phineas Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Met her on match. She used older photo's so she was older & heavier than I expected. She is 43 & used pics from when she was 37/38. I wasn't going to take it past first meet but she said she just wanted to have fun & I hadn't had it in a while plus I did actually like her personality. Then she went stage 5 clinger on me & showed bunny boiler potential so I told her to go away & just started ignoring her. 3 months later she comes back after losing weight & thanking me for kicking her in the but & telling me how much better she feels. I told her straight off I didn't want a relationship. She said she didn't want FWB & wants to be my GF. (strong clinger) You'd think she'd move on. nope. She is actively trying to use sex as a bargaining tool to make me her BF. I tried ignoring & she blew up my phone. Tried being a jerk. made her want me more. Tried being sensitive & told her I had commitment issues blah, blah, blah:sick: (sounded total beta) & she begged me to let her in & let her please me. uggh. She also told me her ex-husband cheated on her & she finally put her foot down when she heard he got his GF pregnant when she was trying to get pregnant & she acted like she was the one who got rid of him and she's not going to be treated that way by me. Next day she's texting me that she needs me. She also mentioned she see's her ex once a month to pay him palimony & usually hangs out with him those weekends because she's Canadian & he's american & comes to america to pay it to him. I really don't need advice because even though my friends are telling me to let her please me then broom her because she will just find another guy to treat her that way regardless and is probably sleeping with someone else right now. But I really don't think it's worth the sex. I plan on just telling her it isn't going to happen then block her number & the next 3 numbers i predict she will use to try and contact me. Thoughts from you guys who've dealt with clingers like this?
YellowShark Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 You definitely got yourself an DEFCON 5 Bunny Boiler on your hands. RUN Forest! Run!
Emilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Wow. Definitely not worth the sex, you would be put off half-way through it I'm pretty sure. Just block her, it's a form of aggression on her part
zengirl Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Have you had sex with her since she came back? It sounds like y'all had some fun back before she revealed she had more serious intentions (100% not your fault if she actively said she was only out to have fun), but if you've had sex since she came back, you have no one to blame but yourself for her persisted cling, really. You knew better what would happen, based on last time. At any rate, she sounds unhinged. I'd go full on NC.
SmileFace Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Gosh, what makes people do this? The last time I clinged to a guy I was 18 and he was the first guy I dated. Granted I clinged for like a week and then changed all my own numbers to keep myself from contacting.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I think I was somewhat similar to this with the first guy I ever slept with. Cringe, cringe I couldn't imagine myself doing anything even remotely close to this now, with anyone.
stillafool Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Gosh, what makes people do this? The last time I clinged to a guy I was 18 and he was the first guy I dated. Granted I clinged for like a week and then changed all my own numbers to keep myself from contacting. I totally agree. I wish women wouldn't do that. If a man wants you he will let you know. OP I would tell her that you don't want to see her again that you met someone else you like.
Eddie Edirol Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Sounds like youve done everything except told her exactly why you arent attracted to her. Plus tell her that you are telling all your friends that she is a stage 5 clinger. She might stop because she might not want to think you are talking bad about her.
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Get a restraining order. Ever seen the Clint Eastwood flick "Play Misty for Me"?
mickleb Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 To me, the stage 5 clinger is your female equivalent of a player: when we engage in casual sex, we take the risk of encountering one or the other and, maybe, getting burnt. Seeing her off might not be as easy as going NC, however. It hasn't worked yet. If it comes to it, be prepared to say to her (and, honestly, if you do this with respect, I think it'll be more successful) 'I did find you really attractive when we first met but I'm afraid I don't want to continue our relationship, so please don't contact me again.' If (when) she ignores this instruction, state 'If you continue to contact me, I will just have to change my contact details. And, if you still persist, I may have to report the issue to the authorities. So, please save your energy for the guy you're meant to be with.' Obviously, you're unlikely to be taken too seriously by the police but you have given her the clearest possible message that you will take action if she continues to stalk you. If she's still about after you issue the latter statement, come back and we'll discuss your remaining options. (There are always options.) Good luck and remember what happens when you play with fire! 1
RedRobin Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Ditto the above... as I always say... not everything is covered by condoms and insurance.
