Ninjainpajamas Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Personally If I don't like the person as a whole then I'm not going to be interested and motivated to even put forth the effort...I don't see the point, just not the type to force a connection or keep digging, I make up my mind pretty quick and there's too many well-rounded/good women out there. I see a lot of women trying to force a situation or just "give a guy a chance" because they find him attractive/appealing, then they have sex with the guy and find themselves attached even though he's a total douche/idiot or what not. Doesn't work like that for men though, If we don't like who you are then you'll just get automatically placed in the FB category, and a guy will only linger to see If they sex is any good and worth putting effort into it anymore but that'll be the extent of it and it won't be a lot of effort. If you're going to have sex with the guy, even a negative feeling can lead to good sex but in the end you're probably just going to end up frustrated and disliking the person even more...and If the sex is bad then you'll feel like it was a total waste of time...but you'll probably dislike either situation, and maybe even feel a little disgusted with yourself for even sleeping with this person in the first place the more you get to know him. If you're going to have sex with him just get in and get out really fast, don't string it out or get hooked If you need it that bad. Otherwise at least find a guy you respect/have positive feelings towards.
Sanman Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Been there a few times, but I learned and stay a away from that now. I hooked up with a girl that lived down the hall in college after we had been fighting and not speaking to each other for months. I'm also pretty sure that one of my ex-gf felt this way (and so did I) during the last few months of out relationship. Good sex is fine, but leads to a mess when you have it with someone you do not like.
seachangeoflove Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Good sex is fine, but leads to a mess when you have it with someone you do not like. you're doing it wrong. 1
udolipixie Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I've been attracted to many guys I didn't like as for me finding a guy attractive and finding a guy likeable are separate things that have no affect on each other. I deal with it being physically attracted to a guy despite not liking his personality by amusing and entertaining myself with him until I found a more attractive guy. Though I don't consider not liking a guy an issue to deal with as there aren't many guys I find likeable. As for your situation what are you deciding between- ignoring him or sexing him? If you're heavily considering sexing him as you're a gal it's quite different from a guy having sex with a gal he dislikes since you're going to be penetrated. In my opinion if you can't handle casual sex well it's probably best suited to avoid having sex with a guy you dislike as it's likely you'll feel disgusted and used having a guy you dislike inside you.
udolipixie Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 this happens a million times a day. males who can't a female should read this. Not sure what the bold means can you clarify that? Nevermind you edited it for understanding.
udolipixie Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 males who can't land a female should read this. Bit misleading suggestion to me as it may have guys with dating troubles think those situations are the sole or main reason for their troubles when it may more likely be he's unattractive, bland, unappealing, or uninteresting to the gals he wants.
udolipixie Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 a male could be 6 foot tall, fit, have a big job but if he can't build chemistry that's all for naught. a male can be short, fat, unemployed but if he can build chemistry he'll be getting plenty of sex. That's a far better suggestion to me as likely those without a sense of entitlement may think rather than it's I'm this I should get that it's if there's mutual attraction we'll be together.
udolipixie Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 point is chemistry trumps all. its not fool proof but you'd be amazed on what powerful chemistry can do. when a short, fat man's dating a model you can bet your bottom dollar the chemistry is intense. A point I find a better suggestion than the one I was under the misimpression. That misimpression being showcasing situations of gals chemistry with guys as why guys can't land a gal reminiscent of 'you can't land a gal because you're not a jerk'. there's a male in my company. he's earty thirties, does top quality work, tall, plays sports, owns his own 5 bedroom home. everything females could want. right? wrong. he can't build chemistry. last i heard he got ditched by somebody he was way too good for, on paper. he doesn't get the basics of building chemistry. I wouldn't think 'right?' as many gals want different things and gals aren't a hive mind that doles out sex and relationships when this and that is done rather than when attraction/chemistry is present. Though if you want to get generic stereotypes of what all gals want- I'm not seeing fit body, handsome face, and sexual prowess mentioned. As I stated showcasing the post as chemistry is needed is far better suggestion to me as those without a sense of entitlement will likely think 'she needs attraction/chemistry' rather than 'I am this I get that'.
Author tigressA Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Well, in my situation, it's more of an annoyance than it is outright dislike/hatred. Something about him just rubs me the wrong way--he comes off like an attention whore. He has a lot of 'orbiters'--those 'friends' who likely aren't really friends. He was talking a lot about other girls when I was with him last weekend. It didn't make me jealous; it at turns annoyed and amused me. I ignored more offhand comments, changed the subject, and/or just talked about other guys, when appropriate (we did discuss our dating histories, but all of his talk that annoyed me was outside the discussion, when there was no point to it). It sort of seemed like he was doing it just to get a rise out of me, which is annoying as f*ck. It's such juvenile behavior. I didn't give him the satisfaction of being noticeably annoyed. He really wants to see me tomorrow and I've been kind of delaying my response. A small part of me is wondering if I should give him a chance to redeem himself since he isn't a douche in the broader sense.
2sure Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Tigress...in my experience you should def hit that if you want to of course, but be prepared. The fact that you are basically indifferent, or annoyed by his charms....makes guys like this clingy. Mark my words.
