StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Women literally preach they do not want guys who push for sex or too much physical contact too soon. all fine and dandy. but if a guy doesn't 'go for the kiss' within a couple of dates, she ditches him. why? Is it wrong for a guy to get to know a woman as a person before starting the physical stuff?
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I think online dating, combined with modern culture, has a large role to play in this. Multi-dating is now becoming rather commonplace, so it's now literally become a race to win the hearts and minds of women..and to do that, you need to make physical moves...before the other guy does...you now simply don't have time to "get to know someone"...and there is some legitimacy to the idea that women get emotionally attached after sex...it's a physiological thing...so you gotta put it in her before the other guy(s) do... Just one perspective... 3
jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Women literally preach they do not want guys who push for sex or too much physical contact too soon. all fine and dandy. but if a guy doesn't 'go for the kiss' within a couple of dates, she ditches him. why? Is it wrong for a guy to get to know a woman as a person before starting the physical stuff? You can't win. All women are different. You just have to pick a method and stick with it. Either try and kiss them on the first date and risk some women saying all you want is action or wait to kiss them and risk them calling you a wuss who wasn't manly enough. It's like shooting free throws in basketball. You don't shoot underhand half the time and overhand the other half. You pick a form and stick with it. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss. Personally, I find it's better to try and kiss on the first date. I've gotten success with this and you find out if they have any attraction right away. What if you blow it with a woman who thinks that's making a move too soon? Too bad. Her loss. On to the next. Odds and numbers... 1
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I think online dating, combined with modern culture, has a large role to play in this. Multi-dating is now becoming rather commonplace, so it's now literally become a race to win the hearts and minds of women..and to do that, you need to make physical moves...before the other guy does...you now simply don't have time to "get to know someone"...and there is some legitimacy to the idea that women get emotionally attached after sex...it's a physiological thing...so you gotta put it in her before the other guy(s) do... Just one perspective... how can love be built on that and why do women complain about guys who make moves early? it makes no sense. these guys are getting the women. isn't there any women who will slow down?
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 You can't win. All women are different. You just have to pick a method and stick with it. Either try and kiss them on the first date and risk some women saying all you want is action or wait to kiss them and risk them calling you a wuss who wasn't manly enough. It's like shooting free throws in basketball. You don't shoot underhand half the time and overhand the other half. You pick a form and stick with it. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss. Personally, I find it's better to try and kiss on the first date. I've gotten success with this and you find out if they have any attraction right away. What if you blow it with a woman who thinks that's making a move too soon? Too bad. Her loss. On to the next. Odds and numbers... But I just met her and wh would I kiss her? Women want guys who'll get to know her first. They repeat this mantra. but is it not true? Im late to this all. I didnt date in high school and had one bad 'date' in college. Im 35 btw.
SJC2008 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Women literally preach they do not want guys who push for sex or too much physical contact too soon. all fine and dandy. but if a guy doesn't 'go for the kiss' within a couple of dates, she ditches him. why? Is it wrong for a guy to get to know a woman as a person before starting the physical stuff? There have been a handfull of threads here about women dating a man for a while even though he hasn't went for a kiss/sex. There are two reasons and this is from lurking here on this board. 1. She will think you are not interested. 2. She will think you are inexperienced/virgina and weird out!
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 how can love be built on that and why do women complain about guys who make moves early? it makes no sense. these guys are getting the women. isn't there any women who will slow down? Well, one popular thought floating around in society is that what women think they want is often not what the actually want... That being said, I go back to my explanation with online dating. Online dating has honestly turned dating into a much more market-style environment. Being able to literally "filter" people out of your search? Can't get much more market-y than that...it's like walking down the aisle of the grocery store and shopping only for organic sh*t. And with that filter came an initial emphasis on physical attractiveness. Women don't want to be seen as sluts, so they give the line that they want to "get to know a guy" first...but truth be told, they want the guy to make them wet in the pants just as much as anyone else...hence the importance of making the early move...they want you to show them that you can get them hot and bothered. 2
jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 But I just met her and wh would I kiss her? Women want guys who'll get to know her first. They repeat this mantra. but is it not true? Im late to this all. I didnt date in high school and had one bad 'date' in college. Im 35 btw. Don't believe that. Women want men they are attracted to. The getting to know part can come later after you've kissed her. Or wait a couple of dates. But don't wait too long.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 There have been a handfull of threads here about women dating a man for a while even though he hasn't went for a kiss/sex. There are two reasons and this is from lurking here on this board. 1. She will think you are not interested. 2. She will think you are inexperienced/virgina and weird out! 1. what ever happened to friends first? 2. is inexperienced that bad? whats the issue?