InJest Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Just bang her, ignore her, repeat. Treat it as FWB, and tell her you're not going to change your behavior. Once she sees using sex isn't going to work, then she'll leave. 1
Leigh 87 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Some women learn. I was once a nightmare bunny boiler type. I soon learnt that it was retarded and changed. To shed some light - these types tend to be naturally more needy with the communication with their spouses. WIth my boyfriend, I was not over zealous at first - I acted normal haha! I texted him back if he texted me, I did not blow up his phone, but always responded to him to show him mutual interest. Now it is almost two years later, and I have found gthat I need to msg him a lot! But we have discussed our commuication styles, and he likes the way I am - I just like to text him a few times during the day, and often I have something funny to say so I wuill send a few text in one go. That is just me. The interest is mutual with us, I am just way more talkative on texts. So, when I meet guys I only text them if they text me, and I wait until I think they really like me to initiate a text - and if I do not hear back from them, I will not send ANOTHER text..... Until they respond:) But my needy nature does kick in once we have established love and a relatioship - by which time they know I am not a sad loser, but that being needy and wanting to have a lot of contact is just ME.
Author phineas Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Wait. Have you actually had sex with her? Have you had sex with her since she came back? It sounds like y'all had some fun back before she revealed she had more serious intentions (100% not your fault if she actively said she was only out to have fun), but if you've had sex since she came back, you have no one to blame but yourself for her persisted cling, really. You knew better what would happen, based on last time. At any rate, she sounds unhinged. I'd go full on NC. I have not even seen her since she said she just wanted to have fun then said she wanted to be my GF the next day. That was like 3 months ago and she contacted me. I only talked to her because I felt bad for the way things wound up. To me, the stage 5 clinger is your female equivalent of a player: when we engage in casual sex, we take the risk of encountering one or the other and, maybe, getting burnt. Seeing her off might not be as easy as going NC, however. It hasn't worked yet. If it comes to it, be prepared to say to her (and, honestly, if you do this with respect, I think it'll be more successful) 'I did find you really attractive when we first met but I'm afraid I don't want to continue our relationship, so please don't contact me again.' If (when) she ignores this instruction, state 'If you continue to contact me, I will just have to change my contact details. And, if you still persist, I may have to report the issue to the authorities. So, please save your energy for the guy you're meant to be with.' Obviously, you're unlikely to be taken too seriously by the police but you have given her the clearest possible message that you will take action if she continues to stalk you. If she's still about after you issue the latter statement, come back and we'll discuss your remaining options. (There are always options.) Good luck and remember what happens when you play with fire! Oh she's playing. allready tried to use the "you made me cry" crap over text. I tried to just go out with her & not have sex & just get to know her but she refused. She has given me two options. Sex & exclusive/GF or goto hell. I took Hell and she called me 8 times in a row last night. I've told her most of the above. Next step would be to tell her she's acting like a stage 5 clinger. Just bang her, ignore her, repeat. Treat it as FWB, and tell her you're not going to change your behavior. Once she sees using sex isn't going to work, then she'll leave. Not gonna go that route. I'll never get rid of her.
seachangeoflove Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 dude, don't even bang her. Sounds like the kind of girl who'd dig a used condom out of the trash and just to trap someone for 18 to life if you know what I mean... also, even if you'd tried a real relationship with her instead of casual sex she still would be ****ing psycho and flipped out in some way eventually. So wtf to the judgemental freaks up above eh? 1
ohmygoshistalk Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 it sounds like a classic case of misty but ive been there before as misty LOL..but just 1 or 2 NO's and im usually gone. i guess its a lot scarier for most people..cant help but empathize.
veggirl Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 OMG how many times have you actually even met this woman in person? I would tell her "you are being crazy. Please leave me alone."
zengirl Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I have not even seen her since she said she just wanted to have fun then said she wanted to be my GF the next day. That was like 3 months ago and she contacted me. I only talked to her because I felt bad for the way things wound up. There's nothing for you to feel bad about, really. She jerked you around, but you were clear with her. That's all you can do. I would say -- after seeing the consequences, perhaps the 'fun' isn't always worth it. But it's not your fault she went Defcom Clingy & Crazy or your responsibility. NC and blocked #s is a good way to go.
FitChick Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Because of you she lost weight, so that's your good deed. Tell her to take some new photos to put on her profile and she will have new men falling all over her. Tell her you have a new girlfriend and hope she finds someone, too. Then ignore. 1
FitChick Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Met her on match. She used older photo's so she was older & heavier than I expected. She is 43 & used pics from when she was 37/38. Did she lie about her age or just use old photos?
ohmygoshistalk Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 shes just gonna go crazier if he tells her he has a new gf, best bet is to move to mexico for a while or brazil..i really think, at the rate shes going, it might not be safe to stay in his current location. 2
stillafool Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Get a restraining order. Ever seen the Clint Eastwood flick "Play Misty for Me"? Love that movie!
Feelsgoodman Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I wasn't going to take it past first meet but she said she just wanted to have fun & I hadn't had it in a while plus I did actually like her personality. This is what happens when you are desperate and decide to bang an ugly chick.
Recommended Posts