Johnny85 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I have been dating this girl for about a month now. We decided to become boyfriend/girlfriend last week (Wednesday). Then, last Friday, she came over to my house. I told her that I was applying for work in my home country (we are both foreigners living in the US). I would love to stay in the US, and have no plans to leave but am still keeping my options open. I tell her this. She is going back to her country in 5 months. So she says let's just be "friends with benefits; that's ok." I tell her that I don't think that dating would work out since she is going home to her native country in a few months. I should note that last week we hung out every single day. So that very same day, she asks to read my phone messages; I tell her it's private. So she jokingly makes a deal out of it, accusing me of hiding something. But we had already established that we were just friends with benefits. That night she started talking about one guy she had sex with. Why would I want to hear that? So I got a bit upset, which usually means that I get a bit quiet. So a few days ago, I invited her to go on a road trip with some of my friends. She is very open, and friendly person. But she is also very promiscuous. She has slept with between 25-30 guys, and she is 29. It is a bit high for me; and it bothers me since she does have a very flirtatious personality and 99.9 % of men would sleep with her in a heartbeat, married or single (my opinion, not fact). She tells my friend that he looked sexy in a photo she took; then she looks at me and says, "you look funny in that photo." Then she continues by saying, "Don't get jealous!" We get to the cabin and there are only two bedrooms and we are five people. One couple, me and her, and another guy. The guy is sleeping on the couch, and all of a sudden she tells him that he can sleep in the bedroom with me; she doesn't mind. A few hours earlier she made out with me at the restaurant and the grocery store. The next day she kissed me in the car. She put her arms around me, etc. When I put my arm around her sometimes she removes my arm. When I kissed her she moved away. So it is OK for her to kiss me but not the other way around? When we dropped her off at her house after returning from our road trip, I didn't kiss her and she just hugged me. I should note that she also brought up conversations like "in 5 years I am gonna meet you somewhere and we will both be married." Or she will say things like, "I want 5 kids; don't worry, it won't be with you" in front of everybody after I joked about it being a lot of children. Or sometimes she will say things like "don't be jealous" after she says something to another guy. The night that we spent at the cabin I was kinda pissed off, so I didn't kiss her good night or anything. I was just quiet and we slept in the same bed. So this means we haven't had sex in 4-5 days. She asked me if everything was ok and I just said I was tired. Truth is I was p-off cause of her comments and trying to make me jealous or acting like she was on a high horse and I should be lucky to be in her company (and not the other way around). And last time we had sex it was bad sex. Ok, so she was flirting with the other guy (a guy who came along on our road trip), mainly touching his arm, holding eye contact with the big pupils, etc, etc. Maybe I am overanalyzing it, who knows? Nonetheless, she is really flirting with my friend, and every other guy who looks moderately handsome. Yet she is well established, educated and sweet but she has this promiscuous behavior about her; even my friends have said that she is a 10 because of her personality. She flirts with other guys yet she gets jealous if I just look at another girl. She touches guys too on their arms and is very touchy. She looks at other guys a lot. I was never jealous with my ex girlfriend for she was not like this. Guys looked at her but she always looked away. This new girl is different. One moment she acts like she is my girlfriend. The next we are friends with benefits. The next we are friends and it is weird ( she pulls away when I try to kiss her). Now I never want to kiss her again. Negative compliance has been created between us. I just told her, "Ok I won't kiss you then." We haven't kissed since. haha And I won't kiss her again. So where are we now? We chatted last night on FB for 5 minutes commenting on our pictures. I have not contacted her and she hasn't contacted me since then. I am not going to contact her till she contacts me. I think honestly this is it. I want it to flow freely and now it feels weird (and I am sure it is mutual). I wish we never had sex because now things are getting weird and I don't want to get jealous. I don't want to play these stupid little games. I don't want to be around her cause she is always flirting with other guys, forcing me to start talking to other girls. Always!! Yet we are just friends. This obviously is important enough for me to write about, otherwise I wouldn't be on this forum. But it's not love or anything of that nature. We do click, but she seems to click with everyone, which makes it seem artificial and fake. Am I overreacting? I am jealous as if though I had something to lose, and we are not even a couple. It is so unattractive and I do not want to be the guy who chases and chases. If she isn't into me then so be it. Arghhh! Why would she act like this in front of me? Trying to make me jealous all the time? Flirting with other guys (not just talking)! I never talk about old girlfriends so why does she do this with me?
sid3 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 She's just that kind of girl. The real question, IMO, is whether or not you know you can do better.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Maybe I am just overreacting! She does have a great personality, and a great sense of humor. And she is well educated. Thanks for reading. :-)
Eddie Edirol Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 She is probably doing that because she doesnt like you that much. Since it's only been a month, she is probably using you for company until she can find someone better. WHy does she get jealous when you flirt with other women? Because she doesnt want you to dump her before she has another guy lined up to date. She doesnt want to be by herself. She wants to dump you when she thinks she found someone better. Dump her now and go entertain the other women, most likely one that will be into you.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Last week she texted me every single day. She even told me that she wouldn't be texting me if she wasn't into me. But it felt weird and forced on the road trip. And I felt like she wouldn't be saying those things unless she meant them. So you're right; her interest level is decreasing rapidly and I would be a fool if I continued to pursue her. I had something similar happen to me a few months ago and I chased and chased and it all went to hell. So here is where the game ends. I give it two weeks till she finds another guy.
