AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Firstly, I've had so much support over the course of my time here and I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am. I know that I would be in a much darker / more difficult place where it not for all of your kind words and inspiration. I feel I owe it to everyone on here to stay and support you all throughout your journeys. And I'll do my best to keep helping you all on your way. So thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. So here we are today, there might be a couple more low points to come but this is definately the highest of highs so far. I woke up thismorning and it seems like I've had a big eye opener. Don''t know how long it will last but it's never come to me during previous breakups so I thought I'd share. During the course of moving on and NC and all of that I had always told myself and my friends that I was going to stay single and have a bit of fun. I think this meant more or less that I was going to make the most of what I had until someone else came along, like I wasnt going to enjoy it but I didnt have much of a choice. I knew deep down that I didnt want to be single for long, I've never enjoyed being single. It makes me feel unimportant and unattractive. I've always been the Ted Moseby type, always searching for love and romance I cant remember the last time I enjoyed not having a partner. Anyway I woke up thismorning and for the first time in my life, or as far back as I can remember, I thought to myself how good being single is going to be. I was in the mindset that I was going to be down, lonely, sleeping alone and without that special someone for x ammount of time when the reality is I'm free! I get to spend all my money on me and do what I want. My dedication to the gym has skyrocketed, I've never had such a good physique, I can spend as much $$$ as I want on suppliments and best of all my car! I can go to town, get attention from girls and have fun without a care in the world. And all because the only person I have to worry about for now is myself. And making myself happy. Bring on summer! Tanning on the beach, pretty ladies, music festivals and cruising with the windows down! 8
Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Firstly, I've had so much support over the course of my time here and I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am. I know that I would be in a much darker / more difficult place where it not for all of your kind words and inspiration. I feel I owe it to everyone on here to stay and support you all throughout your journeys. And I'll do my best to keep helping you all on your way. So thank you all, from the bottom of my heart. So here we are today, there might be a couple more low points to come but this is definately the highest of highs so far. I woke up thismorning and it seems like I've had a big eye opener. Don''t know how long it will last but it's never come to me during previous breakups so I thought I'd share. During the course of moving on and NC and all of that I had always told myself and my friends that I was going to stay single and have a bit of fun. I think this meant more or less that I was going to make the most of what I had until someone else came along, like I wasnt going to enjoy it but I didnt have much of a choice. I knew deep down that I didnt want to be single for long, I've never enjoyed being single. It makes me feel unimportant and unattractive. I've always been the Ted Moseby type, always searching for love and romance I cant remember the last time I enjoyed not having a partner. Anyway I woke up thismorning and for the first time in my life, or as far back as I can remember, I thought to myself how good being single is going to be. I was in the mindset that I was going to be down, lonely, sleeping alone and without that special someone for x ammount of time when the reality is I'm free! I get to spend all my money on me and do what I want. My dedication to the gym has skyrocketed, I've never had such a good physique, I can spend as much $$$ as I want on suppliments and best of all my car! I can go to town, get attention from girls and have fun without a care in the world. And all because the only person I have to worry about for now is myself. And making myself happy. Bring on summer! Tanning on the beach, pretty ladies, music festivals and cruising with the windows down! You're funny.... As I was reading I was thinking "ah, he's getting all dolled up for the next girl" haha Sorry, I couldn't resist!! I agree, being single is nice and it gives you a nice break, you need it. We'll all ask you advice for the gym now that we know you're the work out guru
Author AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 You're funny.... As I was reading I was thinking "ah, he's getting all dolled up for the next girl" haha Sorry, I couldn't resist!! I agree, being single is nice and it gives you a nice break, you need it. We'll all ask you advice for the gym now that we know you're the work out guru Haha! Yes, the next girl is going to be very lucky and very happy But I'm in no rush for her to come around, I'm just going with the flow and living the Zyzz Ideaology Always happy to give fitness advice to those who want it
Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 (edited) Haha! Yes, the next girl is going to be very lucky and very happy But I'm in no rush for her to come around, I'm just going with the flow and living the Zyzz Ideaology Always happy to give fitness advice to those who want it Like I was saying early, just gotta make sure we pick the right one now, not the one with the best booty Edited June 28, 2012 by Samilia 1
Author AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 The right one will come along one day. And dont worry time has taught me that it really is what's on the inside the counts.
Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Personally I think that being educated will do the trick for me. I will feel more secure, I'll have a better financial situation, I'll be able to be *me* more than now. And yes, what's inside is what matter, that and a little bit of attraction nonetheless.
Author AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 I know what you mean. Getting your education opens up lots of doors for you in your future. And having had a large ammount of debt for my age already I know how difficult having money problems can be. My ex wasnt too great with her money so I've never really had the support. Your right, physical attraction has to be there too. I'll admit I have been the shallow type but only when it came to relationships, I was always kind of picky. But hey I've come a long way in 2012. I dont want to land any more drop dead girls that wouldnt know "relationship" if it was tattooed across their forehead, it's never ended well for me. In time I want to find something that is as real for her, whoever she may be, as it is for me. In time though. I still have a long way to come with myself
Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I know what you mean. Getting your education opens up lots of doors for you in your future. And having had a large ammount of debt for my age already I know how difficult having money problems can be. My ex wasnt too great with her money so I've never really had the support. Your right, physical attraction has to be there too. I'll admit I have been the shallow type but only when it came to relationships, I was always kind of picky. But hey I've come a long way in 2012. I dont want to land any more drop dead girls that wouldnt know "relationship" if it was tattooed across their forehead, it's never ended well for me. In time I want to find something that is as real for her, whoever she may be, as it is for me. In time though. I still have a long way to come with myself Let's be honest, we have all been shallow at some point. It's all about finding the healthy middle that will make us happy. Before my ex, I had been single for 2 years. I didn't feel like being in a relationship, now I do. I guess he did bring me something, an eye opener I guess. You'll find something real, and she'll land a nice body with a nice mind, she'll score too
Author AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Samilia - Yeah you're right. I was single for almost 2 years too after my first big breakup. But thats because I was afraid to let anyone in after what happened. You'll find someone who deserves you too. Someone worthy of your affection Plus you'll have a jeep. And a cute dog. So its a triple win Thanks for the kind words :) Chi townD - Thanks mate, I've come a long way from my first thread on here thats for sure. Hope youre doing well.
Chi townD Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I am doing OUTSTANDING dude! I love that you having a breakthrough. What an awesome feeling. So, walk out your door and see the world. It's a beautiful place to have an adventure! Take advantage of this high right now!! 1
Author AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 I am doing OUTSTANDING dude! I love that you having a breakthrough. What an awesome feeling. So, walk out your door and see the world. It's a beautiful place to have an adventure! Take advantage of this high right now!! Good to hear mate! As soon as I finish work I'm out the door Been going out and meeting new people every night. Loving it! 1
whoknows11 Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Ive been reading your threads, youve been going through alot. Also helping people. I messed up. I broke NC.. Again. It was a couple days. She stopped responding after that day she got kinda mad at something i said. Idr but it wasnt bad at all. It was a text that didnt send fully and made it seem like i lied and i went out the other night when i said i didnt. The full text was that im going inside to go to bed cause i was out on my porch. Its weird. Next day I told her ill give her space to breathe,think and cool down. She said w.e. bye. Then i didnt hear from her for a couple days. Then i initiated it. We started to talk during the day/night. But she was going to bed and told me i should too. I said i am, gotta be up. She said ok. I said goodnight, i love you. Her response, "oh..night.." Now i wish i never did contact her. I used to get i love you at times and things that kinda showed theres hope. But now i dont. And still get/got one word responses. At times she ll just stop responding.
