait. Right, and so what is this change you are looking for? The one in the thread topic you started.
Author Becky12 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 I am asking if this is a sign he will get more abusive? Or can he just "stop" getting so angry?
utterer of lies Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Is he REALLY going to change? No. I am asking if this is a sign he will get more abusive? Yes. Or can he just "stop" getting so angry? No. 3
Sid6.7 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I am asking if this is a sign he will get more abusive? Or can he just "stop" getting so angry? Probably about the time you stop getting sloppy drunk. 1
Author Becky12 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 No need to get so rude. Everyone gets sloppy drunk every now n then. Even my bf, so its not all me. 1
Sid6.7 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 No need to get so rude. Everyone gets sloppy drunk every now n then. Even my bf, so its not all me. I'm not rude, I am honest. Bruises due to your drunken state does not mean he is abusive. Why do you feel the need to toss that word around so easily? Females like to do that a lot. When I had to toss that drunk chick over my shoulder and take her to bed? Yeah, I wasn't happy about it either. I'd be pissed off too. Unless you are leaving out parts of the story this is your fault, not his.
Algermas Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I am asking if this is a sign he will get more abusive? Or can he just "stop" getting so angry? That depends, do you intend to increase the number of times you drink excessively?
Imajerk17 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Its just physically hard to corrall a stupid drunk person. You had bruises only on your *arms*. So I'm not seeing a sign that you were abused. If I were in his place I'd be really pissed at you too. A woman with no self-control makes for a bad wife. Cut out the drinking.
curlygirl40 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I am asking if this is a sign he will get more abusive? Or can he just "stop" getting so angry? I have a feeling there is a lot more that you are not saying here. What do you mean 'stop getting so angry?'. Is this the only incident? I'm thinking no. If he has an anger management problem, he will not get better without serious help or intervention of some sort. Period. If he himself is saying to you "I'm afraid to get married to you because I'm afraid that I will then feel like I own you more and then treat you worse", listen to him. He's telling you the truth here. Put the wedding off, wait to see how things play out. It's easier to put the wedding off right now than to divorce in the future. Trust me on this one. 'When people show you who they are, believe them. The first time'. Maya Angelou (sp?) 1
curlygirl40 Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 We both have gotten drunk and stupid in the past, thats why we agreed to slow WAY down on the drinking. But I do not think thats why he wants to "pull the trigger" so soon. We have a date and time and its paid for. I asked him if he wanted to wait to get married, he first said yes, then changed his mind back. He said that he said that because he was nervous about what else he might do to me in the future. That he really didnt want to wait. This is a huge red flag. Why are you ignoring it? Because the date is planned and payed for? Big mistake. Neither of you are ready to be married, IMO.
FitChick Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 If you are both heavy drinkers or alcoholics, things will just get worse. Just give up the deposit for the wedding venue and continue dating or split up. You might actually meet someone better. Happened to a friend of mine who was planning her dream wedding at a Beverly Hills Hotel. She lost thousands but said it was worth it because a year later she met her "soulmate" and they got married and are still happily married with two kids. Things happen for a reason.
FitChick Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 If you are both heavy drinkers or alcoholics, things will just get worse. Just give up the deposit for the wedding venue and continue dating or split up. You might actually meet someone better. Happened to a friend of mine who planned a dream wedding at a Beverly Hills Hotel and lost thousands of dollars in paid deposits. A year later she met her "soul mate" and they got married and are still happily married with two kids. Things happen for a reason.
luvinthesun Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Me and my bf (1 year) just got back from a vacation. On the vacation I got drunk and "out of control", so he dragged me and pushed me around to where I have bruises all over my arms. We are supposed to get married in 2 months, but he then said he wanted to wait because if we get married he will feel I am "more" his and he is worried about how he will get if I walk away from him again. He said he has never left bruises on a woman before and felt awful. Now, after me talking to him, I told him, I know thats not him to get so angry, and I wont walk away from him again, now he doesnt want to wait to get married. I KNOW you all are going to say DONT marry him, and I think you are right, but I just wonder if he is truly sorry, and it will not happen again like he said. Can I trust his word? Here's n idea.. Dont get drunk n outta cobtrol. Problem solved.. He us the one saying to rethink things.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 This doesn't sound good. In the very least, extend the engagement period so you have time to get to know him better. Do not let him pressure you to get married. Watch carefully for any further signs of controlling or aggressive behavior.
betterdeal Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 It would do him good to see someone about his reaction, what underlies it, and to learn techniques to either manage his anger better or root out the beliefs that lead him to react in such a way. Without an impartial point of view, and experienced guidance, his is likely to not change. You may wish to discuss the idea of seeking professional help with him.
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