i am losing it..

[Jaf15]

Sorry this will be a long read, a lot of stuff goes in this.

 

 

First off, I would like to thank all of the people that frequently give sound advice to others in need of help in this forum. I am literally read so many tips for coping with breaking up and etc.

 

So, this was my first real girlfriend, I dated her from when I was 17-20. At first things were great, got along well, respected each other, and had lots of fun. It was probably like this for the first year and a half. Then things started to go downhill pretty quickly. I was very naive/ new to the dating world when we started dating. It didnt seem weird at the time, but starting off she was very controlling and kind of a clinger. For example, she would get mad when I would hang out with my buddies instead of her all the time, would get mad when I didnt invite her to go hockey games with me and my friends and etc. For some reason I thought this was normal, well anyways, after about a year and a half I started to get frustrated with this, she would get on me for these things and play mind games and manipulate me, and sometimes i would raise my voice at her (which I know is wrong) and i man'ed up to that. Well this went on for the last year and a half of our relationship, we would literally fight almost everyday about the stupidest things which I know is messed up.

 

 

Well, I suddenly realized that she went from always needing to be around me, to not making an effort at all to see me and i would call her out on it because it upset me. We would always seem to make up temporarily until the next big fight, well one night, we had plans to hang out, and she said she wanted to go home instead of visiting me real quick on her way home from work(my house is on her way home) and this really got to me. Long story short, we argued over text and I told her if she was going to continue to be a f******* snob then she could leave my life forever, and then i stopped texting her for the night. Well I wake up the next morning and we seem to make up, but then out of no where she says we need a break (breakup) after showing her mom (who has no luck with men, bad view on them) my messages from the previous night. Regretfully I pleaded back for her and it got me no where. I didn't talk to her for a day and then she texts me 2 days after breakup saying we that she would like to read me a letter she wrote for me. I tell her no, because it would of just been for her closure and it wasnt going to help the situation.

 

I told her that if she wanted to meet and talk about a future if we have one I will, but that's it. After getting mad that I wont meet her for the letter, she then breaks down and says, I miss you like crazy, I only want to be with you, but we need to talk. I then go with it because I thought we still had a chance, I apologize for getting a temper with her and she says she will text me later regarding if she will meet with me. She texts me hours later saying her parents are very "shocked" with the way I treated her, and that if anything between us was to happen in the future counseling was a mandatory and that they want to play a bigger part in our relationship. Obviously that raised red flags, and I say that I respect her parents decision but if we cant do this on our own now, we wont be able to in the future.

 

She then says she agrees and she loves me, and that maybe somewhere down the line we can be friends. I was a wreck, later that day my bestfriend comes over (whose gf is my exs bestfriend) and obviously I am a wreck and I vent to him, explaining the whole situation, every detail. The next day his gf breaks up with him, and suddenly my bestfriend becomes distant with me, and stops talking to me. Over the next few weeks I hear that he is posting on my ex gfs wall calling her buddy and such. So, I obviously think that he is doing whatever it takes to get his ex gf back, including telling his ex and my ex stuff I told him when I was a wreck about the breakup to try and get on his ex's good side.

 

I see my ex gf at the gym a few weeks after breakup, was on machine right next to her (without knowing) and we say nothing to eachother. It has just gotten so weird. I broke NC once a month after breaking up asking if we have anything to talk about and she says "no I have nothing to say at all". Its been two months today since we broke up, and although I am getting a little better I still can't shake this girl out of my head. I still wonder what shes doing, if she is talking to guys, and so forth. From what I have heard on facebook from my friends she seems very happy and I am not. I just don't know how to really get over this, I feel since its been two months I should not care what so ever. And also, my ex bestfriend who betrayed me to his ex gf and my ex texted me the other day saying sorry for being in a funk. I know this is because hes ex wants nothing to do with him, and now me and his other previous really good friends dont trust him. I want to break the kids neck but I know that will accomplish nothing. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we took eachother's V cards and all that other juicy stuff. My family and friends say I am much better without her and they were all really close to her. I have lost 40 lbs in that two months, got back into lifting, and that I seem to be a nicer person

 

 

Sorry, I know this is such a long read, but I am really having a rough one today, and wanted to get this off my chest. Any advice or thoughts on the situation would be awesome.

 

Thanks...

[eunpa]

As far as your ex girl goes, leave her alone. If she can't make her own decisions without her parents interfering then she's not in a mature enough state to work out your relationship. It sounds like it was a really rough go. First relationships are pretty hard. Breaking off long term relationships are even harder.

 

I recommend you try dating to get over her. Don't contact her and keep her out of your mind. Try going out with a few different people. Nothing serious. I did this after my divorce because I was a serial monogamist and it can be a lot of fun. Go out and meet new people. It's also a good way to get some perspective on what you're really looking for in a partner.

 

If your friend is still making you angry, don't contact him either. Let him make his mistakes. If you'd like to try to be friends again, ask him if he wants to go to a movie or something very light and easy. You guys can connect on a superficial level. Don't bring up the women. It might seem weird, but if the friendship is worth the effort you'll find doing something together regardless will help you repair any of that damage. I think friendships are easier to repair than romantic relationships.

 

Do something for yourself. And always do what's best for you.

[Jaf15]

yeah it really was, I am doing NC for a little under 2 months. I just dont see why she had to make me feel like a horrible person. Her family loved me, and they get all this one sided information of course. I am supposed to be going on a date next friday with a girl I havent seen in years it just seems weird I guess. Doing something like this with a different girl, I know I should move on and want too. I just wish she would feel some of the pain that she put on me, and I wish she would contact me so I could ignore her and she could feel like I did. I know that is childish though and wont fix anything. Sometimes I am okay, but like right now, It is riding my thoughts pretty hard.. Thanks for the post!

[biogirl05]

I understand wanting them to call so you can ignore them. My first bf treated me really badly during the breakup and then just completely stopped talking to me. It made me feel like trash and I wanted him to call just so I could hit ignore but he never did. Four years later he still hasn't. But I think it was better that he never called because it helped me see how much of a complete jerk he was, and that helped me to never call him again. Now I think of our relationship as just a really long bad dream. It doesn't even seem like it actually happened anymore.