jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 The ladies complaints are legitimate, just as yours are. They aren't meeting good men whom have compatible styles that they find attractive. You aren't meeting ladies who match up with your style. And so it goes. Ehhh... Kinda. It's a little bit different because OP wants the women in question, they don't want him. It's more like a job interview. The job wants to hire a candidate but they want the best candidate. There is more of a chance that they will not want you than that they will. You, on the other hand, want to win most every job interview you go on. I mean, there are some men who reject just as many women as reject them. But they are not complaining...
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 physically about half were good looking but why kiss someone i've hardly met? if i was in it for the physical stuff yes kiss them right when i meet them but i'm not. i'm not catholic. ladies on here tell a series of non sense contradictions. an example, want a christian but go for douches. i don't have any idea where this non sense from her came from but its everywhere. cosmo magazine or sex in the city? This is a perfect example of biological natural selection in a social context. You can bitch and moan about it all you want, but you either have to adapt to society's "established norms" or fall into obscurity and extinction. Or get lucky.
somedude81 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 His desire to kiss her is kind of irrelevant to her...she wants a kiss today, and she's going to get what she wants, or she'll find someone who will give it to her. It's exactly like what I told TrainofAngels...you ask someone out because you want to, not because she wants you to... And that's why I called mortensorchid entitled. As you said it's, give me what I want now, or I will find somebody who will. Do women not understand patience, the building of desire and tension? Honestly, I think the modern woman is spoiled.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 His desire to kiss her is kind of irrelevant to her...she wants a kiss today, and she's going to get what she wants, or she'll find someone who will give it to her. It's exactly like what I told TrainofAngels...you ask someone out because you want to, not because she wants you to... its all now now now me me me. its not about those things. marriage children. but then she asks where have all the good men gone?
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 As you said it's, give me what I want now, or I will find somebody who will. Do women not understand patience, the building of desire and tension? Honestly, I think the modern woman is spoiled. Would you feel better if I agreed with you? As with anything else, dating requires some effort on your part. You can either accept things the way they are and run with it, or you can put in some effort to find the ones that comply with your expectations.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Would you feel better if I agreed with you? As with anything else, dating requires some effort on your part. You can either accept things the way they are and run with it, or you can put in some effort to find the ones that comply with your expectations. what baloney. effort doesn't predict success in dating. hell it may be the opposite.
SJC2008 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 If he has not gone for a kiss by the second get together (and there is nothing wrong with his saying "I'm going to kiss you now, is that ok?" and the woman says "Sure."), he never will. Because he doesn't have much guts. Guts? I'm tired of woman with no guts. If you don't have the ovaries to put out a vibe that you want to be kissed I'm not gonna kiss you. I'm not afraid of the cheek, I've gotten in before.
Anela Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Do women not understand patience, the building of desire and tension? Honestly, I think the modern woman is spoiled. We do. Some of us were talking about that very thing, just a few days ago.
carhill Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Perhaps a compromise, regarding the tension and desire thing..... look into her eyes like you're going to kiss her, then don't and insert a little flirtatious wit, or merely look into her eyes. If she has any attraction, she'll be wondering what you're thinking. Sometimes silence can be very tense in a positive way. Desire can be built and the 'get to know' process is respected. 2
curlygirl40 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Just my view/opinion/experience here regarding dating and the first kiss. I'm agreeing with an earlier poster who said to just establish your own style and go with it, no regrets. I think guys and girls need to learn how to recognize the signs that the other person is attracted, interested, etc. and then go with their gut. With me, it really depends on the individual date. I have been kissed passionately in parking lots on date one and I have waited until date 4 for a guy to make a move. If I'm interested, I would wait. Or I might even make the first move or at least lean in if I'm feeling it's going to happen eventually. The last guy I dated for 3 months. We kissed on the first date, and he liked to joke to me later on that I 'mauled him in the parking lot'. If you asked me, I would have said the kiss was mutual, like we both went in at the same time. But he told me later he wasn't sure if he should kiss me or not but that I was the first one to lean in and he went with it. Then there was another guy who I really liked, who I dated for a while, we didn't kiss in FOREVER, probably date 4 (felt like forever, lol). I was waiting for him to make the move. But I didn't lose attraction to him in that time. I wasn't sitting there thinking 'if this guy doesn't kiss me I will find someone who will!!'