gym Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Im so unhappy I feel I need to find myself. I feel my girlfriend holds me back. Ive tried to break up with her but I end up feeling bad and gulted into staying. We have been together since we were 16 years old now 24 I feel I need a change. I have tried to work on this but people grow out off each other. I told her how I felt and broke up and now she tells me she is pregnant. This was two or 3 months ago. I feel sad and dont want to be a jerk and leave her when she needs me the most. All I can do is watch the belly growing. This will be my first child. So we are trying to make it work but I just want out but dont want to be a complete tool and leave. It is 50% my responsibility. I know this relationship wont work we are two very different people. And I feel held back in life by her. What should I do leave now or just see what happens.
Algermas Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Get a paternity test first of all, secondly if you're not happy you should leave. Pay whatever the courts force you to pay and be done with it. 1
SmileFace Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 FYI, kiss complete ass. Don't let her go on public assistance. Child support is the worst form of debt.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 You know, I don't know how to handle this in terms of child-support or financially but I would say that If you're not happy with the relationship don't let her keep you on the hook using the baby. On the other hand, for now you may need to put your personal goals aside for the sake of the child and just get through this process...It's really difficult to say because you've been together so long and this is your child too, however I don't see why you should suffer by forcing yourself to be with this woman you are clearly not in love with anymore...staying with her will only make you feel more obligated to be by her side, you'll say "just until she has the baby" then "maybe after the babies a year old" and in the meantime deal with being unhappy and drama. I would say you should remain supportive and involved, I don't think you have a choice in that at least from my perspective...however you should be able to separate your romantic life and move on with it to a degree as far as getting your life together and stable as well as hers. I'm not sure of your living situation but maybe she can stay with family during this process...it's a really crappy dynamic, and honestly personally I would probably end up staying just for the sake of the baby and play it cool until the baby is out...because I wouldn't want something bad happening as a result of dealing with the end of this relationship, her getting sick and hugely depressed etc..but I don't know much about this either because I'm not a parent. I would think seeking advisement from maybe an older male family member may be wise as they also have kids, I think you might get some wisdom there where someoen is more familiar with the dynamics of this as a whole as we do not understand that...we don't know how close the family is and what she can depend on or finances etc..
ascendotum Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Sorry for you OP. A bit of a rotten situation to find yourself in. It would be a terrible thing if she let herself get pregnant with the intention of having you love her more if you were to become a family. I follow with Algermas's suggestion and get paternity test after the baby is born. I reckon you got a great reply from NP. Really difficult situation to be in, but if I was in your shoes, I would stay on until after the baby is born, and then go through with the original intention of breaking up, even if it looks like I might be a bit of a prick to some people for not standing by her or not being responsible. Unless something changes its inevitable, or else you live in a loveless marriage for many years to come.
Pierre Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Many people grow tired of high school sweetheart when they hit their mid 20s. They break up and then find out the grass is not really green on the other side. The sad thing is that the kid will pay the price for the immaturity of the parents. 1
FitChick Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Tell her you want nothing more to do with her so keeping the baby would not keep you in her life. Try to convince her that if she gave the baby up for adoption everyone involved would have a happier life. You both could move on with your lives. Emphasize the disadvantages of being a single mother. Give her the name and number of an attorney specializing in adoption. Often the prospective parents will pay all medical costs. If you relinquish all parental rights, I don't know if you still will have to pay child support. You need a lawyer. If you have to pay, pay via him so you have no contact. Then think about getting a vasectomy, although that's like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped. Let this be a lesson to all men on here! This is what happens if you don't use birth control.
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