Ladybeau Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Hi there, I came home on thursday to find my boyfriend of three years had taken all of his stuff and left. He now wont answer anybodys phonecalls and i'm worried sick. His close friend (female) has spoken to him as she is really reasonable and said that he told her 'he feels really fragile and needs a few days before he contacts me'. I am at the lowest of the low. What should i do?? How can i get him back. I love him amazing amounts and he gave me no clue he was going to leave. Our relationship has been excellent for the past few months. HELP!
Ruby65 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Firstly..... try to calm down! It must be a huge shock coming home to find him gone, but you will be getting more information from him shortly. He said he'd contact you in a few days, which sounds like this weekend -- so there's really nothing to do for now but wait to hear from him. I'm sure you'll get more answers when he contacts you. As for how to get him back.... there's really nothing you can do about that. If he's leaving the relationship, it's his decision to make, and all you can do is learn to accept it. Your relationship might have SEEMED excellent for the past few months, but clearly there was something very wrong because people don't up and leave one day for no reason. As he was most likely trying to decide whether or not to end the relationship during this time, he might've been putting on a big act to try and convince you -- as well as himself -- that everything was great. Were there any problems between you? Another woman? What does your instinct tell you?
Author Ladybeau Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Thanks Ruby, No other woman involved as shortly found out another of his friends helped him move out. Its almost like he planned for this to happen and took everything. He has never done this before, but he usually makes decisions on impulse and regrets them afterwards. Hes broken up with me before and then came crawling back a day later. But i've never gone this long without contact. Also. His ''friend'' that helped him move is a bad influence on him and he stayed with us for two weeks last month and caused a load of grief by not giving us our own space etc. he can unfortunately be very easily-led by what is best for him. :-(
Ruby65 Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Okay, if he's broken up with you before then he's just done you a huge favor -- hard as it is right now to believe that. You don't want to be involved with someone who's ambivalent and leaves you. What's the point? There are men out there who will love you as much as you love them -- don't settle for someone who treats you this way. Don't blame his friends -- or anyone else -- for his moving out. That's his decision and your job now is to learn to accept this, look after YOURSELF, and find a way to move on. It's going to hurt but in the long run it's much much healthier for you to be out of this relationship and free to meet someone who isn't on the fence about a future with you! Keep posting as much as you need to. The people here will support you through this! 2
CopingGal Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Hi there, I came home on thursday to find my boyfriend of three years had taken all of his stuff and left. He now wont answer anybodys phonecalls and i'm worried sick. His close friend (female) has spoken to him as she is really reasonable and said that he told her 'he feels really fragile and needs a few days before he contacts me'. I am at the lowest of the low. What should i do?? How can i get him back. I love him amazing amounts and he gave me no clue he was going to leave. Our relationship has been excellent for the past few months. HELP! Listen dear, you have to get real with yourself. Your relationship could not have been excellent for him to do that to you. That is low, mean, cruel, and just ridiculous. This is the biggest red flag I have ever seen. If you go back to someone who did that to you with no explanation, guaranteed, he will do something to you ever worse. This is a blessing my dear, even though the pain must by horrible. Screw him! Take care of you.
Samilia Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Cowardice come to my mind when I read your post. I can't imagine why you'd want to be with him. I wouldn't want to lay in the arms of a coward, but that's just me. Sure in our own mind we're all heroes, till something happens and reality hits us. But still... if he couldn't face you, I don't see him facing anything else like a man. I'm really sorry that he took off the way he did, that's a horrible way to leave someone. 2
Author Ladybeau Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 Thank you guys, it means a lot to me. Its just the shock of it all really, one day everything is normal and the next, your life is completely turned upside-down. Just going through a lot of confusion, pain and heartache right now.
writergal Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Your boyfriend moving out without a hint to you, is his way of telling you that the relationship (from his perspective) is essentially over. Of course it's a terrible way to break-up with someone, and it's possible that this friend of his (the bad influence) could somehow be involved. I'm sorry this happened to you. Are you sure there weren't any warning signs...at all? No arguments, nothing? I don't think you should put your entire life on hold to wait for him to contact you with an explanation. The fact that he's moved out is all the information you really need. This is clearly about his issues, not yours. Do what you can to keep yourself busy, distracted and surrounded with supportive friends. But don't waste any time trying to figure out why he did this. Does that really matter at this point?
Samilia Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 By the way.. change the locks. Especially with what you told us about his "friend". I don't want to see you coming back here to tell us that he took your TV while you weren't home. Or worse.
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