ThaWholigan Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Well, in my situation, it's more of an annoyance than it is outright dislike/hatred. Something about him just rubs me the wrong way--he comes off like an attention whore. He has a lot of 'orbiters'--those 'friends' who likely aren't really friends. He was talking a lot about other girls when I was with him last weekend. It didn't make me jealous; it at turns annoyed and amused me. I ignored more offhand comments, changed the subject, and/or just talked about other guys, when appropriate (we did discuss our dating histories, but all of his talk that annoyed me was outside the discussion, when there was no point to it). It sort of seemed like he was doing it just to get a rise out of me, which is annoying as f*ck. It's such juvenile behavior. I didn't give him the satisfaction of being noticeably annoyed. He really wants to see me tomorrow and I've been kind of delaying my response. A small part of me is wondering if I should give him a chance to redeem himself since he isn't a douche in the broader sense. Sounds like he's trying to make himself seem more attractive to you more than anything else. It is a juvenile tactic that some guys may use, and it probably does work for him with some girls. Classic peacocking. At this point, consider the possibility that this guy may like you more than you like him right now! . He doesn't sound like a douche from what's been written, but is probably trying to be a bit calculating with you, whether it's for more amiable reasons or for a hidden agenda. Either way, I imagine that having cottoned onto this, it's not particularly endearing. I find that inexperience can often belie such social games. I wouldn't give it up just yet, nor would I bail. It might not be what it seems.
Author tigressA Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 He called. He's coming to see me tomorrow. I'll see how it goes...Wholigan, when you say 'give it up', do you mean sex? 'Cause if not you were basically saying the same thing twice, I think.
RedRobin Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 It couldn't hurt to take some time to get to know him. Some guys do some pretty idiotic things in the early stages. There are a few behaviors, that if I see repeated numerous times in an interaction, or some gentle coaxing towards a change of subject doesn't modify... I will choose to pull the rip cord. May I ask... the "he's coming to see me tomorrow"... This wouldn't be at your place of residence, would it? If you really are that physically attracted to him, and you want to make sure you don't end up with a jerk... be your own chaperone. No in the car time. No in the house/apt time. No walks where you could end up someplace alone time. Agree to meet separately someplace in public. And keep it that way until whatever reservations you might have are overcome.
ThaWholigan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 He called. He's coming to see me tomorrow. I'll see how it goes...Wholigan, when you say 'give it up', do you mean sex? 'Cause if not you were basically saying the same thing twice, I think. I meant sex
Author tigressA Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 It couldn't hurt to take some time to get to know him. Some guys do some pretty idiotic things in the early stages. There are a few behaviors, that if I see repeated numerous times in an interaction, or some gentle coaxing towards a change of subject doesn't modify... I will choose to pull the rip cord. May I ask... the "he's coming to see me tomorrow"... This wouldn't be at your place of residence, would it? If you really are that physically attracted to him, and you want to make sure you don't end up with a jerk... be your own chaperone. No in the car time. No in the house/apt time. No walks where you could end up someplace alone time. Agree to meet separately someplace in public. And keep it that way until whatever reservations you might have are overcome. Uh...I'm not planning on playing that card. I don't even want to . We've had plenty of 'alone time' together, just haven't had sex yet. Every time we've met up it's been in public, and we do go out. The last three dates ended in sleepovers. I think you're outlining what to do when the objective is a relationship, and aside from a spot of fun, I don't know what I want out of dating in general at this time. Wholigan--I thought so, just wanted to make sure I was catching your drift. I'm still leaning toward putting it off a bit longer, myself--mostly because I'm actually worried now that it'll be bad. Like an "Is that all there is?" moment.
ThaWholigan Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Wholigan--I thought so, just wanted to make sure I was catching your drift. I'm still leaning toward putting it off a bit longer, myself--mostly because I'm actually worried now that it'll be bad. Like an "Is that all there is?" moment. I feel you.....you did say that he has less exp than you in another thread, so that may be a factor if that's the case. That might not matter, he could be a natural - but you don't wanna take any chances . Just be careful if you do have sex with him - it might be too good and you end up like ":love::love:" . Just to be on the safe side, make any objectives clear beforehand
Author tigressA Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I feel you.....you did say that he has less exp than you in another thread, so that may be a factor if that's the case. That might not matter, he could be a natural - but you don't wanna take any chances . Just be careful if you do have sex with him - it might be too good and you end up like ":love::love:" . Just to be on the safe side, make any objectives clear beforehand Oh it's not even the experience stuff--I think if it were that then even what we've been doing wouldn't be so hot. It's really more like...what we've been doing is already so good, I'm not sure having sex would be any better. The attraction is insaaaaane...when I check my phone and I just see that I have a text from him I can feel myself getting...er...damp... I honestly have no idea how I have been able to hold off on having sex with him. 1
RedRobin Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Uh...I'm not planning on playing that card. I don't even want to . We've had plenty of 'alone time' together, just haven't had sex yet. Every time we've met up it's been in public, and we do go out. The last three dates ended in sleepovers. I think you're outlining what to do when the objective is a relationship, and aside from a spot of fun, I don't know what I want out of dating in general at this time. Wholigan--I thought so, just wanted to make sure I was catching your drift. I'm still leaning toward putting it off a bit longer, myself--mostly because I'm actually worried now that it'll be bad. Like an "Is that all there is?" moment. Sounds like you are going in with your eyes open. That's the important part. 1
Author tigressA Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 He called earlier to let me know he got caught up at work and can't be here until after 11, but he still really wants to see me and go out somewhere. I agreed--I'm going to meet him outside my building and then we'll go. He didn't just say, "Oh let's hang out at your place, blah blah", which is good. And he called. I would've been like "WTF, no" if he had texted me about it. Now that I think of it, he's always called to set up/finalize date plans. I'm still not comfortable having sex with him, and I don't think he expects it, so there shouldn't be any issue with proceeding as we usually have. I briefly wondered if I was an idiot for agreeing to this since it's late, but I don't think I am. It's Friday night.