. That's silly IMO. I have been out on dates with guys that I would like to see a second time, that I felt I didn't know well enough on the first date and would not have welcomed a kiss at that point. Then I've been on first dates that I can't get out of there fast enough and I'm hoping he doesn't try to kiss me. Then I've been on first dates where the whole time I'm wanting him to kiss me just to see what it will be like. So to me, there is no hard and fast (ha! I said hard and fast, lol) rule about kissing. Just do what you feel like at the time. It's all over the board and it soooo depends on the people involved. How well you think you know each other, how much of an attraction you feel early on. What I have noticed sometimes is that guys don't know what signs to look for that a girl is interested, therefore is hoping that he will kiss her at somepoint, or at least a quick kiss on the lips goodbye. If I'm interested, feeling an attraction towards someone on the first date I will look him in the eyes more, I will laugh more, I will sit closer to him if I get a chance (like if we're sitting on bar stools I will turn my body as much as I can towards him), I will touch his leg or knee playfully. If we're walking together I will walk closer to him, touch him maybe on his back or his arm. If I do those things, I hope that the guy picks up on my interest. So maybe this is just me, but there's my opinion. I don't have rules on when is too soon, or how long to wait, or that I'm dropping a guy if he doesn't kiss me soon enough. I will mention though that if I'm interested in someone, I want them to kiss me so I can see if there is chemistry. For some reason I need a kiss to be sure. I went out with a guy for a second date and when he kissed me goodbye, nothing. I didn't feel a thing. Didn't see him again. Then I went out with a guy who I wasn't really sure about from the time we said 'hi', but at one point in the date he walked right up to me and planted a kiss on me. I was surprised by it, but I liked his CONFIDENCE, his willingness to put himself out there, but most importantly I felt chemistry in that kiss. He had me right there. I have NEVER had a guy kiss me on a first date and think 'this guy just wants to have sex with me, what a creep!!!'. Also, I personally don't like it when a guy asks if he can kiss me. I'm sure there are many opinions on this. But since I like a guy with confidence, I would rather he read my signs and then just go for it. I would rather he be confident and be wrong (does that make sense?), then for him to ask me because to me that takes all of the anticipation out of it. If a guy asks I want to say 'nooooo, you just ruined the moment'. LOL But I'm sure some girls feel differently. So there's my take, for what it's worth. As Carhill will say YMMV. 3
joystickd Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Well, one popular thought floating around in society is that what women think they want is often not what the actually want... There is some truth to that. I think the main thing is that as a man you have to establish that you are a sexual person and not some platonic friend. Don't be so desperate. I will say I laugh at the women that get on here and comment about if a guy does this then its over or how they have timelines for sex or kissing. They say that but the reality is if they meet a guy that they are attracted to enough and gets to them emotionally they will not make them wait.
iris219 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 What joystickd says is true. It’s to your benefit to go ahead and make a move. That way you discover if she’s attracted to you or not. Even women who say they prefer to wait before doing anything physical aren’t going to turn down kissing a man they really like and are attracted to (unless they are super religious or something), and they aren't going to hold it against you for trying. This way you weed out the ones who have friend zoned you. I agree with curlygirl--there are ALWAYS signs that a woman wants you to kiss her (or wants you to stay far away!). Start to notice these signals and there will be few surprises.
verhrzn Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Kissing is not equal to sex. You can "make a physical move" like a kiss or cuddling, without pressing right onto sex. That's how you make a physical move to indicate interest, without switching on the girl's "Player/only wants sex" warning. You can also make your intentions clear verbally. Telling the girl in short order," This is a date, I am romantically interested in you" is the equivalent to making a physical move, without needing to take a risk of alienating her. 1
iris219 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Kissing is not equal to sex. You can "make a physical move" like a kiss or cuddling, without pressing right onto sex. That's how you make a physical move to indicate interest, without switching on the girl's "Player/only wants sex" warning. You can also make your intentions clear verbally. Telling the girl in short order," This is a date, I am romantically interested in you" is the equivalent to making a physical move, without needing to take a risk of alienating her. This is so true. If a man kisses me without getting all handsy and groping me, I am likely to think he's genuinely interested in more than just sex.
joystickd Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Kissing is not equal to sex. You can "make a physical move" like a kiss or cuddling, without pressing right onto sex. That's how you make a physical move to indicate interest, without switching on the girl's "Player/only wants sex" warning. You can also make your intentions clear verbally. Telling the girl in short order," This is a date, I am romantically interested in you" is the equivalent to making a physical move, without needing to take a risk of alienating her. Player only wants sex warning I will say some of you women wouldn't recognize a real player if he licked you on the clit. 1
verhrzn Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Player only wants sex warning I will say some of you women wouldn't recognize a real player if he licked you on the clit. Eh, I think I've started to figure out. If he's a guy, he's probably a player.
