WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I have posted random and crazy stuff on here, but I joined this site because I get a kick out of everything on here. It's pretty neat. This is for both men and women who aren't having luck with getting a partner, getting laid, or whatever that involves dating. Better yourself! Physically and mentally! Stop worrying about love or not finding anyone! If you work on yourself first, you'll get a certain aura about you that others will see. A glow. You're confidence and preservation will increase! I was 220lbs. But I work out and done the INSANITY DVD and I am now at 185lbs respectively--within a month span. Through this process, I have diluted all the girl drama, exes talking about me, being alone--everything! In the process, I've had women approach me more often lately. But I still focus on my goal to improve myself physically until I'm satisfied. Sometimes we dwell on a fictional fact of us being alone, not having a date, haven't gotten laid yet/lately, becoming bitter. But it doesn't have to be that way! You can improve it! If you haven't gotten a gf/bf yet or any luck, maybe its a sign saying improve yourself first! Don't fear failure! Stop writing out a list in your head of what you want your perfect man/woman to be--because if you continue you'll be chasing a ghost. 10
mortensorchid Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 That is most certainly true! We hate to admit this, but if you get fat people don't take you seriously. I used to weigh 45 lbs more than I do now. Since I dropped the weight, people treat me differently. Don't believe it? Try gaining a lot of weight and see for yourself. Your physical and mental health slip out of your grasp very quickly.
USMCHokie Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 So how do you know when you're "good enough"...? Since I dropped the weight, people treat me differently. Don't believe it? Try gaining a lot of weight and see for yourself. If you work on yourself first, you'll get a certain aura about you that others will see. A glow. You're confidence and preservation will increase! ----- In the process, I've had women approach me more often lately. Is this...dare I say...external validation...? :eek:
Author WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Just better yourself! Especially for young folks! We worry too much about being alone and such that we miss the marvels in life sometimes. Not just physically, but mentally also. Do more of your hobbies or what you love! Do things all throughout the day! Improve yourself every step. Yes! Maybe its a twist of fate but women have approached me more often than usual. I don't call or text them like that anymore. I don't talk with them on FaceBook like that either. They'll throw me a message or two and that's it. But I'm not worried about them at all. I'm working on myself. I love myself but I am not satisfied with where I am physically so I am gonna change it. Ever since then I think less and less about other things. Because if you improve yourself--and whenever you do get a partner, they will notice it. I'm just telling people to start with yourself first. In the long run you'll be glad you did. 1
TheFinalWord Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I have posted random and crazy stuff on here, but I joined this site because I get a kick out of everything on here. It's pretty neat. This is for both men and women who aren't having luck with getting a partner, getting laid, or whatever that involves dating. Better yourself! Physically and mentally! Stop worrying about love or not finding anyone! If you work on yourself first, you'll get a certain aura about you that others will see. A glow. You're confidence and preservation will increase! I was 220lbs. But I work out and done the INSANITY DVD and I am now at 185lbs respectively--within a month span. Through this process, I have diluted all the girl drama, exes talking about me, being alone--everything! In the process, I've had women approach me more often lately. But I still focus on my goal to improve myself physically until I'm satisfied. Sometimes we dwell on a fictional fact of us being alone, not having a date, haven't gotten laid yet/lately, becoming bitter. But it doesn't have to be that way! You can improve it! If you haven't gotten a gf/bf yet or any luck, maybe its a sign saying improve yourself first! Don't fear failure! Stop writing out a list in your head of what you want your perfect man/woman to be--because if you continue you'll be chasing a ghost. Agreed. Don't focus so much on finding the right person, focus on becoming the right person. 5
Peter Attis Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Don't focus so much on finding the right person, focus on becoming the right person. I need that on a T-shirt or something. 3
TheFinalWord Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I need that on a T-shirt or something. haha No doubt! I actually didn't make it up. I heard it from a self-help guru a long time ago. I think this approach helps to prevent from getting jaded. With the approach the OP described, you're assuming responsibility for your destiny as opposed to attributing success or failure to outside forces, such as other people's behaviors. Technically a person's locus of control can be external or internal. People with external locus of control believe their path in life is the result of external influences, i.e. a victim mentality. People with an internal locus of control, feel their life is the consequence of their own choices. I prefer the latter. Internal locus of control is also associated with better mental health 2
USMCHokie Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I think this approach helps to prevent from getting jaded. With the approach the OP described, you're assuming responsibility for your destiny as opposed to attributing success or failure to outside forces, such as other people's behaviors. Technically a person's locus of control can be external or internal. People with external locus of control believe their path in life is the result of external influences, i.e. a victim mentality. People with an internal locus of control, feel their life is the consequence of their own choices. I prefer the latter. Internal locus of control is also associated with better mental health So how are the effects of this control assessed? OP elected not to address my question to him about how you know whether you are successful. But from a couple of the posts in this thread, I was able to identify some external sources which measured this success...