Author AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Sorry to hear you broke nc and it didn't work out for you mate It sounds like she is being friendly with you to help herself feel better about hurting you. Like she feels guilty about it but by being nice and friendly she is making herself seem like the innocent one. It's her way of coping and it's only causing you more hurt. Lots of people brake NC. More people break it than people who don't. Myself included. What you need to do is accept that you broke NC, accept that it didn't work how you wanted it, dust yourself off and get back on track. Don't think of it as a mistake or step in the wrong direction. So you wore your heart on your sleeve and took a risk for yourself and it backfired. Lesson learned. One step closer to the goal mate. Now you know that you have absolutely nothing to gain from breaking NC it will be that much easier to maintain it this time. Don't look at it as giving her power or coming across weak either. You don't want to concern yourself with her opinions of you. Partly because you don't know her opinions and you won't without her telling you herself. But mostly because who gives a **** what she thinks. It's your life to lead mate. Your just trying and testing different things on your road to recovery. And you just tested one that doesn't work
Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I was reading your posts and I remember what Alex was saying, about the loss of companionship and the empty room that is left behind. That's where a lot of the NCs get broken, the feeling of being lonely gets too strong. I don't think it always comes from loving the person though, it's more the happy memories of a room with people in it. And now it's gone. So we try and get that back. That's probably why a lot of the people who don't get better are people who don't have a support system in place, like friends, family. In my case since I don't have family and tons of friends, I added tons of new people to my facebook and I'm trying to get a vehicle to go "do" stuff, dog park, beach.. etc.. I also think that breaking NC is a concious decision, saying that "he's the one who called me" isn't enough. You could choose not to pick up, choose to delete his voicemail, or simply change phone number. It makes me think about me and smoking (I quit 3 years ago), when I used to say "just one" and that "just one cigarette" would make me fall back into bad habits. To be perfectly honest I have been smoking a few cigarettes in the last 48 hours. If I am here I might as well play the game and give you the truth too. Anyways, NC is like quitting cigarettes, this "just one more" will make you fall back into bad habits. So put your patch on, hang out with people, watch movies, go out, etc... but keep NC solid. Eventually, you'll quit. 1
Reddice Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I don't think NC is particularly difficult. After I broke up with my ex, I went straight to NC. I broke it at the 1 month mark asking her to come pick up her stuff. Had some contact with her that week, because she claimed she really missed me and wanted to see me. So we made an appointment... She stood me up. Later she called to apologize and we talked for a bit. Haven't broken NC since dispite her breadcrumbs. I deleted her telephone numbers right away, so I wouldn't be tempted to call. I deleted all her email adresses, blocked her on facebook, deleted everything from her on my computer and threw out every single gift she ever gave me (only exception is my Xbox). I have cut out people out of my life before. Basically, if you disrespect me, you're out! She knew this and she knew there was no turning back when she left. I have been on a 4 month NC streak in the 5 months since the breakup. Never had the urge to contact her either really. I still miss her a lot though. But contrary to many people on these boards, I do not believe that "if it's meant to be, she'll come back." People make choices, all of them irreversible. She made a choice for both of us by leaving me. I return, I have made mine. So unless she has a 1.21 gigawatts flux capacitor laying around, there's no going back to the old situation.
Samilia Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 My ex still has a few things here he didn't take yesterday. I can't wait for him to come pick them up. I wish I had your determination, dating someone at work is not something I will do ever again. I was at work today btw, to get a feel of what it's going to be like tomorrow (it's going to suck ). Good thing is, we were always on opposite schedules, so I won't see him much. I can't wait to graduate and get another, better, job. 1
without Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 There are two positive things in a break up: Losing weight, LS. 3
StarlaStardust Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Yay Alexander! I started this thread today - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/333176-dumpees-post-here-about-why-its-actually-best
Author AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Thanks for the kind words everyone. I did much the same reddice if you have been reading my threads. Got rid of the numbers and facebook right away. But instead of throwin out stuff I gave it to her to throw out. Figured she brought the stuff into my life, she can take it away. But she returned it all with an angry note so I trashed the lot of it haha. I too have never really had the urge to break NC, until she contacted me though. But before, and since, I've been quite happy not hearing from her. Thanks starla :3 I'll check it out! And without, losing weight is not a positive for me, I eat 8 meals a day and spend hours in a weights room to put weight on Losing weight makes me sadface hah.
Samilia Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Ah I'll give 10 pounds, free!! He contacted me today, he hasn't taken his stuff away yet. I know he's being lazy, that was one of our problems. So I am going to have to remind him to come pick it up tomorrow, I want the week end to myself to recuperate from the break up and emotional distress. I miss him though. Ah well, school is on the way, soon I'll be walking the corridors of a hospital (hopefully not a nursing home LOL!)
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