Finding new way to hurt myself

[Samilia]

So here I am on Loveshack, finding comfort and trying to give comfort or my two cents.. and I read Kyle's post.. so like the idiot that I am, I decide to go check POF since I know he had a profile on it, while we were together. I had chosen to ignore it (NEVER again). And sure enough, he was online today.

 

And sure enough like an idiot, might as well keep true to myself uh, I text him about it. His answer was that he didn't use it then.

 

I didn't answer, he's messaging me a few more times, I'm on ignore mode. I am letting him take a swim in his guilty feeling piss soup. He must feel like an *ss and he better. My feelings are so hurt right now it's not even funny.

 

So now I wonder, was this break up that mutual after all?

 

If you think about checking your ex's POF or whatever website they use, don't. If you're thinking about emailing, texting, calling, don't..

 

The truth doesn't always set you free. Or actually it sure does, but at a price.

 

I am so hurt and pissed right now it's not even funny. Keeping your ex on your fb is a BAD idea, thinking you can be friends is a BAD idea.

 

I think I'm staying home tomorrow, screw work, I'll go look for that car that I need. And changing gym since I'm at it, since that's why I want the car for mainly, for now.

 

POF or POS, I don't know.

Edited June 29, 2012 by Samilia

[Thisisbs]

I have those days too, where you just give in, and you consciously realize yourself moving backwards. I am still "friends" with my ex, because we hang out in a large group of mutual friends.

 

Just another bad day in the process, keep your head up ^^.

[Samilia]

I'm ok, that's the kick in the butt I needed, an eye opener. I'm actually on my way to work

[Phanpooh]

So u mean i need to ignore her though fb or just let her swim with her guilty pool? It's about self-control....

[hinatticus]

Self destructive behavior is weird isn't it? Sometimes I feel like if I put myself through it, it will make me stronger. I'm probably only kidding myself, but I think there is some truth to it. Its like building up tolerance for pain.

When I was in the dark depths of my breakup(about 2 months ago), I kept checking my ex's fb. It freaking killed me, not so much now. Although we're on friendly terms now because of our child.

Stay strong.

[skyisfalling]

im sorry to hear that. It does suck, its like he loved you one day and then next, he just checks out. I'm giving you a virtual hug because i know exactly how you're feeling *hugs* hang in there.. we'll get through this.

[Samilia]

I saw him at work today, I gave him a polite smile because I think that at work one should behave respectfully and as an adult.

 

Now from my private phone I texted him asking him to come pick up the rest of his stuff tonight. Politely, without anger, but straight to the point, giving him an hour to drop by.

[Phanpooh]

R u listening everyone here? Or just gonna tell anyone that how much u hurt yourself? Let him go and get urself free, stay away from fire. I know, sometime we all know that is a mistake but we still do that, then learn from hurt? Pain isnt the best teacher! I just say things, ur homework is figure out what meaning

[Samilia]

It's all good mate, no worries. I'm actually back on track. Not too happy to have been played, but back on track.

 

He's actually the one messaging me now, I'm short in my answers (concerning his stuff, I go NC with anything else). I know he feels like he should, a db, that's my revenge, and it feels good because I don't have to do anything anymore.

 

Anger always has been a better energy boost for me than anything else (beside the love I have for my family and friends, of course).

 

I figured it all out, and it feels good to have an answer on what happened.

 

I have to thank everybody for their inputs and I'm still not out of the woods, but I found the bread crumbs.

Edited June 29, 2012 by Samilia