joystickd Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Eh, I think I've started to figure out. If he's a guy, he's probably a player. Following that logic then every guy could safely assume every woman is a golddigger but the truth is the real world doesn't work like that. If you are dealing with a guy and he is pushing sex really early then his is not a player but a thirsty man. One of the main things is if a guy is a real player then more than likely he is not in a rush for sex when he meets you because he has someone else he is having sex with at the same time so he can afford to wait. 3
ThingsAreComplicated Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I have never kissed on the 1st date because I never felt like it. All this mechanical thinking that someone _has to_ kiss on date x and that he is not interested if he hasn't kissed is weird. Go with the flow. But of course you have to establish some kind of physical contact. The described verbal way is ok even though I never did this. ALSO, it's perfectly fine nowadays if the girl makes a move
verhrzn Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Following that logic then every guy could safely assume every woman is a golddigger but the truth is the real world doesn't work like that. If you are dealing with a guy and he is pushing sex really early then his is not a player but a thirsty man. One of the main things is if a guy is a real player then more than likely he is not in a rush for sex when he meets you because he has someone else he is having sex with at the same time so he can afford to wait. Well it was mostly a joke. Also, my personal experience of that isn't true. Way back last summer, I had a friends-with-benefits with a guy, and he pushed for sex really early, even though he was in fact having sex with someone else. So, there was a player who still really wanted to get laid. He was just thirsty for variety I guess. Honestly, by your own logic, it DOES sound like every guy is a player, or at least a player-wannabe. If he pushes for sex early, it means he's really only interested in sex, but if he doesn't push for sex, then he's getting sex from someone else. That's why I have started just assuming every guy is a player, and working my way backwards from there. So far, I've been right every time!
joystickd Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Well it was mostly a joke. Also, my personal experience of that isn't true. Way back last summer, I had a friends-with-benefits with a guy, and he pushed for sex really early, even though he was in fact having sex with someone else. So, there was a player who still really wanted to get laid. He was just thirsty for variety I guess. Honestly, by your own logic, it DOES sound like every guy is a player, or at least a player-wannabe. If he pushes for sex early, it means he's really only interested in sex, but if he doesn't push for sex, then he's getting sex from someone else. That's why I have started just assuming every guy is a player, and working my way backwards from there. So far, I've been right every time! Not really I said they were not in a rush for sex. That doesn't mean he will not push for it. As a man on some level you either push for sex or you become the platonic friend/ "male girlfriend". A FWB having sex with someone else is nothing to get mad about because there was no level of commitment. The mindset of a lot of people on LS is what keeps them single.
verhrzn Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Not really I said they were not in a rush for sex. That doesn't mean he will not push for it. As a man on some level you either push for sex or you become the platonic friend/ "male girlfriend". A FWB having sex with someone else is nothing to get mad about because there was no level of commitment. The mindset of a lot of people on LS is what keeps them single. The mindset that most guys are players who want sex?? Eh, it probably isn't true in all guy-girl relationships. I'm sure in situations where the guy really wants a particular girl, he'll stop being a player. But for those of us girls who are bottom shelf, most guys ARE players, because they just want sex from us and don't want to seriously date us. *Shrugs* Life is different depending on what rung of the ladder you fall on.
grkBoy Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Women literally preach they do not want guys who push for sex or too much physical contact too soon. all fine and dandy. but if a guy doesn't 'go for the kiss' within a couple of dates, she ditches him. why? Is it wrong for a guy to get to know a woman as a person before starting the physical stuff? I've had girls reject me because I didn't move fast enough. I happily said "good riddance" to them. Guess where they are now? They're still single, wondering why men only want to f--k them and not commit. Some are knocked up and were abandoned by the baby's daddy. Show the girl you're into her...that's what she really wants. She's sitting there wondering if you like her or not. Show that you do. Flirt, give her attention, make her feel beautiful. If she's a good woman, she'll respect your sense of wanting to take it slow. If she's another flake, then let her walk. That's one divorce you won't have to deal with in life. My fiance was ready for sex before I was, and I declined that night...but I showed I was into her and not "on the fence". She ended up seeing me as a strong "in control" man because I don't just easily dive into nookie when it's offered. 2
joystickd Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 The mindset that most guys are players who want sex?? Eh, it probably isn't true in all guy-girl relationships. I'm sure in situations where the guy really wants a particular girl, he'll stop being a player. But for those of us girls who are bottom shelf, most guys ARE players, because they just want sex from us and don't want to seriously date us. *Shrugs* Life is different depending on what rung of the ladder you fall on. I meant mindset of the men and women. Most guys are not players and in reality very few are player or even wannabe players. 1
verhrzn Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I meant mindset of the men and women. Most guys are not players and in reality very few are player or even wannabe players. *Scratches head* Why wouldn't a guy want to be a player? I always assume most aren't, because it's so much work. But if girls were throwing themselves at his feet, or he could have a lot of FWB/NSA sex, why wouldn't a guy jump at that? Granted, I think that once guys meet that perfect, awesome, amazing girl, they'd give up their player ways, but until then...
Cracker Jack Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Most guys would be perfectly fine with one woman. Not every guys a scavenger and just takes whatever is thrown at them. 2
Recommended Posts