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Well, one popular thought floating around in society is that what women think they want is often not what the actually want... That being said, I go back to my explanation with online dating. Online dating has honestly turned dating into a much more market-style environment. Being able to literally "filter" people out of your search? Can't get much more market-y than that...it's like walking down the aisle of the grocery store and shopping only for organic sh*t. And with that filter came an initial emphasis on physical attractiveness. Women don't want to be seen as sluts, so they give the line that they want to "get to know a guy" first...but truth be told, they want the guy to make them wet in the pants just as much as anyone else...hence the importance of making the early move...they want you to show them that you can get them hot and bothered. i can't keep up. This love thing isnt going to work. should have become a priest.
mortensorchid Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I can tell you this. Whether this is an Internet date or someone I had met in real life, if the man does not ask for a kiss at least on the second date then he's not going to. This also goes for a few other rules: If he has not paid for a meal / drink, he's cheap and selfish. If he has not contacted me within 24-48 hours afterward, he will be a friend. Albeit he won't be a good friend, but if I continue to see him afterward somehow he will just be a friend. If he has not gone for a kiss by the second get together (and there is nothing wrong with his saying "I'm going to kiss you now, is that ok?" and the woman says "Sure."), he never will. Because he doesn't have much guts. Some women may say "he's shy". Yes, he may be shy. But he will be shy throughout the relationship and eventually he will resent you for being second in command.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Don't believe that. Women want men they are attracted to. The getting to know part can come later after you've kissed her. Or wait a couple of dates. But don't wait too long. i tried the early kiss of the second date and one gave this craze look when i kissed her, other turned away, another I did kiss but she declined another date.
jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I can tell you this. Whether this is an Internet date or someone I had met in real life, if the man does not ask for a kiss at least on the second date then he's not going to. This also goes for a few other rules: If he has not paid for a meal / drink, he's cheap and selfish. If he has not contacted me within 24-48 hours afterward, he will be a friend. Albeit he won't be a good friend, but if I continue to see him afterward somehow he will just be a friend. If he has not gone for a kiss by the second get together (and there is nothing wrong with his saying "I'm going to kiss you now, is that ok?" and the woman says "Sure."), he never will. Because he doesn't have much guts. Some women may say "he's shy". Yes, he may be shy. But he will be shy throughout the relationship and eventually he will resent you for being second in command. This is exactly what I'm talking about. This woman is setting her rules. You have to be aggressive to get her. The next woman poster will come on here and say that if a guy tries to kiss on the first date, he's only after a@@ and she will reject him. You just have to pick one method and stick with it. But it is clear who is setting the rules. Learn the game and stick with your methods. And once again, I think aggressive is better.
jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 i tried the early kiss of the second date and one gave this craze look when i kissed her, other turned away, another I did kiss but she declined another date. So? Those probably had nothing to do with your methods. She probably wasn't attracted to you.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I can tell you this. Whether this is an Internet date or someone I had met in real life, if the man does not ask for a kiss at least on the second date then he's not going to. This also goes for a few other rules: If he has not paid for a meal / drink, he's cheap and selfish. If he has not contacted me within 24-48 hours afterward, he will be a friend. Albeit he won't be a good friend, but if I continue to see him afterward somehow he will just be a friend. If he has not gone for a kiss by the second get together (and there is nothing wrong with his saying"I'm going to kiss you now, is that ok?" and the woman says "Sure."), he never will. Because he doesn't have much guts. Some women may say "he's shy". Yes, he may be shy. But he will be shy throughout the relationship and eventually he will resent you for being second in command. honestly what are you talking about? I got a penis and I'd much prefer waiting. isn't it just as selfish to insist on a kiss after just seeing each other twice? why is being prudent and waiting to make a move not having much guts? no, lots of people are shy around STRANGERS. she's a stanger until he's met her some times. women wan to know where's all the good men? right in front of your faces but you don't want the good men. you want the agressive jackal. why wasn't I born catholic so I could be a priest cause this mating thing isn't going to work out?
jobaba Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 honestly what are you talking about? I got a penis and I'd much prefer waiting. isn't it just as selfish to insist on a kiss after just seeing each other twice? why is being prudent and waiting to make a move not having much guts? no, lots of people are shy around STRANGERS. she's a stanger until he's met her some times. women wan to know where's all the good men? right in front of your faces but you don't want the good men. you want the agressive jackal. why wasn't I born catholic so I could be a priest cause this mating thing isn't going to work out? Yea... No sense in getting all worked up about it. Women want what they want. Don't invest and keep the line a 'movin. Think of it as like you're a car salesman. You give your pitch ... they don't like it, move on. What was the name of the last customer?
