without Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I went NC with my friend, since he's been treating me very badly, Do you think I should congratulate him on his birthday? The first time we had a proper conv was about 2 weeks ago. some textings after that. and 3 days strict NC.
saving-me-slowly Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Depends on exactly what's going on with you two. Were you in a relationship or just friends? How long had you been good friends for? How badly were they treating you? If you really want to say happy birthday then just make it short and sweet if you don't want to be in touch - just in an email. It sounds like it's important to you...
Ruby65 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I'm confused, is this a platonic friend? Is this someone from online you've only just started contact with IRL? I guess if you want to end a friendship and stop all future contact, you wouldn't be contacting them on their birthday.
BB7 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 If this person is just a friend then I see no harm in wishing them a happy birthday. If feelings are involved then it may be different.
Author without Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I'm not going to say happy birthday, cause I really want him to see that I won't initiate any contact with him. He's a friend but there were feelings involved and I already sent some birthday cards for him last week and he didn't respond but he has talked to me since. a month ago was my birthday and he didn't say anything on my BD but a week before that when i mentioned my BD is coming up he said HBD. I know him both online and IRL. But he treats me very badly, saying nothing emotional should be said to him. here's my thread about him. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/331119-humiliating-myself-closer
Author without Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 what should i do? I like to say it but at the same time I want to not have any contact with him.
january2011 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 If he's treating you badly, didn't wish you happy birthday last year and didn't respond to your birthday cards*, I don't think you should wish him happy birthday. I think you should put him on permanent NC. * I hope that was a typo - more than one birthday card sounds like overkill for someone you're NC with, who treats you badly and just a "friend."
StarlaStardust Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Don't contact him again. You already did by sending him a birthday card. Let this go today. Breathe. It's not your job to chase after someone who is wounded and closed off. You already did PLENTY by sending a card. Leave it alone. Sending you virtual hugs. I would take it one step further from deciding not to contact him today, and instead pretend it's YOUR birthday, and do something very nice and kind for yourself:) Don't lose yourself and caring for yourself in his own issues. You can't fix him. The reason I know you should stick to NC is from the title of your previous thread, "HUMILIATING myself..." Decide to stop that today for good. Hope this makes sense.
Author without Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I already did the stupid thing and he said thanks. He didn't even ask how i am or anything. I didn't want to go NC with him back then, I was just mad so i sent him the card earlier. Cuz it was sth special and i tried hard to find it. StarlaStardust, yes strict NC from now on. I had a hope that if he ever misses me he will contact me. but I don't even think he has any emotions.
Phanpooh Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 U broke it? It suck... When my ex bd, i didnt broke nc, and i think she miss me. But she was busy with her rebound on the beach. Believe me, they r enjoy their happy life. It's time to careless and do whatever while you r single.
AlexanderJames Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Aw sorry to hear your broke NC. But at least he took the time to say thanks, its better than going ignored. Just put him on NC permanently, if he values you as a friend or your feelings he will get in touch but it sounds like he doesnt really care either way. Thats not a friend you want hanging around if you ask me. I was in NC for my ex's birthday and didnt break it, but my circumstances where really messed up. The very night before her bday I took her out for a romantic night to try and reconciliate and she spent the night talking about the 3some she had the night before and telling me she has no feelings for me. So naturally I did not send BD wishes. But can you believe she had the nerve to get in touch saying "Thanks for saying happy birthday.." And "Aw, no birthday sex for me :(" And then the very next day txt me saying "Can you fix the breaks on my car?" I gave my heart to a crazy hahaha. 1
Author without Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 yeah it really sucks. I don't even know what's on his mind. He tries to act like a robot. We really enjoyed being together but he says I shouldn't tell him anything emotion related....even i missed you. and he's so strict. I never left him, cuz I thought i will be my mistake, he has told me he doesn't want anything. but now after somethings happened he says he wants to be only a cyber friend which I don't like I did what I could to keep him, but I'm tired of trying. I may have said some emotional things nothing "that emotional" but it was just because i wanted to see him and I love him, i can't hide it that well. I'm not even sure how he feels about me he did say 2 months ago if he could date anyone itd be me. but then after he denied it. he makes it seem like he can't love and date. It hurts to think he will never call.
Author without Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Aw sorry to hear your broke NC. But at least he took the time to say thanks, its better than going ignored. Just put him on NC permanently, if he values you as a friend or your feelings he will get in touch but it sounds like he doesnt really care either way. Thats not a friend you want hanging around if you ask me. I was in NC for my ex's birthday and didnt break it, but my circumstances where really messed up. The very night before her bday I took her out for a romantic night to try and reconciliate and she spent the night talking about the 3some she had the night before and telling me she has no feelings for me. So naturally I did not send BD wishes. But can you believe she had the nerve to get in touch saying "Thanks for saying happy birthday.." And "Aw, no birthday sex for me :(" And then the very next day txt me saying "Can you fix the breaks on my car?" I gave my heart to a crazy hahaha. he will contact me if he ever misses me right?