TheFinalWord Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) So how are the effects of this control assessed? OP elected not to address my question to him about how you know whether you are successful. But from a couple of the posts in this thread, I was able to identify some external sources which measured this success... Good question! It can be assessed through psychometric instruments if that's what you mean? You're right though, I don't think anyone is 100% internal or external though. It's more of a continuum rather than a silo. Internal/external loci of control are broad categories of a person's character. Self-efficacy is confidence to perform a specific behavior; that could probably give you a more precise measurement of a specific behavior. How do you define success? If you are achieving healthy, self-set goals, I would say you are successful. Goal setting theory describes the nature of motivation and how we orient towards success. Mastery-oriented goals are generally healthier. If you're not sure what your goals should be, or if they are healthy, you can work with a professional for guidance. It's important that goal setting is not forced though. There has to be goal-setting autonomy. Think of a time when someone forced a goal on you that you didn't have any input on and didn't care about. Motivation fizzled right? There are lots of dimensions for goal setting too, and various professionals that can give guidance, i.e. physical (personal trainer), mental (professor), spiritual (religious leader), etc. Edited June 26, 2012 by TheFinalWord
Princess71 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 What if you've been trying to improve yourself for years and years but haven't succeeded yet? What if you've delayed putting yourself out there to date until you have improved yourself but for one reason or another your motivation falters and you never reach where you want to be, or at least up to this point you haven't??? Do you still keep trying or sooner or later accept where you are??
Author WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Anything is possible. It's not impossible to improve yourself. Whether it is progressively slow just keep going. If you somewhat "accept" where you are at--ask yourself are you still happy? Do you know deep down that you "can" be better but you just gave up? I find it for most people it is fairly easy to be motivated about negatives than it is positives. Go out and date when you feel comfortable to but improve yourself in the process. Get some structure. Build a new foundation within yourself. With dating you have to be patient. So while being patient why not focus on yourself? I'm sorry if I didn't answer all of you guys' questions, but I really encourage people to better themselves first. The thing worse than being alone is the anticipation of it. We are so fearful of it. Dating is tough. For some its easy and for most its not. Princess71 you could stop, but that voice in the back of your head will nag you questioning why. Keep going until you're satisfied.
verhrzn Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I wonder if you improved yourself, and after months still didn't get any additional attention, would you still be as optimistic? I've done everything possible to improve myself (even lost some weight, somehow), focused on hobbies, picked up new ones, go out all the time, am constantly social, etc, and absolutely nothing has changed. You "improved yourself" and got external validation. But what would happen if you didn't? It eats away at you after a while, that you "improve" yourself and it still doesn't make a darn bit of difference.
jobaba Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I have posted random and crazy stuff on here, but I joined this site because I get a kick out of everything on here. It's pretty neat. This is for both men and women who aren't having luck with getting a partner, getting laid, or whatever that involves dating. Better yourself! Physically and mentally! Stop worrying about love or not finding anyone! If you work on yourself first, you'll get a certain aura about you that others will see. A glow. You're confidence and preservation will increase! I was 220lbs. But I work out and done the INSANITY DVD and I am now at 185lbs respectively--within a month span. Through this process, I have diluted all the girl drama, exes talking about me, being alone--everything! In the process, I've had women approach me more often lately. But I still focus on my goal to improve myself physically until I'm satisfied. Sometimes we dwell on a fictional fact of us being alone, not having a date, haven't gotten laid yet/lately, becoming bitter. But it doesn't have to be that way! You can improve it! If you haven't gotten a gf/bf yet or any luck, maybe its a sign saying improve yourself first! Don't fear failure! Stop writing out a list in your head of what you want your perfect man/woman to be--because if you continue you'll be chasing a ghost. So you're saying that the woman who doesn't want me now but wants me when my pecs are 1 cm higher and my job pays $15,000 a year more (things I am working on by the way) is going to be the one for me? Oh joy! I can't wait to meet her! For me, I'd say the time I want to meet a woman is when I'm down at my lowest. My motivation and loyalty is always the same no matter where I am in life. And the woman that sees that will be the right one. 1
FitChick Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I've done everything possible to improve myself (even lost some weight, somehow), focused on hobbies, picked up new ones, go out all the time, am constantly social, etc, and absolutely nothing has changed. Including your negative attitude. Gosh, I can't imagine why you're having no success. 2
FitChick Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 What if you've been trying to improve yourself for years and years but haven't succeeded yet? What if you've delayed putting yourself out there to date until you have improved yourself but for one reason or another your motivation falters and you never reach where you want to be, or at least up to this point you haven't??? Do you still keep trying or sooner or later accept where you are?? That is up to you. 1
Author WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 I wonder if you improved yourself, and after months still didn't get any additional attention, would you still be as optimistic? I've done everything possible to improve myself (even lost some weight, somehow), focused on hobbies, picked up new ones, go out all the time, am constantly social, etc, and absolutely nothing has changed. You "improved yourself" and got external validation. But what would happen if you didn't? It eats away at you after a while, that you "improve" yourself and it still doesn't make a darn bit of difference. Lower the expectations. Keeping them high will only get you upset. Keep being social at least you are social. It won't eat away at me because I will feel so great about myself. Love and relationships come when you don't expect them. Just keep working on yourself. Why give up and revolt back to square one? Going back to that same person?