counterman Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Do what you want to do. If you want to go in for a kiss within 5 minutes of meeting her, go for it. If you feel like kissing her after the first date, do it. Some girls definitely wouldn't like it. But all this "I won't kiss a guy until he gets to know me" or, even worse, "I won't kiss a guy until at least after the 3rd date" is a load of crap, IMO. Just live in the moment and go for what you want. Why would you want to kiss her even though you just met her? Cause you're attracted! I've had a few dates where I ended it with a kiss on the cheek. Let me tell you, had I gone for the kiss on the lips, I would have definitely gotten 2nd dates. It just amps up the attraction, IMO.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Yea... No sense in getting all worked up about it. Women want what they want. Don't invest and keep the line a 'movin. Think of it as like you're a car salesman. You give your pitch ... they don't like it, move on. What was the name of the last customer? Its infuriating. car salesman are scumbags. Got a car last year and all the **** I went through. but its as if women want these car salesman. You bet i'm worked up. i'm 35, balding, don't have a graduate degee, have an average job. and what the woman are basinglly saying to me. go to preisthood.
carhill Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 OP, question: Have you ever met a woman you *wanted* to kiss before/during/after your first meeting/date? What I'm hearing from you is lamenting style differences. My advice to you is to accept what you are hearing from the ladies as how they feel. Acceptance does not mean you roll over and abdicate your boundaries and style to 'get' a woman. I felt generally the same way (what's the rush?) at your age and I had to deal with Catholic guilt besides The style I developed was I would sexually flirt with a lady and kiss her when I felt those impulses; not before, not after, but during. Yes, this caused misses (some too slow/some too fast). That is the playing field of dating and interpersonal relationships. Just when you think you get it figured out, you get married. Whole different can-o-worms. Develop your style and live it with respect. No apologies.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Do what you want to do. If you want to go in for a kiss within 5 minutes of meeting her, go for it. If you feel like kissing her after the first date, do it. Some girls definitely wouldn't like it. But all this "I won't kiss a guy until he gets to know me" or, even worse, "I won't kiss a guy until at least after the 3rd date" is a load of crap, IMO. Just live in the moment and go for what you want. Why would you want to kiss her even though you just met her? Cause you're attracted! I've had a few dates where I ended it with a kiss on the cheek. Let me tell you, had I gone for the kiss on the lips, I would have definitely gotten 2nd dates. It just amps up the attraction, IMO. what I want if friends first or several meetings. i don't need this **** where 'it's a race'. it's not a race. but women, please don't complain about all the good guys being taken.
somedude81 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I can tell you this. Whether this is an Internet date or someone I had met in real life, if the man does not ask for a kiss at least on the second date then he's not going to. This also goes for a few other rules: If he has not paid for a meal / drink, he's cheap and selfish. If he has not contacted me within 24-48 hours afterward, he will be a friend. Albeit he won't be a good friend, but if I continue to see him afterward somehow he will just be a friend. If he has not gone for a kiss by the second get together (and there is nothing wrong with his saying "I'm going to kiss you now, is that ok?" and the woman says "Sure."), he never will. Because he doesn't have much guts. Some women may say "he's shy". Yes, he may be shy. But he will be shy throughout the relationship and eventually he will resent you for being second in command. So entitled and a perfect example of what is wrong with modern dating. Just so you know, a man's feelings for a woman can grow over time. Just because he doesn't want to kiss you today, doesn't mean that he will never want to kiss you
carhill Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 what I want if friends first or several meetings. i don't need this **** where 'it's a race'. it's not a race. but women, please don't complain about all the good guys being taken. The ladies complaints are legitimate, just as yours are. They aren't meeting good men whom have compatible styles that they find attractive. You aren't meeting ladies who match up with your style. And so it goes.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 OP, question: Have you ever met a woman you *wanted* to kiss before/during/after your first meeting/date? What I'm hearing from you is lamenting style differences. My advice to you is to accept what you are hearing from the ladies as how they feel. Acceptance does not mean you roll over and abdicate your boundaries and style to 'get' a woman. I felt generally the same way (what's the rush?) at your age and I had to deal with Catholic guilt besides The style I developed was I would sexually flirt with a lady and kiss her when I felt those impulses; not before, not after, but during. Yes, this caused misses (some too slow/some too fast). That is the playing field of dating and interpersonal relationships. Just when you think you get it figured out, you get married. Whole different can-o-worms. Develop your style and live it with respect. No apologies. physically about half were good looking but why kiss someone i've hardly met? if i was in it for the physical stuff yes kiss them right when i meet them but i'm not. i'm not catholic. ladies on here tell a series of non sense contradictions. an example, want a christian but go for douches.
Author StuckAtHome Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 So entitled and a perfect example of what is wrong with modern dating. Just so you know, a man's feelings for a woman can grow over time. Just because he doesn't want to kiss you today, doesn't mean that he will never want to kiss you i don't have any idea where this non sense from her came from but its everywhere. cosmo magazine or sex in the city?
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Just so you know, a man's feelings for a woman can grow over time. Just because he doesn't want to kiss you today, doesn't mean that he will never want to kiss you His desire to kiss her is kind of irrelevant to her...she wants a kiss today, and she's going to get what she wants, or she'll find someone who will give it to her. It's exactly like what I told TrainofAngels...you ask someone out because you want to, not because she wants you to...
Recommended Posts