kaylan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 I agree with the previous poster who said women are much like men in regards to sex. Now that in modern times that womens sexuality isnt stifled like in the past...women can embrace raw attraction the way men always have. Its quite normal for someone to want to screw someone despite what the persons personality is like. A hot body is just a hot body sometimes. This goes for both men and women. Ive hated a couple of the chicks Ive hooked up with...which made things kinda hotter. And ive had chicks hook up with me despite being super critical of who I am. It is what it is. 2
Author tigressA Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 Wholigan, I think you were right... We met up late last night; by the time he got here it was too late for us to really go anywhere, so we just went for a walk along the river and stayed out there for a little while. He stayed over (no sex) and we hung out until he took the train back in the afternoon. We talked a bit today about our 'status'--he brought it up. He had seemed a little worried; he even talked to a friend about it, who had raised the question--"Are you sure you're the only guy she's making out with?" since I'm apparently much more experienced. I teased him a bit, like, "Oh, yeah, there are five in all" --but I made sure to let him know I'm not really entertaining any other options while we're involved to this extent. And he isn't either. He mentioned again how much fun he has with me and he definitely wants to keep seeing me. This date went much better. I think I'm starting to like him as a person! Funny how I decide on not entertaining any other options, and a guy I hadn't talked to in almost a year nor seen in 2+ years who was the absolute hottest fling I ever had sends me an email this morning saying he's 'thinking of me' and asking what I've been up to.
KungFuJoe Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 This was me and my 2nd gf. We "dated" for a year. We got along well in the beginning, but by the end of the year, we were pretty much just seeing each other for sex (and it was GREAT sex) but on a personal level, I couldn't stand her guts at times because she just thought she was god's gift to everything. We fought about EVERYTHING and in the end, fully admitted to each other that we got along way better when it was just about sex. I mean, we would literally just meet at her place during lunch or after work, have sex, and I'd be on my way, and it was AWESOME.
ThaWholigan Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Wholigan, I think you were right... We met up late last night; by the time he got here it was too late for us to really go anywhere, so we just went for a walk along the river and stayed out there for a little while. He stayed over (no sex) and we hung out until he took the train back in the afternoon. We talked a bit today about our 'status'--he brought it up. He had seemed a little worried; he even talked to a friend about it, who had raised the question--"Are you sure you're the only guy she's making out with?" since I'm apparently much more experienced. I teased him a bit, like, "Oh, yeah, there are five in all" --but I made sure to let him know I'm not really entertaining any other options while we're involved to this extent. And he isn't either. He mentioned again how much fun he has with me and he definitely wants to keep seeing me. This date went much better. I think I'm starting to like him as a person! I thought it would go like this . Sounds promising all the same - just goes to show that sometimes haste can halt an otherwise smooth progression. Glad you kept an even keel . Funny how I decide on not entertaining any other options, and a guy I hadn't talked to in almost a year nor seen in 2+ years who was the absolute hottest fling I ever had sends me an email this morning saying he's 'thinking of me' and asking what I've been up to. Pah, such is the fickle nature of dating potentials. Like buses. None come, then as soon as one comes, all 5 of them come flying round the corner . 3
Author tigressA Posted June 30, 2012 Author Posted June 30, 2012 I don't think I want to hold out much longer with regard to the sex. Things came to a head last night and I'm pretty sure next time we're together it's going to happen. There was a storm last night and he got caught in the rain; when he was here I noticed he had a small plastic bag with a pharmacy label on it. I thought he'd been presumptuous and bought condoms, so was kind of annoyed...until I saw there were none. He'd just used it to protect his phone and wallet. He reiterated to me that while he's really attracted to me, he doesn't just want to get me naked--and so far he's consistently backed up those words with actions. I think maybe I was off in my estimation of this guy. 2
manup Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 Has this ever happened to you? Specifically, being physically attracted to someone (wanting to have sex with them) despite not liking their personality. How did you deal with it? I'm in this situation right now and it's an interesting, new dynamic. I'm still deciding on what to do with it. Discuss. it's your female hind brain, kind of like how guys love sluts and girls like dbags, stay away if you know what's good for you
Recommended Posts