Author WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 So you're saying that the woman who doesn't want me now but wants me when my pecs are 1 cm higher and my job pays $15,000 a year more (things I am working on by the way) is going to be the one for me? Oh joy! I can't wait to meet her! For me, I'd say the time I want to meet a woman is when I'm down at my lowest. My motivation and loyalty is always the same no matter where I am in life. And the woman that sees that will be the right one. Those are great things to work on. You'll have a certain glow about you that women will notice. No doubt motivation and loyalty is key, but loyalty is uncommon in this world and many grow bitter when they don't find it. This is for people who have no confidence. Self-doubt or low self-esteem within themselves; or having no luck dating. Stop making it a top priority and make YOU a top priority. If you don't work and improve yourself first, how can you be prepared for a stable relationship? Some people need others to motivate them. You don't want to meet a woman at your lowest. Most women don't like drama and can fairly sense when a man is a his lowest and such. 1
Author WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 That is up to you. ^^^ Very nice FitChick
Author WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 ^^ You have a problem. I think there's a prescription for that. But, your brain gotta be bigger than a golf ball first.
verhrzn Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Lower the expectations. Keeping them high will only get you upset. Keep being social at least you are social. It won't eat away at me because I will feel so great about myself. Love and relationships come when you don't expect them. Just keep working on yourself. Why give up and revolt back to square one? Going back to that same person? What expectations exactly do I have that I should lower?... That isn't a snarky comment, I honestly have no idea what expectations you are referring to. I also do not buy the whole "they come when you least expect it!" If they did, online dating, speed dating, and all the other modern tools of dating wouldn't exist. The whole "it just happens!" depends on waiting on fate, and having a VERY large social circle. Put another way... if I'm always hanging around in my house (cause, hey, I'm not trying for a relationship, and I'm an introvert by nature) how in the world could a relationship just happen? Is a guy somehow mysteriously gonna appear in my living room?
Author WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) @verhrzn Nooo I wasn't making out to be a bad comment. I meant people are expecting to get into a relationship out of thin air. It takes time to form one. And when it doesn't happen it hits hard. I agree with you on the fate thing. That was my optimism speaking. There's a whole world out there. And you're not gonna get anyone sitting in the living room or being a hermit. It can "just happen". You could be on a dating site. You see a man's profile and you think he looks completely gorgeous. But in the back of your head you say, "He couldn't like me because of this or that..." But, you sling him a message and think of nothing. But then, he gives you one back. You then find out you guys have been talking for 4 weeks straight now. As you can see I'm not much of a date expert but I just try and help when I can. I don't want you to fail. I really hope you do find that right guy. Don't sit and dwell on not having success yet! Edited June 26, 2012 by WonderKid for verhzrn :)
ThaWholigan Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Been saying this, number of dudes been saying this. I hear you bro..... But this is going to fall on quite a few deaf ears, it always does ........ ------------------------------------------------ Is this...dare I say...external validation...? :eek: "THAT WAS WEEKS AGO!!!" But yeah, point taken
Author WonderKid Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Been saying this, number of dudes been saying this. I hear you bro..... But this is going to fall on quite a few deaf ears, it always does ........ ------------------------------------------------ "THAT WAS WEEKS AGO!!!" But yeah, point taken I know. But just trying to help. Because the longer you sit back mad at the world and failing, is the time lost you could've made yourself a better person. 1
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