AlexanderJames Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 If you mean something to him, and he misses you. Then the chances are he will get in touch. But it could be a very long time, if at all. And you cant depend on it. If you live every day hanging on to hope then you will never be able to fully let go and be happy. Dont let an amazing man that wants to treat you with the love, devotion and affection you deserve miss out because your waiting for someone who might not be coming back. There's a good saying I often share on here because I find it's pretty eye opening. You can't discover what happens in the next chapter if you keep going back and re reading the last.
Author without Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 If you mean something to him, and he misses you. Then the chances are he will get in touch. But it could be a very long time, if at all. And you cant depend on it. If you live every day hanging on to hope then you will never be able to fully let go and be happy. Dont let an amazing man that wants to treat you with the love, devotion and affection you deserve miss out because your waiting for someone who might not be coming back. There's a good saying I often share on here because I find it's pretty eye opening. You can't discover what happens in the next chapter if you keep going back and re reading the last. I'm trying to forget him and move on, I just wanted to know that if he cares he will get in touch. I don't know why it hurts so much to know someone may not love you. Btw did you read the whole story that you say it may take him along time if at all? Or just this thread? I think you're right.
AlexanderJames Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I just read this thread. Do you have a link to the full story? I was just making a guess based on how he has been acting since you posted this thread. Hope it helped though, good work in making the decision to forget him and move on. Proud of you.
saving-me-slowly Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 But can you believe she had the nerve to get in touch saying "Thanks for saying happy birthday.." And "Aw, no birthday sex for me :(" And then the very next day txt me saying "Can you fix the breaks on my car?" I gave my heart to a crazy hahaha. Seriously Alex hearing that she had the nerve to say the above makes me so mad! Sorry but you don't need someone like that!
AlexanderJames Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Seriously Alex hearing that she had the nerve to say the above makes me so mad! Sorry but you don't need someone like that! Thanks saving me slowly. You're right I am way better off without her. That is why I chose to move on for good. The door isn't open any more.
Author without Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 I just read this thread. Do you have a link to the full story? I was just making a guess based on how he has been acting since you posted this thread. Hope it helped though, good work in making the decision to forget him and move on. Proud of you. I posted the link on the first page, but its too long. I'm still sad but if he doesn't want to contact first I never will. I could have done it earlier but i felt guilty and his words that he told me in the beginning that he is scared of being rejected so he doesn't do what he wants always made me contact him. but that's no excuse anymore. I miss him but it's over, either he'll say sth or we'll never talk.
Author without Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 :( he never will, he told me that he has changed his mind and he hates girls that don't do drugs, i thought he was just trying to get rid of me because i wanted more and e didn't want. but i actually read it somewhere that he has told some friend of his so he hates me.
Author without Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 that really hurts...so all the things he told me, he meant them.... He actually told me "no way in hell I date someone like you who doesn't do drugs and ...." a month before that he had told me if he wanted to date anyone it'd be me. but then he said he has changed his mind. It hurt so much that i just cried back then, but then i told myself maybe he didn't mean it and its because i couldn't act like "just a friend" sometimes... but he actually hates me..
AlexanderJames Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 :( he never will, he told me that he has changed his mind and he hates girls that don't do drugs, i thought he was just trying to get rid of me because i wanted more and e didn't want. but i actually read it somewhere that he has told some friend of his so he hates me. He hates girls that dont do drugs? Girl this isnt the kind of guy you want to devote your time to. He isnt going anywhere in his life. This is not the man you want to welcome into your family, or fathering your children. Not only is he a bad influence on you, but his presence would be toxic to your friends and loved ones too. He hate's you because he can never hope to be like you. He is trapped in the depths of substance abuse and misery. He would have been lucky to have someone like you, but he most definately doesnt deserve it. I personally think he is doing ou a massive favor here. So from me to him, thank you for deciding not to drag without down into the low, depressing state of life that your drowning yourself in. You've helped her more than you will ever know . Also is your avatar from the show one piece? If so thats so awesome haha. I havent seen that show in yearssssss.
Author without Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 He hates girls that dont do drugs? Girl this isnt the kind of guy you want to devote your time to. He isnt going anywhere in his life. This is not the man you want to welcome into your family, or fathering your children. Not only is he a bad influence on you, but his presence would be toxic to your friends and loved ones too. He hate's you because he can never hope to be like you. He is trapped in the depths of substance abuse and misery. He would have been lucky to have someone like you, but he most definately doesnt deserve it. I personally think he is doing ou a massive favor here. So from me to him, thank you for deciding not to drag without down into the low, depressing state of life that your drowning yourself in. You've helped her more than you will ever know . Also is your avatar from the show one piece? If so thats so awesome haha. I havent seen that show in yearssssss. Yes it's Nami-chan, Glad you liked it. Well I guess you are right, he did drugs before but he never said anything about me doing, and he knows I don't want to. He seemed really interested in me and we had so much fun, but he told me he doesn't want a nice girl anymore, his words seem so immature although he's 27. and i'm 21. He has many problems but i wouldn't mind if he liked me back, but he hates me all of a sudden so....
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