phineas Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Last week she texted me every single day. She even told me that she wouldn't be texting me if she wasn't into me. But it felt weird and forced on the road trip. And I felt like she wouldn't be saying those things unless she meant them. So you're right; her interest level is decreasing rapidly and I would be a fool if I continued to pursue her. I had something similar happen to me a few months ago and I chased and chased and it all went to hell. So here is where the game ends. I give it two weeks till she finds another guy. Actions speak louder than words. She tells you one thing but is now doing another correct? I'd just consider it over at this point, ignore & find someone else.
Snakechammah Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Whoa... in your own words she's "promiscous" and has slept with "25-30" guys... are you sure she's clean? Why would you subject yourself to such torture? She's clearly untrustworthy (since you can't trust her) and she disrespect you in public (with your friends, saying all those hurtful comments and humiliating you by refusing your kiss when SHE had kissed you earlier)... These kind of things... well anyone would be out that door in a jiffy. Unless you're a forever doormat. Regain your manly self-respect and cut her loose. So what if she's a 10? Other guys are laughing behind your back knowing they've already screwed her first (and possibly screwing her as I'm typing this) And since she's leaving for her home country in 5 months, she's not long-term prospect then. Why bother going through all these unneccessary heartache?? You know what you should do. Take care of yourself first.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Well she's not that type of girl; she just likes sex, which I suppose is fine. She's not a skank. She dresses like a teacher and is very well educated. But yes, i think she is promiscuous. but you're right: I do get very jealous with her because she is always flirting with other guys. Maybe I am just overreacting? On Friday we talked and essentially we established that we are just friends with benefits. So is it possible she was just trying to make me jealous with those comments? I just didn't text her today cause I felt rejected and I felt like she was constantly flirting with this other friend of mine. And all of those comments just irritated the x out of me.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 And she was joking when she said those comments. Nonetheless, it did irritate me. And she is not a 10 look wise in my opinion but she is pretty. She is just very bubbly and happy and energetic.
AH1990 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 She just called me. I will kick you upside the head if you answered that call!!! This girl is playing you like a fiddle!!! Honestly, for one dam second, think about what she is doing to you! If she talks/flirts/screws around with another guy and you get jealous she will most likely label you as either 'possessive' or 'controlling'. She's got you right where she f**king wants you! And she knows you're not leaving! Like other posters have said, she is already on the hunt for the next best thing. But in the mean time, you're the 'that'll do guy'. Put it this way: you're currently employed, but are looking for a better job. Do you quit your current job and search to try to find something better. Or do you stay at your current job until you have another one lined up? Sorry to be harsh, but get your head out of you a$$ and think for one dam second.
yongyong Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I bet Some American guy will be pounding her puxxy soon. It's not your fault. it's because of your status here.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 My status? Ok so I'll just continue being friends with benefits with her. Thanks all for your advice.
USMCHokie Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Ok so I'll just continue being friends with benefits with her. You can safely assume that you're not the only one with this arrangement with her. Double wrap it.
yongyong Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 you are a foreigner which is unstable. She is already acting like that with some guy she just met. What do you think she would do when she meets a guy who can offer the stability? (she doesn't have to get a job to stay here, she can just live at his house etc) My status? Ok so I'll just continue being friends with benefits with her. Thanks all for your advice.
Author Johnny85 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 I am stable here. Hehe she's not from a poor country by any means. One thing that I like about her is that she is financially independent and doesn't expect men to pay for her. That is very attractive in a woman. I can't stand women who expect men to pay for everything. Thanks all!
Emilia Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 She is immature and full of mind games, I would never waste a moment more with someone like this.
Snakechammah Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Johnny, seriously are you defending her?? Do you want advice.... or not?
amantis Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Why is everyone against her ? Is she the only one playing games ? You told her in her face that you are going back to your country and you just want to be her friend and fk her when you feel like it . She likes you and you want her on your side just to fk but when she talks with other guys you come here complaining ? You are the one to blame , not her . You said that she slept with near 30 guys and you are not ok with that ... who the fk are you to say that, if you are one of them who just want to give a good fk . Dont try to be the good guy , leave her alone .
Author Johnny85 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) Why is everyone against her ? Is she the only one playing games ? You told her in her face that you are going back to your country and you just want to be her friend and fk her when you feel like it . She likes you and you want her on your side just to fk but when she talks with other guys you come here complaining ? You are the one to blame , not her . You said that she slept with near 30 guys and you are not ok with that ... who the fk are you to say that, if you are one of them who just want to give a good fk . Dont try to be the good guy , leave her alone . I actually agree with you that she may be acting like this as a result of our FwB conversation. How am I being the good guy? Lol thanks for your perspective. Btw, I am not sure she wants a relationship, as she was the first one to say we are not in a relationship. She confuses the **** out of me. Edited June 26, 2012 by Johnny85
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